Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Eating Disorder Anonymous Meeting
So I went to a meeting talked with the therapist who leads it afterwards. How blessed I am that the one meeting in my area is run by a therapist because it is inside a hospital of sorts. He asked me some questions and said he thought I only emotionally eat. Then when I was describing how/what I ate last night, he raised his eyebrows and said, "Oh, that sounds like a binge." And as I do it frequently, I think that although his standard questions didn't fit me, there is definitely something going on there... I didn't stay and ask more after he realized that I do in fact, binge, but will just wait to see my psychiatrist and therapist at LDS services. He was using his own time and I didn't want to keep him. He said that a person with binge eating disorder eats over 2000 calories within an hour. There is more to it than that but like I said, it was just a quick Q & A.
Funny the Way it is
At night after eating so much that I feel so full and regret my choices, it seems so simple in my mind to decide to do things differently. I make all kinds of plans like, tonight I thought, "I will pay $100/month for the bodybyvi meal replacement shakes having one for breakfast and one for lunch each day, snacking on fruit and vegetables when hungry, and just make dinner every night (or go out for dinner once in a while), and cut out any type of dessert completely. But I know things will look differently in the morning. Things will start feeling hopeless when I get hungry, and then worse when I am faced with the reality of actually not eating anything dessert like, and my plans will go down the drain.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
To Sum Up How I Feel
Let me give you a better idea of how I feel. (Hopefully; apparently I'm not as good as I thought at cleary writing my feelings).
(sigh) I feel like Jabba the Hut. That's the only way I can really think of to really get the point across. I feel like when I sit down I just (insert sound effect here) spread out, ooze, etc. I am going to stores and having to try on XXL sizes now, and sometimes they're not big enough. If something doesn't fit right, like a dress I tried on today that was way too big up top (above empire waist line) and too tight, meaning I can almost not pull it down, on the bottom, especially around my butt. But it's not the clothing manufacturer's fault in my mind, it's mine. I am SO disgustingly fat. I can 'feel' (not literally feel with my hand) my double chin, bloated and noticeable for all to see. The other day in the car I noticed the seat squeaking. I was horrified. It's not because the car is 10 years old, no not in my mind, it's because I'm so fat I have worn it out. If I felt fat when I was 150, 170, 185lbs, just imagine how I feel now at 195, and still growing. What am I to do? I don't know. When I diet it always backfires. ALWAYS. Dieting IS NOT an option for me. Unless I was locked in a room and had my perfectly balanced and perfectly sized meals brought to me. Even then, when I was let out of the locked room I wouldn't be able to help myself. Please, please understand, this is not just a lack of willpower it is something totally different that I don't know how to fix.
Everything I do is a failure in my mind. My therapist was telling me we just need to take baby steps and get failure out of my mind. She gave me an assignment to answer what being a daughter of God means to me. Well, I don't know. I know the sunday school answer I guess, but I don't really know what it means. And when I really think about it, I think, "Well, it means I have way more potential than I'm living up to now." Hmm, failure again. What is wrong with me? Even on the rare days that I feel better about myself, eating is still there. I just don't know what to do. I am going to a psychiatrist; I finally got my appointment today. It isn't until Feb 24. What the heck am I going to do until then? I'll probably be 205lbs by then. Many of you have tried to talk to me, given great advice, and I don't want you to feel like throwing up your hands and thinking I don't listen. I do. It just doesn't stick. I just don't understand. An even better way to put it is that it just doesn't compute. Like when you put a dvd in your drive and after making some noise it opens back up, like spitting it out. It cannot accept it.
The sad thing is that I also felt this way when I was thin, it is just a lot worse now. I always felt so fat before. Funny enough, now that I am actually fat, in my mind I am skinnier. It's always surprising (in a very bad way) to see myself in the mirror.
Oh and let's not forget what comes along with gaining weight. Higher blood pressure, rashes from skin rubbing together, and it's harder to breath. :(
I know I might need medication, and if so it's ok, but I really hope I can be on some that actually works this time, and that doesn't have horrible side effects. But even then, I feel like I will never stop overeating, never be thin, and never think of myself as having worth.
(sigh) I feel like Jabba the Hut. That's the only way I can really think of to really get the point across. I feel like when I sit down I just (insert sound effect here) spread out, ooze, etc. I am going to stores and having to try on XXL sizes now, and sometimes they're not big enough. If something doesn't fit right, like a dress I tried on today that was way too big up top (above empire waist line) and too tight, meaning I can almost not pull it down, on the bottom, especially around my butt. But it's not the clothing manufacturer's fault in my mind, it's mine. I am SO disgustingly fat. I can 'feel' (not literally feel with my hand) my double chin, bloated and noticeable for all to see. The other day in the car I noticed the seat squeaking. I was horrified. It's not because the car is 10 years old, no not in my mind, it's because I'm so fat I have worn it out. If I felt fat when I was 150, 170, 185lbs, just imagine how I feel now at 195, and still growing. What am I to do? I don't know. When I diet it always backfires. ALWAYS. Dieting IS NOT an option for me. Unless I was locked in a room and had my perfectly balanced and perfectly sized meals brought to me. Even then, when I was let out of the locked room I wouldn't be able to help myself. Please, please understand, this is not just a lack of willpower it is something totally different that I don't know how to fix.
Everything I do is a failure in my mind. My therapist was telling me we just need to take baby steps and get failure out of my mind. She gave me an assignment to answer what being a daughter of God means to me. Well, I don't know. I know the sunday school answer I guess, but I don't really know what it means. And when I really think about it, I think, "Well, it means I have way more potential than I'm living up to now." Hmm, failure again. What is wrong with me? Even on the rare days that I feel better about myself, eating is still there. I just don't know what to do. I am going to a psychiatrist; I finally got my appointment today. It isn't until Feb 24. What the heck am I going to do until then? I'll probably be 205lbs by then. Many of you have tried to talk to me, given great advice, and I don't want you to feel like throwing up your hands and thinking I don't listen. I do. It just doesn't stick. I just don't understand. An even better way to put it is that it just doesn't compute. Like when you put a dvd in your drive and after making some noise it opens back up, like spitting it out. It cannot accept it.
The sad thing is that I also felt this way when I was thin, it is just a lot worse now. I always felt so fat before. Funny enough, now that I am actually fat, in my mind I am skinnier. It's always surprising (in a very bad way) to see myself in the mirror.
Oh and let's not forget what comes along with gaining weight. Higher blood pressure, rashes from skin rubbing together, and it's harder to breath. :(
I know I might need medication, and if so it's ok, but I really hope I can be on some that actually works this time, and that doesn't have horrible side effects. But even then, I feel like I will never stop overeating, never be thin, and never think of myself as having worth.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Binge Eating Disorder
I have diagnosed myself with this. And don't roll your eyes, please, I have been researching this for many months and I truly believe I have it. I will copy and past some descriptions to help you understand what I have been going through.
"Binge eating is different from normal appetite increases or overeating from time to time. People with a binge eating problem consume unusually large amounts of food on a regular basis. They often eat quickly, do other things while eating (like watch TV or do homework), and don't stop eating when they're full. People who binge eat are usually overweight — even obese — because they habitually consume more calories than their bodies can use. As a result, they may feel bad about themselves and about their bodies.
Binge eating involves more than just eating a lot. People with this problem don't want to be overweight. They wish they could be trim and control their weight. Many times people who binge eat feel misunderstood. It's not as easy as others might think to just stop eating. With binge eating, a person feels out of control and powerless to stop eating while doing it. That's why binge eating is also called compulsive overeating.
Emotions often play a role. People with a binge eating problem may overeat when they feel stressed, upset, hurt, or angry. Many find it comforting and soothing to eat, but after a binge they're likely to feel guilty and sad about the out-of-control eating. Binge eating is often a mixed-up way of dealing with or avoiding difficult emotions. Usually, people who binge eat aren't aware of what's driving them to overeat.
