We're on a Road to...

Once in awhile Treppenwitz offers a "tremp" post;  that is, a hitchhiking experience that stands out for being unusual, humorous or just plain wacky.  I myself don't have many stories to tell since, I'll readily admit, I shy away from picking up hitchhikers.  I'm just too scared to let a total stranger into the car, and unfortunately I've heard enough worrisome stories to justify that fear.  

But in theory I think it's a lovely idea.   As an older teenager / young adult, I depended on others to transport me around this teeny tiny country, and nowadays I wish I felt safe enough to return the favor to society at large

I do feel safe picking up fellow moshav residents, which I often do on my way to work.  I leave the house early and at this time of year the sun is up but it's still chilly and these past few days -- hurray! -- rainy.   Sometimes it's a high school kid trying to get to school, or an older resident on his way to the local shuk for some shopping.  Often as not, it's someone trying to get to the hospital itself, to visit a relative or to keep a medical appointment.  

When I pull my car up to the bus stop each morning, most people come up to the window, ask where I'm going, and either reject the ride with a polite "Have a nice drive," or else they hop into the car, and off we go.   This morning, though, it was the other type of trempist (hitchhiker), that older, first-generation North-African immigrant Savta-type.  I could tell this was going to involve a process, and I stifled a groan.

I know, what's the big deal?  I feel extremely grateful to own a (mostly) reliable vehicle, and we're only talking about a few minutes of my time to help a fellow citizen get on with his life.  True, it's challenging enough, when it's still dark, to drag myself out of bed and make my way through the sleepy-crazy morning rush, out the door and onto the road, only to have someone waste precious time deciding whether to hitch a ride.  

Bottom line?  I have to admit it, I have a problem.   I hate it when people make me late to work.  

So I could see this passenger was going to be a problem.   First, standing outside the car with rain streaming in through the now-open window, she has to interview me:  Where are you going?  How are you getting there?  Are you going via the ----- route?  No?  Why not?  

Pause and grimace.  Are you sure you aren't going the ---- route?  Turns around to her companion, waiting at the bus stop two meters away.  Shouts, SHE'S NOT GOING THE ----- ROUTE.  SHOULD I GO WITH HER?  Pause for discussion.  Short argument.   Unclear resolution.  I yell out through the window, I have to go.  Are you coming or not?

Steps back toward the car.   Looks back at companion, then back at me.   OK, I'll go with you.Opens the back door.  Piles in two heavy bags.   Slams the door.  Opens the front door, sits down with a thud.  

Glances at me and remembers -- I'm that crazy woman who insists on using that silly device. Looks down, fumbles with the seat belt.   I have a wedding tonight.  My sister's daughter.  I have to get to the Central Bus Station by ten o'clock, there's a bus that leaves at ten.  I'm sleeping over there, at my sister's.

I nod.  I'm trying not to lose it, but I'm already running late, I still have to stop and fill up at the gas station, it's pouring with rain, and we've already wasted five minutes discussing route options, as if it's even up to her in the first place.  

I have to get to the Central Bus Station, she repeats.  The bus station.  To catch a bus.  To my sister's.  Maybe if we see the bus coming up the hill you can just drop me off and I'll get a ride from there to -----.    Are you sure you're not going via -----?

We have covered this material before, and so I feel obligated to clarify, more forcefully now, that yes, I'm sure we are traveling the very route I originally specified.  Maybe you could just drop me off somewhere along the way, she continues to mumble.  Maybe the bus will come by.  Meanwhile, my iPod is plugged into the car's speaker system and I am desperately trying to hear Ira Glass introduce Act One of the week's This American Life podcast.  

But my passenger does not understand English and treats the sound coming from the speakers as just that -- sound, without meaning -- so she continues this one-way conversation, competing at full volume with the podcast.  

So, you're going to work?  Oh, you speak English.  I know some people who speak English.  From England.  What do you think, the English they teach in schools, is it the American English, or the English from England. 

I force a smile and, not able to hear Ira, I pause the podcast.  

Well, I tell her, I wouldn't know.  I didn't learn English here in the school system, being that it's my mother tongue and all.   I figure maybe this comment would serve as a hint, that the noise coming out of the speakers is, to me, not some unintelligible cacophony or background noise, but rather, something I was in the middle of following, and I press play.  

North African Savta (continues the discussion, completely unfazed):  Oh, r i g h t. Well, you know, there was just this program on television, about this American couple, a twelve-year-old girl and a thirteen-year-old boy, in America, who had a baby, and they had to give it away.  Did you see that program?

ALN:  No, I didn't catch that one.  We don't actually have a television.  

NAS:  No television?  Really?  Why not?  Oh, just like my sister;  she's Haredi, she doesn't have a television.  She looks at me quizzically.  I'm clearly not Haredi, yet she just can't seem to alight on any other logical explanation.

