QUERY: THE TALISMANS OF SUMER

Darrin Rhodes is starting out at a new school, in a new country—and he does not fit in. He’s only half-Mexican in a land of proud descendants of an ancient race. And he was born with the rare disability of seeing only in black and white. And he is invincible.

Before his archaeologist father died in an excavation, he left Darrin a talisman that was sacred to the ancient people along with the instructions to never take it off. He also left him a frustratingly enigmatic old teacher who explains that Darrin now holds one of the eight Talismans of Sumer, powerful relics created by the gods at the dawn of civilization to grant their powers to their favorite civilizations.

The power of Time was given to the Aztecs, the power of Nature to the Mayans. But as the centuries passed, the people forgot about the gods and their gifts. Except for a powerful entity called the Shadow King, who has spent five thousand years hunting the Talismans, and a mysterious group of scholars and treasure hunters that call themselves The Hands of God. Darrin has no idea what his dad’s talisman does, but he quickly learns that there are those who do, and they want him dead.

The Powers of Time and Nature is a 110,000 word young adult historical fantasy novel planned for a series to include subsequent titles: The Powers of Earth and Heaven, The Powers of Life and Death, and The Powers of Order and Chaos.

Thank you for your consideration,

Shawn P. Butler
The Powers of Time and Nature
Book One of The Talismans Cycle

QUERY: AMELIA'S MONSTERS

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read a previous revision.

To most, the monsters that lived under the bed or in the closet were just a part of their imagination, but for fourteen year old Amelia, the monsters were very real. Night after night they would terrorize her from within the shadows of her closet, calling her Amélie and telling her that their King wished to see her. They would tell her, gently and calmly, that she was the daughter of a hero, and that it was time for her to return to her people. Each time, though, she would turn them away and plead with them to leave her alone. Not that it mattered. She knew they would be back and that her time to follow them peacefully would soon come to an end.

It isn’t until her cousin Lily comes to stay that the monsters finally attack, returning in the middle of the night and taking Lily from her room and bringing her back to their world. Forced to face her fears, Amelia must enter the monsters’ world to rescue her cousin, discovering a tangled past that connects her to the world beyond her closet and the one they call Amélie.

AMELIA’S MONSTERS is a 79,000 world young adult fantasy.


***Note: I have posted this query on this site a long time ago; you can probably still find the original one still hidden within the depths of this website. I have started submitting and have received a good amount of rejections and figure it's because of the above query. I will thank all of you now for your time and feedback as I won't be able to respond to your comments and your own queries for I will be away on vacation for a few days. So once again: thank you!

QUERY: REIGN OF MAGIC (revision 2)

Click here to read the original query.

Dear ****,

Lewan gasped as a mysterious force ripped through the army, killing thousands of men instantaneously. He was only a volunteer, answering his king’s call to war. Why was he the only one spared? And how did this happen? Magic was just a story told to scare small children, but what else could kill an army in seconds?

Lewan flees the battlefield and reports the events to his king, but no one believes him. No one, that is, except the watchers – a secret organization dedicated to destroying magic. The watchers are unable to eliminate the magical power, and must contend with politics and internal coups as they struggle to contain the situation. To make matters worse, a sorcerer appears in the land after centuries of absence with an agenda of his own. A power struggle ensues, a fight between men and kingdoms to control a force long hidden from the land. Magic devastated the realm in centuries past, and without interference it will happen again.

REIGN OF MAGIC is a completed 75,200 word fantasy for adult readers. It is told from three points of view: Lewan, the watchers, and the sorcerers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

****

QUERY: REIGN OF MAGIC

Dear ****,

War was supposed to be glorious. Lewan volunteered gladly to fight for his king, but nothing could have prepared him for the cold brutality of battle. His regiment retreats and seeks shelter in an old crypt, accidentally activating an ancient power that kills thousands of men instantaneously. Lewan, the only soldier spared, flees the battlefield in a panic. Magic was just a story told to scare small children, but what else could kill an army in seconds?

