Christmas Time is HERE!

The second big event I am updating on was CHRISTMAS!!!  How can you NOT write about Christmas?  We spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas by ourselves this year.  And it was SO FUN to see Abby and Isaac BLOSSOM through this holiday!  Their eyes glowed at every thought of every aspect of the season!  Santa, reindeer, snowmen on t.v., Christmas lights, Christmas music/songs (Brianna sings Jingle Bells more clearly and often than anything else -- Isaac uses it to annoy us at the top of his lungs whenever he wants to get a point across or feels ignored), cookies and candy-making, caroling to friends and neighbors, you name it!  And we tried really hard to give them opportunities to give and to thank and to celebrate . . . and to get really excited about Christmas coming!!!!  We didn't put any presents out because they ALL would have been opened if we had.  So you would pretty much convince a rattlesnake to give you his fangs before you could convince Abby or Isaac that SANTA didn't bring them ALL of their Christmas presents.  Brianna was oh so cute as well!  Oh - boy!  That is an understatement!  How did I get the cutest kids in the world?  How indeed, indeed, indeed!  Without too much detail, here's the breakdown:

Isaac: Isaac started the season by telling Santa (and everyone who would listen) that he wanted a dinosaur for Christmas.  He proudly announced it on Santa's lap at the ward party and then repeated to everyone who asked that Santa was bringing him a T-Rex for Christmas! One morning as the girls were asleep and we were cuddled on the floor watching Toy Story 3, Isaac watched the final scene with the little girl wanting Woody.  He told me, "He doesn't share very well." I explained it was hard because he really loved Woody.  Isaac said, "Know what he should REALLY DO, Mom?  Trade her.  He should get the dinosaur back and just let her HAVE Woody!"  His expression was saying, "This boy is CRAZY!  He just gave up the DINOSAUR for that silly COWBOY?!?!!? Doesn't he know ANYTHING?!??!?!"  The problem: We bought him a Melissa and Doug Train Set for Christmas -- on a super, duper Groupon coupon sale that could NOT be returned.  So I went to Toys R Us on Christmas Eve to find him a dinosaur of some sort -- to NO avail (without going WAY over budget, anyway).  Fortunately for me, Daddy had gone to the Dollar Store and bought a T-Rex for our little boy.  Isaac saw it in his stocking as soon as he walked down the hall, yelled, "Santa got me a T-Rex!!!" and was M.I.A. for the rest of the day (week) with that thing.  Good thing we spent so much money on the train set!


Abby: Abby told Santa she was getting a horsey!  And her heart was set on it.  After a LOT of research and some help from some horse-loving friends on Facebook (and finding out that my mom got her a My Little Pony Mother/Daughters play set), we got her a 20" horse that was on sale at Target.  And the 18" doll that was on Clearance to go with it.  And she LOVED it!  Absolutely loved it!


Brianna: Oh our sweet Brianna!  Two years ago, we bought a cabbage patch doll for Abby on a SUPER Black Friday sale.  Two years later, we gave it to Brianna.  Skeptically, because Abby never really latched onto her baby doll from Dave's mom and I didn't know if Brianna would like dolls either.  WERE WE EVER WRONG IN OUR SKEPTICISM!!!  Bria LOVED that little baby -- she hugged it and kissed it and put it down and quickly picked it back up.  Then she handed it to me to give it hugs and kisses and smiled, bowing her head in approval, before eagerly taking it back from me and giving it more hugs and kisses.  And then she didn't let it out of her sight!  Until, that is, Abby opened her doll and Bria decided that Abby's doll was . . . better? prettier? simply Abby's doll? . . . who's to say?  But after Abby pitched a fit and we got the correct doll to the correct owner again, she was still happy.  She also got an 18" plush rocking horse that makes noises and sings galloping songs.  She was a VERY HAPPY almost 15-month-old girl!  


We have a Christmas Tradition in our family: Each person gets three gifts, like the gifts of the wise men.  They get an ornament that represents something about or from the year.  They get a book -- we LOVE books and any excuse to gift and read them.  And they get a toy.  In their stockings, they get an orange and something else.  This year the something else was a coloring book and crayons.


The ornaments we got them this year:
Isaac got a picture-holder train.  Up until the dinosaur, I PROMISE he was LOVING his trains!  But more than that, the train for him is all things boy and adventures.  He is ALL boy!  And he has the most imaginative and creative and adventurous mind.  I'm going to start keeping better record of where that mind takes him (them, really) this year because between the two of them . . . I just might have all the material I need for that children's book series I have always wanted to write.  So our little adventurous boy got a train ornament for Christmas.


Abby got a picture-holder wreath made out of buttons.  This was a very tender ornament for me to find.  Because Abby has truly been - many, many times - the buttons that held things together for me this year.  She is the sweetest little girl!  She will often find me upset about something and quickly smile at me and say, "But Mommy, we HAPPY!"  She loves to play with Brianna and is so soft and tender with her.  I can put them in Abby's room for hours and never worry about Brianna being played with and loved and taken care of.  She is a little mother to Isaac, giving him love even when he is in trouble and needs some tough love for a minute.  And she is fiercely loyal to and defensive of him in those moments.  When she is making bad choices, all I have to do is look at her and tell her in a soft voice that that's not a good choice, and she almost always calms right down and apologizes.  And when my ALL BOY three-year old is tearing me apart at the seams, many times Abby comes right along and buttons me back up until I can pull the threads back together.  She blesses ALL of us that way!


Brianna got a picture-holder angel.  She is truly our little angel!  I was TERRIFIED to have another baby with the twins still so young.  And when Dave got sick just after she was born, I was even more terrified.  2011 was a difficult year!  And God sent us the PERFECT spirit to experience it with us without breaking us.  She is so even-tempered, so slow to anger, so quiet, so peaceful, so cute, so cuddly, so sweet, so full of laughter and music and dancing and all things JOY!  She balances out and adds to each and every one of our lives and, for that, has truly been our little angel sent from Heaven to move our family one step closer to Him!

Four YEARS! (Only Four? Four Already?)

This may or may not be a post most will read, but there are things I have to record.  I have been SUCH a slacker!!!

First of all, Dave and I celebrated our FOURTH anniversary on December 15.  We had talked about going to Disneyland because I found tickets for $35 a day, which is UNHEARD OF!  And Christmas time at Disneyland just HAS to be incredibly magical, right?  I mean, it's DISNEYLAND!!!  But we couldn't arrange things with anyone to watch the kids for an entire day!  And so . . . . drumroll, please! . . . . he surprised me with tickets to the Palmdale Symphony Orchestra's Christmas Concert.  That might not seem like much to some.  They weren't even a LARGE orchestra, and the first half of the concert was mostly performed by a bunch of young children/beginning violinists.  But for me -- it was perfect!  I don't remember the last time I went to a concert!  And I truly took for granted having so much at my fingertips in Moscow with the Music Department, Jazz Choir and Bands, community concerts, plays, musicals, you name it!  And most just a 10-minute walk from my front door.  So this orchestra might as well have been . . . well, whatever a really well-known and much larger orchestra is. :-)  See? I don't know the difference.  And I felt spoiled!

And sappy wife moment -- you've been warned -- I remember when I would hear people say that they grew more in love as they got older.  My friend Amanda once told me that what she felt for her husband when they got married was puppy love compared to what she felt a few years later.  These last few years for us have been HARD!  H-A-R-D!  Not that marriage has been hard, but life has been hard, filled with changes, transitions, and challenges I never dreamed of, let alone planned for.  And I felt so many times like I just WISHED I would understand what those people were talking about!!! LOL - no offense, Dave! :-)  Mostly a reflection on ME, really! ;-D

But this year, it hit me so strongly that I was feeling so in love with this man I get to spend every day with.  That the "falling more in love" has happened slowly, almost imperceptibly, as I have watched him as a husband, a father, a friend, a son, a brother, a dreamer; as I have felt his selfless acts of kindness, received his words of encouragement when I most warranted criticism; as I have felt his literal and proverbial steady hand when I wanted to crumble or even disappear.  The falling more in love hasn't happened on weekly date nights -- or even monthly date nights most of the time (Bi-annual, anyone?). :-)  And it hasn't happened over dinner or flowers or chocolates or jewelry (just another way he actually shows me he loves me, because my emotions and our finances couldn't have handled all of those things). 

But it HAS happened over every single day, every single time he respects me, elevates me, tries to understand me (complicated for the best), and looks for opportunities to give me wings to fly and make me happy! It HAS happened as I have listened to him read stories to my children at night to have special moments with them and give me a breather.  It HAS happened as he has created memories and traditions and made life happen when I was busy just trying to get through it.  It HAS happened as he has helped me re-focus on eternity when temporal trials and shortcomings had me so tied in knots I couldn't see straight.

So, yes! I have fallen more in love with the man I had just brushed the surface of understanding and appreciating just four short years ago.  And I know now, more than ever, that I am married to the man of my dreams, living the life I always wanted!

Happy Anniversary, David! The best is yet to be!

Best Morning EVER!!!

