NEW PRESS OFFICER JOINS THE TEAM

I am delighted to announce the appointment of a new team member. Chino has joined us as press officer. So if you have a bone to pick with me he will be happy to help.

UPDATE: Chino decided he didn't like the name he arrived with and has requested to be called Boris Dogson in future.

SANTA BOOT CAMP

http://navydads.blogspot.com/2008/12/north-pole-boot-camp.html

This made me laugh.

OVER OR UNDER REGULATION

It's not alright to accept cash payments of more than 15000 euros or equivalent or provide any form of Accountancy service (including self employed book keeping) without being registered with HMRC or an approved professional body.

It is alright to invest billions of other people's money without using one iota of common sense.

If it seems too good to be true it probably is, if a multi-billion dollar fund has a firm of Auditors consisting of one man, his secretary and a retired chap in Florida then the chances are that the accounts may have a few black holes.

BBC - STRICTLY VOTERS GOT IT WRONG AGAIN

Reading between the lines I presume the reason for all three couples going through to next weeks 'Strictly' final is the failure of the public to vote correctly. The couple with the lowest mark was obviously voted through which would have forced the judges to choose between the two couples they voted joint top. Sacre bleu, judges revolt!

Why can't anyone accept the first past the post system any more?

It seems to me that all our institutions are heading the same way, the great unwashed may only have a vote if they use it correctly. It's not good enough, when I vote I want it to count (I don't do TV votes, I just commentate). The EU's shameful behaviour over the 'Constitution by any other name' has been truely disgraceful, as of course has our own Government's by not allowing us a vote because they can't trust us to give them the right answer.

THE RIGHT THING TO DO AND THE LEMMINGS

Lemming no. 1 - "Lets jump off a cliff"

Lemming no. 2 - "Why"

Lemming no. 1 - "Because it's the right thing to do"

Lemming no. 2 - "Okay then you always know the right thing to do"

Lemming no. 3 - "But I don't want to jump to my death"

Lemming no. 2 - "You have to because we have a consensus and it's the right thing to do and besides if you don't jump you will be the odd one out and nobody wants that do they?"

So they all hold hands like good friends should and jump off the cliff, smug in the knowledge that although they are all going to die it was the "right thing to do".

BBC - GLOBAL WARMING SLIP UP

Is Carol Kirkwood for the weather forecasting high jump after breaking the BBC's goldon rule this morning?

On one of her forecasts she actually said that temperatures were still BELOW AVERAGE for the time of year. This could surely have her hauled up before the BBC thought police and accused of "Global warming denial", poor thing.

Charlie dog had one of his periodic trims yesterday, this will of course guarantee that the weather will be horrible and cold and I will be accused of poodle abuse for cutting off some of his duvet (not true as I trim with scissors not the horrible short back and sides clippers). Perhaps I should post warnings on the blog of when his trim is due so that Bloglanders know to wrap up extra warm, it would certainly be a better guide to the weather than the global warming mentalists give.

GORDY SAVES THE WORLD

Many a slip 'tween cup and lip - so now we know that Gordon Brown really does believe he's saved the WORLD.

Delusional or what?

WIND POWER DANGER

I wonder what master mind thought building an enormous wind turbine only 65m from peoples' homes was a good SAFE IDEA. Unfortunately they have turned out to be incorrect and it was more luck than judgement that nobody was injured.

"The Danish government will not accept turbines being built within 600 metres of homes or businesses, and we have a turbine 65 metres from my son's home," he said. "If the ice hit someone, it would definitely kill them."

Full story here
http://www.wisbech-standard.co.uk/content/wisbech/news/story.aspx?brand=CATOnline&category=NewsWisbech&tBrand=HertsCambsOnline&tCategory=newslatestWIS&itemid=WEED03%20Dec%202008%2014%3A43%3A38%3A410

Why do the powers that be allow commercial interests to override the safety of residents, surely common sense alone should allow a margin for error.

SPORTS PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR

I can't understand why Gordy the super hero is not on the list for sports personality of the year. Without doubt he has provided more sport than all the other politicians put together this year. Bloglanders should be grateful to him for providing inspiration when all other topics fail. 'Gold for Gordy' that's my motto (whoops - I forgot he sold most of our gold at knock down prices). Any suggestions?