Frightened and confused, Lewan reports the events to his king, but no one believes him. No one, that is, except the watchers – a secret organization dedicated to destroying magic. The watchers want to eliminate the source of the magic, but a sorcerer long since thought dead appears with an agenda of his own. On top of that, the king begins to suspect the true cause behind the slaughter and seeks to understand its meaning. A power struggle quickly ensues, a fight between men and kingdoms to control a force long hidden from the land. Magic devastated the realm in centuries past, and without interference it is posed to do it again.

REIGN OF MAGIC is a completed 75,200 word fantasy for young adult readers. It is told from four points of view: Lewan, the watchers, the sorcerers, and the kings. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

****

QUERY- ANOMALY

Dear Agent,

I hope you will consider my young adult fantasy novel, Anomaly.

16-year-old Maya is an Anomaly—superhuman. Her ability to teleport, called “shifting,” is a rare and extraordinary one. While adjusting to her new home in London and learning how to control her ability, Maya has to juggle two Anomaly boys: a hunky albeit nerdy Italian who can become transparent, and a sexy British rocker who can nullify electricity but always seems to have a motive other than love. Maya is also targeted by Aristar Industries, a corporation of Anomalies hell-bent on stealing DNA, cloning abilities, and storming the British government. Aristar wants shifters in their ranks—which means they want Maya… or rather, her DNA. A cat-and-mouse chase for her genetic material thrusts Maya into a world of deception, kidnapping, murder, and world domination, where the stakes are high and the consequences of failure deadly.

Being an optometrist and a former National Science Foundation Fellow have groomed my brain for the scientific ins and outs of this novel. I’m a member of SCBWI and when I'm not writing, I'm figure skating or blogging at www.anitasaxena.com. I hope the sample pages will interest you in the full 80,000-word manuscript, which I believe has series potential. It is a simultaneous submission. Thank you for your time.

Best,

Anita

Query- On the Surface

Dear [Agent Name],

Graham is a vampire; he just doesn’t know it yet. He was captured by werewolves and given a drug named, "The Cure." Now he is human and has no memory of the past two thousand years. With less than sixty vampires in existence, and Graham being one of the three original creators, his disappearance doesn't go unnoticed for long.

The wolves stationed Graham in an apartment just outside the city and as the first subject "The Cure" has successfully changed, he is closely monitored by his kidnappers. When Graham's vampire companion, Karl, discovers his location, he must find a way to get close enough to his friend to remove the drug-induced transformation.

After "The Cure" is forcibly removed and the human side effects begin to wear off, Graham must accept the creature he is, but the terrifying changes from human to vampire are enough drive him to the wolves, seeking a normal life. But the experiment he underwent has been ruined and now the werewolves want him dead.

With no other choice, Graham is forced to return to his vampire friends and attempt to go back to a world he doesn't remember yet.

My contemporary fantasy novel, On the Surface, complete at 79,000 words, is about a man striving to learn about his past and then cautiously coming to terms with the creature he turns out to be.

I received my B.A. in English writing from [omitted] and have had short, non-fiction pieces published on a locally-based website [omitted].

Thank you for offering your time to read a little about On the Surface.

Sincerely,

[omitted]

QUERY- LESTOOR’S CHOSEN

Dear Oh-All-Mighty Agent,

After Amarris watches blood collectors slit a boy’s throat, she wants nothing more than to escape her destiny as the Mezaran Empire’s future leader. She cuts her hair, disguises herself as a boy, and apprentices with a thief, a man who rescues sacrificial slaves as a pastime. But her new life doesn’t quench her blood-burning addiction, and the Empire won’t just let her go.

Amarris is the Empire’s most talented lestari, able to absorb human blood and create divine fire. She can create invisible fire, fire that consumes any material, and even fire that burns out another lestari’s powers. If her master knew what she was, he’d probably kill her. And creating fire comes with a price steeper than blood. The more fire Amarris uses, the more the Mezaran god manipulates her, until she’s not sure which thoughts are still her own.

