How My Brain Works

For some reason, I've thought of my mind as a large secretary's room.
There's a nice desk at the front where I sit.
But the rest of it is an endless sea of filing cabinets. Some of them are in alphabetical order, but most are grouped by people, events, and periods of my life. That part doesn't really matter so much.
Whenever I think of something, I imagine I've retrieved the file and it's open on my desk. As long as I'm thinking about it I leave it open there so I can leaf through it. Generally I have at least two or three thought files open; sometimes to cross reference 'cleaning the room' with 'what I'll do tomorrow' and of course 'what I should eat next' is frequently fun to leaf through.
When I'm driving "basic driving skills" is open, so I can occasionally remember the 10-and-2 rule I etched on a page from driver's ed classes. But then 'music and rhythm' is open on top of that and "singing lessons" usually is open there too. And recently the "what do I want in a car" file is open as well.
Sometimes though, driving is the best time to start putting away folders. Every day needs wind closing time, when I take a few minutes to straighten the thought pages, or shuffle them into the right folders and file them back away.
I lose a lot of papers though, having so many files open at once. Most passing thoughts are not recorded in complete sentences, scribbled on bits here and there, or they are thoughts but never find a place to be filed, so they are recycled and sometimes they blow around when the air conditioning turns on the next day. but most I never find again.

So, I'm sorry if I forget your birthday or new last name. I probably filed it under "awesome" instead of "best friends" last time I was thinking about you!

. . . it's all just a little bit of history repeating

I know that some people find themselves in the same situation over and over again.
I'm just in the first "again" at this point.

Somewhere along the line someone starts to get so attached
and I see the situation from the outside.
It's like suddenly I am put on trial:
Am I that attached?
Do I feel the same?
Am I making it up?
I have to ask myself if I'm just happy or if it's something more.
And am I really happy?

I don't want history to repeat itself. It isn't the kind of movie you want to watch again. Once was enough.

So it starts to really hurt my heart
just at the thought
that it might be
the same thing
again.

Bittersweet symphonies
the dissonance
right before the resolve
into a beautiful new key.

But how do I know
if the music shifts
into a better key
or just a more complicated melody?

Utah Valley Girl txt msg song (Tribute to ABC by the Jackson Five)

(Like, This song is Totally for Nicole and Brittni!!)

omg!
u met @ fhe?
he could b ur ec!!
totally.
U + he
he's ur eternity!

is it tru
he went to BYU?
he is an RM 2?
good 4 u!
can't w8 till
I get 1 2!

Remain Anonymous and Your Words Will Become Famous

Close your eyes and you will see clearly
Cease to listen and you will hear truth
Be silent and your heart will sing
Seek no contact and you will find union
Be still and you will move on the tide of the spirit
Be gentle and you will need no strength
Be patient and you will achieve all things
Be humble and you will remain entire.
--Anonymous Taoist poem

Welcome to Emma

The best advice I heard about writing in a journal was to not worry about explaining everything that happened or your whole life story. You just start writing.