Some people may be more prone to overeating for biological reasons. For example, the hypothalamus (the part of the brain that controls appetite) may fail to send proper messages about hunger and fullness. And serotonin, a normal brain chemical that affects mood and some compulsive behaviors, may also play a role in binge eating.
Unlike a problem with drugs or alcohol where part of the treatment is avoiding the substance altogether, people still have to eat. This can make it harder for someone with a binge eating problem to overcome it because the temptation to overeat is always there. So part of dealing with a binge eating disorder is learning how to have a healthy relationship with food.
As with any eating disorder, there is no quick fix for binge eating. Treatment can take several months or longer while someone learns a healthier approach to food. But with the right guidance, commitment, and practice, it is possible to overcome old habits and replace them with healthier behaviors."
Also I have suffered from depression off and on since childhood, not realizing it until about 7 years ago. The last seven years have been 'on' years. I also know I have very much anxiety and fears and am going to see a psychiatrist for a professional opinion. Is the depression a result of the eating disorder or a whole separate issue? Do I have an anxiety disorder that needs medication? I hope not. I also hope I don't need it for depression, I just got off of my others. Granted, getting off the meds has helped me to truly recognize all the troubles, which may hint at my needing meds, but I hope not. I also am seeing a psychologist to help me see my thoughts clearly and how they affect me, and to learn how to change them. ALSO I will be going to my first EDA Eating Disorders Anonymous meeting early next week. I cannot see how I will ever be healed, but I am willing to try. I really want to. From my current point of view, I will always eat for any reason and no reason at all, and continue gaining weight until I am morbidly obese...but I have read stories of others who are in recovery as a result of going to EDA and I really hope it can happen for me too.
"Binge eating is different from normal appetite increases or overeating from time to time. People with a binge eating problem consume unusually large amounts of food on a regular basis. They often eat quickly, do other things while eating (like watch TV or do homework), and don't stop eating when they're full. People who binge eat are usually overweight — even obese — because they habitually consume more calories than their bodies can use. As a result, they may feel bad about themselves and about their bodies.
Binge eating involves more than just eating a lot. People with this problem don't want to be overweight. They wish they could be trim and control their weight. Many times people who binge eat feel misunderstood. It's not as easy as others might think to just stop eating. With binge eating, a person feels out of control and powerless to stop eating while doing it. That's why binge eating is also called compulsive overeating.
Emotions often play a role. People with a binge eating problem may overeat when they feel stressed, upset, hurt, or angry. Many find it comforting and soothing to eat, but after a binge they're likely to feel guilty and sad about the out-of-control eating. Binge eating is often a mixed-up way of dealing with or avoiding difficult emotions. Usually, people who binge eat aren't aware of what's driving them to overeat.
Some people may be more prone to overeating for biological reasons. For example, the hypothalamus (the part of the brain that controls appetite) may fail to send proper messages about hunger and fullness. And serotonin, a normal brain chemical that affects mood and some compulsive behaviors, may also play a role in binge eating.
Unlike a problem with drugs or alcohol where part of the treatment is avoiding the substance altogether, people still have to eat. This can make it harder for someone with a binge eating problem to overcome it because the temptation to overeat is always there. So part of dealing with a binge eating disorder is learning how to have a healthy relationship with food.
As with any eating disorder, there is no quick fix for binge eating. Treatment can take several months or longer while someone learns a healthier approach to food. But with the right guidance, commitment, and practice, it is possible to overcome old habits and replace them with healthier behaviors."
Also I have suffered from depression off and on since childhood, not realizing it until about 7 years ago. The last seven years have been 'on' years. I also know I have very much anxiety and fears and am going to see a psychiatrist for a professional opinion. Is the depression a result of the eating disorder or a whole separate issue? Do I have an anxiety disorder that needs medication? I hope not. I also hope I don't need it for depression, I just got off of my others. Granted, getting off the meds has helped me to truly recognize all the troubles, which may hint at my needing meds, but I hope not. I also am seeing a psychologist to help me see my thoughts clearly and how they affect me, and to learn how to change them. ALSO I will be going to my first EDA Eating Disorders Anonymous meeting early next week. I cannot see how I will ever be healed, but I am willing to try. I really want to. From my current point of view, I will always eat for any reason and no reason at all, and continue gaining weight until I am morbidly obese...but I have read stories of others who are in recovery as a result of going to EDA and I really hope it can happen for me too.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Laying Down the Law
I know I need some changes in my life and two special people helped me decide what some of those changes would be. Thanks Christy and Rachel. :) Last night I drew up schedules for school mornings, bedtimes, and after school. I kind of already had these schedules going, but not as strict and spelled out for everyone else.
At the dinner table I first laid down the law about food. I told the kids that what I made them to eat, whether for breakfast lunch or dinner, they would eat, even if they didn't like it, or they wouldn't eat at all. We already do this to some degree, but I want to start being a lot better about actually making dinners, having a plan, and not having random items thrown together like applesauce, V8, and cereal, or whatever other crazy 'meals' the kids come up with. I did tell them that I would try to make things they like, but that sometimes they just won't like what I make and they need to eat it anyway because it's better than not having any food at all.
Next I laid out the new schedules for them: Wake-up time on school days (church days too, with slightly altered times) School starts at 8am.
7:00am Go potty and get dressed
7:15am Eat breakfast
7:30am Brush teeth and hair
Then we leave when ready, 7:45-7:50
After school
2:30pm After school snack
2:40pm Homework (ALL, including 20 minutes of reading time)
Then he can play
Bedtime
7:00pm Story (this one is way too easy for me and the kids to skip, but it's so important)
7:15pm Jammies and brush teeth
7:30pm Scripture reading and kids' personal prayers
7:45pm Potty and in bed! Also family prayer
So, yesterday was great, kids ate their veggies and spaghetti for dinner, and I can't wait to see the results of my hard work and sticking with it. There is a bit of room to wiggle, like if Jacob doesn't get up until 7:05 or 7:10...and if he is all ready in the morning with extra time, he can play some game time, but I think the structure is really going to help. I might just print up some decorative posters of the schedule and laminate them.
At the dinner table I first laid down the law about food. I told the kids that what I made them to eat, whether for breakfast lunch or dinner, they would eat, even if they didn't like it, or they wouldn't eat at all. We already do this to some degree, but I want to start being a lot better about actually making dinners, having a plan, and not having random items thrown together like applesauce, V8, and cereal, or whatever other crazy 'meals' the kids come up with. I did tell them that I would try to make things they like, but that sometimes they just won't like what I make and they need to eat it anyway because it's better than not having any food at all.
Next I laid out the new schedules for them: Wake-up time on school days (church days too, with slightly altered times) School starts at 8am.
7:00am Go potty and get dressed
7:15am Eat breakfast
7:30am Brush teeth and hair
Then we leave when ready, 7:45-7:50
After school
2:30pm After school snack
2:40pm Homework (ALL, including 20 minutes of reading time)
Then he can play
Bedtime
7:00pm Story (this one is way too easy for me and the kids to skip, but it's so important)
7:15pm Jammies and brush teeth
7:30pm Scripture reading and kids' personal prayers
7:45pm Potty and in bed! Also family prayer
So, yesterday was great, kids ate their veggies and spaghetti for dinner, and I can't wait to see the results of my hard work and sticking with it. There is a bit of room to wiggle, like if Jacob doesn't get up until 7:05 or 7:10...and if he is all ready in the morning with extra time, he can play some game time, but I think the structure is really going to help. I might just print up some decorative posters of the schedule and laminate them.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Dumps
I have been down in the dumps lately. I am so depressed and am wondering, now that I can view my symptoms with no depression medication masking anything, if I have bipolar II disorder, or borderline personality disorder, or something else unknown. I am miserable, irritable, and hateful (mostly towards myself) one day, and just kind of, whatever, the next. I hate my body, hair, and all responsibility, something as simple as my hair not coming out right making me want to scream and throw things and go to bed for the rest of the day...week..month...I am totally overeating again, eating emotionally, but not being able to pinpoint why, or stop it from happening. I have almost constant pain from the top/side of my neck down to behind my shoulder blade, I keep getting colds...I am so negative and I know, know, know that it so very hard for people to be around, but at the same time, I need to be around people for support...I am lost.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Life goes on...
