Final Chapter

Today is not only my last day in my current job, but the end of a ten year stint working in the publishing world. My career in books began back in 1998, when I took a job at Waterstone's in Richmond after graduating from Roehampton. At the time, I envisaged it being a fun summer job to see me through until something more 'serious' came along. But apart from the terrible pay, a bookshop is a nice place to work, and I ended up staying with the company for two years, transferring to the Brighton branch in 1999.

I met many good friends, and a husband, during my time with Waterstone's, but the penniless lifestyle eventually started to take its toll, and I began browsing the Bookseller for publishing jobs (it seemed like the natural next step). Frances Lincoln was the first place to offer me an interview, and I took the job of Publicity Assistant, even though I had always fancied myself more as editorial material. FL was a wonderfully friendly and creative company, but Kentish Town is a long commute from Brighton and so after two years and a couple of promotions, I moved on to Orion in Covent Garden.

During my time in children's books, I worked with many interesting authors, and travelled all over the country doing launches, festivals and signings. One of the most memorable moments of these jaunts was during Cheltenham Literary Festival, when several of the other publishers' publicists and I had organised a dinner at the hotel for all our authors. It was so over-subscribed that we ended up sitting on a separate table outside the main dining room, along with one of the authors' husbands, who was only too glad to escape the drunken bombasting of twenty-plus writers all clamouring for each others' attention. "Well I..." "Well I..." "Well I" came the rowdy refrain from our garrulous charges as we peeked in to check on them occasionally.

The frequent weekends away were fun, but draining, especially when I was no longer allowed to take Ant along with me to events and we were hardly seeing each other. So when a job came up closer to home at John Wiley in Chichester, I stepped into the completely contrasting world of academic publishing. My final (for the foreseeable future) publishing job here at GMC brought me into an entirely different sphere again - working on an eclectic list of craft books that encompasses everything from knitting to dolls' houses to woodturning. It's certainly been an interesting experience learning about all those things, although I am sorry to say I have failed to master any of them!

I'll still be reviewing children's books for Carousel magazine - so the publishing world has not seen the back of me completely, but as from tomorrow I shall be leaping head-first into the mysterious and exciting world of Online PR to earn my daily bread. Wish me luck.

Santa's Skeletons

Admit it, there's something you've been dying to tell. It wouldn't take much encouragement, just someone to ask the right questions, for it all to come gushing out. Right? As I discovered last night, the annual company bash is the most likely, if least appropriate, forum for confessions to be aired. Cruising the tables between courses, equipped with trusty notebook and a candid agenda, it took very little persuasion on my part to get discretion flying out of the window and skeletons tumbling out of the closet.

It should be noted that I was sat opposite the drunkest and most goadable person (let's call him colleague 'X') there, who actually insisted that I transcribe and publish every shameful detail of his sordid tales, emphatically forbidding me to change the names or places. Any work mates reading this will already know full well who I am talking about, so I reserve the right to keep things anonymous in the cold light of day.

A couple of years ago, I shared a colleague's witty morning after 'whodunnit' quiz , written following various dubious antics at that year's company bash. In a similar spirit, I offer some of the more amusing confessions and allegations told to me or overheard at last night's do.

Before entirely losing the power of speech (this happened later, after the Benylin-snorting incident), colleague 'X' recalled the time when, walking back from a party late one night, he was apprehended, groped and propositioned in no uncertain terms by a frisky Welsh man in tight jeans and silly pointy shoes. Surprisingly, he declined the offer, but would not be drawn on the subject of whether it had maybe excited him just a little bit.

A rumour about someone having a fetish for being whipped with stinging nettles was claimed to have been started by several different tables, until I finally traced it back to my own. Knowing the dry sense of humour of the alleged originator, I somehow suspect that this particular offering may have been in jest. Or was it...?

Clearly there was an S&M vibe in the air (how original), as one colleague admitted to having fantasised about being dominated by a certain other senior member of staff. The object of these hankerings, who was sitting right next to him at the time, seemed flattered by this confession, and actually started to suggest possible scenarios - at which point the rest of the table tried desperately to change the subject.

As is customary on these occasions, plenty of lame and ridiculous stories were doing the rounds - like the suggestion that our Financial Director is a secret smack dealer (he took it in good part), and claims of inappropriate fondling between two (straight) male colleagues. But the most entertaining revelation of the night came from a senior staff member in the pub afterwards, who rewarded my request for a confession with a brilliantly animated tale of the time he was arrested for being Drunk and Disorderly ("but I was only drunk", he professed) after a boozy business lunch in London. This somewhat surprising admission concluded with the person in question sheepishly calling the police station the next day to apologise for his loutish behaviour, much to the bemusement (and presumably amusement) of the officers involved.

Who needs counselling when you can get it all off your chest at the office Christmas party?

Photographs courtesy of Al Wares.

Another Surreal Lewes Moment

Jeremy Paxman came into our offices yesterday and I missed it. Apparently he'd been spotted filming down the road in the 15th Century bookshop, where a member of our advertising department stalked and eventually accosted him. She then persuaded him to come and pose for photographs with her colleagues, one of whom is a massive fan. He was only too happy to oblige, and spent the afternoon being fondled and fawned over by the over-excited team of ladies. This story was relayed to me at the bus stop last night by one of the girls in question, who had the photographic evidence on her phone. As she was recounting the story to an increasingly bemused audience of fellow commuters, the man himself was standing outside the legendary Catlin's, not 10 yards away. Only in Lewes.

Party Season

Yes, it's that time of year again... out come the frocks and heels, and plenty of glitter, all just so you can embarrass yourself in front of your colleagues at the institution which is the office Christmas party!

Mine was last night, and the following email was sent round this morning which kind of says it all really:

Xmas Work Quiz
1) Which staff member was caught relieving himself in the now golden streets of Lewes (by the police)?

2) Which advertising team member got stuck in the pavement and was helped by a man wielding a lighter?

3) Which staff member’s slick moves on the dance floor shocked and inspired the rest of the company?

4) Which member of staff seemingly bored a senior colleague to such a degree that he mysteriously fled mid conversation?

5) Which worker was asked to leave a Brighton club for being too drunk whilst trying to rescue the below staff members?

6) Which 2 members of staff were told they were too drunk/old to attend a Brighton Club?

7) Which staff member turned up to work in last nights clothes?

8) Which staff member was sick at a Newhaven railway station and various points along the way?

9) Which male and female staff members started a bread roll – bagel tossing competition whilst the starters were being served?

10) Which staff members had a terrible case of food poisoning and couldn’t make it into work today?

11) Which entire department has been in a “un scheduled meeting” since 9am this morning?

12) Which staff member had several glasses of the free bubbles by stating “do you know who I am”?

13) Which staff members were encouraged to practice frottage with a certain other staff member’s fishnets?

Answers on a postcard to the advertising dept ……..


I'm not telling which of these (if any) involved me, but let's just say there's a shared sense of fragility around the office today!