Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Proof
So. As Dave has already reported, I did not see Delaware. (Nor did I see Omarosa, Chase, although I do believe she exists. You just can't make up someone like that.) Indeed, the force of the conspiracy proved to be too strong for me to resist. Even Dave, who claims he really, really wanted to take me to Delaware, proved himself to be part of the conspiracy when he greeted Diana and me with, "Well, I can see that I've lost." What kind of fight is this, I ask you, from someone who only moments before was determined to prove the existence of Delaware? Obviously Dave's Delaware frenzy was some sort of experiment in reverse psychology--one that worked all too well. This is one tricky conspiracy indeed.
However, my tour guides (possibly disoriented and exhausted by me repeatedly asking "What's that building?" in the manner of a three-year-old) did let one piece of information leak out. I may not have seen Delaware, but I did see the building that houses the Center for the Delaware Conspiracy. Sure, Diana and Dave tried to pretend that they had no idea what the building was (they did that a lot, actually--I wonder if there are more fabricated states Washington is trying to cover up), but I figured it out. Not only were my tour guides unwilling to tell me the name of the building, it was not even listed on the helpful maps posted all along the Mall area. In a district where pretty much every building is of some importance (except for the makeshift tents--thank you, tour guides), it seems highly suspect to me that this building would be completely left off the map. One can only reason, then, that this would be the Center for the Delaware Conspiracy. I know what you're thinking--I am like the Bob Woodward of the Delaware conspiracy.
In addition to the Center for the Delaware Conspiracy, I saw lots of other things, including a video of a fish sucking up a worm in slow motion and from several different angles (about which I remarked, "It's like the Zapruder film, only with a fish and a worm"), an awesome climbing tree on the White House lawn where I decided I would hold cabinet meetings if I were President (which caused Dave to remark, "Mental note: Do not elect Clare"), as well as a fountain that I decided would be a good place to hold cabinet meetings on pool floats when it became too hot to sit in the tree, and the reflecting pool, which I decided I would run through in the manner of Forrest Gump if I saw George Clooney on the other side. I also saw some of the more traditional DC sites, such as the Lincoln Memorial (and Lincoln Memorial bathrooms--thank you, Dave), the Capitol and Arlington National Cemetery.
I have pictures of some of these things (but sadly, not of the Center for the Delaware Conspiracy, as I did not realize this is what it was until after we had already passed it), but due to my computer sucking, they won't be ready until tomorrow. So be patient (this means you, Heather).
So. As Dave has already reported, I did not see Delaware. (Nor did I see Omarosa, Chase, although I do believe she exists. You just can't make up someone like that.) Indeed, the force of the conspiracy proved to be too strong for me to resist. Even Dave, who claims he really, really wanted to take me to Delaware, proved himself to be part of the conspiracy when he greeted Diana and me with, "Well, I can see that I've lost." What kind of fight is this, I ask you, from someone who only moments before was determined to prove the existence of Delaware? Obviously Dave's Delaware frenzy was some sort of experiment in reverse psychology--one that worked all too well. This is one tricky conspiracy indeed.
However, my tour guides (possibly disoriented and exhausted by me repeatedly asking "What's that building?" in the manner of a three-year-old) did let one piece of information leak out. I may not have seen Delaware, but I did see the building that houses the Center for the Delaware Conspiracy. Sure, Diana and Dave tried to pretend that they had no idea what the building was (they did that a lot, actually--I wonder if there are more fabricated states Washington is trying to cover up), but I figured it out. Not only were my tour guides unwilling to tell me the name of the building, it was not even listed on the helpful maps posted all along the Mall area. In a district where pretty much every building is of some importance (except for the makeshift tents--thank you, tour guides), it seems highly suspect to me that this building would be completely left off the map. One can only reason, then, that this would be the Center for the Delaware Conspiracy. I know what you're thinking--I am like the Bob Woodward of the Delaware conspiracy.
In addition to the Center for the Delaware Conspiracy, I saw lots of other things, including a video of a fish sucking up a worm in slow motion and from several different angles (about which I remarked, "It's like the Zapruder film, only with a fish and a worm"), an awesome climbing tree on the White House lawn where I decided I would hold cabinet meetings if I were President (which caused Dave to remark, "Mental note: Do not elect Clare"), as well as a fountain that I decided would be a good place to hold cabinet meetings on pool floats when it became too hot to sit in the tree, and the reflecting pool, which I decided I would run through in the manner of Forrest Gump if I saw George Clooney on the other side. I also saw some of the more traditional DC sites, such as the Lincoln Memorial (and Lincoln Memorial bathrooms--thank you, Dave), the Capitol and Arlington National Cemetery.
I have pictures of some of these things (but sadly, not of the Center for the Delaware Conspiracy, as I did not realize this is what it was until after we had already passed it), but due to my computer sucking, they won't be ready until tomorrow. So be patient (this means you, Heather).
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