I'm not sure if this is the right decision, or if it will even last longer than a day, but I started doing weight watchers this morning. I am going to the Temple tomorrow fasting, so I hope to either confirm that this is the right/best decision, or know what I'm really supposed to do. I do want to be healthy and I just feel so lost lately in that department. I've been exercising 3-5 days/week 30 min weight training, 30 min cardio for a couple of months now (I was doing it previously also, but more recently started up again after a 2 month break), and I will continue to do that. I guess we'll see what happens.
On another note, I saw an article today saying fruit on WW plans is FREE now. I've been complaining about that, saying it should be so, for years now! :)
On another note, I saw an article today saying fruit on WW plans is FREE now. I've been complaining about that, saying it should be so, for years now! :)
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Ready
I feel really good about what I have allowed myself to learn by eating whatever I want. I no longer want fast food, or, if I do it is only because of the 'no work' factor, which ends up being not as important as the fact that I don't like the food anymore. I have learned a lot about myself, what I like, what I don't like, and I now feel ready to address my emotional eating issues. I use 'ready' loosely. I kind of start to panic every time I think about eating a 'controlled' or 'planned' diet, but I feel ready in the sense that I want to be healthy and not be sick and/or die.
I really want to conquer the 'out of control' or 'don't want to think about whatever is stressing me' eating. I just don't know how. I wish I could afford therapy!
:)
Kate
I really want to conquer the 'out of control' or 'don't want to think about whatever is stressing me' eating. I just don't know how. I wish I could afford therapy!
:)
Kate
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Don't Believe Everything You Hear
I have decided to stop watching The Biggest Loser. Even though I really enjoy seeing the happiness of personal success on the show, I have realized it is doing me more harm than good.
Last night I watched the premiere and Bob asked a question about the challenge, which was to run 1 mile. "I mean, shouldn't we all be able to run a mile?"
In answer to your question, Bob, no. Even when I was a 'healthy' weight and hiking every day I couldn't run a mile. I was not born that way. My body is not made to do things like jogging/running. I'm great at walking. I could walk all day. People have been floored by some of the 'walks' I have decided to take, like a walk to Central Valley when Mike worked there, from where we lived on Pinewood Dr. When it comes to running though I'm no good. I couldn't even run once around the track without stopping in high school, for goodness sakes! Our bodies are made differently. My breathing becomes labored and I have to be totally focused on it to regulate it and sometimes that doesn't even work.
Also, I found myself comparing myself to possible contestants on the show. Comparing ourselves is a very unhealthy behavior that has become acceptable, and even expected, in our society. "Wow, Imagine how she would look if she lost 100lbs, that's where I'm at now, so I'm ok." Or, "Oh my gosh, she only weighs like 40lbs more than me...maybe I really am in trouble!" We all know that we are different and carry our weight differently, etc, etc, etc! Yet, we still are always comparing and either being prideful over something we shouldn't, or thinking we're just not good enough, and never will be.
I found myself last night replying to an enquiring text that, yes, I would like something from McDonald's. A double cheeseburger meal, to be exact, with a shake for drink. *Sidenote* Jim Gaffigan: I'll get a burger and fries and to drink, I'll have the large cup of melted ice cream. ...
heh heh, I think the funniest jokes are those that are really, so true. It's good to laugh at oneself, no? *Back to subject* I wasn't actually hungry, and I knew that on some level, I really did not want anything from McDonalds, but I got it anyway. I realized later that because of the feelings of inadequacy I was having as a result of watching Biggest Loser, doubting myself, my decisions; that is why I ate McDonalds; to rebel.
I guess I can be somewhat of a rebel sometimes. It's like I'm saying, I don't have to be 'thin' to be good and loved, and I'll prove it to you! Which is fine for a phase, but a behavior that should not last forever. (eating just because).(If you remember I had to give myself the freedom to actually choose if I want to eat a thing or not, to break the obsession.) By choosing to watch/listen/read things that make me doubt myself prolongs this self-doubt and self-loating that I'm working so hard to free myself of.
To give Bob the benefit of the doubt, he was asking a question, not making a statement. However, it is all too easy for us to assume that anything we can do someone else should be able to, and vice versa. We are individuals, people, all different, with different talents and different weaknesses. Let's accept that, reject the teachings of this world, and actually live happy lives.
I do 'believe' in science (for lack of a better word) but how often do new studies come out showing we were wrong about something we previously thought to be fact? Who says I am not at a healthy weight? All my tests show healthy results, and besides, sometimes perfectly 'healthy' people get the sickest. We just never know. Yes, take the miracles of science and use them wisely, but do not forget about faith. For me, right now, faith is to be able to eat what I want, even if it's bad for me, and be 'overweight' and yet for the first time in my life see beautiful in the mirror. Now I'm not saying to go all out and eat a ton of crap every day because I do believe in the long run there will be consequences but, by worrying about what we should or shouldn't eat we've made ourselves obsessed with food and therefore rebelling overeaters. If we could have always allowed ourselves to eat what we felt like and not think harsh thoughts about ourselves, a very many of us would not have 'weight problems'. Some of us would still be bigger or smaller than others, but that is normal!
This may not be true for everyone, and if you disagree, that's totally cool. I realize this is my opinion. But we must acknowledge that the problem of obesity in this nation is not *the* problem, but only a symptom. How far will we get if we only try to treat the symptom?
I watched the Judds on Oprah and as it turns out (I didn't know) Wynonna has a different father than Ashley. How it makes sense that she always seemed to be built differently. You can even have the same parents and be built totally differently, goodness! Let's love ourselves and stop trying to change us for what we feel like we should look like.
Last night I watched the premiere and Bob asked a question about the challenge, which was to run 1 mile. "I mean, shouldn't we all be able to run a mile?"
In answer to your question, Bob, no. Even when I was a 'healthy' weight and hiking every day I couldn't run a mile. I was not born that way. My body is not made to do things like jogging/running. I'm great at walking. I could walk all day. People have been floored by some of the 'walks' I have decided to take, like a walk to Central Valley when Mike worked there, from where we lived on Pinewood Dr. When it comes to running though I'm no good. I couldn't even run once around the track without stopping in high school, for goodness sakes! Our bodies are made differently. My breathing becomes labored and I have to be totally focused on it to regulate it and sometimes that doesn't even work.
Also, I found myself comparing myself to possible contestants on the show. Comparing ourselves is a very unhealthy behavior that has become acceptable, and even expected, in our society. "Wow, Imagine how she would look if she lost 100lbs, that's where I'm at now, so I'm ok." Or, "Oh my gosh, she only weighs like 40lbs more than me...maybe I really am in trouble!" We all know that we are different and carry our weight differently, etc, etc, etc! Yet, we still are always comparing and either being prideful over something we shouldn't, or thinking we're just not good enough, and never will be.
I found myself last night replying to an enquiring text that, yes, I would like something from McDonald's. A double cheeseburger meal, to be exact, with a shake for drink. *Sidenote* Jim Gaffigan: I'll get a burger and fries and to drink, I'll have the large cup of melted ice cream. ...
heh heh, I think the funniest jokes are those that are really, so true. It's good to laugh at oneself, no? *Back to subject* I wasn't actually hungry, and I knew that on some level, I really did not want anything from McDonalds, but I got it anyway. I realized later that because of the feelings of inadequacy I was having as a result of watching Biggest Loser, doubting myself, my decisions; that is why I ate McDonalds; to rebel.
I guess I can be somewhat of a rebel sometimes. It's like I'm saying, I don't have to be 'thin' to be good and loved, and I'll prove it to you! Which is fine for a phase, but a behavior that should not last forever. (eating just because).(If you remember I had to give myself the freedom to actually choose if I want to eat a thing or not, to break the obsession.) By choosing to watch/listen/read things that make me doubt myself prolongs this self-doubt and self-loating that I'm working so hard to free myself of.