(Short pause, to point out to our non-Israeli readers the common assumption among Israelis that if you don't have a television, it must be because you're ultra-Orthodox.  Never mind that one does not need an exceedingly conservation lifestyle to come to the conclusion that television here is, on average, a huge waste of time).

NAS:  So if you don't have a television, what do you do for fun?

ALN:  For fun?  Ummm....we read books.  Or we listen to radio programs.  You know,  just like the one I've been listening to, here in the car. 

Another subtle hint that simply does not get through, followed by one final attempt to put the program back on.  Oh, it's no use.   I sigh, shut off the radio, and glance at my passenger.

So, you say you're going to your sister's house for a wedding... 

Keep the balance,

ALN

Absurdity in Equal Measures

By now it's common knowledge.  When a newer oleh (immigrant to Israel) has had an especially trying experience in some government office, or been yelled at on the street for some previously-unremarkable social infraction, or suffering from sweaty hair and overheated body syndrome, we all know what happens next.  The new oleh comes home fuming and ranting.

In [insert name of Old Country here] we know better; or 

No one ever treated me like that in [the Old Country]; or

I can't believe this country!  They are so [fill in the blank: old fashioned /stupid / obnoxious / rude].

After being here for awhile, we become so much smarter.  We learn to accept that:

a.)  Hey, a lot of things are different here.  They just are.  (We even learn to like it).

b.)  There exists Absurdity in Equal Measures, all over the world.  Even in the Old Country.

Let's begin by directing our attention to a local dilemma.  Apparently, the Minhal MiKarka'ay Yisrael (Israel Land Administration) is on the brink of bringing a "deviant usage charge" upon those living in kibbutzim and moshavim, who are so bold as to have installed a solar energy collector on the roof (I'm still searching for an English-language reference;  meanwhile, check here for a Hebrew one).  That, by the way, includes almost everyone in Israel who lives in a house. Never mind that solar power is the new black, and that the government will soon offer financial incentives to those who sell their solar-acquired electricity back to the grid. Never mind that there is a government initiative in the works, to cover local bodies of water with solar panels.  Hey, Minhal, you gonna charge us for that, too?

So here we sit, facing a energy crisis of unknown proportions while immersed in the muck of our own bureaucratic wackiness.  Yet we in Israel would be wise to follow the tragi-comedy playing itself out in Southern California over the issue of artificial lawns. According to the L.A. Times, it seems that Jean Orban of Garden Grove, CA, thought she was doing the smart and responsible thing by replacing her thirsty lawn with artificial turf.

Alas, Garden Grove doesn’t share Orban’s affection for her fake lawn. As she soon discovered, the city bans artificial turf. Although the city has yet to take any action against her, others who installed the lawns said they were warned that they will be fined.

And that regulation puts the city at odds with the Orange County Municipal Water District, which offers rebates to those who install faux grass.

So instead of receiving her expected rebate, Ms. Orban was refused the money and found herself at odds with a 1992 city law "banning simulated greenery."  At first glance, this looks like a no-brainer:  

Less grass = less water usage = benefits for the individual and the world.  

Apparently it's not so cut-and-dry (no pun intended).  The LA Times article was followed by a myriad of letters, op-ed pieces and, of course, blog posts, expounding the many reasons why artificial turf is no instant ecological freebie.  Patt Morrison's column, excerpted below, is among my favorites:

Cities are already miserable hot spots. Every inch that we pave over, even with plastic grass, creates a patch of unnatural heat. The virtue of a grass lawn -- however thirsty -- is that it is a living system that helps the land keep its cool. It also allows what rain we do get to make its way into the soil, and the water table, not into the storm drains... when the air temperature hits 80 degrees, it can be 160 or 170 degrees on the turf. Even when it's only 50 degrees out, direct sun can heat fake grass to 150 degrees. Sounds like you might as well tell your kids to go outside and play on a griddle.

This heat trap effect, she goes on to explain, might end up costing you more energy and money in increased A/C demands on your now-overheating house.  And then there's that awkward question of what to do in ten or twenty years when the lawn needs replacing and becomes just another (exceptionally large) piece of plastic weighing down the landfill.

Balancing out this opinion is that of a home-improvement blog by Kathy Price-Robinson, who writes,

...on the plus side, the material is made from recycled plastic and held in place by recycled tire "crumbs." A two-stroke engine, the kind in lawn mowers, creates significantly more pollution than a car (since there is no catalytic converter), so with synthetic turf, that carbon load is eliminated.

You're not alone if you now have no idea which side to take in the artificial turf wars.  In the same light, I would like to remain open-minded and assume that our Minhal is not just in it for the money... but sometimes, I fear, an absurdity is just an absurdity.

