Biodiesel Blues

We own two diesel vehicles. We have them because one day we hope to be manufacturing our own fuel as needed. To tread a little more lightly on the Earth, we bought a fuel storage container and a pump and then had some locally made biodiesel delivered. We bought a large quantity 250 to 300 gallons thinking that we might be able to use up that amount in six months. A sometimes travels for work and needs to take his truck and tools with him. We don't drive very much usually. We both work from home and there are times where I don't drive anywhere for a week or two. One Tuesday, A took the little car to go to a meeting. He was back soon after he left. I was surprised. The little car died at the low water crossing and he had to walk back home a few miles. He called the repair shop and then took the truck to meet the tow truck driver at the car. The truck died. Both the truck and the car had fuel filter issues. We were stranded at home. The shop repaired both vehicles, and had a few laughs at our expense. On Friday, I was loading up the car to go and run errands, the little car would not start and neither would the truck. When A went to go check the large fuel storage tank, he discovered that the biodiesel had gelled. We were stranded at home again. We were told that the fuel would gel at about 32 degrees F, but it was in the high forties. Go Figure! We knew that we would need to do a mix with regular diesel for the winter and thought we would have gone through our fuel storage by the time we would need to worry about it. If you are considering Biodiesel yourselves, please be warned that it can throw a wrench in your plans. All of our plans all went awry this week. We learned how to be ducks though and got to work on our patience and we were able to spend quality time at home together as a family. Thankfully, if there had been an emergency, A's parents live next to us and they have a gas-powered car. We're 7 miles from the small town that we live in on a dangerous highway, so walking isn't a safe option. This week the temperature is climbing. I might be able to get my car started!

I'm a One Draft Poet

Once, long ago, when I was a pre-med student, I took two poetry elective classes to lighten the burden of my science, chemistry, math and biology classes. I was fortunate enough to be taught by a famous poet. During a visit to his office hours, he told me that I needed a vice in order to hone my craft and that also I needed to let a little of the outside world in. I never told him that the poems just came to me in one piece and I would furiously try to scribble them down before they disappeared. I have always loved words since I was a young child and discovered e.e. cummings, Hugh Prather and my favorite, Zbigniew Herbert. I could never work a poem, mess with it's personality, tweak it into something else. Every poem I have ever written is a one drafter, no tinkering, no meddling- just a regurgitation of words. I haven't written in awhile, but the other night I was revisited by my muse. A poem appeared in it's entirety and demanded to be scribbled down. At 4AM, I scribbled this in my textbook, since I lacked paper, and it was on my night table.

It's for my little one:

I watch, little one,
as you run ahead of me
on this road
bathed
in the evening's last
rays of sun

I laugh, little one,
at your sticky, apple kisses
peppering my face
and arms

I sigh, little one,
as I gather up these moments
to taste another time
when my eyes
look back at me
from your woman's face
and this childhood
is long gone

when you no longer
crawl into my lap
to be rocked
and soothed with song

I know, little one,
as I gather these moments
greedily
that you are a rare gift from God
that my one cell
mixed with one of your father's
in an alchemy
of love
and Grace from God
earning me the right
to be called
mother.

I'm no Maslow, Hierarchy of Blessings.

1. God
2. Health
3. Love
4. Food
5. Clean Water
6. Clothing
7. A Roof

May you have all of these things, too. He knows my needs and so I have my needs met.

This Used to be a Blog About Sustainability...

but after much soul-searching, I realize that I don't have much to say, and many other places to put my energy. I have been asking questions and looking for answers and I realize that everything important is right here with me. May God bless you and keep you. Thank you for reading. May you be safe and happy. E

Why You Don't Hear From Me Very Often

I'm buried that's why. What I've got going on these days:

• Recovering from a back injury
• Devoting my time to being a wife and mother
• Studying for a doctorate in Naturopathy
• Board position in food buying community(like a coop)
• Establishing vendor relationships for above
  
• Working on opening a wellness center with partners
• Running a business
• Volunteering at an organic farm
  
• Planting an organic garden
• Establishing a self-sustainable homestead

Okay, so I would love to post about all of these things, but there doesn't seem to be the time. I'm trying to squeeze it all in, but I feel so overwhelmed that I don't have a minute to write a post. I"m stealing a few minutes from washing dishes and taking clothes down from the line right now. It's all good stuff, though. I hope all is well with you and your path, too.

Sometimes the Kindest Thing You Can do is Say No

Try saying "no" to that extra serving of food or that second cup of coffee. Say no to an invitation that requires driving your car or the purchase of a gift. Say no, to that box of pre-made cookies, or to picking up take out food on the way home. Every time we say no, it's one less styrofoam container, one less tank of gas. Kindness can equal one less.

The beginning:

When you arise in the morning
Give thanks for the morning light
for your life and strength, give
thanks for your food, and the joy
of living. If you see no reason
for giving thanks, the fault
lies with yourself.

Tucumseh,
Shawnee Chief