To give Bob the benefit of the doubt, he was asking a question, not making a statement. However, it is all too easy for us to assume that anything we can do someone else should be able to, and vice versa. We are individuals, people, all different, with different talents and different weaknesses. Let's accept that, reject the teachings of this world, and actually live happy lives.
I do 'believe' in science (for lack of a better word) but how often do new studies come out showing we were wrong about something we previously thought to be fact? Who says I am not at a healthy weight? All my tests show healthy results, and besides, sometimes perfectly 'healthy' people get the sickest. We just never know. Yes, take the miracles of science and use them wisely, but do not forget about faith. For me, right now, faith is to be able to eat what I want, even if it's bad for me, and be 'overweight' and yet for the first time in my life see beautiful in the mirror. Now I'm not saying to go all out and eat a ton of crap every day because I do believe in the long run there will be consequences but, by worrying about what we should or shouldn't eat we've made ourselves obsessed with food and therefore rebelling overeaters. If we could have always allowed ourselves to eat what we felt like and not think harsh thoughts about ourselves, a very many of us would not have 'weight problems'. Some of us would still be bigger or smaller than others, but that is normal!
This may not be true for everyone, and if you disagree, that's totally cool. I realize this is my opinion. But we must acknowledge that the problem of obesity in this nation is not *the* problem, but only a symptom. How far will we get if we only try to treat the symptom?
I watched the Judds on Oprah and as it turns out (I didn't know) Wynonna has a different father than Ashley. How it makes sense that she always seemed to be built differently. You can even have the same parents and be built totally differently, goodness! Let's love ourselves and stop trying to change us for what we feel like we should look like.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Happy
So I had a much needed scrapbooking sleepover this past weekend. It was so much fun to hang out with the girls. We talked about much, formed new friendships and strengthened old ones. It was so refreshing to only have to take care of myself. It also made me miss my family and love them even more. Here are a couple pictures.
Also I am so happy in rejecting the world's standards for me. I will stick to trying my best to meet with the Lord's standards instead, thank you very much. :) A beautiful body by the world's standards, wealth, etc -bad things? No. Necessary for salvation or a happy life? Definitely not. Not even necessary to be healthy. You can be healthy without dieting or hating life. Trust me, it took me way too long to learn this lesson, and I'm still relearning it every day that goes by. :)
Also I am so happy in rejecting the world's standards for me. I will stick to trying my best to meet with the Lord's standards instead, thank you very much. :) A beautiful body by the world's standards, wealth, etc -bad things? No. Necessary for salvation or a happy life? Definitely not. Not even necessary to be healthy. You can be healthy without dieting or hating life. Trust me, it took me way too long to learn this lesson, and I'm still relearning it every day that goes by. :)
Monday, August 9, 2010
Cake decorating
I am practicing decorating cakes so I can see if I can become good at it. I've done two so far. The first one was cute but the frosting was FAR from smooth and the dot decorations were sliding. My second one I didn't really prepare what to do, just decorated with what I had. I think it's worse than the first one. I tried a rolled buttercream recipe to see what it was like to use frosting similar to decorate with as fondant, but actually taste good. I didn't end up tasting it actually, but I do know it was slightly dry because there were cracks on the surface that I couldn't smooth over. So, I might try rolled buttercream again, using a different recipe, or changing the recipe I used yesterday, we'll see. Before that though, I am going to try using my Mom's frosting and see if I can smooth that. It is the most awesome tasting frosting ever! I have many pictures of decorated cakes I like from online and I would like to try recreating some of those during my practice. Wish me luck
!
!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Is it Normal?
So lately I've been wondering if the behavior of my oldest child is normal, or if there is something amiss. I have wondered this before with him, even taken him to a specialty doctor to ask about a behavior disorder or something.
Jacob is six and will be seven in a few months. He has always been very emotional which includes getting very upset when he doesn't get his way, and also being extremely loving and caring towards others, sensitive to when they're upset.
Some of his behaviors that still go on today follow. Whining when told or asked to do something, like, time to brush your teeth! Whines: I don't want to brush my teeth!!!! (fakey crying) Time to take a shower/bath! Same follows. Time to eat dinner! The same (not all the time). Trying new foods, going out to run errands, cleaning his room, it doesn't seem to matter what is going on he whines about it and fights me, trying not to do it.
Also, like last night, he just says and does things to purposely make me mad, I swear! Actually, even today I told him that he needed to get in the bath and he just said, "I won't get in!" When I was telling him he needed to wash his body he covered his ears and said "I don't want to hear it!" Hmmm....wonder where he heard that...?
I'm just frustrated and wondering if anyone has had the same experience with one of their children, if we just have to keep on keeping on, disciplining day after day, until hopefully, maybe, someday? they finally mature a bit?
Jacob is six and will be seven in a few months. He has always been very emotional which includes getting very upset when he doesn't get his way, and also being extremely loving and caring towards others, sensitive to when they're upset.
Some of his behaviors that still go on today follow. Whining when told or asked to do something, like, time to brush your teeth! Whines: I don't want to brush my teeth!!!! (fakey crying) Time to take a shower/bath! Same follows. Time to eat dinner! The same (not all the time). Trying new foods, going out to run errands, cleaning his room, it doesn't seem to matter what is going on he whines about it and fights me, trying not to do it.
Also, like last night, he just says and does things to purposely make me mad, I swear! Actually, even today I told him that he needed to get in the bath and he just said, "I won't get in!" When I was telling him he needed to wash his body he covered his ears and said "I don't want to hear it!" Hmmm....wonder where he heard that...?
I'm just frustrated and wondering if anyone has had the same experience with one of their children, if we just have to keep on keeping on, disciplining day after day, until hopefully, maybe, someday? they finally mature a bit?
Sunday, July 4, 2010
A Blessing
So we left Saturday morning to visit Napa, CA, my home town. Monday/Sunday night I was sick and throwing up. What a bummer! Josh Walkenhorst came over to the RV park to give me a blessing with Mike. I don't remember the wording but I was told I would get better, and it seemed like immediately. So, I decided to show faith and had something to eat, even though it was only a little bit. I ate other little bits throughout the day and although I still didn't feel well, I didn't throw up again after my blessing! :) I was able to enjoy the rest of my vacation.
I have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Priesthood. Thanks again Josh for being willing to come right over!
I have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the Priesthood. Thanks again Josh for being willing to come right over!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Seven Peaks Water Park
I went to Seven Peaks with Mike and the kids and we had a wonderful time! What's more is that for the first time in my life I wasn't self concious about being in a bathing suit, or what I looked like at all! It was awesome beyond words. I'm so grateful for all the miracles in my life from my Father in Heaven, and to love myself and know that I'm worth as much as anyone else, and that outward appearance has nothing to do with that.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
I Heart Scrapbooking!
After the most recent Scrapbooking Sleepover I was able to start another volume of our family albums that totals 38 pages! That's 19 2 page spreads. That wasn't even all I got done! I also had a few pages for Eleanor's album! I just now finally did all the journaling for those pages and it feels so good to be done! Of course, I take pictures just so I can scrapbook sometimes, so I already have more pages I need to do. I love it! I really wish I had a 12x12 scanner so that I could show you all of my pages that I love so much!
On another note, Creative Memories scrapbook albums are the best in my opinion. I tried the widely used post-bound albums to save money (the other popular are 3 ring binders and that's just not the look I want) only to find that I HATE THEM!!! Yes, I realize that hate is a very strong word and that is why I used it. I bought an album and extra pages and posts to expand it, as it was only 10 pages when purchased. I could not get everything together long enough to even stick the post through and screw it on! When I decided to give up, return the post bound albums and just pay for more expensive CM albums, I couldn't even get the original pages in with the posts screwed in! It took both Mike and I together to get it done. Oh Creative Memories, thank you, thank you, for your wonderful, beautiful, and easy to fill albums!
