FOX News reported today that Walt Disney's new film called 'Jet Black,' the African-American version of 'Snow White' has been canceled. All of the seven (7) dwarfs ”Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, Homeboy, and Shank have refused to sing 'Hi Ho' because they say it offends Black prostitutes. They also say they damn sure have no intention of singing, "It's off to work we go.
I'll be waiting for the knock on the door. Hopefully I've offended someone.
Mathematics will save you from your past.
Lost a parcel?
Don’t care anymore? Then you must be my age.
Immigration rears it’s head.
Out of work?
Me when blogging and realising I’ve clicked the publish button too early.
Autumn statement?
And finally
Goodnight all.
Britain’s airport capacity problem could finally be solved, if an experimental launch of an EasyJet airliner from HMS Prince of Wales proves a success.
Head of defence staff Nicholas Houghton insisted that commercial flights between aircraft carriers would allow runways to be moved if there were complaints, and save everyone the bother of having to drive to London.
“Aircraft carriers can adapt to changes in demand”, insisted Houghton. “You can sail one down to Gibraltar if anyone wants to visit there, or divert them to the Falklands if they fancy having a look at a penguin.”
The General pointed out that building ‘just a dozen or so’ new aircraft carriers would serve as a warning to rogue nations that armies of obnoxious tourists could be deployed anywhere in the world.
Using a modified launch ramp that can handle 300 passengers and up to 15 tonnes of duty-free, HMS Prince of Wales can now launch holiday makers with less than 40 seconds warning.
Houghton admitted that passengers would need to adapt slightly before they use the new facility.
“It’s a simple matter of taking the Queen’s shilling”, he explained. “We’re talking about less than 18 weeks basic training, learning how to hold your rum and then swimming a width wearing pyjamas”, he explained.
A spokesman from EasyJet pointed out that the mobility of aircraft carriers might occasionally mean a last-minute change in destination.
“If that happens we can arrange a transfer through our sister company, EasyPedalo”, said George Otway. “But at least you’ll have half a chance of arriving in the country you chose, which is a lot better than you’d get with Ryanair.”
Passengers on the first trial spoke of some difficulties, particularly as the location of their departure aircraft carrier was a closely guarded secret.
“We were flown out here on a rendition flight via Libya, and we’ve had nothing to do for 72 hours”, said one couple. “Our hand luggage has been stolen, there’s bullet holes in our suitcase and the scenery is just one depressing sea of grey. So overall, it’s about the same as flying out of Luton.”
I GAVE YOU JUST ONE JOB... ONE BLOODY JOB!!!
Outside line?
Checkmate.
Corny old one.
I know their is a data protection act, but…..
Arse about face
Something about those planning regulations?
Oh go fork yourself
Handy
Superbat
Speaks for itself
Very pointed
The kids can see you coming
Just for foreign cyclists
??????????????????
I’m not even going to bother
Carpet cleaner?
Doh!
Just to ensure you have a pile of crap. Or to blame you wife for a wet toilet floor.
I’ll start with sex
Sensible advice for those up in the air moments
Pessimism
A simple mathematical formula solved
It’s much more difficult to turn on the fairer sex.
For that moment you realised that you clicked on “Post” before you’ve finished composing.
Revenge of the killer bulbs
He tried.
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke?
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters?
Why do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage?
EVER WONDER...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Let me know the answers- TFE