This morning, Abby and Isaac tiptoed into my room, whispering because they could see I was still "asleep." They climbed up on my bed, and Isaac gave me the sweetest kiss. Then he sat back and Abby leaned forward and gave me a kiss as well. They both started giggling and then said, "Shhhhh!!!" And Isaac leaned forward and gave me another kiss. I half opened my eyes and said, "Good morning!!!" And Isaac said, "Morning, Mom! Did you sleep well?" We hugged and talked and then I asked them if they would please go and play for a while until Daddy got out of the shower because I was really, really tired this morning. They said, "Sure!" and off they ran to play.

A few minutes later, they came in, singing "Jingle Bells" at the top of their lungs. Without opening my eyes, I said, "Can you guys please sing a little bit softer?" And they complied and finished their song. Before I knew it, they had climbed up on the bed, each of them holding one side of the base to their blocks, and Isaac said, "Mommy! Look! We brought you BREAKFAST!!!" I opened my eyes, "You brought me breakfast in bed? Wow! THANK YOU!" They were VERY pleased with themselves and simultaneously said, "You're welcome!" Then Isaac said, "You have to eat it, Mommy - it's apples . . . and MARSHMALLOWS!" I smiled again as Abby said, "And . . . chicken?" Isaac answered, "No! Not chicken! It's a yummy breakfast! Just apples and marshmallows! Eat it, Mom!" Abby said, "Oh!" and I said, "Thank you!" and we hugged and laughed as I "ate" my yummy breakfast! Then they ran off to play, content as content could be.

Wow! Mornings like these really make me wonder how I ever got SOOOO incredibly lucky!

Picture This . . .

No camera for these moments, but a few memories I don't want to forget:

*Tonight at our church Christmas Party, Dave told the kids they had to have ONE BITE of all of the food on their plates: ham, potatoes, green beans, and a roll.  Only THEN could they have a cookie.  Isaac took a bite of the ham.  And a few more.  He tried a bite of the beans.  And one was enough.  Then the potatoes.  One bite was all, friends -- just one small bite.

Fast forward AN HOUR AND A HALF LATER!  The band had played, the crowd had sung, Santa had circled the gym on a skateboard with lights on it, and all the while . . . there sat Isaac, completely silent, refusing to swallow that ONE BITE of potatoes.  And Daddy determined it was a battle of the wills that Isaac was NOT going to win.

We tried everything -- "Isaac, here hold the cookie - all you have to do is swallow the potatoes and you can eat the cookie!" (He tried stuffing the cookie in beside the potatoes in his mouth -- but it didn't work very well, so he just held it!)  When Santa left the room, "Isaac - hurry and swallow your potatoes so you can talk to Santa!  You can't talk to Santa and get candy if your mouth is full!"  Nothing!  He just looked at us, taking it all in.  A young man in the ward gave him a box of nerds.  Again, he tried really hard to fit them in next to the potatoes.  But again, he sat and listened to all the prods to just SWALLOW the potatoes and quietly shook his head.  Dave said, "Well - I guess we have found a solution to the days when he is so loud we need an off button."  I said, "I think you should just take him to the bathroom and let him spit it out!"  But he wasn't "giving in." As we waited in line to see Santa, someone tried to get him to swallow by making it a competition, see who could swallow first.  Isaac just stared and did nothing.

Then, just as we got to the door, Isaac threw his head forward and spit those potatoes all over the floor!  I don't think it was intentional -- he was covered and looked pretty flustered by it all.  I think Abby started to faint because I heard someone say, "No - Abby! Don't touch!" and I turned to find her falling on her knees almost RIGHT IN the mess on the floor - which she would NEVER intentionally do because she HATES being dirty.  I handed Brianna off and went to clean Isaac up as Dave dashed to the bathroom for paper towels to clean up the mess.

In the bathroom, I said, "Isaac! Why did you spit the potatoes all over the floor - why didn't you just SWALLOW them?"  He said, "Because I wanted to talk to Santa!"  I guess he was listening after all . . . . And you have NEVER heard a more proud and excited boy than the one who ran up and climbed up on Santa's lap and told him that he wanted DINOSAURS for Christmas.  He talked about it the whole way home - that he sat on Santa's lap and talked to Santa and got candy!

And, I might add, beat Daddy in the battle of the wills!  Who learned a lesson tonight?

Two other memories I need to record:
* I walked into the kitchen to make dinner only to find Brianna . . . sitting in a pile of broken glass and salsa!  YIKES!  Fortunately we grabbed her, discovered the blood all over my arm was just from a small cut on her right hand, and got her into the bath before more damage was done.  Tender, tender mercies!  With the size and the extent of the shattered glass, it could have been much, MUCH worse!

* I was changing Brianna's diaper, and she started to just cry and scream and wiggle away from me.  Abby and Isaac came and knelt beside her, and Abby started stroking her hair and saying, "It's okay, Bria!"  Then Isaac took her hand and kissed it and Abby started to sing "I Am a Child of God" to her while I finished.  She calmed right down.  I LOVE how tender my twins are sometimes!

King Negotiator

Isaac: Mom, it my turn to choose a movie.
Me: No, Isaac - I already said that after this movie we would watch ONE Leap Frog and then be done.
Isaac: How 'bout one Leap Frog and one Dinosaur Train?
Me: How 'bout one Leap Frog and no more movies?
(repeat that exchange five or six times)
Me: How 'bout one Leap Frog or NO more movies?
Isaac: How 'bout one Leap Frog and one Dinosaur Train?
Me: How 'bout no more movies?
Isaac: Mommy, look, (he holds his hands out in front of him for emphasis) we need to watch one Leap Frog (extends right pointer finger), but there's still ONE MORE Dinosaur Train (extends left pointer finger, like the fact that he has TWO HANDS with pointer fingers somehow SEALS THE DEAL and ends the conversation on whether we need to watch TWO movies).
Me: So no more movies?
Isaac: How 'bout one more Dinosaur Train?

He KILLS me!  But I'm getting better at "labeling."  So instead of him being incredibly stubborn and hard-headed, he's a "good negotiator" (who most often loses, I might add -- though maybe not as often as I like to think because he sure doesn't give in any sooner as time wears on); and instead of Abby being "my child" (thanks, Dave) when she makes big messes, she's "incredibly creative, just like her Mom"!

Careful the Things You Say

Wowzer - has it been a LONG time since I posted ANYTHING about our family.  Shame. on. me. for getting so far behind.

First a couple of updates:
~ Brianna said her first prayer!  We were kneeling together as a family when suddenly I realized that she had just "hummed" a prayer with a few syllables added in for effect.  But the intonations were right on, right down to the drawn-out, "A-MEN!"  When we tell her to say her prayers, we usually keep it simple - to thank you, I love you, Amen.  So -- that was a FUN night!
~ Isaac has a few new Isaac-isms.  For one, he has started randomly stopping us during the day or night or whatever and saying, "Mom?" "Yes, Isaac?" "You know I love you the whole world?" "I love you, too, Isaac." "Yeah. I know."  He sounds so disinterested at that moment it is almost laughable!  Another favorite is he has started saying, "Don't freak out" or "Just don't freak out" in random conversation, in answer to unrelated questions, or just when he is playing with his sisters.  And it makes me laugh every single time.  I have even been prone to asking him multiple questions just to keep getting his answer in the same disinterested tone of voice he throws out there sometimes.
~ Abby has started really noticing everyone and everything -- and is sure to correct everyone when they do something that is "a bad choice" (including mom and dad).  She is one of those children I can count on to ALWAYS tell me the truth - even if she's in trouble for whatever it is she admits to.  And she has the most tender heart.  The other day while Isaac was sleeping, Brianna woke up and I took her into Abby's room to play quietly with her while Isaac finished his nap.  I said, 'Abby - Brianna wants to play with you!"  She got a really excited look on her face and said, "Mommy - and you want to play with me, too?"  I almost cried!  And absolutely went in to play with her!  Abby is totally and completely potty trained.  She'll even wake up sometimes to go potty and can be in a diaper all day and never go potty in it once!  She's pretty serious about it, actually, and pretty defiant when you even suggest that she went potty in her diaper.

And now for something I have really been thinking about lately.

I love words!  Love words!  Can you tell from reading my blog?  I am overly verbose to a fault, so much so that you might not guess how many times I thoughtfully review anything and everything I write before I post it for public eyes.  Sometimes I just write -- but I am also prone to censoring myself and editing myself to make sure I have not left any room for doubt or even criticism.  Not that that's entirely possible because I'm way more human than I like to admit and as imperfect as they come.  But I DO TRY.  I have been that way for longer than I can remember.

I would like to say that I do that because I don't want to offend.  But I think the bigger truth is that I don't want to be judged - to have something written that I can't take back, that might paint a negative (real) picture of me that I don't want other people to have or something that captures a time and a thought and a process in my life that even I don't want to remember.  Because I am -- totally and completely human and imperfect on even my best days.  On my mission, one of my companions called me on it and told me that I wasn't perfect.  I angrily told her that I KNEW I wasn't perfect, to which she calmly and lovingly replied, "Yes. But you don't accept it.  And therefore it keeps you from fully accepting the atonement of Christ for YOUR imperfections."

