The StreetSider…

I am currently reading this guy who is so totally hilarious I am lifting the best quotes from his posts and forming a whole post into them...

In no particular order, I love this guy's adjectival biceps. He flexes them and I have moments...
He reminds of what I want to become, a prolific asshole.

No. 1. As he talks of his Conscience in Pamella

"But the wind never sighs but I feel her gentle eyes turned on me questioning
And the eagle never cries but I hear her spirit in the sky turned to me beckoning
And the moon never beams but I am wafted away on dreams
To a far off land where we walk hand in hand
Talking about the things she never did see,
Talking, murmuring, laughing, talking
Talking till we tire the fire-colored sun back into the sea."

No. 2. His description of his first sighting of the antipop "Teeth that are pearly gems of glowing exquisiteness, a skin so smooth and delicate when rain drops see themselves sliding off they weep and gnash their teeth, dimples that are bewitching pools of sooty darkness, eyes that turn your knees to toothpaste, curves that make virtual reality look like its not happening."

No. 3. What he thinks of the 27th comrade "When he walks it looks as if 27 hundred gangster leeches are fornicating furiously with his head."

No. 4. His acceptance speech for the Honest Scraps Award given him "If you could roll this award into a joint and smoke it, you would be guaranteed a front seat at the Holy Ghost Concert with God Almighty shredding guitar and Jesus Christ on drums."

No. 5. "... I cannot begin to come close to being in the same constituency as describing the urge to maim and kill that engulfs me when some one mouths such garbage in my direction. It's an urge to do horrible and grossly disfiguring bodily harm. To gash and slash your chest open, rip your filthy heart out and stand over your warm corpse, face and arms covered in gore, cackling insanely at the night sky.

Basically never ask me if I am sure, I don't like it."

No. 6. The way he describes his domain; the Streetside: "... that harsh friendly land of far way-where angels and demons together play-where children are born old and grow young-where the sun is mist and rocks melt on your tongue-where idiots are wise-where philosophers are idiots in disguise and sallow faced regrets stand in line to stare in your eyes

Where the streets are paved with mirrors, and your past is reflected, life is resurrected, reconnected, respected, the journey re-begun, the race re-run, the thread re-spun…

For a child stands on the corner and whispers and if you listen very very carefully you will hear her say, "seek ye the truth and the truth shall set you free, for truth is a pathless land and you cannot reach it if you do not embrace your true self. So follow your instincts, find you inner light and let it be the one to guide you out of the darkness.""

No. 7. Then the guy who messed with him and told him he couldn't take criticism, or was it that he tried too hard: "Fine, let us assume for argument's sake that I am a narcissistic and immature so and so. So what, so was Oscar Wilde and I'd rather be an Oscar Wilde than an emotionally stable socially respectable accountant with a paunchy middle, a house in kitintale and 2.3 kids. Let us also assume, that I am preaching, that I want attention, who doesn't, in fact I don't know why I am even bothering to rationalize this guy's crap, and while I must say I have some measure of respect for a person who can come up with "gigantic self absorbed, self loathing baby", I am still pissed, I didn't even know how pissed I was till a few sentences ago, and when I get pissed, resolutions leap out of my way with amazing alacrity. You better sit tight punk coz the way ama feelin', yo bout to git served.

Now, listen to me carefully Mr. Unctuous Motherfucker With an Axe to Grind. Are you listening? You said you read this blog so I assume you are. You have messed with the wrong nigger, as my uncle Eliah would say, don't take a shit in the path of red ants and then start complaining when at night you feel them biting your scrotum."

No. 8. This whole post: Excerpt III; ON GAYS, FAGGOTS AND HOMO-SHE-XUALS.

No. 9. And somewhere near his very first post; an old classic: The Confused Confuser;... "If I may be so bold sir, I do not think the phrase "confused confuser" accurately captures this dynamic. Even if one could completely disregard the blatant grammatical absurdity of the term, one must admit that at any rate, it is a statement without reasonable paradigms. To confuse, one cannot be confused in oneself, one has to assume that the confusion is a deliberate effort on the part of the confuser and ergo the possibility of her also being confused as she successfully conducts this maliciousness is highly unlikely. On the other hand if it were possible that the confusion sprung out of a prima facie confusion on the part of the confuser, you still could not in all fairness lay any culpability at her door. If anything the resultant confusion on your part (and I say this with the greatest regret) reflects more your unfortunate susceptibility to confusion than it does her predilection to confuse. Either way sir, I am sorry. (Sits)"

Streetsider, I have mad respect for you. Just keep at it, you are hilarious.

