Last Year I Killed a Man

From the Guardian…

At 9.45am on Saturday, June 23 2007, I killed a man. A perfectly ordinary man, on a perfectly ordinary summer's day. CCTV pictures show him entering the station, unremarkable among all the passengers going to the West End. He waited at the front of the platform until he could hear my train approaching, then he calmly stepped down on to the tracks and looked directly at me as he waited for the impact.

Please read the entire article

Again I am reminded: suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Poem: Flower

A bloody flower
in an alley dark.
Absently people walk by.
The flower is but a woman.

____________________


This was the first poem I ever wrote. I was in 5th grade, and it was a gift for my teacher ( it was pre-Colombine, so no one thought to lock me up ). My sister had just been murdered, and I coped through writing and drawing... I'll have to rummage around to find some of my others.

That teacher was great... she just posted them on the coat closet behind her desk, and told me how good it was. No mention of the macabre flower drawing... just pure, unadulterated, teacherly love.

( Thank you. )

If I Should Die

So, continuing on a theme I first raised in my post My Last Day, I've been thinking that I should have some place on my blog where people could go in the event that I die... some place with important information. I live alone and don't have family in town, so I'm worried that my death would be a confusing time for them. So I'm thinking of keeping (properly stripped of private information) details online that family or friends could readily reach... but what should I say?

A short message, I'm thinking, would be appropriate. The place where I keep my will... stuff like that.

What do you think should go there?

I'm also thinking of doing a similar write-up in case I'm ever in a severe accident. Any ideas there? Besides mentioning that I'm allergic to penicillin?

Iraq War Coalition Fatalities

McWetboy posts a link in his Map Room to a Flash-powered representation of Iraq war casualties among coalition forces that has to be seen to be believed.

Sacrifice? Yeah. Blood sacrifice.

Anyway, “...the animation runs at ten frames per second — one frame for each day — and a single black dot indicates the geographic location that a coalition military fatality occurred. Each dot starts as a white flash and a larger red dot which fades to black over the span of 30 frames/days, and then slowly fades to gray over the span of the entire war...”.

Meme: My Last Day

Over at Zachv's blog, he ponders his last day... which got me to thinking: If I knew that today was my last day to live — and with the constraints of my current reality (what's in my bank account, and who's in my life currently) — what would I do?

Assuming that I learn of my fate early in the morning, so that I have the entire day:


MORNING

I'd take a personal day at work... but would e-mail my business partner my computer's password, so that he could get to everything on the hard drive. I'd set-up a delayed e-mail to everyone in my address book with the news of my fate, my testimony of the Restored Gospel, and my appreciation for the myriad kindnesses that I've enjoyed — and I'd ask forgiveness of anything I may have done to hurt their feelings. I'd make sure that my mortgage insurance was in order, and that my sister was the beneficiary. I'd call-up Boy Wonder and insist on an early-evening date to the Kyoto restaurant for sushi. I'd clean the house and do my wash and fold everything... and I'd order flowers — a large arrangement of white star-of-bethlehem or a few dozen orange gerbera daisies — to brighten-up the condo. I love flowers.


AFTERNOON

I'd visit Åse and her husband from the ward. We'd talk about her family and I'd try my hand at a crossword puzzle... then I'd call Captain K and see if he was free for lunch. He probably wouldn't be, but we'd chat for a while and joke about stuff going on in the ward. I'd then go up to the H-House. It would probably be empty... but I'd let myself in and I'd look around for Daniel or Bryan or Sameth. They're all normally busy during the day, so I'd leave each of them a note on their beds. Op! Time to get home and let the flower boy in.

After that, I'd go for a drive — probably around by Park City.


EVENING

Date with Boy Wonder... afterwards, we'd talk and snuggle for a while, then I'd send him home.

Call mom, sis, bro, and grandpa. We'd talk about nothing, and I'd be sure to tell each of them how much I love them. Call Steve, David, and Adam... we'd also talk about nothing, and I'd be sure to tell each of them how much I love them — how each of them made my life so much the better. Then, in the morning, they'd get the news that I'd died... and our last conversation had been happy and not filled with all sorts of weirdness.

I'd write a short note and leave it on my bedside table.

Shower and change into fresh bed clothes. Read a little from the Book of Mormon. Say my prayers, crack the windows open and go to sleep.

If today were your last, what would you do?