That hurt.  But it was a good hurt.

I have had many moments where my children bring this back to my attention -- how imperfect I am, that they are catching and ABSORBING everything I do, everything I say.  This came to me full-force this last weekend when I caught MYSELF saying that the kids were "freaking out" and it was driving me crazy.  I realized that "I" was the source of Isaac's new favorite phrase.  And it made me wonder how many times I had used it.  And what else I had said that he had been picking up on in pieces and would soon have so ingrained in his mind that it would become HIS phrase, HIS action, HIS attitude.  It was a sobering, sobering thought.

In the midst of this thought, I had an experience with a friend who posted a comment in a Facebook group and was completely ripped to shreds for her comment/opinion.  The aftermath was a twist and turn of events that got worse and worse as pieces were added and taken away from it.  But the context of that conversation left me pondering as much as the conversation itself.  A 14-year-old girl took her life this last weekend - and changed a family and community forever.

It took me back to a funeral I attended not long ago of a man I revered and admired in every possible way.  He had also taken his own life.  And the feelings surrounding that were difficult to grasp.  But the wise Stake President (church leader) who spoke at the funeral service shared a quote about how the battles raging in the quiet rooms of mens hearts are the greatest battles raging anywhere.  It was more eloquent than that, so I ask your forgiveness for not knowing or being able to locate the source and actual quote.  But I know that is a very true principle.  We do not, cannot, will not have the capacity to see into the great battles men and women fight inside their minds and hearts every single day.  And some people - myself included so many times in the last few years - are literally fighting every single day for their very souls, for their very lives, for every breath and step they take in a world that may never even know those battles exist or its effect on them.

So let me try and tie a bow on these jumbled and seemingly disconnected thoughts.

A song that has impacted me deeply from the moment I heard it is from the musical "Into the Woods."  There are MANY thought-provoking songs and one-liners in that musical, and it is very worth the time to watch it if you have no idea what I am talking about.  But there is one song that resonated in my soul, moved me to tears, and even gave me nightmares from the first time I heard it.

Careful the things you say, Children will listen.
Careful the things you do, Children will see. And learn.
Children may not obey, But children will listen.
Children will look to you For which way to turn, To learn what to be.
Careful before you say, "Listen to me." Children will listen.

Careful the wish you make, Wishes are children.
Careful the path they take-Wishes come true, Not free.

Careful the spell you cast, Not just on children.
Sometimes the spell may last Past what you see, And turn against you...

Careful the tale you tell. That is the spell.
Children will listen...


Though I would NEVER put another person's choices at the feet of those around them, I do think that every day of life we are given to live can be such a great gift to ourselves, our spouses, our children, our friends, our associates.  LIFE can be such a great gift.  And such a great opportunity. An opportunity to respect, to forgive, to build, to elevate, to encourage, to flood . . . with love. An opportunity to suspend harsh judgments, to suspend criticism and unkind words, to suspend doubt and fear, to suspend an expectation of perfection that no one can EVER live up to, not even those expecting it of themselves and others.  An opportunity to BE REAL about being real and give other people permission to be and do the same without fearing judgments and unrealistic expectations that set them up for failure every. single. time.  Our children are listening . . . and learning . . . and becoming TODAY! And the best news of all -- the very best news of all -- is that we are given a new day every day to be a little bit better than we were the day before. So I commit to you that I will try to use it more wisely -- and make today and every day, with all of my imperfections, a GIFT!

The Way of a Child: Unconditional, Forgiving Love

I wrote yesterday about what a hit the shiny mylar balloons were that I got for Abby and Isaac.  To say they loved those balloons with heart and soul would be an understatement!  They played with, ran with, sat with, hit back and forth with, and ultimately slept with those balloons.  And they held them during every activity they did today.

Then this afternoon, Isaac and Abby took their balloons outside to play for the third time today.  They had been fighting non-stop for the hour and a half before they went out, so I was hoping the outdoor air would help cool them down (and me take a time out to get sane).  They were running around and the balloons got tangled, for the third time.  But this time, instead of slowing down and getting them untangled, Isaac pulled really hard and started running away from Abby with both balloons.  Well, Abby caught up and pulled her balloon back, and before I could intervene, Isaac's balloon snapped off the ribbon and was gone. 

Oh boy did he cry over that one!  Each tear got less and less consolable as we watched that blue star slowly drift up into the sky until it was out of sight.  As his crying bordered hysteria, I told him we couldn't get it back, that it was going up to heaven so Great Grandma could play the balloon game with kids in heaven.  Great Grandma was famous for playing the balloon game with Abby and Isaac each and every visit.  But Isaac kept crying!!! 

He pleaded with me to get it back, saying that we needed Daddy to get it in his airplane -- that he loved and needed that balloon and to please have daddy get it in his airplane.  And then he cried some more. 

Abby tried consoling him, repeating my explanation that it was gone up to heaven with Great Grandma.  But it didn't help.  Then suddenly she said, "Isaac?  You want my bawoon?" 

Isaac, pausing for a minute as if to assess if she was sincere, said, ". . . Yeah." 

"Okay Isaac - you can have my bawoon, but no yet go, no go up to Great Grandma.  Okay, Isaac?"  As soon as he got it, the little stinker said, "Oops," and let go of the balloon.  Fortunately, it still had the weight on the end of it.  Abby immediately grabbed it, saying, "No - no, Isaac!  No yet it go up be Great Grandma!"  Then she paused just a millisecond before saying, "You want it back, Isaac?"  Isaac said, "Yeah." 

Abby reached out to give it to him with the instructions, "Okay - but hold tight, Isaac - not want be up in sky, no want be go Great Grandma, okay?" 

And then they played together for the first time in two hours!!!  And by played together, I mean they weren't fighting and screaming and hitting, and slamming doors in each other's faces -- they were just playing together and enjoying it.

I was so proud that Abby let him play with her balloon when just moments before he had lost his balloon while trying to keep Abby's balloon from her!  And I was even more proud of her that even when he deliberately tried to throw her balloon up to the sky because if he couldn't have one, she didn't get one either, instead of getting mad and keeping the thing he wanted from him, she showed compassion for how hurt his feelings were and immediately offered it again with the same instructions that he care for it as much as she would if she were holding it to keep it from flying up in the sky to be with Great Grandma!

Man, adults could learn SO MUCH from children sometimes, couldn't they?  Unfortunately, those who need to hear it the most will read it with people who have wronged them in mind, while those who have wronged them are also reading it with the people who wronged them in mind.  But the true grown-up acts like a child, and instead of seeing corrections that need to be made in others, they simply see a need and react to fill that need. 

It was definitely wrong for Isaac to selfishly try to throw away Abby's balloon -- but I don't think I can put into words what a grown-up and compassionate reaction she returned to him in returning the very valuable possession he had just tried to ensure neither of them would ever play with again!

I'm proud of you, Ab!  I hope you will always have that wisdom and compassion and always turn the other cheek and give yourself and others an opportunity to repent, to forgive, to forget, and to be best friends instead of misunderstanding and misunderstood enemies!!!

Brianna is ONE YEAR OLD Today!!!

One year ago today I was NOT sleeping in a hospital room, nurses were waking me up every hour to ask me about Baby Jane Chaffee's poop and urine routine, Dave was coughing on the sofa next to my bed, and I was wishing we were having a nice candle-lit Steak and Cheesecake Dinner followed by a peaceful night's rest at Gritman Hospital in Moscow, Idaho!  On the home front, Abigail was breaking out in horrible hives, Abby and Isaac were sick with an undetected strep throat, Dave was about to start coughing uncontrollably and be diagnosed with mono (unheard of at his age).  The storms were a-raging, friends!

But through it all, there was a perfect, nameless angel with strawberry hair lying next to me.  And the chaotic events of those days meant that I got some real one-on-one time to take in her wide-eyed wonder, her jaundice-y moments in the light of the sun that turned her reddish hair into a halo of fuzz above her head, her calm disposition and love for cuddling and nuzzling, and the tender moments of her learning to breastfeed.

One year later, our love for that baby is indescribable!  A few of my favorite things that Brianna has brought to our home, hearts, and lives!
* Hearing her wake up and call to us in the morning (Ddd-AAAA!)
* Hearing her run after and away from the twins up and down the hall (giggling every minute)
* Her smiles and first words and signs and contagiously frequent laughs
* Her tantrums when her brother and sister take her toys away
* Sitting and bouncing and playing together during peaceful evenings on the trampoline, which end in me getting out and putting my arms out for her to follow me and her walking towards me with a huge smile on her face and then turning just before she reaches me and running away laughing
* Her overwhelming love for the bathtub and water and absolute shrills of laughter when she gets into the bathroom undetected or finally gets a turn to take a bath and play with the water and the toys
* Watching her fold her arms when we say any prayer or having her sit herself on my lap as we kneel as a family for prayer each night
* Her love for books!!!  She'll go and get a book and sit and flip the pages, mumbling to herself, or listen to Daddy or Mommy read or just stand behind the twins when she hasn't been given a seat of honor on Daddy's lap during story time because she doesn't want to be left out
* Her singing clean up every time we tell the twins to clean something up or she sees us start to pick up toys or food or anything to her singing e-i-e-i-o and laughing at how smart she
* Her dancing in circles in the kitchen during dinner clean up while the rest of the family is boogying all over the place and then begging to be picked up and swung around in ways she can't quite move on her own yet but sees others doing and wants to be a part of
* Her kisses -- such great kisses!!! -- She is always so eager and happy to show her love and share her slobbers with each of us, particularly when we put the twins to bed together before taking her to her own bed during our nightly routine
* Her determination to do things her own way (yes, already)
* Those oh so tender moments when she just climbs up on your lap and lays her head on your chest and says "wuwoo" (I love you!).