When she discovers the Empire plans to invade Darsia, the only country that’s ever repelled it, she crosses the ocean in an attempt to both break her ties with the Mezaran god, and to warn them. But her penchant for thievery entangles her in Darsia’s tempestuous politics, and she’s increasingly unsure of who she can trust. Amarris’ arsenal whittles down to one weapon: divine fire. If she runs, the Empire will kill everyone she’s come to care about. If she fights, she risks succumbing to the Mezaran god, destroying the people she is trying to save and losing her free will in the process.

LESTOOR’S CHOSEN is a fantasy novel that is complete at 140,000 words. This novel is a stand-alone work with trilogy potential.

Thank you for your time.

QUERY: COMING OF THE DUKEBARR (revised)

Click here to read the original query.

QUERY: revision to COMING OF THE DUKEBARR
now called COMING OF THE DURSTORUNG

...or any other evil apocalyptic sounding name...

Dear "****",

Cara, a rebellious and stubborn fifteen year old, has recently decided that there is no Creator. Her beliefs, if discovered, are considered high treason and grounds for exile in her village. Desperate to protect his daughter, the High Priest confronts Cara about her beliefs, but she refuses to conform and runs away. She finds shelter with an old man in the hills, another non-believer who was exiled from the village years ago. By the time her father finds her she has become close friends with the heretic.

When Cara is dragged away from her new friend and forced to return home, an apprentice priest, Leolin, is assigned to babysit Cara and help recover her faith. He follows her to school and watches closely as she completes her chores, all while extolling the virtues of the Creator. Needless to say, Cara isn’t pleased. But her anger is quickly forgotten when foretold signs of a coming apocalypse, the Durstorung, begin to appear. The village animals are slaughtered. Lightning from clear blue skies burn down multiple houses. Cara is frightened by the events and is relieved when the old man arrives in the village, looking for shelter after his cottage was burned down. But before she can confide in her friend, the Durstorung arrives.

The villagers flee from the devastation and shelter in nearby caves, praying for redemption. The Durstorung is a blur – no one can remember what happened or how, but they all believe the Creator has decided to end the world and there is nothing they can do to save it. The food supplies in the cave won’t last till the end of the week. Cara, however, realizes something is amiss. Why do people have claw marks on their arms? And why were the animals slaughtered like prey? She tells everyone that the Durstorung might be a magical beast and tries to organize a scouting party, but only the old man believes her. Leolin refuses to let her out of his sight, and Cara is furious. With time running out, Cara must find a way to defeat the Durstorung on her own to save her village from certain annihilation.

COMING OF THE DURSTORUNG is a completed 53,000 word fantasy for young adult readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

********

QUERY: Coming of the Dukebarr

Dear *****,

Everyone believes in the Creator. Everyone, that is, except Cara.

Cara, a rebellious and stubborn thirteen year old, has recently decided that there is no Creator. Her beliefs, however, are considered high treason and grounds for exile in her small town. Desperate to protect his daughter, the High Priest of the village assigns an apprentice priest to babysit his daughter and help to recover her faith.

Needless to say, Cara isn’t pleased. But her anger is quickly forgotten when foretold signs of a coming apocalypse, the Dukebarr, begin to appear. Cara finds herself questioning her beliefs in the face of these events as her society begins to crumble around her. Will her faith, or lack of it, be able to prevent the destruction of her village?

COMING OF THE DUKEBARR is a completed 40,000 word fantasy for middle grade readers. I have one published short story in Byline Magazine.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

****

QUERY: Amelia's Monsters

*Note* I posted this a long time ago on this site, but I am re-posting this to see how it has held up before I finally submit it.

Dear Agent,

Since she was twelve, Amelia’s nights have been plagued with visits from monsters. Each night they would terrorize her through the darkness of her closet, calling her Amelie and telling her that they’ve been waiting for her. No matter how many times she turned them away, they would return, bringing with them the terrors of the night. And they followed her no matter where she went.

Now fourteen, Amelia is getting a fresh start in a brand new home in a gated community. Sadly, not even the gates can protect Amelia from her deepest fears. When her cousin Lily comes to visit, the monsters return and steal Lily in the night. With Lily’s life in danger, Amelia must face her fears and enter the monsters’ world to rescue her cousin. But with each step into their world, Amelia discovers a tangled past that connects her to their world and the one they call Amelie.