On another note, Creative Memories scrapbook albums are the best in my opinion. I tried the widely used post-bound albums to save money (the other popular are 3 ring binders and that's just not the look I want) only to find that I HATE THEM!!! Yes, I realize that hate is a very strong word and that is why I used it. I bought an album and extra pages and posts to expand it, as it was only 10 pages when purchased. I could not get everything together long enough to even stick the post through and screw it on! When I decided to give up, return the post bound albums and just pay for more expensive CM albums, I couldn't even get the original pages in with the posts screwed in! It took both Mike and I together to get it done. Oh Creative Memories, thank you, thank you, for your wonderful, beautiful, and easy to fill albums!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Siobhan Magnus
I really enjoyed American Idol last night! Katie sounded great. I still don't think she has what it takes yet, or deserves to win, but she has an AMAZING voice. And why don't people understand what Simon is trying to say? He's saying her voice would be great for country and that she could pull it off, not that she sounds like she can only do country and sings with twang, like one girl from a couple of seasons ago who ONLY sounded good when she sang country. I always skip Kara's comments now. :) Big Mike, awesome! Tim did great too! He's not the best, but I like him. Crystal did awesome, I think! I don't know if she has the type of voice that I personally would want to listen to all the time, but I really do like her a lot and she is very talented. Tall blonde guy did great too. His voice has almost too much vibrato in it for me. Casey, that's it. Aaron didn't do great but I still like him anyway. :) I loved Andrew's performance!! I also really enjoyed getting to see what he's like off-stage. Lee was fantastic! I liked the bagpipe because it made me laugh! :) And my personal favorite, Siobhan. I really really enjoyed hearing her use her voice and control in a different way. I think she did spectacular! I hope she wins. Her voice, I realize now, reminds me of Jewel, not in sound, but in quality, and the way she uses it. No, I do not have their names memorized, I have another tab in windows open. Oh. Did I mention how irritated I was that Katie told viewers to vote for her tons and that the person who shows her their phone bill and has the most calls on it gets to take her to Prom?!?!?!
Monday, March 29, 2010
I'm In Business! (with The Quilted Bear)
I'm now selling my premade scrapbook pages on The Quilted Bear's website! It's a long time sucessful store that sells handcrafted items. There are a couple of ways you can view my products. First, go to www.quiltedbear.com. Then you can: click on 'advanced product search' which is below the search box. Next hightlight 'Bug & Bean' under Brand, and then click 'Continue'. That's it! You'll see all my products for sale. The other way once you're at the main website is to click on 'Hand Crafted' which is in large letters under 'Browse by Category' on the left. Then scroll down to 'Scrapbooking'. My products are listed in there along with others'. As of right now, I have the only premade pages. The only other pages right now are page kits, which are not mine.
So, what are you waiting for? Go buy my pages! Or if not, spread the word! :)
So, what are you waiting for? Go buy my pages! Or if not, spread the word! :)
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Simon Cowell
So I have good taste in music, I think. My music library is fairly eclectic including metal, rock, pop, instrumental, etc, etc. Even though Simon on American Idol can be very harsh, he is usually right on when he judges. I usually agree with him. This season during the auditions I even said after one person sang, "Good, but boring. That's what Simon will say." because that's what I thought of it. 2 seconds later Simon said exactly that! Why am I talking about all this? Because I'm very opinionated (yes I realize that's not always a good thing). Last night Simon was on The Tonight Show and said what we all already knew, that last year's competition turned into a popularity contest, and that based on talent, Adam should have won. Also, it was VERY interesting to watch Simon blush and squirm and laugh, totally out of his element, when discussing his love, that he may or may not be engaged to!
Also, I quite enjoy some of the songs on Adam Lambert's album, regardless of the stunt he pulled when performing.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
A Valentine's Day Poem
I made Mike his Valentine's Day card this year, and I wrote a poem for the inside. I decided to share it with you all.
Best friends, then soulmates.
Two people start their journey,
willing and dedicated,
hardly knowing what lay ahead.
New life begins.
Two parents, overwhelmed,
try hard to remember their love and dreams,
but start to drift apart.
Stresses are high and patience is low.
The World thinks it has beaten them down.
They think maybe it's right.
But memories of love, and happier times, keep them trudging on.
Gradually, truth and understanding come.
They hold onto hope,
and exercise faith,
beginning to see what true love really means.
Best friends, then soulmates.
Two people start their journey,
willing and dedicated,
hardly knowing what lay ahead.
New life begins.
Two parents, overwhelmed,
try hard to remember their love and dreams,
but start to drift apart.
Stresses are high and patience is low.
The World thinks it has beaten them down.
They think maybe it's right.
But memories of love, and happier times, keep them trudging on.
Gradually, truth and understanding come.
They hold onto hope,
and exercise faith,
beginning to see what true love really means.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Amazing!
Today I found 2 King size Heath bars under the couch. Allow me to explain.
Remember that whole eating whatever I want, 'legalizing' all foods, not viewing them as bad or good? It's working. Several weeks ago I bought the heath bars for Mike and I. I set them in between us on the couch as we watched some shows together. I remember now that I just didn't really feel like eating any. But then, somehow, they slid between the sectional and onto the floor, where I COMPLETELY forgot about them!
To some of you this maybe meaningless. To me it's huge! Last year, they wouldn't have gone uneaten, let alone gotten lost and forgotten about! If they had even gotten lost I would've searched until I found them! Yipee!
Monday, February 1, 2010
10 Principles of Intuitive Eating
1. Reject the Diet Mentality Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently. Get angry at the lies that have led you to feel as if you were a failure every time a new diet stopped working and you gained back all of the weight. If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover Intuitive Eating.
2. Honor Your Hunger Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for re-building trust with yourself and food.
3. Make Peace with Food Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can't or shouldn't have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.
4. Challenge the Food Police .Scream a loud "NO" to thoughts in your head that declare you're "good" for eating under 1000 calories or "bad" because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created . The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments. Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.
5. Respect Your Fullness Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show that you're comfortably full. Pause in the middle of a meal or food and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what is your current fullness level?
6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor The Japanese have the wisdom to promote pleasure as one of their goals of healthy living In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence--the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting and conducive, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decide you've had "enough".
7. Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food Find ways to comfort , nurture, distract, and resolve your issues without using food. Anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger are emotions we all experience throughout life. Each has its own trigger, and each has its own appeasement. Food won't fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you into a food hangover. But food won't solve the problem. If anything, eating for an emotional hunger will only make you feel worse in the long run. You'll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.
8. Respect Your Body Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectation with body size. But mostly, respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are. It's hard to reject the diet mentality if you are unrealistic and overly critical about your body shape.
9. Exercise--Feel the Difference Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it's usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.
10 Honor Your Health--Gentle Nutrition Make food choices that honor your health and tastebuds while making you feel well. Remember that you don't have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It's what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.
2. Honor Your Hunger Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for re-building trust with yourself and food.
3. Make Peace with Food Call a truce, stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can't or shouldn't have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing When you finally “give-in” to your forbidden food, eating will be experienced with such intensity, it usually results in Last Supper overeating, and overwhelming guilt.
4. Challenge the Food Police .Scream a loud "NO" to thoughts in your head that declare you're "good" for eating under 1000 calories or "bad" because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created . The police station is housed deep in your psyche, and its loud speaker shouts negative barbs, hopeless phrases, and guilt-provoking indictments. Chasing the Food Police away is a critical step in returning to Intuitive Eating.
5. Respect Your Fullness Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show that you're comfortably full. Pause in the middle of a meal or food and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what is your current fullness level?
6. Discover the Satisfaction Factor The Japanese have the wisdom to promote pleasure as one of their goals of healthy living In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence--the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting and conducive, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. By providing this experience for yourself, you will find that it takes much less food to decide you've had "enough".
7. Honor Your Feelings Without Using Food Find ways to comfort , nurture, distract, and resolve your issues without using food. Anxiety, loneliness, boredom, anger are emotions we all experience throughout life. Each has its own trigger, and each has its own appeasement. Food won't fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you into a food hangover. But food won't solve the problem. If anything, eating for an emotional hunger will only make you feel worse in the long run. You'll ultimately have to deal with the source of the emotion, as well as the discomfort of overeating.