Oh this little girl!!!  How we all love, love, love her!  She completes us in ways we could not have imagined one year ago!  And her brother and sister have been mostly mindful of her every need, her every move, her every laugh, her every tear, her everything from the moment she entered this world!!!

For her first birthday, I kind of slacked on planning it.  But I put a plea for help out on Facebook and pieced together a few of the suggestions, all while staying in our budget.  So here's how our wonderful celebration of Brianna's first year and welcoming party for her second year went:

Dave went to work at 6:00 tonight, so we had the whole day together; and I remembered why I don't put too much into these birthdays -- time or money! We took the kids to the dollar store to find a toy for Brianna from them (thanks to Tiffany's suggestion), and the toys were so horrible that we didn't find a single one we would really want them giving her. (Isaac wanted to give her a fire truck and Abby wanted to give her a snake! Um -- no thank you!!!) So we went to WalMart to find the perfect gift from the entire family!!!

She has really started loving the phone (as in, she pitches a HUGE fit if we take it away from her for even a moment!!!), so we were going to get her a phone. But then we found this cute little caterpillar, and the lights and colors were so much more fun that we opted for it. But after giving it to her this afternoon -- well, she lost interest really soon because it's too big to carry around. Isaac played with it more than she did, and she really didn't seem to mind the fact that he was doing so.  So I'm taking it back tomorrow and getting . . . the phone!!! ;-D

We also bought some clearance cupcakes -- we're avoiding sugar and didn't want a ton around to tempt us or to throw away something expensive or sample something homemade as we were making it. And that was a hit -- but I accidentally licked my fingers on an impulse when taking them out and then HAD to have one . . . or two or three! I ditched the frosting, does that count? Next time - Dave puts them out and I stay away!!! ;-D

We also got mylar balloons at the dollar store -- a pink star for Abby, a blue star for Isaac, and a purple Happy Birthday balloon for Brianna. (Bonnie's suggestion!!!)  And those balloons kept them busy ALL DAY LONG!!! They insisted on having them tied to their beds to go to sleep tonight as well - dollars well spent!!!  And the best part is that we can use them to play the balloon game as the helium starts to wear off!  Double great!

We also stopped and got cheeseburgers (we had a price limit for the whole day and stayed in it, but we haven't eaten out for so long that it was a fun treat - or so I thought). Dave and I got salads, but it literally took Abby five hours to eat that cheeseburger, and Isaac was so interested that he took it outside and left it on the ground for the bugs!  So next time -- no eating out for a treat!!!  Money down the drain!!!  I'd rather make stuff that is salvageable and re-heatable at home!!! ;-)

The kids had a hard time the entire afternoon.  We had planned on going to the park and having a picnic, but by the time we got the shopping done and a quick meal to take to the park, they were literally exhausted and asking to go home!!!  So, after lunch we all took a nap so Dave could rest up before working all night and the kids could rest up before driving me insane all night.

As a side note, Abby or Isaac or Brianna put a toy in the toilet two days ago, so we have been down to one toilet; and having to run clear through the house for the twins to go to the bathroom every time they have to go is NOT working very well with potty training.  So we spent about an hour trying to take care of that clogged toilet without success.  Looks like Daddy is going to have to remove it, get the toy from the bottom, and replace it (fingers crossed he doesn't break it and that the drano we used before we figured out it was a toy doesn't destroy the enamel on the toilet or come out and eat Dave's skin while he's working on it).  Oh what fun it is to ride in a three-kid-dominated sleigh-hay!

After naps, we took pictures and a video of her first cupcake/candle experience!!!!  Dave lit the candle and put it in front of her as we sang happy birthday.  Then we were trying to show her to blow it out by blowing just hard enough that it started to flicker and she could tell we were blowing but not hard enough to actually blow it out.  She grabbed at the candle, looked at us like we were crazy and this must be some sick joke to put something like that in front of her, grabbed at the candle again, looked at us again, then grabbed the frosting below the candle and put it in her mouth!!!  Instant success!  And instant loss of interest in the burning candle or blowing it out!  After a few more prods as she contentedly dipped her fingers repeatedly into the frosting and into her mouth, we finally just blew it out for her!!!  It was hilarious!

We got so caught up in the cake/candle experience and the Isaac having to run back to the back bathroom and trying to get Dave out the door that we completely forgot the present that was sitting right there on the table in front of her!!!  Just as he was walking out the door, he came over to say goodbye and looked at the present and said, "Um - we need to open her present!"  So we got the cameras back out and Isaac helped a clueless Brianna open her present!!!

Though there were many other things we could have done to make it "out of the ordinary and special" - the things we DID do were definitely out of the ordinary and special!!!  I think they all had a great time.  And I know that any more would have been the straw that broke the camel's back -- another K.I.S.S. moment (keep it simple, sweetie)!

My kids' conversation this morning as they waited for me to come open their doors.
Abby: Mommy, please let me out, I wake up!
Isaac: Abby, Mommy sleeping!
Abby: Oh.  I think Daddy at church.
Isaac: I think Daddy at work.
Abby:  How we gonna get out of here?
Isaac: We need find way out, out of with these scary ghosts!
Abby: But we can't open the dooo-ooor!  Isaac.  What we do get out?
Isaac: I no know, Ab. I need get out scary ghosts.
Abby: (silence)
Isaac: AHHHH!!!!  Abby! A scary shark - look, look!  Ahhhh! (makes scary shark noises)
Abby: A scary SHARK?
Isaac: Yeah! (laughing)
Abby: Isaac, just turn yo light on and play with yo toys!
Isaac: (More scary shark noises.)

They could go on forever!!!!  It's kind of fun sometimes to just sit back and listen.  But of course, being the good mom that I am, even when they wake up an hour and a half early, I didn't make them keep up with their long-distance relationship for long! :-)

Calling Us on It

This weekend is Stake Conference for our church.  That is a time when all of the congregations in a designated geographical area get together for a combined worship service.  There is usually an adult meeting on Saturday night and a family meeting on Sunday.  Since we didn't have a babysitter, I went to the adult meeting last night by myself while Dave stayed home with the kids.  This morning, Isaac woke up, ran up to me, gave me a big hug, and then got the most serious/scolding look on his face and said, "Mommy - why you go to church without me?"  It made me smile!

We've been potty training commando-style for the last week and a half, and they've done great!  But now we are trying to transition and still get them to keep going potty while wearing underwear. This morning after playing around and giving morning hugs and playful "spankings" from Daddy, Dave said with all the excitement of a five-year-old on Christmas morning, "Today, we are going to try wearing underwear!  Won't that be fun?"  Isaac didn't miss a beat - he walked right up to Dave, laughing, put his hands on either side of Dave's face, got right up to where his nose was almost touching Dave's nose and said, "Daddy!  You too big!"  Silly Daddy -- I guess "we" won't be trying to wear underwear today after all! ;-D

Sometimes it's Isaac and sometimes it's Abby, but either way it's certain that one or the other of them will call us on our actions and words.  Sometimes we're right, but sometimes they are.  And all times they amaze me with how quickly their little brains assess and respond to any given situation!

This Isn't Working For Me

While I was loading the dishwasher yesterday, Abby came in and - from out of the blue, with the most serious look and most adult tone-of-voice -- said to me, "Mom, this isn't really working for me right now."  Huh?  Brief moment of silence while I gathered my thoughts.

"What isn't working for you, Ab?"

Exasperated sigh, roll of the eyes, intense look on her face that said, "Ugh, MOM! Do I really have to spell it out for you?"  But she simply said, "THIS!"

Thanks for clearing that up for me. "This? What is this?"

Again the look.  "THIS!!!!!" This time, she reached her arm up in a sweep and pointed from wall to ceiling to wall.

Wow - where did you ever hear that expression and how am I actually having this conversation with my three-year-old? "This . . . . house?"

Immediately her face changed to one of excitement!  Her eyes gleamed, her brows lifted, her smile lit up the entire room. "Uh-huh!"  I don't know if I had really gotten what she was saying or if I had given her something she could work with, but whichever it was, she was happy.  Then she said, "I just really want to go back to Grandpa's house!"  Ah.  Grandpa's house.  The cows.  And horses. And chickens. And real live cats. The garden and picking fresh strawberries. The acres of land to roam and wander. The family walks down country roads.