LIGHTEN UP

I have tried to turn off the politics in my brain today, a tricky thing to do at the best of times. I have been out in the sunshine in the garden, cutting things back and generally tidying up. It really was a lovely day in sunny Somerset. Around lunchtime we had a brief touch of politics listening to any questions then it was over to channel four for the racing. I love jump racing and decided to venture 5 e.w. on Sunnyhill boy who squeaked in for me at 7/1 (no credit crunch here then).

Then cooking dinner while watching and criticising Strictly. One minor crisis when having wrapped the plump little partridges in pancetta I suddenly realised we had no potatoes (now Mr. S. could have done the 10 mile round trip to the supermarket at this point) but instead I improvised with a smoked almond and cranberry pilaf (yum yum). All's well that ends well, we are now tucked up with a glass of vino in front of the wood burner (Charlie is flat out on the floor fast asleep having had a 'divi' of partridge, which of course is his due).

Back on the attack tomorrow, until then Bloglanders.

MEDIA TRAINING

Just one thing to say on my taxes being spent on Jacqui Smith's media training, "can I have my money back". The training must have been rubbish or maybe.........

THE CASE OF THE MISSING WARRANT

In the catalogues of strange but true the case of the missing warrant is exceptional. Why apply for three warrants not four?

Perhaps because the people who want to pretend they didn't know what was happening would have had to own up.

So now we are in the all too familiar Nu labour situation that nobody is to blame and nobody is owning up..........

Even 'curiouser' in our Alice in Wonderland state, Ms Jacqui Smith seems to be letting Harriet Harmen take the flack today (less heaving chest).

A little extract for those of you who wonder why our Government are so set on the idea of hugely expensive ID cards.

"The European Commission, 13 of the 27 EU Member States (Austria, Belgium, Estonia, France, Germany, Italy, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Portugal, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden and the United Kingdom) and Iceland (party to the European Economic Area agreement with the EU) will work together to enable different national Electronic Identity schemes to be recognised across national borders. The project will establish a number of trans-border pilot projects based on existing national systems. Through its size and momentum, it will overrun traditional barriers and encourage the mutual acceptance of other countries' electronic identities. The solutions developed and the experience gained by the project team will be shared with all states whether or not participating in the pilot."

Full details at the web address below.

http://europa.eu/rapid/pressReleasesAction.do?reference=IP/08/824&format=HTML&aged=0&language=EN&guiLanguage=en

When they have joined the dots where does that leave us. With freedom to roam Europe or spyed on by all of Europe - take your pick.

GORDY AND HIS MAGIC COAT OF INVISIBILITY

Has anyone else noticed that Gordon Brown seems to have reverted to type?

Throughout the Damian Green affair he seems to have donned his "magic coat of invisibility" of which he has been so fond in the past. They say old habits die hard, just as we thought he had turned himself into a world wide super hero he has reverted to leading from the back, which just goes to prove you can't teach an old dog new tricks (sorry Charlie I couldn't resist it).

GORDIE GORDIE PUDDING AND PIE

A poem penned by my Mother for the delight of other Bloglanders.

Gordie, Gordie pudding and pie,
Blocked his ears and closed one eye,
The only leak he wants to see,
Is when he has to have a pee.

WHEELS WITHIN WHEELS

The Daily mail this morning are reporting yet another extraordinary twist in the Damian Green saga.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1090717/Meltdown-Met-Now-Sir-Ian-Blairs-replacement-forced-quit-dragged-MP-raid-backlash.html

This really brings the whole sorry saga into sharp focus and I think that "heads will roll". The question for Bloglanders is will they be the right ones?

ONE FOR CHARLIE

Charlie has been complaining of insufficient Poodle content in Blogland, so just for him I thought I'd post the following video. It just shows you it's not always the heavyweight who wins but the one who wants to win the most.

ID CARDS AND BANK CONTROL

Now the Government has the banks in its grasp I wonder how long it will be before the so-called voluntary ID card become a necessity for opening/operating an account?

I don't think I would get even money with any bookmaker in the land.

BBC IPLAYER - THE HEAVING CHEST EPISODE

No replay available yet of the heaving chest episode of Andrew Marr...........