8. Respect Your Body Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally as futile (and uncomfortable) to have the same expectation with body size. But mostly, respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are. It's hard to reject the diet mentality if you are unrealistic and overly critical about your body shape.
9. Exercise--Feel the Difference Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise. If you focus on how you feel from working out, such as energized, it can make the difference between rolling out of bed for a brisk morning walk or hitting the snooze alarm. If when you wake up, your only goal is to lose weight, it's usually not a motivating factor in that moment of time.
10 Honor Your Health--Gentle Nutrition Make food choices that honor your health and tastebuds while making you feel well. Remember that you don't have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy. You will not suddenly get a nutrient deficiency or gain weight from one snack, one meal, or one day of eating. It's what you eat consistently over time that matters, progress not perfection is what counts.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Beautiful Day
Last night when Mike and I left the Timpanogos Temple we were surprised that it had started snowing while we were inside! It ended up snowing quite a bit and it was so beautiful! We did end up getting lost and not making it to our movie, but oh well. I loved driving around at night seeing leafless trees covered with fresh snow, brightly lit (for nighttime) by the lights reflecting off of the snow.
Today It was beautiful too, but less snowy, which was ok because I had several errands to run, one of them out of town.
The crown on my ring that holds the main diamond was loose and I had to get it fixed. I took Mike's ring as well because it gets pretty beat up while he works. I decided to get something engraved on the inside, not for our 7 year anniversary which recently passed, or for Valentine's day coming up, but just because I care for him so much.
I realized many years ago that, in my opinion, the definition of Love, or True Love, is this: True Love is a choice. My reason is that we all go through our hard times and both people in the marriage have to choose to keep working at it, keep loving and understanding, to make it last. True love is not 'love at first site' or any other silly concept.
I wanted to inscribe on Mike's ring "True love is a choice. I choose you." Just so he would always have a reminder that I love him no matter his flaws, as I know he loves me whatever my flaws are. However, I was only allowed 30 characters. After taking 15 minutes or so I had what I wanted, when I was informed that each space counts as 2 characters!!! Argh! So I ended up with just this, "True Love. I choose you."
He knows with my definition of love and agrees with it so he gets the idea. :)
Poor Jacob was sick today. Daddy stayed home with the kids all day and took care of them and they were so good and had such a good day, even with being sick. Thanks Daddy, we love you!
Today It was beautiful too, but less snowy, which was ok because I had several errands to run, one of them out of town.
The crown on my ring that holds the main diamond was loose and I had to get it fixed. I took Mike's ring as well because it gets pretty beat up while he works. I decided to get something engraved on the inside, not for our 7 year anniversary which recently passed, or for Valentine's day coming up, but just because I care for him so much.
I realized many years ago that, in my opinion, the definition of Love, or True Love, is this: True Love is a choice. My reason is that we all go through our hard times and both people in the marriage have to choose to keep working at it, keep loving and understanding, to make it last. True love is not 'love at first site' or any other silly concept.
I wanted to inscribe on Mike's ring "True love is a choice. I choose you." Just so he would always have a reminder that I love him no matter his flaws, as I know he loves me whatever my flaws are. However, I was only allowed 30 characters. After taking 15 minutes or so I had what I wanted, when I was informed that each space counts as 2 characters!!! Argh! So I ended up with just this, "True Love. I choose you."
He knows with my definition of love and agrees with it so he gets the idea. :)
Poor Jacob was sick today. Daddy stayed home with the kids all day and took care of them and they were so good and had such a good day, even with being sick. Thanks Daddy, we love you!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
A Little Creativity...
Last year as part of a Christmas gift I received a beautiful ornament that will forever be one of my favorites! This year I decided to re-create them for a few close friends. The bigger one with black lettering is the one I received last year.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Confessions of a Black Friday shopper
Thanks Stephanie for the blog entry title that I stole from you! I do enjoy black friday, though maybe not in the same way others do.
Thursday: Repeatedly have and dismiss the thought that I really should go to bed until 12 or 1 am when I finally get smart.
Friday 4:28: Wake up 2 minutes before alarm goes off; stumble around in the dark while getting dressed and brushing teeth.
4:45: Arrive at shopping center Walmart is in and park near supercuts and Deseret Book. Cannot believe the ENTIRE Walmart parking lot is full.
4:50: After inquiring as to where my desired item is located (Store open 24 hours) I arrive as an alarm has been set off in the digital camera department. A very LOUD alarm. The customers surrounding said item are mistaking the alarm for some sort of signal that black friday shopping has begun! After shrugging at the attendant standing there I took one of the only item I really really wanted! :)
4:51: I stroll around to see if anything is left like $5 barbies or $7 kids jackets and find a nice little vacuum for $24, a new, bigger jacket for Jacob, and 2 pairs of $3 jammies for Ellie. The only thing I didn't actually get that I wanted was Madagascar 2, which is HILARIOUS! Apparently the movies went on sale at midnight.
Sometime during the hour of 6:00: I STARTED the morning off walking around like a zombie thanks to my late hour of going to bed. While waiting in an enormous line at Walmart the nice woman in front of me moved my cart up with her while I got us some McDonald's. I was SO hungry and THIRSTY! I felt like I hadn't had a drink in days! After checking out at walmart and hiking back to my car I decided to check Target, even though I knew the only thing I wanted was probably gone. There were actually now 2 items, since I didn't get my movie. I found Madagascar 2 within seconds of entering the store, discarded by another shopper, yay! After looking for a Bakugan gift (that I already had but could return and save $10) and an employee even checking the back for me, I was wandering around to check out the deals, with a distant hope in the back of my mind of finding my desired toy laying unwanted somewhere. Low and behold, I peeked behind the electronics counter and there was one laying there with other items customers had changed their mind about!! I quickly got an employee's attention and asked them to hand it to me. Yessss!
Sometime during the hour of 7:00: I actually checked out with 5 items, (the only other toys I had been interested in) but ended up returning 3 later. I had all my Christmas shopping done previous to this day, and I decided that the kids already had enough toys under the tree. (Yes, already wrapped). :)
Conclusion: I think the way to go is to set limits, decide on gifts, and have your shopping done by black friday, so that if you don't get what you want, it's no big deal. And if you DO get what you want, it's so awesome because you end up saving money and might be able to get yourself a nice small new vacuum! We have central vac here in my Mom's house but I find that I need something I can get out, use, and quickly put away again. The central vac stuff is more work and I feel like I have to do all or nothing when I get it out (thanks, depression!) and I certainly don't want it laying on the floor for days! All in all I am VERY pleased!
When I got home I did go to sleep, although it was not as sound as I would have wanted, what, with the kids playing gleefully in the other room with Daddy. I even opted to go to a movie after lunch instead of sleeping more and Mike and I saw Old Dogs. Very funny!
On a last note, I am so glad Jacob is learning how to read. As I wrapped presents the night before and placed them under the tree I thought, "Oh no. I really don't want Jacob to come out before we wake up, see the presents and get all excited thinking that somehow it's Christmas already." So I wrote in large letters on a note that I hung on the Christmas tree, "Today is NOT Christmas. Don't Touch!" Worked like a charm!
Thursday: Repeatedly have and dismiss the thought that I really should go to bed until 12 or 1 am when I finally get smart.
Friday 4:28: Wake up 2 minutes before alarm goes off; stumble around in the dark while getting dressed and brushing teeth.
4:45: Arrive at shopping center Walmart is in and park near supercuts and Deseret Book. Cannot believe the ENTIRE Walmart parking lot is full.
4:50: After inquiring as to where my desired item is located (Store open 24 hours) I arrive as an alarm has been set off in the digital camera department. A very LOUD alarm. The customers surrounding said item are mistaking the alarm for some sort of signal that black friday shopping has begun! After shrugging at the attendant standing there I took one of the only item I really really wanted! :)
4:51: I stroll around to see if anything is left like $5 barbies or $7 kids jackets and find a nice little vacuum for $24, a new, bigger jacket for Jacob, and 2 pairs of $3 jammies for Ellie. The only thing I didn't actually get that I wanted was Madagascar 2, which is HILARIOUS! Apparently the movies went on sale at midnight.