I explained to her that we really couldn't go to Grandpa's house right now.  But that we would get all of that someday. 

Someday.

I have been thinking about the future - that dreamlike state of mind that sometimes feels so distant I feel like I'd as soon capture a cloud as reach it.  And sometimes it seems so real I have to remind myself that it isn't.  It's easy to get caught up in what you don't have but know you love and want.  Like Grandpa's house!  And it's good to have those moments.  To say at times, "This isn't really working for me right now!"  Because those moments help you define what you really want, what matters the most, what WILL work for you!  And I am a FIRM believer in CREATING the life and conditions you want.  If it is attainable and you really want it, find a way to have it.  Do NOT sit back and wait for things to change or someone to hand it to you.  Do NOT sit back and tell yourself it isn't something you can have, that it is out of reach.  Because the moment you tell yourself that is the moment you are right.  The moment you reject that thought, or the moment you extract it from your mind, is the moment you create a setting for successfully becoming and doing what you most desire in life!

But sometimes you also just have to say, "This is my reality right now and there's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well live, laugh, and love it!"  That isn't conceding.  That's accepting what is real WHILE YOU WORK TO CREATE what is ideal!

Yesterday I spent hours putting together meals-from-scratch that I can freeze to create my own freezer meals for skillet or crockpot preparation on those "crunch" days.  Okay, every day seems to be a crunch day!!! ;-D  I've spent the last few weeks emptying my freezer of all of the "fast-food"-style freezer food.  No worries - I didn't throw it in the garbage!  We actually ate it.  We don't have money to just throw stuff away.  But we were rotating it out . . . for good!  From Weight Watchers to Lean Quisine.  Processed is out.  Made-from-scratch with ingredients I can recognize, those that will actually mold or spoil if left out, is in.  That is a change I can create right now!  That is a goal I can accomplish!  Granted, I only finished one dish.  But if I do 14 servings of one dish every day, or every other day, pretty soon I'll have QUITE the freezer full of DELICIOUS food!

And I'll have weeded out for good just one thing in my life that "isn't really working for me right now."

In the Still of the Night

It has been such a long - LONG - time since I wrote anything.  It all started with my mom, sister, and niece being here from Idaho! 

We went to the San Diego Zoo's Safari Park, an island near San Diego (Carlsbad?  I'll have to check - it was definitely unforgettable and worth recording), and Disneyland to celebrate the twins' THIRD birthday BEFORE they were actually three and we had to pay to celebrate it there with them. (Incidentally - if you ever go, check Craigslist for tickets!  We got two adult Park Hopper tickets for $100 - and an evening and night at Disneyland is TOTALLY worth $100. I mean, you'll pay $50 just for dinner for two at a fancy restaurant these days!!!  The parade and fireworks and night show on the lake, the Casey Junior ride with all the little model towns lit up, the night lights on the town and the gorgeous buildings -- all AMAZINGLY magical! And if you have a chance to go with someone who is handicapped, even better!  We got to go through a special line and rarely had to wait more than FIVE MINUTES for EVERY ride!  In fact, I don't think I'll ever go there again without my mom . . . . or I'll just rent a wheelchair and strap on my "boot" from my foot surgery and enjoy!  Just kidding . . . sort of! ;-D  But in all seriousness, hats off to Disneyland because it was such great fun watching my mom RIDE THE RIDES with my kids -- and that is something she would have NEVER been able to do if we'd had to fight through traffic and crowds with her!)

We made these AWESOME Family Home Evening boards.  I'll have to post pictures later, but since I've wanted a Family Home Evening Board for the last THREE YEARS, it was that much greater to put our noses to the grindstone and our pedals to the medal to drive around for FOUR days, through FOUR towns until we got JUST the right accessories to do everything JUST the way we wanted it.  (Incidentally, since you might not know what an FHE Board is: think job chart where you rotate assignments, except it's for fun things -- song, scripture, prayer, activity, treat -- these are the things we include in our once a week family night that is just that - a NIGHT set aside for the family to have some quality, focused, fun-filled time together!)  And since I have my other sister for Christmas - she got an early Christmas present and now has one as well!

A few days after my family went home, Dave's family flew/drove down to have a long weekend with us as well.  And what was supposed to be another fun-filled weekend turned into an IMMENSE tender mercy and testimony of how aware God is of the SMALLEST DETAILS of our lives, preparing the way even before we know a way needs prepared!  Isaac was sick, so I kept he and Brianna home with me while Dave drove down to pick his sister up at the airport to drive over and meet his brother and sister-in-law for dinner.  His sister-in-law had been in Los Angeles for the month to spend time with her family while her husband - Anson - was finishing his tour in Afghanistan.  WHILE THEY WERE EATING DINNER WITH MINIE, she got a Facebook message that said, "I heard about Anson - I am so sorry!  Let me know if you need anything."  She had NOT heard about Anson.  And when she made calls, she was told that there was an accident but he was fine - just a few minor scrapes and bruises.  So they continued to have a fun-filled night.  But when they got back to Lancaster, his sister said that she just didn't have a good feeling about it.  At 6:00 the next morning, we got a call from their mom that Anson had been hit by a grenade and was in a coma, on his way to a hospital in Germany.  And that news began an intensely emotional roller coaster of a weekend that ended with Anson being flown from Germany to Bethesda, MD to the Naval Hospital there.  It has been a long row to hoe.  Most of Dave's family has flown back there to see him.  Dave and I couldn't afford to fly there with the kids, so we took some time and went and spent a few days with Dave's dad while we all waited to see what would happen with him.  It soon became clear that he would be in a coma for a long time and there would be complications, infections, blood transfusions, etc. along the way that would and continues to make it a difficult journey. 

And through it all what continues to shine through is our faith!  And knowing that from the beginning (incidentally, the accident happened almost EXACTLY at the moment that Dave was picking his sister up from the airport to go over and have dinner with Minie - and Dave's other sister had decided the NIGHT BEFORE to also fly down and spend the weekend with us), God was in the details!  Dave's family NEVER gets together!  NE-VER!  And Anson's family lives in Louisiana.  So to have five out of the seven kids accounted for when he was injured was pretty miraculous!  The support, the love, the coming together, the laughter over tears, the tears over tears, the prayers as we knelt together, the fasting together that Sunday morning, the last-minute flights and travel plans, the offers to take care of their children while Minie was with him, just EVERY SINGLE DETAIL and EVERY MOMENT OF FAITH AND HOPE AND LOVE were obvious love notes from a very aware and loving Heavenly Father to His children.  As was the incredible blessing of modern technology as we were able to spread the news quickly to so many people and begin immediately to receive added prayers and support and love from friends and strangers alike!  It has been a MOST humbling experience!

The twins turned THREE on Monday!  Since we had already spent a lot of money on Disneyland, we had a simple birthday party here.  We got a discounted cheesecake sampler and the cheap a la cheap strawberry ice cream from WalMart.  And we picked up Dora and Diego toothbrushes so they would have something to open!  They were so thrilled!!!!  Then their nursery teacher, Sister Black, came over and brought them magnetic trains and coloring packets.  Nursery leaders are the BEST!!! You'd think she plays with them for two hours every Sunday and knows what they like or something!  Isaac didn't put that train down!  They even snuck it into the bathtub that night (and I learned why they had been playing so contently for over an hour and a half)!  And he sleeps with it and would eat with it if toys were allowed at the table!  It was great, great fun!  And I am amazed and humbled that they are getting SO BIG, SO FAST!!!  Tonight Abby asked me what I was looking at.  When I told her I was looking for recipes, she said, "You're looking at recipes?  Oh.  That's cool."  And when Isaac tells me, "Mommy - please don't spank my bottom.  That not very nice!  That make me sad!"  I realize over and over how GROWN up my kids are!  It's been fast and furious, but I really would not change a moment!  And I pray every night that I get to enjoy a lifetime more with them!

Also on Monday, my nephew Jared, who has had seizures for years, went through some pretty intense testing to see if they can do surgery to stop the seizures.  The family took turns sitting with him - he couldn't be left alone for a single minute for like three days of testing - and in the end, we are hopeful they were able to get some good information and a better solution for him and his family is very near!!!  I am amazed at the strength of his family and thankful that my family always pulls together, however they can!

