Posit.

Me: So kailan ka last nagpacheck?


I ask Mother Wendy (MW) after she told me that once of my ex office mate have AIDS. It was a usual Sunday and we are having halo halo for lunch.


MW: Bakit? May ginawa ka ba na dapat mong ipagpacheck?


There was silence. As I reflect on all the things I did, it never occur to me to get myself tested for HIV. Maybe because I am not really that active in terms of sex. I cannot even remember the last time I did it, hahaha.


MW: Beks, kasi kilala ko ang sarli ko, alam ko ang mga ginagawa ko, at mga hindi ko dapat gawin.


I am not sure if the argument was valid.


ME: Ako din naman, to be honest, makulit lang ako, mukhang makati, pero kapag andiyan na, tumitiklop din. 


Well, ex office mate is different. He is the type who has Grindr, who gives the look every where, and now, he is using this as an excuse for his bad attendance record.


MW: Shock nga ako kasi bakit parang kinukwento pa niya sa iba. Alam mo yun parang okay lang na malaman ng iba na may ganoon siya. 


ME: Baka naman press release lang. Alam mo yun, sympathy card. Para huwag siyang tanggalin. 


MW: Pero beks, lagi siyang tulog. Minsan nga, habang nag eemail siya, bigla nalang siya pipikit tapos hirap niyang gisingin.


Then, I realize that I have limited knowledge about the disease. Though, I know how to be careful not to have it, still, there are still things I am not familiar with. I do not know if sleepiness is an indication of it. All I remember is that I am not sure how will I feel. It is hard reading stories about it, but it is harder having someone you know have it. But it made me realize how real it can get, and I need to be extra careful. Well, we all need to be.

LSS: I Am Changing from Dreamgirls

*LSS are about songs, well they are about the lyrics on the songs that will make you reflect, and relate. LSS are good.*

Look at me
Look at me

I am Changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I'll be better than I am
I'm trying
To find a way
To understand
But I need you
I need you
I need a hand

I am changing
Seeing everything so clear
I am changing
I'm gonna start right now right here
I'm hoping
To work it out and I know that I can

But I need you

I need a hand

All of my life
I been a fool
Who said I could do it all alone
How many good friends have I already lost?
How many dark nights have I known?

Walking down that long road
There was nothing I could find
All these years of darkness
Can make a person blind

But now I can see

I am changing

Trying every way I can
I am changing
Ill be better than I Am

But i need a friend
To help me start
All over again


That will be just fine
I know it's gonna work out this time
Cause this time I am

This time I am

I am Changing

Ill get my life together now
I am changing

Yes, I know how

Im gonna start again
Im gonna leave my past behind

Ill change my life
Ill make a vow
And nothings gonna stop
Me

Now

Encounters

I was on my way to work when I saw him in my peripheral. He wore a white shirt, dark shorts and sports, and a f*ck boy hairstyle. When someone looks at me, I look back, and then I mind my own business. At that moment, I kept walking.

It didn’t take long for the boy to follow.

Encounters like this are funny, to be honest. I guess I am too obvious now that it is easy for boys who need quick cash to make their move. And I am quicker to know when to play along.

So there we were, pacing each other’s steps and waiting for someone to start the approach. Well, I was waiting for him to approach. I learned from my friends who are used to these encounters to make sure that it will be the stranger who will make the first move. Be the prey first.

And when he started mouthing something, I told him that I was on my way to work. Then I took my kabit phone to ask for his number. That is the time he walks towards me, and then confirmed that he was a f*ck boy all along.

My friends also told me to always get contact numbers, information is good. Always make sure you have a kabit phone. We do not want to risk having your primary phone stolen. After the exchange, we went on our separate ways, and then I deleted his contact information.

As a gay, I am aware how mess up society is. There will be boys, and girls, who will sell themselves for money. Money for sex, sex for money. And I am just grateful that I have other things to spend on. For now, I have to pass. :D

Letter To Explain

I am close to creating another blog. It felt that the best thing to do was to  start all over and to just stay anonymous. Since I last write, I've grown a lot. I do not have the same emotions as before. I do not have the same musing and thoughts. I've changed a thousand times over in a span of one year.

Change is good though. And as long as you are changing for the better, keep on changing.

Why does it feel that I am introducing myself again? Lols.

Well, my name is LJ, I am a 30 something who resides in Makati, and believes that every one has something good in them. On my free time, I surf the net a lot, I watch a lot of Youtube videos, and sometimes I read. I work full time on a call center in BGC and I am also a network marketer.

The reason why this blog resurrected from its slumber is the company where I am working now have blogger. Haha. Aside from that, I miss ranting  writing. I miss sharing stories. I miss you.

I do not know where this will go. But I thank you for keeping up with me -- specially in my absence. I still have to figure out how blogger works again so just bear with me. I promise next time, I will write something about porn. Hahaha. :D

**Image taken from here

RTWO

Man, it feels weird opening this page again. Compliments to my new work, I was able to open the site. I do not know where will this lead, but as always, I am hoping for the best.