Sometime during the hour of 6:00: I STARTED the morning off walking around like a zombie thanks to my late hour of going to bed. While waiting in an enormous line at Walmart the nice woman in front of me moved my cart up with her while I got us some McDonald's. I was SO hungry and THIRSTY! I felt like I hadn't had a drink in days! After checking out at walmart and hiking back to my car I decided to check Target, even though I knew the only thing I wanted was probably gone. There were actually now 2 items, since I didn't get my movie. I found Madagascar 2 within seconds of entering the store, discarded by another shopper, yay! After looking for a Bakugan gift (that I already had but could return and save $10) and an employee even checking the back for me, I was wandering around to check out the deals, with a distant hope in the back of my mind of finding my desired toy laying unwanted somewhere. Low and behold, I peeked behind the electronics counter and there was one laying there with other items customers had changed their mind about!! I quickly got an employee's attention and asked them to hand it to me. Yessss!
Sometime during the hour of 7:00: I actually checked out with 5 items, (the only other toys I had been interested in) but ended up returning 3 later. I had all my Christmas shopping done previous to this day, and I decided that the kids already had enough toys under the tree. (Yes, already wrapped). :)
Conclusion: I think the way to go is to set limits, decide on gifts, and have your shopping done by black friday, so that if you don't get what you want, it's no big deal. And if you DO get what you want, it's so awesome because you end up saving money and might be able to get yourself a nice small new vacuum! We have central vac here in my Mom's house but I find that I need something I can get out, use, and quickly put away again. The central vac stuff is more work and I feel like I have to do all or nothing when I get it out (thanks, depression!) and I certainly don't want it laying on the floor for days! All in all I am VERY pleased!
When I got home I did go to sleep, although it was not as sound as I would have wanted, what, with the kids playing gleefully in the other room with Daddy. I even opted to go to a movie after lunch instead of sleeping more and Mike and I saw Old Dogs. Very funny!
On a last note, I am so glad Jacob is learning how to read. As I wrapped presents the night before and placed them under the tree I thought, "Oh no. I really don't want Jacob to come out before we wake up, see the presents and get all excited thinking that somehow it's Christmas already." So I wrote in large letters on a note that I hung on the Christmas tree, "Today is NOT Christmas. Don't Touch!" Worked like a charm!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Sleep Training
No one wants to listen to her child shriek for hours nonstop. WHY GIVING IN CAN BACKFIRE. If a few months of nighttime wakings have left you feeling fuzzy in the brain, picture what a year (or more!) will feel like. While stumbling into the nursery multiple times a night to help your baby settle down feels like the right thing to do, it's not: Sleeping through the night and self-soothing are learned skills-and it's your job to teach them, says Dr. Owens. GET OVER IT. By 3 months, your baby is developmentally ready for sleep-training. While you can certainly wait until, say, 7 or 8 months to let her cry it out, keep in mind that the older she gets, the more ingrained her nighttime habits will become. Start by putting your child in her crib, drowsy but still awake. If she screams, check in after five minutes, then ten, and so on (or whatever time interval is comfortable for you). The visits should be brief, boring, and unemotional. "Expect a burst of loud protest on the first night or two," says Dr. Owens, "but it will all be over in about a week, and often in just a few days."
-Parents Magazine
-Parents Magazine
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I can't believe it's been so long
since I last posted. We have found all of the gnomes at the dinosaur museum and I will update that as soon as I have time AND remember. I have gotten behind in scrapbooking. When I edit my pictures and have them printed at Costco I can't imagine what the cost will be!
I have been focusing on taking care of my mental health lately. I know some of you reading this won't understand but, you have to trust that I am doing the right thing. I honestly wish that I had never dieted. If I hadn't started after Jacob was born I think my weight would have naturally gone back to normal. Instead I made my entire focus FOOD. I thought I was so fat. I always have really. The more times I tried to lose weight the worse the problem became. My obsession with food grew more severe. Whenever I 'fell off the wagon' I gained more weight than I had weighed before. My metabolism got worse and worse from eating fake low calorie foods instead of trying listening to my body's needs.
I have been eating whatever I want, whenever I want it. I know this is not a solution for life but I also know that it IS a solution to me trusting myself again and not feeling like foods are 'taboo' or that I CAN'T have them, or even that I shouldn't. That denying myself is what got me into trouble in the first place.
The other part of the mental aspect is telling myself that I am beautiful and worthy of love no matter what I look like. Also rejecting thoughts that make me feel down and thinking positive thoughts instead.
I have gained plenty of weight and that's okay. I have to love myself no matter how I look, and gaining weight is just part of the process of trusting myself again. I try not to weigh myself and if my clothes start feeling snug it's time for bigger clothes. When I'm wearing tight clothes I feel horrible about myself. I feel like I'm just so fat I keep outgrowing all my clothes! When I'm wearing clothes that are loose and comfortable I can look at myself and see positive things like the shape of my figure and how nice certain colors look on me.
I have no idea how long this road will be but amazing things are already happening. I notice there will be a certain food I crave for a time, anywhere from a couple days to a month, and eventually, when I think about eating it, I realize I don't want it. For example, my favorite ice cream, peanut butter panic. I was eating quite a bit of that and gradually it wasn't so 'fulfilling' of my needs. Whenever I'd think I wanted it, picturing myself eating it, I realized what I actually wanted was.........WATER. Crazy I know.
Now I do not believe this is the strategy for all of the things people self-medicate with. Food might actually be the only one. I also don't necessarily think this is the solution for every person who eats their feelings. We're all different. We've all had different influences in our lives and different experiences. I do know that for myself, this is part of my healing process. Part of me panics every once in a while about how much weight I've gained and that I'm still gaining. Those times I have to remember that I have Heavenly Father's guidance, and that beauty is NOT what we believe it to be.
I was struck last night by that fact. A lady came on TV and it was immediately OBVIOUS that she had 'had some work done'. Some cosmetic surgery is just fine but we all know that people can go overboard and then look not natural. However, it is this unnatural look that more and more people are striving for. I realized that my kids could very well grow up being taught that this facelift look is what beautiful is! How very sad. I then thought about what my generation thinks is beautiful. Are only tone, thin, tan bodies beautiful? Absolutely not. And yet, that is what so many of us believe. We are so brainwashed that some people, influenced from years of pornography, can only be attracted to ridiculous and unreachable standards. They will have to abstain and gradually re-learn how to recognize true beauty. What we see in magazines is not real life. Even if there is no photo retouching done, there is still makeup, lighting, position, all kinds of things that you can only get sitting perfectly still and having a crew of people work on you.
I am learning to recognize myself as beautiful. I do hope that as I un-taboo food that I will turn to healthy ways of dealing with my problems and lose weight as a side-effect, but I try not to think of this often, as it is counter-productive to loving myself as I am no matter what that is. Of course I am also concerned about my health. I do not want to get any of the myriad of diseases that come with being overweight but, like I said, I am trusting and following the Lord. He knows what's best for me and He is guiding me through this. I cannot run before I learn to walk. I am taking this one step at a time. I also am trying to see if I can work out a way to get counseling weekly. I've wanted therapy for years and I know it can help me so much!
Wishing all of you the very best. You are in my prayers and thoughts.
-Katie
I have been focusing on taking care of my mental health lately. I know some of you reading this won't understand but, you have to trust that I am doing the right thing. I honestly wish that I had never dieted. If I hadn't started after Jacob was born I think my weight would have naturally gone back to normal. Instead I made my entire focus FOOD. I thought I was so fat. I always have really. The more times I tried to lose weight the worse the problem became. My obsession with food grew more severe. Whenever I 'fell off the wagon' I gained more weight than I had weighed before. My metabolism got worse and worse from eating fake low calorie foods instead of trying listening to my body's needs.
I have been eating whatever I want, whenever I want it. I know this is not a solution for life but I also know that it IS a solution to me trusting myself again and not feeling like foods are 'taboo' or that I CAN'T have them, or even that I shouldn't. That denying myself is what got me into trouble in the first place.