We went to Dave's work for family day the Friday before the twins' birthday.  It is the only day you are allowed past the security gates and locks.  We got to see really cool airplanes, including the one Dave has been involved in testing.  And they had a barbeque and shaved ice and a giant blown-up trampoline with an attached slide!  The kids LOVED it!  And Dave said they ordered the 108 degree weather just for us to appreciate what they go through out there in the desert where it is ALWAYS hotter than we get here . . . in the desert! Whatever!  I know he planned it just to have something to complain about and try to get me to feel sorry for him.  Total manipulation at it's worst! ;-D

And yesterday we took the kids to the fair!  They actually handled it pretty well when we told them we didn't have money for the taunting rides and souvenirs.  But they didn't handle it so well when we pulled them away from the animals in the animal barns!  Abby had a meltdown every time!  They LOVED the goats and sheep and chickens and turkeys and chicks and ducks and rabbits and -- oh the excitement when Abby saw a "MAMA!  Mommy, Mommy, it's a MAMA" (llama) in the petting zoo!  She would NOT leave its side for more than a few seconds before she was looking everywhere to find where it had walked away to!  And by not leave its side, I mean she literally had her hand on its side, patting it reassuringly as she moved wherever it did!  Brianna would whip around me from side to side, eyes and mouth wide open when an animal would walk past us or try to eat my clothes in search of food!  Though she was never sure enough to pet them more than a few pats, she was still incredibly intrigued!  Isaac was equally intrigued but demonstrated it differently.  Like when he pulled the already angry turkey's tail feathers just minutes after I had pulled him AWAY from the practically hissing bird.  Or when he walked right up to the potbelly pigs in the petting zoo, contently sleeping lazily on the side of the fence, and pushed them so hard they actually started to ROLL OVER before I snatched him back (and the roley poley animals rolled right back to their original places)!  I managed to keep his fingers out of the bird cages, but it was incredibly hard when the ducks encouraged him by quacking BACK when he quacked in their faces!  They both wanted to jump on the goats' backs and ride them -- I mean, who wouldn't?  That's what you do, right?  And I was certain we were going to have a few toddlers overboard in the fountain/wishing well!  Add in the sheep roundup with the sheep dogs and I think you can begin to imagine how much FUN our night at the fair was!

Tonight we played a game of Dora the Explorer's Candy Land.  Abby is great at games!  It is so much fun!  Isaac doesn't have the same zeal/attention span for it! But it's still really fun to actually be SITTING DOWN TOGETHER as a family and playing games!  We also have a little hummingbird that has popped up in the last few weeks and likes to fly in front of my kitchen window!  I'll have to see if I can find a reasonably-priced feeder to bring it back!  That would be a fun thing to watch with the kids every day.

In the meantime, Brianna is literally walking CIRCLES around everything and every room!  Seriously she is so proud that she can walk that every time we applaud her - still a bit surprised to see her everywhere and into everything - she gets a proud smile and starts walking in circles, like she's showing off on just how WELL she really IS doing!  She loves it!  And tonight she sat at the table with ALL of us for dinner - no tray between her and the family!  She is saying a few words very clearly, like when she calls for Daddy ("DA!") or shouts "HI!" as she waves to anyone lucky enough to be within range!  Of course she says "Ma-muh - Ma-muh!" and tonight even started saying, "Na-nuh" for night-night!  She has two front teeth and is incredibly adventurous!  And more than once we caught her dancing away on top of Dave's shoulders as we heard music while walking around the fair.  I've just started weaning her, and she loves to drink water from her cup (we're still working on milk -- the weaning from mom process has been a little hard for her, for both of us really as it has gone a lot more quickly than I intended because my milk took the first cue and headed south for the winter).  And she is really the sweetest little angel with the most amazing laugh and contagious smile!  She also sings a LOT!  The most recognizable is "E-I-E-I-O!"  And she LOVES to play with and around the kids.  Tonight Isaac was tackling her and pulling her and patting her head and even trying to ride her!  And through it all, she was as gleeful and giggly as could be!

As for Dave and I -- the other night he told me how much he has realized in the last few weeks that he REALLY WANTS TO DATE ME!  So I guess you could say we're doing pretty good! ;-D  With Brianna weaning from me and this sudden realization after three and a half years that we like each other enough to "date" - life is great! :-)

It is late, but I couldn't let another week go by without updating.  It has been a fast and furious few months.  But life is too short to let those moments go by as just moments!  And if anything were to happen to any of us, we would ALL treasure more than anything the fact that we have even these vague notes to go back to and learn and grow and remember!  And that is priceless!

And if you've stayed with me to the end of this update from the last few months, you get a gold medal!!!  Or at least a gold star of appreciation.  I mean, THAT is true friendship! :-)  And you can never have enough such friends!  Thank you!

Sleepless in California

I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight. Probably because Brianna was having a hard time sleeping and I fell asleep with her at 8:30 and then woke up at midnight to an adrenaline rush from killing a huge cockroach in my bathroom!  But whatever the reason . . . here are some things on my mind:

• I love rainstorms.  A really good rainstorm has always taken me back to Ricks College and dancing in the parking lot with my roommates, drenched through and through and LOVING it, splashing each other with mud puddles, laughing our heads off each and every time.  Today, though, I got a new rain memory.  My two-year-olds hearing the rain while they played in their room and running through the house to the back sliding glass door, anxiously asking me to please open the blinds and screaming with excitement as large raindrops turned to large puddles, which turned to a large-though-shallow lake across our patio, which turned to large splashes in the lake.  And once Brianna heard them, she crawled in as fast as she could and squealed with them, standing up next to the window, tapping the glass and laughing in excitement!  Once it was over, nothing could keep those two inside!  They begged me to let them jump on the trampoline, and after stripping them down to their diapers and pulling Abby's hair up, out they went!  They literally played until the huge 1" deep lake was all dried up.  And that memory - of them splashing and kicking water at each other, crawling under the trampoline and back out, throwing water from their little cup all over each other, stomping and squealing with glee and surprise every time they got splashed, etc. - will always bring a smile to my face!
• I love a clean house!  In fact, there are few things that make me happier than sitting in my house with nothing to clean, enjoying the order and spirit and freshness and liberation of it all!
• Tonight we read a few books on the sofa together - just me and my twins!  I treasure those moments! It never ceases to amaze me how much they are like little sponges, wanting to interact and interface with everything in sight!  They would seriously jump into every book we ever read if they could.  And they already ask questions to understand the story/pictures better -- but then again, Dr. Seuss invites questions sometimes, doesn't he? ;-D  And as we read the ABC book in English and I had them repeat the words in Spanish and they scurried off to find any objects in the book that they have in real life, I just smiled!  Our nighttime song tonight was "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" because X stands for Xylophone and they ran and got their xylophone - and that's the only song I have sat down to learn how to play on it!  And since they threw the stick under the stove where it just might stay forever . . . we played it with the hooves of Abby's "Forsey" (horsey).
• I'll never get over cockroaches, no matter how many times I have to kill them - big or "small" (less big, but still BIG).  I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I hate them.  And I know this is an irrational feeling towards such strange little bugs . . . but I really stopped caring a long time ago!  Yep - I am SOOOO over the fact that my hate is irrational!  And hate it truly, truly, truly is!
• Simplicity.  Oh the power of that word!  I have grown to LOVE and SEEK simplicity!  Easy dinner of sliced lettuce, diced grilled chicken, cottage cheese, and salsa - sign me up!  Can I use the same plate and cup and utensils all day to avoid a ton of dishes?  Yes, yes I can!  Can I pack away clothes that are cute but we really don't need and/or get around to wearing and I realize that having them just gives me excuses to put off doing laundry and more laundry to do when I finally get around to it?  Yes, actually!  And I do so with GLEE!!!  Do I pack away toys that the kids only play with when they're throwing them out of the toy box in search of the toys they really want and I find myself spending more time cleaning them up than the kids spent dumping them out?  I do, I do, I really do!  And I don't feel bad when they discover the boxes/bags of said toys and throw a tantrum because I won't open them up and let them dump them all over the room/house again.  Nope - not one bit.  Why?  Because simplicity frees me up to enjoy more things - like story time on the sofa with my kids because dinner didn't take an hour to clean up after and the toys didn't take an extra fifteen minutes to get them to clean up after.  And it frees me to hold Brianna's hand and walk down the hall or across the room with her a few more times during the day.  And it lets me sit unabashed and watch my kids play in the water outside or *gulp* - and I'm still perfecting this one - go out and play WITH them.  And at the end of the day . . . everyone is just that much happier!
• Brianna . . . oh my dear little angel girl!  There is only one room in the house she is really outlawed from entering un-accompanied.  And it is precisely that room that she hovers outside of in unsuspecting moments and crawls toward as fast as she can whenever she sees the open door opportunity, letting out squeals of delight that give her away and let me intercept her just as she finally makes it in: the Bathroom!  And today, she just started clapping and smiling whenever she hears someone say yay!  And we played like that for a while, me pretending to ignore her and then randomly screaming, "Yay!" and her face lighting up as she realized that was her cue to start clapping again!  It was really a fun game!  One I got a very tired girl to repeat for Daddy after much prodding at the dinner table tonight.  Now we're working on "Hip-hip Hooray!" with her arms high above her head!  And by working on it I mean that it's my focus of playtime tomorrow!
• We bought all the stuff to make these really cute 4th of July 'Smore suckers I saw on The Idea Room website.  We invited people over to join the fun.  We made the 'smores and we melted the chocolate.  And it didn't melt like we had thought it would.  So Dave added some milk to smooth it out/liquify it a bit more so we could dip the 'smores in it and . . . you are already laughing?  So you realize that you should NEVER add milk to melted chocolate?  Why didn't you tell me?  And next time, we will freeze the 'smores and then stick the sticker stick in them and THEN try dipping them in our non-milky milk chocolate dipping sauce.  It'll be fabulous enough to take pictures!!!  And no, we didn't throw the chocolate out.  Dave is freezing it for one day in the future when we aren't on a no-sugar-besides-on-holidays kick and he can make his chocolate praline pecan cheesecake for some lucky friends to enjoy with us.  I really can't wait!
• I really love brushing my teeth!  In fact, if I had time to brush my teeth five times a day, just to have that fresh, minty, clean feeling all day long, I would totally do it!  Well, if I wasn't watching money like a hawk and felt that doing so was quite unnecessary and even potentially wasteful.  Cuz I would think of something like that. :-)
• Budgeting.  If budgeting were chocolate, my sister would be an addict.  And I would be the one sitting by, watching her eat, licking my lips and wishing I could have a bite - a morsel - a lick even some days!  But today I spent hours - for the umpteenth time this year - trying to work out a budget for the next year.  Knock on wood because EVERY SINGLE TIME I have done this in the last six months, something has happened that required enough money to completely blow my budget out of the water and send me back to the drawing board, resigned to the fact that we would never have money in savings again!  But this time -- this time I really hope it sticks!  We're trying to get back to grad school, hoping to move back to northern Idaho/Eastern Washington in the process and - try as I may to get around it - moving and grad school mean lots of sacrifices and money!  So I'm praying we can cut and shave and pinch and sell and make it. 
• Friends are like . . . well there are a lot of phrases I could use to end that statement.  Chocolate. A sunny afternoon. A walk on the beach.  A pile of clean laundry.  But tonight I am thinking that friends are just plain good to have.  Cuz I'm a "people who need people" person, not gonna lie!  And not having people could quite possibly be one of the hardest things for me in this world!  And by people I mean friends!  Maybe it's because I fear that I could pass through an entire stage of my life completely unnoticed, no one caring I was there or missing my presence when I left.  I think anywhere you go, everywhere you live, everything you do, etc. - you need real friends.  Even if it is just one.  One golden friend who will accept you for who you are, not judge you when your house is a mess or your kids are bouncing off the walls and ceiling and kitchen sink and . . . . One golden friend who truly cares about what you are doing during the day, even if it really isn't anything at all.  One friend you are comfortable having drop by your house when you're still in your pajamas at 3:00 in the afternoon and your kids are running around in nothing but diapers or perched on the sofa watching Dora the Explorer for the fifth time that day.  Better still, one you can drop in on without feeling like an imposition, even if you might be one at the moment.  One golden friend who you gladly let use your bathroom without worrying that the entire world will hear that your toilet hasn't been cleaned in a while - or make microwave popcorn with without worrying that the spaghetti-splatted microwave you didn't have time to stop and clean in the moment and consequently haven't had triple the time to clean since will get you "the look".  And definitely a friend you can spend holidays with and, more importantly, cry with.  And after typing this I just realized that I am married to him.  And that makes me smile.  But that means I also have to change this entire paragraph to TWO friends!  You need TWO such friends! :-)