Just found this on you tube.



See what I mean?

ANDREW MARR'S SUNDAY

Andrew Marr is wearing a horrible tie this morning (no change there then) and it looks like Ken Clarke is wearing something he found under a hedge (never trust a man who wears suede shoes). Carole Vordeman has dressed down (enough said).

Lots of amazing escape stories from the terrorist attacks in India (Gordon take note these are real terrorists) thankfully the death toll has gone down from last nights estimate of 300.

Sir Gulam Noon has called for a ten year ban on immigration he believes that we should properly absorb the people here before we let in any more.

Reverend Jesse Jackson talks of the journey African Americans have undertaken to get to the election of Barrack Obama. He is hoping that Barrack will bring new impetus to American foreign policy.

Ken Clarke says telling Banks to lend money is a waste of time and believes that the banking system will need further support. Its possible we will need more nationalisation. He is comparing the Damian Green case to Nixon's America (he is outraged at police behaviour).

Jacqui Smith is talking about what lessons need to be learnt from the Indian terrorist attacks (judging on the Government's previous record on lessons I'm not hopeful). Andrew Marr is talking about I.D. cards and this has put up her respiration rate considerably (draw your own conclusions). Now to Damian Green (chest now heaving) she says she knew of the leak enquiry but claims to have had no idea that a Conservative MP was also being investigated (do we believe her Bloglanders) this is asking us to swallow that you could investigate Bill but not Ben.

Andrew Marr tried to get her to admit whether or not she had signed an order for the bugging of Damian Green's phone (needless to say she wriggled out of it) but she did admit that if such an order was sought she would have been required to sign it.

JACKBOOTS AND GORDY IN "IT WAS THE PLODS WOT DUN IT"

Jackboots is stomping up and down her heels clicking on Gordy's study floor.

"It's no good we're damned if we knew and damned if we didn't, those pesky plods why couldn't they just investigate and ruffle a few feathers instead of going off at the deep end?"

Gordy can bearly contain himself, can nobody get anything right? Meddlesome had assured him that all they had to say was they didn't know, then they could let Marty take the blame. Huh, rubbish or what?

Will Jackboots lose her sole?
Will Marty claim his taxi to the Plod Station on expenses?

Tune in next time dear Bloglanders.

GINGER AND MEDDLESOME IN "GIGGLES IN THE CORNER"

"Tee hee, I wish I'd been there to see his face, just a shame I couldn't persuade them to break his door down" squeaked Ginger with his hand over his mouth.

Meddlesome is doubled over in the corner squealing with glee, "that'll teach him to mess with Gordy and his super powers, one quick cast of his special terrorist catching net and he's toast. Yippee".

Is there any escape for the MP or have the spin masters trapped him in there evil net until the next general election?

We'll have to wait and see dear Bloglanders.

GORDY AND EYEBROW MAN IN "TERRORIST CRACKDOWN"

Eyebrow man's brow is furrowed, making him look like he's wearing a giant black Caterpillar on his face.

"Are you sure about this Gordy? I don't think Meddlesome will like it, not really very subtle is it?"

Gordy clunks his fist and lets fly with his sporran at Eyebrow man shaving a little more off his baldy bit.

"What's the use of being a world wide super hero if you can't use your super powers to zap the dastardly Con's?

Eyebrow man knows better than to argue with Gordy and just stands dejectedly in the corner waiting for the sky to fall on his head.

Will anyone own up to authorising arresting politicians in Blogland? Will Eyebrow man escape from under the sky?

BLUES AND TWOS PRACTICE

Whilst driving back to the office with Mr S. today we were pulled over by a police car with all lights flashing, this surprised us somewhat as we were doing the correct speed and generally behaving ourselves. Mr S. got out of the car and the nice policeman explained they were just practicing as the other officer was undergoing training. Well that's alright then!!!!!!

GORDY AND EYEBROW MAN IN "THE GREAT VAT SWINDLE"

Your really couldn't make it up, Eyebrow man says to Gordy "how are we going to fool them this time". Gordy says "I've got one of my special sooper dooper underhand plans, but don't tell Meddlesome cos' he's bound get in a spin about it. What we'll do is pretend to give everyone a Christmas present and then later we'll steal it back with some extra besides and hope nobody spots it".