Keep the balance,

ALN

Missed Connection, Reconnection

We got back to Israel safely, bodies exhausted, luggage intact.  I only wish I could say the same for my head, but the J-L word has been rearing it's ugly head.  I've now tried the stay-up-really-late-method, the take-a-nap method, the don't-take-a-nap method, the no-caffeine, no-alcohol diet, the caffeine -and-alcohol diet... it all sort of comes down to "Damn!  Here I am, awake  between 2 and 5 a.m. yet again."*  Last night, Shabbat, was the worst,  -- all the lights were out (no reading) and using the computer was out of the question (no blogging... all those posts, composed in my head, the permanently lost in memory wasteland / oblivion).  Sometimes I envy those locals (read:  EU members) whose flight back to The Old Country costs them only six hours of their lives, plus waiting time, and possibly a couple of time zones.   I know, I know, it could be worse;  Australians must envy everyone.

(A recent conversation companion suggested that the lengthy travel time might serve a higher purpose, giving our minds and bodies time to readjust to the new environment.  I'm not sure what that means, since I'm assuming that if not for the jet-lag, my adjustment time would near zero, even accounting for other adaptations). 

Straight off the plane, the white light is blinding.  The abrupt weather transformation -- from California balmy to Middle East heat bake -- shocks my system with an immediate, unforgiving reminder that the sun is stronger here.  Like the emotional charge of everyday interactions, this heat is a force to be reckoned with, a consistent reminder to budget your energy and appreciate the basics:  Clean water, the roof over your head, a cool evening breeze.  

For the first few days following our return our house always seems so small and dusty, but that's only because, in comparison, my parents' house is enormous and several thousand miles from the Sahara.  After a few days our house goes back to looking its normal self (reasonably large and dusty).  

We visit the Old Country every two or three years, and each time it feels more like a foreign country.   Yes, my English is still fluent (though some would claim otherwise), and I remembered to say Have a nice day and Nice to meet you like I really mean it.  But the differences inevitably reared their heads. I could still think in inches, but no longer in pounds.  In the supermarket, the endless selection of every category of product was truly overwhelming.   Parking lots became their own sprawling world, filled with superfluous SUV's, and the twelve-lane freeway where I'd learned to drive as a teenager had somehow transformed itself into a massive, threatening behemoth.

I came to Israel as a college student, unattached and uncommitted to any particular person, child, job or goal beyond trying to find a place to live, finish my degree, learn Hebrew.  Within a year or two those goals expanded to include finding a beit knesset, acquiring job skills, searching for a spouse... and then, building a home, having children, developing a career and joining a community.  Every one of these steps furthered my integration into this life and this society, even as it increased the barrier -- without my noticing -- between this life and my old life.   On this trip, I began to understand that while I grew up in California, I actually became an adult in Israel.  Marriage, motherhood, career, community -- all of these seminal moments happened in Israel, which means that my integration of these experiences also happened in Israel.  

By living so far away, I am also keenly aware of what I am missing, and causing others to miss.  My grandmother finally has three great-grandchildren -- who might as well be a million miles away.  Was this trip our last chance to see her?  I really, really hope not.  My Mom savors every long-distance telephone call, but nothing compares to helping her grandchildren practice their swimming in the neighborhood pool.  I can't remember a visit when my Dad hasn't "threatened" to kidnap one of the kids, so he won't have to wait another two years to see her.  

My good friend Q asked, as she always does when I return, Do you ever feel the urge to stay there?   No, I don't, even though coming home means coming back to the regular routine.  Gearing the kids up for a new school year.  A less-than enthusiastic return to the stresses of work.  Grocery shopping and carpool schedules.  Trips to the doctor, the dentist, the veterinarian.  Household repairs and reorganizations.  A fish tank in need of scrubbing and disinfecting.  A pile of laundry that dares to reach the ceiling after three days.  Dust.  Everywhere.  I know all too well that for me, "California" now means "vacation."  Were to we live there, I would still have all of the above and more, that is, all the ingredients of a regular life.  

But just in case I'd ever forget where home is, my kids wouldn't hesitate to remind me.  From the moment we left Israel, they struggled with the separation from their friends.  For four weeks they begged me to find them someone to play with;  even our three-year-old exchanged email photos to his nursery school girlfriend.  Driving home from the airport, the kids were barely out of the car and they were already asking, pleading to call their friends, invite them over, visit their houses.  Seeing my neighbors on Friday evening felt like a real home-coming, my neighbors sitting in the Beit Knesset, welcoming Shabbat, while the little kids ran around in the park.  They all looked so beautiful.

I love coming home. 

Keep the balance,

ALN

_____

* Note the time-stamp.  And yes, that's Israel time.