Queen for a Day

This has been a really mixed-emotion weekend.  We attended a beautiful funeral for a dear girl in our ward today - Chloe Mohun.  Funerals have been an overarching theme of my 2011 experience, and each one brings the same mixture of gratitude, sorrow, fear, hope, love, desire to serve and lift and create days free of any regrets just in case -- a lot of emotions, really!

Second of all, today is my birthday.

My dear friend Emily sent me a gift card from Fandango for my birthday (movie theaters, if you are clueless like me and wondering what Fandango is).  So we took the kids to Cars 2 yesterday.  It was their first time in a movie theater.  We had a couple of meltdowns/tantrums when the popcorn made us all really thirsty and we were trying to be cheap and not buy a drink to go along with it.  But we made it through them and mostly it was just really fun!  Abby stood through almost all of it, shouting, "Yay, you did it!" when the 'good' cars got away from the 'bad' cars.  She and Brianna danced to all the music.  And Abby would randomly yell out, "This is fun, Mom!" or "Woo-hoo!  Good job!" and other encouraging bursts of two-year-old enthusiasm aimed at the characters on the screen.  Isaac mostly just sat, mesmerized by it all.  But then he spent the entire evening with his red toy car - which suddenly took on the name "Qween" - running away from the school bus and fire engine and ambulance and always victorious!  In fact, I am sure he'll be inseparably connected to that little red race car for a long time!

My mom sent me the cutest apple-themed Chore Chart with our pictures in small frames that hang below each person's list of chores to do.  She spent a lot of time on it, and it really is so worth it!!!

And Dave treated me to a day filled with everything special for me!  He went shopping this morning and bought two doughnuts to share with the kids and was good enough to NOT buy me one!  Instead, he got me a small bag of my favorite sugar-free cinnamon bears from the bulk section at WinCo!  They were fresh, too!  YUM!  Other food favorites that he splurged on for my birthday included ham steak - grilled on the grill outside, baked sweet potatoes, our first watermelon in a year, and some sugar-free ice cream and diet A&W Root Beer for root beer floats!  Top it off with my "cake" this year - a mostly-sugar-free mixed berry, jello, pudding, angel food cake trifle - and it was pretty much the perfect day!!!  Although we actually haven't eaten the watermelon or cake yet -- but it's a holiday weekend, so there's plenty of time to get around to all of that!  We are also splurging for the 4th of July and having corn on the cob!!!  I'm really excited!


More than anything, though - Dave just did a million small things today to make it special!  He even wrote this on my Facebook wall: "Happy birthday to the most awesome mother, coolest wife, most attractive English major, most deadly secret government agent and all around best person in the world!"  In case you were wondering, this was my reply, "Thanks Dave! I definitely couldn't do any of it without you . . . especially the secret government agent part. They would have found out a long time ago that my i.d. was fake and I have no idea how to use a gun if it weren't for your dashing good looks and smooth tongue that are always distracting them! I love you! Thanks for making it the best birthday and . . . every day . . . ever! I know, I know . . . you put up with a lot! ;-D"

I felt like a Queen today!  And if that is what it means to be 31 -- er -- 29 again -- then WELCOME, WELCOME!!!

I also got to have a couple of really good conversations with my brother and sister, and that always makes me feel good to know I have people who love me!  Perhaps particularly in lieu of the funeral today, that is THE most important gift I think you could get for your birthday!

Tender Hearts

A dear friend in our ward passed away on Friday.  She had an aneurism and swelling on the brain.  She woke up Friday morning with a headache and numbness.  Her parents gave her pain medication and told her to lay down.  Her mom went to run errands.  She went to the bathroom.  She had a stroke and went into a coma.  Her dad broke into the bathroom to get her when she didn't answer him.  They called 911, the hospital tried to relieve the swelling and bring her out of the coma, but she never came out of it.  She passed away that night.  It was incredibly unexpected and another heartbreaking death for all who knew her.

I realize after writing all of that how incredibly heartless and factual and empty it sounds.  It doesn't do justice

So in the midst of all of it, I decided I need to do better about documenting the small things, not letting life pass by and having a record of the moments that make us smile and during which our lives are changing in the process of this journey.

The other day, I was making something in the kitchen.  I must have dropped something or something because I suddenly heard Isaac let out a sigh of disgust and say, "My Atlanta! Ugh!" I turned to see him shaking his head in disgust before walking away.  Careful the things you say!  Children will listen. And learn.

The other night before family prayer, we were reading the scriptures and trying to put the stories in context for the kids.  Suddenly Isaac got really serious and climbed on my lap and said, "But, Mommy! Where the scriptures come from?"  I said, "What?"  And he repeated it.  He really wanted to know where the scriptures had come from.  And we had a talk about prophets and how Heavenly Father teaches us.  Is he really two?

We made dinner and cookies for the Mohun family (it's their daughter Chloe who passed away suddenly).  I decided to make peanut blossom cookies because we had some Hershey Kisses from Easter Candy sales in our freezer.  I got the twins to help me by having them unwrap all the chocolates.  But I explained to them that they couldn't eat the chocolate because we were taking it to Chloe's family because they were sad that Chloe had gone to live with Heavenly Father for a while.  Off we went on our cookie-making journey.  Suddenly, I heard Abby say, "No, ISAAC! No eat the chocolate - it for family!" And I glanced over my shoulder to see Isaac popping a chocolate in his mouth and Abby very lovingly unwrapping the one in her hand.  I told him that Abby was right and reminded him that we were making cookies to serve them a little and show them we love them.  Then I told Abby she could go ahead and eat a chocolate, too.  She said, "No thank you, Mommy!  It for Chloe family - I no need it."  Be still my heart!

And last but not least, our nine-month-old Brianna has taken her FIRST steps and throws a fit if I don't give her a sippy cup just like Abby and Isaac have.  She is so big and such a joy in our family every day.  She watches everything they do and imitates it as much as her little body allows her to.  And I am sure in her mind, she is already up and running right along with them, wherever they go.  Already the thinks they are playing tag when she is crawling down the hallway and they come running towards her!  She giggles and turns as fast as she can and starts crawling away from them, them passing her up almost before she even gets turned around and moving again.  And about that time, they've turned around and are heading back her direction -- repeat the giggles of delight and fast turn around to "run" away from them!  It really is so much fun just watching and listening to them as they are starting to learn they can play with her and discovering the joy of making her laugh, without really realizing what they are doing that is causing it! 