Who Is This Man?

His Motto:

Give me where to stand, and I will move the earth. Archimedes (287-212 B.C.)

His Profile:

He is a Professor of Computer Science and holds a Ph.D. in Computer Science, and is currently serving as Dean, Faculty of Computing and Information Technology, (CIT) Makerere University. He is a member of Makerere University Senate and Council. Continuously demonstrating competence as a leader driven by the need to serve, respect and strengthen those he serves. He believes in building and strengthening institutions.

Under his leadership, the Institute of Computer Science at Makerere University transformed from a small unit with one academic programme, 28 students and an annual budget of USD $15,000 to a Faculty of Computing and Information Technology with 22 academic programmes, over 5,000 students undertaking degree programmes and an annual budget of over USD $7 million by September 2005 (within a period of four years only). Today the Faculty of Computing and IT budget is over USD $10 million.

At the national and regional level, he coordinates (multi- million dollar) projects and research programs aimed at building specialized computing and ICT Human Resource Capacity in Africa; its universities and other tertiary institutions plus the private and public sectors

He is a consultant in ICT research, training, advisory services and policy and a recognised expert on e-governance.

He is the Chairman and Managing Director of ICT Consults Ltd, a prestigious ICT consultancy firm.

He is currently the Executive President of Connect Uganda Foundation, a non profit making organization incorporated in Uganda in 2003 with the overall objective of stimulating new firms and creating jobs in the knowledge-intensive sector, by linking entrepreneurs and innovators with research and development, service providers, venture capitalists and partners.

He is the Executive President of Uganda National Academy of Computing and Internet Technologies, an association that brings together all computing/ ICT faculties/ institutes in all public and private universities to address common objectives and challenges.

A member of the Presidential Investors Roundtable- B.P.O. working group and was also a member of the ICT working committee of the 1^st Presidential Investors Roundtable.

His Education:

• Ph.D. in Computer Science, University of Bergen, Norway 2000
  
• Post Graduate Certificate in Public Relations, University of Minnesota, Minnesota 1999
  
• Post Graduate Certificate in Administration, University of Bergen, Norway 1999
  
• Post Graduate Certificate in Business Management, Sofia University, Bulgaria 1998
  
• Postgraduate Diploma in Mathematical Modelling, University of Trondheim, Norway 1998
  
• Post Graduate Diploma in Economic Modelling, University of Trondheim, Norway 1997
  
• M.Sc. in Computer Science, University of Bergen, Norway 1996
  
• M.Sc. (Mathematics)-Coursework, Makerere University, Uganda 1995
  
• B.Sc. (Mathematics), Makerere University, Uganda 1994
  

  
  

His Expertise:

A distinguished academic, researcher, leader and manager, he lectures courses in Computer Science, Networks, Information Systems and Software Engineering at all levels including Doctoral levels.

He has supervised over 50 masters' students and over 80 postgraduate diploma students to completion and is currently supervising several graduate students both at Masters and PhD level. His plan is to have 100 PhD holders in Computing & IT related courses by 2012.

As Dean, CIT he has accumulated experience in staff training and retention in an African University setting. He manages today over 200 staff and a student population of over 5000 on degree programmes in Computing and ICT disciplines.

With over sixteen years of teaching experience under his belt, a peerless educator and in many ways the man of his time.

His Awards:

Between Himself, His Company - ICT Consults Ltd., and CIT his most prestigious awards are:

1. In January 2009, Prof. Baryamureeba was considered for inclusion in the ''2000 Outstanding Intellectuals of the 21^st Century'' by the International Biographical Centre, which is scheduled for publication in early 2010.
   
2. The '2008 HP Technology for Teaching Higher Education Grant'' was awarded to CIT the 'in appreciation for its commitment for student success and for seeking innovative ways to transform teaching and learning through the effective use of technology.
   
3. Appointed an honorary member of the International Association of IT Governance Standards (ITGOVS), in November 2008. Honorary Membership to ITGOVS is by invitation only and is extended to the top professionals in this area, both from the corporate world as well as the academic world.
   
4. 2^nd Runner-up, Presidential Science Awards, Science and Technology Excellence Award in September 2008, in recognition of his innovative approach to institutional and human capacity development in computer science by the President of the Republic of Uganda.
   
5. ICT Consults Ltd received 10^th Platinum Technology Award for Quality and Best Trade Name, July 2008.
   
6. 'Top ICT Educator/ Academic' Award in Africa for 2007 under the theme "Making the African Century a Reality", at the 9th Annual African ICT Achievers Awards.
   