The other part of the mental aspect is telling myself that I am beautiful and worthy of love no matter what I look like. Also rejecting thoughts that make me feel down and thinking positive thoughts instead.
I have gained plenty of weight and that's okay. I have to love myself no matter how I look, and gaining weight is just part of the process of trusting myself again. I try not to weigh myself and if my clothes start feeling snug it's time for bigger clothes. When I'm wearing tight clothes I feel horrible about myself. I feel like I'm just so fat I keep outgrowing all my clothes! When I'm wearing clothes that are loose and comfortable I can look at myself and see positive things like the shape of my figure and how nice certain colors look on me.
I have no idea how long this road will be but amazing things are already happening. I notice there will be a certain food I crave for a time, anywhere from a couple days to a month, and eventually, when I think about eating it, I realize I don't want it. For example, my favorite ice cream, peanut butter panic. I was eating quite a bit of that and gradually it wasn't so 'fulfilling' of my needs. Whenever I'd think I wanted it, picturing myself eating it, I realized what I actually wanted was.........WATER. Crazy I know.
Now I do not believe this is the strategy for all of the things people self-medicate with. Food might actually be the only one. I also don't necessarily think this is the solution for every person who eats their feelings. We're all different. We've all had different influences in our lives and different experiences. I do know that for myself, this is part of my healing process. Part of me panics every once in a while about how much weight I've gained and that I'm still gaining. Those times I have to remember that I have Heavenly Father's guidance, and that beauty is NOT what we believe it to be.
I was struck last night by that fact. A lady came on TV and it was immediately OBVIOUS that she had 'had some work done'. Some cosmetic surgery is just fine but we all know that people can go overboard and then look not natural. However, it is this unnatural look that more and more people are striving for. I realized that my kids could very well grow up being taught that this facelift look is what beautiful is! How very sad. I then thought about what my generation thinks is beautiful. Are only tone, thin, tan bodies beautiful? Absolutely not. And yet, that is what so many of us believe. We are so brainwashed that some people, influenced from years of pornography, can only be attracted to ridiculous and unreachable standards. They will have to abstain and gradually re-learn how to recognize true beauty. What we see in magazines is not real life. Even if there is no photo retouching done, there is still makeup, lighting, position, all kinds of things that you can only get sitting perfectly still and having a crew of people work on you.
I am learning to recognize myself as beautiful. I do hope that as I un-taboo food that I will turn to healthy ways of dealing with my problems and lose weight as a side-effect, but I try not to think of this often, as it is counter-productive to loving myself as I am no matter what that is. Of course I am also concerned about my health. I do not want to get any of the myriad of diseases that come with being overweight but, like I said, I am trusting and following the Lord. He knows what's best for me and He is guiding me through this. I cannot run before I learn to walk. I am taking this one step at a time. I also am trying to see if I can work out a way to get counseling weekly. I've wanted therapy for years and I know it can help me so much!
Wishing all of you the very best. You are in my prayers and thoughts.
-Katie
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Thanksgiving Point Gnomes
Our search through the Dinosaur Museum at Thanksgiving Point is almost over. Of course we'll keep visiting after that though! The painted gnomes we found by cheating. We searched google for 'thanksgiving point gnomes' and found a detailed blog entry telling us where to find them! The gnomes that are figurines, however, have moved since that blog entry. We've found 2/5.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Whale or Mermaid?
Recently, in a large French city, a poster featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym. It read:
THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?
A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern;
Whales are always surrounded by friends ( dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life; they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a piece of chocolate with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good gosh, look how smart I am.
THIS SUMMER DO YOU WANT TO BE A MERMAID OR A WHALE?
A middle aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern;
Whales are always surrounded by friends ( dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life; they get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp. They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Barren Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia. Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs. They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans. They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Therefore they don't have kids either. Not to mention who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me; I want to be a whale.
P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver and a piece of chocolate with my friends. With time we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy. Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good gosh, look how smart I am.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
The New Me
Hello everyone!
I've been doing some soul searching lately, and realized that the old me was skinny, the new me is not! And that's okay! Why should I kill myself trying to achieve, what in reality (for me), is a worldly goal?? I've been focusing way too much on what the world wants me to be, not what Heavenly Father wants me to be. I have decided therefore, to give up dieting, forever!! I had tried to do this before but, I didn't really believe myself. I wasn't willing to let go of the skinny goal. Now I am. I realize that I've had two beautiful children and my body has changed, and that's okay! Also, I have different challenges now, one of them being food! Now, I still am going to try and make healthy choices, and especially, not binge on food, but I am a work in progress, and so is overcoming that behavior. I will continue to exercise 1hr a day 5 days/week as much as I can. I will not count calories or points or anything else, because when I do that I always end up 'messing up', and totally binging because I know when I'm 'back on track' I won't be able to eat all these other foods. Now I will allow myself to eat what I want when I want, but try to truly tell if I'm hungry first, and stop when I'm not hungry anymore. I have forgotten how to listen to my body with all this dieting, and I need to relearn how to do that. I will then be able to actually listen to the Spirit and keep my appetites within the boundaries which the Lord has set. Also, I will allow myself a treat if I want one, even if I'm not hungry. All part of getting over the dieting mentality. I received a blessing this past Sunday and I know with all my heart that I am doing what will truly help me. Obviously, I'm hoping I don't gain weight, but if I do, it's okay. I will continue on my journey and exercise and stay as healthy as I can. I hope you can all appreciate that this is what's right for me. I finally feel like I'm getting my life back after years of searching in the wrong places.
I've been doing some soul searching lately, and realized that the old me was skinny, the new me is not! And that's okay! Why should I kill myself trying to achieve, what in reality (for me), is a worldly goal?? I've been focusing way too much on what the world wants me to be, not what Heavenly Father wants me to be. I have decided therefore, to give up dieting, forever!! I had tried to do this before but, I didn't really believe myself. I wasn't willing to let go of the skinny goal. Now I am. I realize that I've had two beautiful children and my body has changed, and that's okay! Also, I have different challenges now, one of them being food! Now, I still am going to try and make healthy choices, and especially, not binge on food, but I am a work in progress, and so is overcoming that behavior. I will continue to exercise 1hr a day 5 days/week as much as I can. I will not count calories or points or anything else, because when I do that I always end up 'messing up', and totally binging because I know when I'm 'back on track' I won't be able to eat all these other foods. Now I will allow myself to eat what I want when I want, but try to truly tell if I'm hungry first, and stop when I'm not hungry anymore. I have forgotten how to listen to my body with all this dieting, and I need to relearn how to do that. I will then be able to actually listen to the Spirit and keep my appetites within the boundaries which the Lord has set. Also, I will allow myself a treat if I want one, even if I'm not hungry. All part of getting over the dieting mentality. I received a blessing this past Sunday and I know with all my heart that I am doing what will truly help me. Obviously, I'm hoping I don't gain weight, but if I do, it's okay. I will continue on my journey and exercise and stay as healthy as I can. I hope you can all appreciate that this is what's right for me. I finally feel like I'm getting my life back after years of searching in the wrong places.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Book Review
I've recently finished reading a book called EVERMORE and it's sequel BLUE MOON written by Alyson Noel. I must say that when I started I thought it was going to be a Twilight rip-off, and while there were some similarities, it was not at all in the end. There is some bad language that I really didn't enjoy, but as far as books go nowadays it's not a whole lot. It kept me turning the pages. Jacob came up to me at one point and said, "Mooooom, you've been reading ALL DAY!" I stayed up until about 1am to finish the first and 2am the next night to finish the second!
I am currently reading Slathbog's Gold by M L Forman and REALLY enjoying it! :)
I am currently reading Slathbog's Gold by M L Forman and REALLY enjoying it! :)
Monday, July 6, 2009
I ran a 10k!
For real this time! :) My time was 1hr 15min. It was the Provo Freedom Festival 10k Freedom Run. After I finished I thought I was going to fall over a couple times!
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