Continued rumblings after the synod

Sometimes I think that the seeming to-and-fro, not only of Pope Francis' mind, as reported here and there, but the synod proceedings as a whole, reflects a discernment process. It seems like it anyway. It is like some form of annealing, like a boggle game shaken vigorously. and no one knows what it will say when the pieces come to rest.

Apart from that, it is an interesting spectacle to watch how the different characters and groups react and reveal their minds and their cards. Some, God bless them, are simply orthodox. Others are unapologetically less interested in orthodoxy, despite the fact that it is Christ at the giving end of the doxos. Some are close to panic, others are calm but vigilant, and others yet, smug, indifferent, or both. It's interesting to consider that they - we - are all being tested on this. Christ, as always, is a stumbling block and a cause to reveal the secrets of our intentions. Our intentions are on the scales. Is our position chosen out of charity or selfishness, fidelity or worldliness, conviction or comfort, faith or despair?

Love and Marriage

So they defiled themselves by their deeds and broke their marriage bond with the Lord till his anger blazed against his people; he was filled with horror at his chosen ones.

Part of today's Psalms at Mass (Ps 105), is a common theme in the writings of the prophets as well, associating the relationship between Man and God with marriage, and so infidelity is the abomination of worshipping other gods. One of the questions that come to mind when many bishops suggest that divorced and remarried Christians can be worthy of Holy Communion while remaining in the same state of adultery, is this: is there still such a thing as fidelity? Where, too, is justice, given the price of redemption and given the aggrieved other half of the abandoned marriage? If fidelity is impossible for some people, is it claimed that the grace of God is insufficient?

Marriage battle was lost in the culture long before it was lost on the courts

I would go further than what George Weigel wrote. Yes, the marriage battle was lost in the culture long before it was lost in the Supreme Court, but it must have been lost in the Church first. That would explain why the Christian west was entirely too quick to walk away from Christian marriage and into the arms of cheap Hollywood romance. We lost the plot a long time ago. We exchanged the true meaning of love and freedom for shiny false substitutes. So now we have the work of a few generations cut out for us: to have faith and to remain faithful to the author of true Love. It will take his mighty hand to get the world out of this one.

Infertile people can't marry says Catholic Church -- false article

On the basis of the cited video from GMA news, this article is way off the mark (to put it mildly). There is nothing in the video about infertile couples, nor about mortal sin, nor about telling other religions what they can or cannot do. That report was about the recent statements of Archbishop Cruz concerning same sex marriage, and the address by Pope Benedict XVI to the diplomatic corps on Monday.
Video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=JXs7Fk8RgME

Children of the Reformation: On Marriage, Contraception to Abortion

Touchstone Archives: Children of the Reformation is a thought-provoking read. I think a few questions are left unanswered though, such as how today's pastors, recovering the orthodox Christian ethos, might navigate their way through the very factors that caused their forebears to fumble on such crucial matters. But someone has probably written about that already someplace.

UK judge says that divorcing parents can damage children

Talk about an understatement. Marriage isn't easy, and is certainly harder in some cases compared to others. But barring the exceptional case of violent altercations or abuse, it's hard to prove the point that divorce solves everything, or even most things. It probably does no good to the children (except, as said, for those exceptional cases). I once heard someone on Catholic Answers ask rhetorically, when the parents give up on their marriage and effectively abandon their daily crosses, guess who has to pick them up instead?

Not to forget the missus

So I enthuse to my wife about this podcast from Catholic Answers Live entitled "Husbands, Love Your Wives!" with guest Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers (a really gifted preacher). So I turn it up for her. Two minutes in, I ask "are you listening to this?" Nope.

I guess that sort of thing should be seen and not heard. :-)

Less stress for married couples

.. according to a small study involving 500 masters students in Chicago University. That doesn't sound like such a huge sample size, but I can relate. However, the label "marriage" by itself doesn't guarantee it, especially if it means different things to different people. Is it religious, carrying with it all the implications of it being transcendent? Is it Christian, with all the implications of a covenant that relies on God, and being patterned after the relationship between Jesus Christ and his bride, the Church? Is it with the commitment and complete self-giving for life, through thick and thin, beyond the ups and downs of "being in love"? After all, even the word "love" gets thrown around lightly -- and ambiguously -- these days.

Marriage: What is Marriage?