Query: The Ash Plague (round two)

Click here to read the original query.

Dear Agent,

Assistant to the Royal Advisor, Adalmund Port returned home to Norwyn from her first job with an arrow in her shoulder and a murdered princess in her arms.

A war veteran at seventeen, Adalmund was sent to advise her country’s princess during a routine, perfectly safe peace treaty signing. Needless to say, it didn’t go as planned.

Sent back to Amleth, the country that murdered her princess, Adalmund is tasked with finding the man who ordered the attack and killing him. It’s an old law between the nations—the life of a noble for another noble life—but it doesn’t take into account the revolution brewing in Amelth. Adalmund didn’t take it into account either.

Peace is rising in Amelth. Peace, a masked man with the same magical powers as Adalmund and a desire for sweeping, if misguided, social change, is leading the revolution against the Amleth Royal Court. He also knows which Amelth prince was in charge of the military unit that murdered the Norwyn princess.

Peace wants Adalmund’s help.

Adalmund wants Peace’s information.

She also wants nothing to do with him, but Norwyn’s Royal Court strikes a deal with Peace: Adalmund’s unlimited help in exchange for a magically binding agreement that he’ll never declare war on Norwyn.

Adalmund will do anything to save her country. She’s been to war, she’s been an assassin, and she’s sacrificed her arm to save the princess.

But asking her to work with Peace might be too much.

THE ASH PLAGUE is a young adult fantasy novel of 75,000 words with series potential.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
The Girl Who Queried

Query-The Ash Plague

Dear Agent,

The war started with a drunkard in her library and an arrow in her arm.

Seventeen-year-old Adalmund Pratt is one of the last remaining people who can see and weave the threads of magic in her plague-ravaged country, and as such, she is the newly-appointed Advisor to the Theodyn Heir. During a peace treaty signing with the neighboring nation of Amleth, an Amleth advisor drunkenly slurs in her ear that his nation is on the brink of a revolution against the royal family, and she realizes that she and the Heir of Theodyn are in enemy territory.

The attack comes before they planned. An unknown division of the Amleth army attacks and it’s an arrow through Adalmund’s shoulder and another through the throat of the Heir, who dies in her arms.

Adalmund knows that her ability remains the only chance to save Theodyn. Pushing aside her own grief and feelings of failure, she doesn’t hesitate to obey when the grieving Queen sends her to spy on the Amleth army and bring the murderous army unit to justice.

It’s not an impossible assignment until Adalmund realizes that the soldiers who attacked aren’t a part of the normal army, but are the private guards of a Prince. The only way she can succeed is to forge a precarious truce with Peace, the mysterious leader of the revolution in Amleth, and she’ll do it to save her country—even if the price of Peace is her life.

The first in a planned series, THE ASH PLAUGE is a young adult fantasy novel of 75,000 words.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

L.M. Miller

Query- By the Sword - YA Christian Fantasy (Third Revision)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.

**I truly appreciate all your feedback here. :)

Dear Agent,

Eighteen year old Talya`s main goal is to help bring down the Malinorian Empire. And Jalarn, the empire`s new young general, is at the top of her list of enemies to kill. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.

Talya`s plan to march into battle is interrupted when a visiting prophet tells her that God has called her on a peaceful mission to Hunter Forest. In the forest, Talya runs into Jalarn. After a gruelling fight, Talya`s skills prevail, but as she removes his battle mask to slit his throat, memories of a haunting vision convince her to spare his life. She flees – right into the hands of Jalarn`s men.

When Talya awakens in a prison, Jalarn orders her to make a decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. But as Talya`s faith in God grows and she shares it with Jalarn, they become closer. When Jalarn begins to show curiosity in Talya`s God, he is no longer a heartless monster in her eyes. The problem is that there are no secrets in a castle full of magic. And someone is on to them.

By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 70,000 words in length.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query- By the Sword (YA Fantasy) - Second Revision

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.


Dear Agent,

Eighteen year old Talya`s main goal is to help her country bring down the Malinorian Empire. And Jalarn, the empire`s new young general, is at the top of her list of enemies to kill. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.