7. IBM made a gift in his honor to the United Nations (UN) Foundation in support of Nothing but Nets, a grassroots campaign to save lives by preventing malaria in December 2007.
   
8. "The International Star Award for Quality in the Diamond category" - April 2006 in Paris, France. (http://www.bid-star.com/) in recognition of Excellence in Leadership and Business Management; Quality and Excellence; and Technological Innovations and Expansion.
9. Professional of the Year 2005 – British Council Award. An award mainly for achievers, mentors and inspirational managers who have contributed immensely to the management of their organizations as well as International communities.
10. The 2005 Presidential Science Award Cycle: He was also recognized for his efforts in spearheading ICT training, research and consultancy services in sub-Saharan Africa.
11. International Arch of Europe Award for Quality and Technology in the Diamond Category- February 2005, Frankfurt, Germany.
12. The ICT Quality Summit International Award- New York, USA on 21^st June 2004.
13. The 2003-Century International Quality Era Award- May 2003, Geneva, Switzerland.

1. 1. The Key Milestones of his career:

• In 1996 he finished a two year M.Sc. in Computer Science in a record time of 8 months;
  
• In 2000 he graduated with a PhD and had the best PhD dissertation that year at the University of Bergen;
  
• In 2000 discovered the Barya function;
  
• In 2000 at the age of 30 he was the youngest PhD holder at Makerere University;
  
• In 2000 he became the 1^st Ugandan to obtain a PhD in Computer Science;
  
• In 2001 at the age of 31 he was appointed Director of the Institute of Computer Science and became the youngest Director in the History of Makerere University;
  
• In 2005 at the age of 36 he was appointed Dean of the Faculty of Computing and IT and became the youngest Dean in the history of Makerere University;
  
• In 2005, he spearheaded the construction of the largest computing building in Africa with 12,500 sq metres of space worth over USD$ 20 million and was funded from internally generated funds in the Faculty of Computing and IT. Previously he had spearheaded the construction of the Faculty of Computing and IT Building (Block A) worth 2500 sq metres.
  
• In 2006 he was appointed a full Professor at the age of 37 making him the 1^st Professor of Computer Science in Uganda and the youngest Professor in sub-Saharan Africa;
  
• In 2006 he raised from the rank of Associate Professor to Professor in a record time of less than three (3) months;
  
• In 2007 he received the 'Top ICT Educator/ Academic' Award in Africa for 2007;
  
• In November 2008 he was included in the 2009 Edition of Who's Who in the World; a global distribution relied upon by business leaders, journalists, academics, and other professionals for its accuracy and currency of information.
  

The Man:

Professor Venansius Baryamureeba.

Dean, Faculty of Computing and IT, Makerere University.

Website: www.cit.mak.ac.ug

Truly a look at the future.

Cheers!

A Poetry Recital

In a packed room lit with candles and dimmed lights, the Lantern Society of Poets in their inaugural recital put on a show to remember.

The Lantern Meet which has been meeting for over a year meets fortnightly at the National Theatre To share poetry, talk and critique young poets’ work was conceived over three years ago by four students who shared a passion for poetry. Guy Mambo, Oj Raymond, Aki Brenda and yours truly. With a view to raising the bar. What bar? Well… the social bar, the literary bar, the intellectual bar… all the bars you can think of!!!

But, hush performance in progress…

Next on stage is a poem called the musician performed by Rachael, she walks down the stairs and the orange glow of the stage light flows on her body. Her voice undulates over the room, the clarity of her voice carrying the poem across the room. It is like a smooth melody, floating on a cushion of wafty notes produced by the guitarist plucking obliviously away at his guitar. The audience in the back of the room stops talking for an absolute moment. Captured. Riveted. Transposed almost. In one puissant moment, as she takes her final bow, the room explodes into applaud…

The Lantern Meet of Poets has put together an ensemble of poems from almost all walks of life, drawing deeply on human nature and the way our own humanity relates to the circumstances around us. To the intricate tapestry in which is interwoven every man’s fortune and fate. From sorrow to exhilaration, to love and loss the poems flow, exciting, scintillating. Some drawing tears from the audience, others creating a long lingering laughter.

At the end of the show, as the Lanterns bow for recognition, and they promise another exciting show over the Christmas holiday, it reminds me of that old adage ”the best things are free.” By drawing on the talents of scholars from a myriad of disciplines the lanterns have shown the true color of intellect: colorless.

The Lantern Meet is headed by Guy Mambo and the poetry recital was directed by Samantha Kachwinya.

*Disclaimer: for the more objective view of the recital I recommend you read more objective [read less informed] views but more balanced nonetheless.