Life's Important Lessons

There are a few things we try every day to teach our kids.  To say please and thank you. Not to hit. Not to take things that aren't yours, or even things that are yours when someone else is playing with them at the time.  Tantrums are never okay - using words and explaining your feelings is always more effective.  Sometimes it's okay to simply say you are sad and sometimes you just need to ask for a hug or to be held or cuddled. Naps aren't just for when it's dark.  Time out isn't always fun but is sometimes very necessary. Grown-ups don't always do things right and sometimes require as much patience and forgiveness as children.  You should say I'm sorry when you hurt someone, even if it is an accident or they are just tired and having a hard time.  When someone says I'm sorry you should accept it graciously, with a hug of course.

And then there are the fun lessons like yesterday when I taught the kids how to eat ice cream out of an ice cream cone the RIGHT way: by biting off the bottom and sucking it through, of course.

And tonight, well - when you are wearing white and still learning to eat, you should take off your white shirt before eating a burgundy popsicle.  And there's always time to do TWO fun things at once - like eating popsicles while playing with toy ambulances. And when learning to stand/walk, it is always nice to have something constant, steady, and immovable to hold onto. Lessons learned.

Father's Day Preview

We took pictures of the kids to send a picture to our dads for Father's Day.  Here are just a few of them!  We're still playing with a few others.  So Orlan - Nique - anyone else - don't tell Dad! ;-D  Everyone else, now you can't say I never post pictures! ;-D  And there are a few things we learn from this: 1) We know how to have fun doing things that really aren't that fun. OR 2) They have one Hil-LAR-iouS mom!  Either way, the gift of laughter is alive and well in the Chaffee house!  And I'm LOV-in' it!

The Things You Say . . . are Unforgettable!

Abby and Isaac got started on our long haul to update them on their shots about two weeks ago now.  Isaac had the HARDEST time - I could hear him screaming in the waiting room!  Abby did a lot better.  Dave said she cried, but she handled it in stride and didn't even have to be "wrestled" to the table.  When Isaac and I went back in to get Abby -- first of all, I was VERY impressed that Isaac went back in.  He was actually REALLY concerned about Abby and Brianna.  And then I saw Abby and gave her a hug and she said, "Mommy - that doctor not very nice!  He NOT listen and obey!" Of course we had the talk that the doctor didn't hurt them, the shots did; but the shots are to help them not get sick.  But it was SO cute the way her mind worked!

The other night we were kneeling for prayer.  Isaac wanted his shark!  And of course, we don't have toys during prayer time.  But it really disturbed him that he didn't know where to find it and we wouldn't just jump up and go look for it for him.  Finally he calmed down for prayer.  Daddy prayed, Abby prayed, and when it was Isaac's turn he simply said, "Heavenly Father - I very sad - name of Jesus Kist, amen."  After that, we searched the whole house over to find that shark!

Abby and Isaac were eating dinner last night. We have a rule now that we sit at the table for a half hour with them.  Then, if they don't want to eat - they can get down.  And if they want to keep eating, they can but we can then get up and start cleaning up.  It saves a LOT of contention and just makes the whole mealtime experience feel so much nicer!  As I loaded the dishwasher, Isaac was done and got down and started to play.  Abby was not, however, and WANTED to keep eating.  But Isaac started taunting her with his toys, trying to get her to come and chase him and play with him.  She scolded him for that, "No - Isaac - I still eating, Isaac!"  Then he grabbed her favorite toy -- her horsey!  And she fell apart.  Through her tears, once I got her to settle down a little bit, she told him, "Isaac - you makin' me sad!"

I was having a hard time finding something to wear this morning for church -- yep, still fighting through those fun pregnancy pounds!!!  At one point, I tried on something and yelled when it didn't fit.  Isaac was in the bathroom and said, "Uh-oh.  What happened?"  I told him that I couldn't find anything to wear because nothing was fitting me.  He pointed to a skirt and said, "How 'bout THIS one?"  I said, "This one?" and pointed to it.  He said, "Yep - yes. There you go, Mommy!  It fit you!"  His triumphant smile was unforgettable!!!  He just KNEW he had solved all my problems and was the best son in the world for having done it.  Of course, it also made me smile!

As I got ready for church today, Isaac and Abby came into the closet singing, "Follow the Prophet" as they followed each other in circles around me.  Then Isaac took the blocks he was holding in his hand and put them, one on top of the other, on the counter next to me.  He got really excited and yelled, "Look, Mommy!  Temple!"  I said, "Is that the temple?" half laughing at his creativity.  And he smiled that "I'm so proud of myself" smile and said, "Yep - that's the temple!" and then laughed like he had said the funniest thing in the world - then he left.  A few minutes later he came back in and said, "Mommy, please make-em Isaac hair handsome."  And so we did!

Dave decided we were going to camp in our back yard, since we have been rained out and stormed out and distanced out of every other camping trip we have planned in the last few months.  He took a VERY proud Isaac out back to help him set up the tent.  And that became a fun fort for the rest of the day!  Then, just before dinner, we were going out to grill chicken sausages and noticed the VERY dark, looming clouds!  Another one bites the dust!  But we're determined!  We'll make it one of these times!

Out of Reach and Within the Lines - The Ever-Developing Minds of Two-Year-Olds

Isaac and Abby LOVE their toy animals.  And by toy animals, I mean expensive figurines that Great-Grandma Larson just HAD to buy them for their birthday last year and even sent them home with more every time we visited.  This last trip home, after Great-Grandma Larson passed away, Grandma White bought them a set of baby animals.  And what used to be Isaac's thing (playing with them for hours on end) turned into Abby's thing.  She loves to match up the families and will even corral them in so they are all facing the center in a nice circle, huddled together for safety or company or whatever else her little mind makes up. 

For Christmas last year, Dave's brother bought them a horse lego set.  And man did Abby FALL IN LOVE with that set!  She cannot get enough of her Hu, Hu, Forseys (she has a hard time saying horsey, but we keep practicing - and she's getting better)!

So in the last few weeks, she has developed quite the fascination with the baby animal horse that is brown just like the "Mommy Forsey" from her Leggo set.  Problem: There is one brown colt from Great-Grandma Larson and one black colt from Grandma White.  And the Lego horsey is BROWN.  You see where I'm going here, right?  So she HAS to have the brown baby horsey to have a complete FAMILY of horses in the corral.  And that would be okay if the black colt weren't just a little bit bigger than the brown colt and, therefore, the ONLY acceptable baby horse for BOTH of the twins.  I have taken both colts away on more than one occasion because they couldn't stop fighting over them and would NOT take turns playing with the brown baby horsey.

Today Isaac innocently walked into the office where I was editing some pictures.  He handed me an almost empty wet wipe tub.  He said, "Mommy - please put up!" and pointed to the TOP of the bookcase.  I was confused.  I said, "You want me to put the wet wipe container up here?" and pointed to the top of the bookcase.  "Uh-huh. Yeah."  I took it from him and looked inside en route to the top shelf.  There I saw two wet wipes wrapped around and over one baby brown colt.  I was amused but still complied with his wishes to put the "empty" container up. 

As soon as I had it on top of the bookshelf and said, "There you go, Buddy!  It's up!" he got the most satisfied look on his face.  He looked toward the office door and said, "Mommy!  Now Abby no get horsey!" HA!  Wow the thought process that must have led up to that one!

And not to leave Abby out of today's post . . . . My little girl is growing up just as quickly and is so incredibly SMART right alongside her brother!!!  We went on a date last night - the first since our anniversary in December (except for the adult session of Stake Conference, which doesn't really count).  I laid out coloring books and the matching game and books to read and showed the babysitter their toys and plugged in the "broken" television in case she ran out of ideas.  They colored for a while, then played, then watched Dora and Diego.  And I noticed when I came home that the sitter had sat down and colored WITH them because a portion of the pages were very neatly filled in, within the lines of the images they were coloring.

Tonight as I made dinner, Abby sat at the table coloring.  When I went over to see how she was doing, I saw that she was very focused, coloring as carefully as she could in tiny little scribbles so she could stay WITHIN the lines!  And she did a fabulous job!  And I don't know why looking at and thinking of that beautiful coloring job has brought tears to my eyes all night long.  But it has!  It still is! I'll have to post a scan of it!  You would be proud, too!

And Brianna stood without holding onto anything for a few seconds and even took a few shuffles forward with the bus filled with blocks that Great-Grandma Larson got for the twins for their birthday last year. She'll be walking by the end of the month, mark my words!  That is one DETERMINED little girl!  I LOVE it!

Sheesh - all this talk of things from Great-Grandma Larson is making me wonder if they're going to have any presents to open next year now that she's gone!  I'll buy one from you, Grandma!  I'll wrap it and take a picture for you, too!  Thank you for doing such a FANTASTIC job of loving my children while you were alive!  I miss you!