Gut wrenching, lifelike nightmares of a young boy interrupt Talya`s focus. It doesn`t help when a visiting prophet reminds her of her blood lust problem and tells her that God has called her on a dangerous mission to Hunter Forest days before the battle. Talya agrees to go when she finds out that Jalarn will be there. They run into one another and, after a gruelling sword fight, Talya wins. But her plan to slit his throat does not go as planned when she removes his battle mask and recognizes him to be the same boy as the one in her haunting visions. She spares his life and flees, but Jalarn`s men catch up to her.

When Talya awakens in a prison, she is confronted by Jalarn to make a decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. But as Talya`s faith in God grows and she shares it with Jalarn, they become closer. The problem is that there are no secrets in a castle full of magic. And someone is on to them.

By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 70,000 words in length.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query- By the Sword (YA Fantasy) First Revision

Dear Agent,

Eighteen year old Talya is a knight who lives to kill soldiers of the Malinorian Empire. She especially hates their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered Talya`s king, he almost killed her. Twice.

A prophet`s word sends Talya to Hunter Forest, where she meets Jalarn. They fight and she wins. When Talya removes Jalarn`s battle mask to slit his throat, memories of a haunting vision tug at her conscience. She spares his life and flees, but Jalarn`s men catch her.

When Talya awakens in a Malinorian prison, she is faced with the decision to follow Malinor in the upcoming war, or die. Things become more complicated as Talya and Jalarn begin to develop feelings for one another.

By the Sword is a young adult Christian fantasy novel that is 66,000 words in length.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query- By the Sword

Dear Agent,

Kill. That is what warriors are supposed to do. They are not supposed to dream visions or fall for their worst enemy.

Twenty-two year old Talya is a knight who lives and breathes to fight. The need to avenge her mother`s death fuels her as Sanctus, her country, prepares for war against the expanding Malinorian Empire. She hates the Malinorians, especially their new young general, Jalarn. Not only has Jalarn murdered her king, he`s almost killed Talya twice.

With the upcoming battle on her mind, Talya is shocked when a prophet from the woods tells her that God has called her to go on a mission to Hunter Forest. When the messenger of God confirms the graphic nightmares that Talya has been having, she agrees to go.

It is in Hunter Forest that Talya finds Jalarn. Her plan to slay him doesn`t exactly go as planned. When she awakens within a Malinorian prison, she needs to make a decision to follow Jalarn`s religion in order to live, or stay true to her faith and die.

By the Sword is a fantasy novel that is 81,000 words in length.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

QUERY: STEALING A DREAM

Dear agent,

I’m seeking representation for my novel, STEALING A DREAM, a young adult fantasy adventure exploring the notion of balance in contrasts. It’s complete at 108,000 words, separated into six sections, each dealing with a particular theme.

The story centers around HAISMA Perell, a twenty-two-year-old woman whose parents are mysteriously murdered, leaving her baby brother, the only witness, traumatically insane. Years of searching bear no answer or cure, turning her hopelessly bitter. When a foreign healer suggests a Dream, Haisma latches onto the opportunity with the desperation of one with nothing left to lose.

But the Dream must be stolen from a world beneath the clouds, one governed by uncanny principles beyond the familiar logic and reason of hers. No guarantee she may survive the crossing. No guarantee the cure may work. What she needs is a guide, so she hires one, unwitting that he’s probably one she may be better off without.

Because FAZIEL De Garxia attracts trouble like honey to a bee. Charming but quixotic, he’s a stark contrast in personality and values to her, and worse, suffering a severe case of hero complex. So when they stumble upon the brink of a universal revolution, Faziel just has to poke his nose in. Granted, the terrorism is led by his one-time patron and best-friend, and bears linkages to the sect responsible for Haisma’s parents’ murder, but she’s never been the sort to appreciate complications.

With Faziel, nothing is simple.

