Etiquette Just for Men

If you're a writer, you need to be aware that there are things that have an etiquette that's uniquely male. So I suppose this post is for the women out there, but honestly, guys, I'd love to hear your views on these "manly" things.

I recently became aware of the phrase "man sitting."


Here's a different perspective on man sitting. You can skip the first 45 seconds because it's all sales pitch.


This video wanders a bit but there's a moment around 4:10 that left me laughing out loud because you would never see this in a woman's locker room.


Another thing women don't think about much: Urinal etiquette


Apparently, there is some variance to the rules.


So if you've stopped laughing, tell me what you think.

Nuggets for January

Got lots to share this month.

Don't know where to start with promotion? Well, this will help. My friend Rachelle has compiled a list of sites that help you promote your book. It's fantastic having all this information in one place, but you still have the problem of where to start.
http://www.rachelleayala.com/p/promo-sites.html

More about promos. Specifically how giveaways can help.
http://www.djgelner.com/2014/12/how-i-gave-away-over-2000-books-on-kindle.html

Don't forget that promotion starts with a few basics like writing your blurb and picking out keywords
http://annerallen.blogspot.com/2014/04/how-to-make-bestseller-lists-why.html
http://annerallen.blogspot.com/2014/03/8-tips-for-writing-that-killer-blurb.html

Want to write a plot twist? Here's a mini-lesson on what you need to know.
http://www.critiquecircle.com/blog.asp?blogID=146

Thinking about how to market audiobooks?
http://www.thecreativepenn.com/2014/05/01/audiobooks-acx-marketing/

Need to update your ebook? Hugh Howey shows you how.
http://www.hughhowey.com/fixing-typos-in-your-uploaded-amazon-e-books/

Action scenes are always challenging.
http://www.superheronation.com/2009/04/03/how-to-pace-a-scene-more-quickly/

The differences between how men and women act always interests me
http://www.superheronation.com/2007/04/08/writing-male-characters-and-perspectives/

The title of this post says it all: Good Dialog is never simply Dialog
http://j.nelsonleith.com/2014/12/24/good-dialogue-is-never-simply-dialogue/ 

Writing the "Other" Gender

Melanie Rawn has an interesting exchange between the hero and his wife in her book Fire Raiser. The two are talking about couples who go out of their way to make each other jealous. The difference in the way each partner thinks is highlighted by the main question Rawn says each gender asks when they suspect the other has strayed off the straight and narrow. 


The man asks: Did you f*ck him?

The woman asks: Do you love her?


Such fundamentally different questions. And if the questions are that far apart, how different are the people who think they’ve hit the important issue with these questions?


If, after careful consideration, you believe your hero would ask the second question instead of the first, you've written a woman in a hairy suit, because—and this is important—men do not think like women do.
 I have another example. When I was around 18, a friend of mine got engaged to a girl none of his friends liked. He didn't care. He was going to marry her anyway. When I asked him why, he said, "Because I want a family."


This is notably different from a Harlequin story I read a few years back. The guy in the story was trying to figure out how to tell his wife that it was time they started a family because he "wanted a baby." I still shudder when I think about this because women want babies. Men want families. (Truth in Advertising Alert: I didn't finish the story because I was so disgusted that the guy was a woman in a hairy suit.)

I've mentioned before that I've dug into linguistics in an attempt to figure out the secrets of unique character voices. The logical extension of that search was to look at the way men speak vs. the way women speak. I haven't yet found as much as I'd like to on this subject, but I have learned some things about how men think.


For instance, when a friend is hurting, let's say over a romance gone bad, women rally 'round offering their traumatized friend support, (often with ice cream and/or chocolate or--if they're my friends--a bottle of wine) We're there for each other! 


In similar circumstances, guys make fun of each other. (Is it any wonder these guys won't cry in front of anyone?) 


Alien as it seems to a woman, there is logic behind this behavior. In giving their buddy a hard time, his friend dismisses his buddy's pain, subtextually saying: Hey, that's not so bad. You're tough. You'll survive this, buddy. So they're being supportive in their own tough-love sort of way by expressing confidence in their friend's ability to cope with the crap life throws at him because being able to cope with life is a major component in being Men. (Yes, that's Men with a capital M.)


It just looks harsh to women. And unfeeling. And insensitive.


But it's how guys treat each other 99.99% of the time. 


Earlier this week, I shared a post about Man Laws. It's a fun post and everyone enjoyed it, but one of the things that makes something funny is that, at it's core, it's true. Man Laws are funny because guys really do have their own code of behavior. 


The men in your stories have to be a real honest-to-God guys. They have to think like a guy and talk like a guy. To achieve real veracity, you need to understand the rules they honor that make them Men. And the rules go so much deeper than never asking for directions. (Yeah, like that's not enough.)


What have you seen in movies or books that made you sniff and say, "That's just not how they act"?