Couldn't resist that quotable from "The Princess Bride" -- although it was actually pronounced 'mawidge' in the movie, but.. never mind. For to the answer, comedian Chuch Nice had something interesting to say about it, particularly the aspect of fidelity in marriage. He refers to infidelity as a lack of character. On the other hand, Jenny Block from Newsweek wrote something else in "The Case Against Monogamy". Perhaps without realizing it, what she writes contradicts what she was actually writing about. The lesson she seems to derive from experience and the Tiger Woods affair is that one should simply have open marriages, i.e., no fidelity required:

Frankly, I'm surprised anyone's surprised. Woods's entire life is based on winning; on having, doing, and being more. So why on earth would anyone think "settling down" was even in his vocabulary?

But marriage is about settling down -- committed faithfully to one's spouse. So perhaps one should not marry unless committed to what it entails, including fidelity. Not that one cannot fall, but there should be an absolute intention not to.

Celebrity or not, cheating is human nature.

This is what makes marriage special: it goes beyond human nature. Don't we still celebrate heroism today, of those who go beyond what is typical and expected, beyond the mundane, for love, honor, or justice? What's more, fidelity in marriage calls for the supernatural, something that calls for our natural instinct towards romantic ideals of faithfulness, but pushing it through to heroic and supernatural fruition.
Of course, people can fail these ideals -- who doesn't? But here is more evidence of the supernatural: have human beings not also exhibited, from time to time, conversion and forgiveness?

Infidelity

Derrick Jackson (smh.com) talks about something that today's cynical and oversexed culture may tend to disregard in cases of marital infidelity: what about the children? I wonder if this question gets asked enough? It's probably not the most important consideration for people (not necessarily the affected parents) who read about infidelity. We are, after all, steeped in many modernist fallacies. Does it not often seem, according to 21st century western culture, that romance is the end-all? Marriage and exclusive, lifelong commitment seem almost to be taboo subjects. Well.. what does one expect in that situation anyway? If it all hinges upon steamy romance then.. there's nothing for it but to walk away when the steam dissipates. Not that we can belittle the enormity of the commitment, and the magnitude of suffering when we fail to live up to the commitment. But.. that's exactly what sets marriage apart. It is indeed a huge deal. It isn't just a contract, nor is it about satisfaction or your investment back. Call me old-fashioned but that view of marriage is too calculating, too cold, and also too flimsy. What's so romantic about a situation where the door is open for walking away when romance wanes?

My kids often pray that they would love God or love their parents forever. I hope this does not hinge on sentiments, or we're in big trouble.

Planned Parenthood in Korea: pushing for more babies?

A very odd member of the Planned Parenthood family is advocating for families to have more babies. MercatorNet asks if this is one way for abortion to disappear. Maybe. But the interesting question for me is if, by this particular story, abortion and population control advocates are going in the right direction? I'm not so sure.

But looking back, we recognise that the direction of policy had to be changed when the TFR reached 2.1. In fact, the change was not realised until 20 years later in the early 2000s. We can say that the one-child policy met the needs of its time but it did not change at the proper time. The reasons for low fertility rate are late marriage, an unfavourable social environment for women to do "work and home" at the same time, too much money needed to raise children, and so on.

My understanding of the explanation from PPK (Planned Parenthood Korea) is that this is still a calculated move for an optimal population. The bottom line is still the system, not the person.

And the implications of the last sentence I quote above may not be sufficiently appreciated by PPK. Given that the low rates are based on attitudes about careers, marriage and children, on what grounds can PPK convince women to have more babies? Probably not by population targets, nor economics, nor even patriotism. Governments can throw in material or financial incentives all they want, but I doubt that they would persuade a woman who is convinced that motherhood is of second-rate value and fulfillment. As any parent knows, it isn't just the money. It's the effort, heartaches and pains involved in raising up a child that can put one off. What can offset those? I think only love can. Not that I'm brimming with it -- certainly not. But I do remember both my mother and father.

What was it that Mark Shea pointed out in one of his excellent podcasts? That God delighted to create Man. There are still parents around who are blessed with a similar (albeit imperfect) sense of this delight in parenthood. How do you bring that back after postmodern western society has been slandering the concept of marriage and parenthood for the past 40 years? Now that would be an interesting problem to form strategies about. But the Catholic Church has been largely unheard when they've been shouting the answer for years now: stronger marriages. Seems like Christ was on to something after all when he went so far as to reiterate the beginnings of marriage and giving it his stamp of sanctification.

Sobering thoughts about society

and just what might well be at stake.

Divorce and hardness of heart

The Curt Jester offers a very sober commentary on divorce, and a close look at which side of the debate hardness of heart may be found.

Marriage or Me?

This is a must-read from Charles Colson about me, myself and Marriage -- and why the "me" mentality contradicts Marriage.