Random Thoughts

Last night I had a bit of insomnia and I spent most of the night thinking. Since I would kind of like this blog to be a journal to print out and keep one day, I thought I would post some of those thoughts. Don't feel obligated to continue reading, this is mostly for me :)!

I have an extremely difficult time being positive. It drives Ryan crazy. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily a "negative" person (although Ry would), I think I'm more of a realistic person who always assumes that the worst case scenario is possible. It is something I've always had a hard time with and I've been trying REALLY hard lately to be more positive. However, that is harder to do late at night when the house is dark and lonely and everyone is sleeping soundly. At night I find myself asking purely selfish and childish questions.

Why do I get so frustrated with my kids?

Why can't I have the willpower to eat healthy?

Why can't I find the time to get everything done that needs to be done?

Why can't I be a better, more attentive wife?

Why can't I just be content with the two children I have and not beg for more?

Why do I have such a hard time being a good person?

Why, why, why????????

See what I mean? Not such a positive person am I? I find myself counting and saying things like, "ok, I am going to count to ten and then I am not going to be negative anymore!" It never works.

Now that it's morning and my darling children are playing so nicely together and coloring me pictures and just being the sweet spirits that they are, I feel better. I feel blessed. (Why can't I feel this way all the time?). I am so incredibly blessed, I realize this. I am so grateful for the children and husband that I have. But I am allowed to be human once in awhile right? That's what I struggle with so much. I want to be a good mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, daughter-in-law, grand-daughter, etc. 100% of the time. 99% just isn't good enough for me for some reason. If it's not 100%, it's a failure. Never thought I was the type to be a perfectionist did you?

I guess that's why we have the Savior right? He is there to make up the 1%, 5%, 60% that we can't do ourselves. I know that to be true. That was my final conclusion before I finally drifted off to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. It's OK, He will make up the rest. One day will be better than another and that's OK. So here's to an eternity of doing my best and believing Christ will make up the rest.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Cousins!!

Ryan's sister Jenni and her two darling kids, Chase and Kayla are living nearby for the next 6 months while their daddy is out of the country. We have LOVED LOVED LOVED having them so close. We miss them so much when they are so far away! Last Saturday, I went shopping with my super awesome friend Lori. It was amazing! The last time I had a break from the kids, I was drugged up and sick so it was a much needed "girl time." Anyways...Ryan being the amazing husband/brother/uncle/dad that he is told me to go and then he volunteered to watch Chase and Kayla so Jen could have a much needed break also!! He is such a good guy! I ask myself everyday how I could possibly be so blessed as to have him in my life FOREVER!!

Here are some cute pictures Ry took of the kiddos!

Watching UP and eating popcorn

Macaroni and Cheese, please!

Meet my good buddy, Chase the storm trooper!

Check out that popcorn!

Sharing the batcave; something they are getting better at each time they play!

More batcave fun!