Caught in a whirlwind of convoluted power games between two forces that use people as weapons and opportunities as assets, a simple quest to save her brother turns into a mission to save the universe. Haisma and Faziel must battle through betrayal, mind and emotional manipulations, worse-than-death torture, impossible choices, and madness, leaving them drained to the bones. Without combat skills or aptitude to magic, all she has is cunning as weapon and virtue as armour. But with Faziel’s unyielding love, support from unlikely friendships made throughout the journey, and the Dream as their shared beacon of hope, Haisma finds all the strength she needs to shine through the storm.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Query - The Desmona Child

Dear Agent,
                I am looking for an agent that likes fantasy/mythology with a twist. My debut novel, THE DESMONA CHILD, is a 106,000 word work of YA fantasy that leads up to the fall of Atlantis.
                 The ladies room is hardly where Marine Desmona expected a proposal. She had danced, giggled and enjoyed the night right up until a mysterious Duke cornered her and vowed everlasting love. In the tumultuous weeks following that event Marine is conflicted, but never more so than when she learns that she is the key to bringing magic back to the kingdom of Adara - and that having witch-blood makes her appealing to the Duke  because he wants to create a progeny of untold magical power. Such a child could have god-like dominion over life and death.
               A long journey to escape the Duke leads Marine to the literal doorstep of a fabled haven, the legendary Atlantis, where she hopes to disappear…

                 I am querying widely, but will grant exclusivity if you are interested in seeing more of my work.


Thank you for your time

Query- The Silver Strand (3rd revision)

Click here to read the original query.
Click here to read the first revision.
Click here to read the second revision.

Dear Agent,

I submit my middle grade, fantasy adventure, The Silver Strand, complete at 55,000 words for your consideration.  The novel is based in the northern coast of New South Wales, Australia and in the inner earth city of Agartha.  It will appeal to readers who laugh out loud, or those who love mythical creatures, secret underground worlds and high-tech flying devices as featured in Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl.

When thirteen year old Isabelle Tresdon wishes her chunky, silver strand of hair never sprouted, she never bargained on it draining her magical power and life.

With five days to save her life, she undertakes three tests with the help of two Masterminds, in exchange for delivering a crystal bracelet encoded with information.  Trouble is, these two tricksters manipulate energy using their minds and their idea of tests equals Isabelle's worst nightmare.  First they transform her into a toad forcing her to rely on prickling warts to dodge death.  Then she is challenged by a grumpy dragon who threatens to roast her on a spit.

Isabelle thinks her last test will be a breeze until she and her companions are accused of being traitors and imprisoned in Agartha.  To escape, she must muster what remains of her magic and battle corrupt Agarthan leaders who break every rule to seize the bracelet and protect their secrets.  If Isabelle's already good as dead, she may as well go down fighting.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Query Joseph and the Magical Pathways

Its Joseph Wendt’s first day as a teenager and life just got infinitely more complicated. Joseph would like to think he is still that guy who doesn’t believe in magic, dragons, or wizards. He was that guy before a shadow figure attacked him, before a wizard saved him, and before he discovered a one thousand year old prophesy which points to him as the one destined to save a magical world Joseph has never even heard of.

If you ask Joseph, however, the prophesy has named the wrong man. Forget the fact that being brave is not one of Joseph’s characteristics, or that words have a funny way of fighting him; Joseph isn’t magical, never has been, not a day in his life. He is certainly not the type of boy you would expect to be chosen to save the world or save, well, anything. But all of that is about to change.

Joseph is thrust into a world where things are never what they seem. Wizards are the norm and fairies are evil. Luckily, Juliana, a wizard-in-training with a fierce competitive streak, is up for the challenge of getting one befuddled teenage boy ready for the fight of his life.

With a few lessons, and one very interesting game night where things only went mildly wrong (Joseph really hadn’t meant to levitate Juliana’s family, that was definitely his wand’s fault), Joseph almost believes, that maybe, just maybe...nah.

But doubt shuffling around Joseph’s rambling mind is the least of his worries. With magic, the line between the truth and a lie are quickly blurred and betrayal is an easily accomplished task. Joseph must face the facts. His new friends may not be what they seem. And time is running out.

Joseph and the Magical Pathways is a complete young adult fantasy novel at 65,000 words. Thank you for your time.