Now Eyebrow man is worried by the whole stealing thing (because he has the remnants of his vestigial conscience still lurking) so he sneaks to Meddlesome and the plan gets vetoed. However as with everything that the Nulab merry men do there is a cock up at the last minute and the dastardly plot is uncovered by the bloglanders for the whole world to see.

Do they all live happily ever after?

Find out next time dear bloggers.

STOP PRESS - PRUDENCE SIGHTED IN AUSTRALIA

Reports are coming in that Prudence has been sighted in Australia, when interviewed by our correspondent she claimed that "Gordy buried me so deep I just popped out the other side" . Now unbelievable as this may seem it's about as likely as the dynamic duo's so called fiscal stimulus having any effect on the recession at all.

Now I know why Darling looked as though he was about to have a nervous breakdown yesterday when posing for the cameras with the dreaded tome in his hand. How long will it be before he resigns to spend more time with his family?

VAT CUT - SMOKE AND MIRRORS

After a wander round the blogs, business forums and newspapers, the general consensus seems to be scepticism on the beneficial effects of cutting VAT to 15%. Apart from the risk of many retailers not passing it on (or was that the real agenda - typical Gordon move - pretend to do one thing whilst really doing something else - journo's are so easy to fool - basic rate tax cut/abolition of 10p band - I rest my case), it will cause havoc with many websites which are less easy to amend than traditional accounting systems - never mind the complexity for those (and there are many) who still keep manual books and are on cash accounting (I won't go into detail but believe me they won't enjoy Christmas).

If he really intended to help those small businesses at the bottom of the chain he should have hiked the VAT threshold on turnover at which a business must start charging VAT to customers to at least 100k. Small businesses need a fair chance to get going before being hit by the complexities of VAT.

Some interesting points on this issue on Mark Wadworth's blog.

http://markwadsworth.blogspot.com/2008/11/hoist-by-their-own-petard.html

LET THE PEOPLE DANCE SAYS MANDLESON

So Peter Mandelson thinks it's important to let 'the people' dance in these times of economic meltdown. Whoopee!

Unfortunately the wickedly high live entertainment licences and the OTT 'elf and safety' rules are strangling most such lighthearted pursuits at birth. Government and local authority interference in our lives is a Juggernaut out of control, more rules, more reg's than you can shake a stick at - we are all criminals now, no good and bad, just shades of grey.

Charlie practicing for 'Strictly'

KELVIN MACKENZIE AND THE SELF PUBLICIST PARTY

Kelvin MacKenzie seems to have gone rather quite this morning, is this a case of frozen feet?

If he does stand I think the effect will be similar to the "Tory toffs" fiasco, I don't believe for a minute that voters will be fooled by this bombastic self publicist.

EU - IRISH NO VOTE

So Ireland have tried to save us from the EU at the last minute. The only country to be given a vote has voted no, it sounds as if Gordon Brown will still press ahead with our own ratification of the treaty. Why? Because he knows that the EU will have a work round to allow them to ignore Ireland just like they ignored France and Holland.

Welcome to our lives as humble citizens of the EU super state, no say in our own affairs, a pretend parliament with pretend consultation of member states. I used to think we should remain in the EU now I believe the only way is OUT.

p.s. Doubtless Gordon will tell us he continues with the ratification because "it's the right thing to do". huh!

THE RIGHT THING TO DO

Nu Labour has a new phrase to persuade us of their views,
Whenever they are challenged they shout "it's the right thing to do".
Now just as speaking loudly won't make a foreigner understand,
Saying it's the right thing to do won't prove you're in command.

It's the right thing to do, the right thing to do,
When in "the poo" shout it's the right thing to do.

School days debating tells us that reasoned argument
Is a minimum requirement for those of political bent.
The topic may be difficult and the way be far from clear
But ending every sentence the same will not quell our fear.

It's the right thing to do, the right thing to do,
When in "the poo" shout it's the right thing to do.

So when you hear John Humphreys bait the minister of the day,
On a topic that's quite tricky, remember what he'll say,
After restating for the umpteenth time his tired old position,
He'll try and wriggle out of the Spanish inquisition.

It's the right thing to do, the right thing to do,
When in "the poo" shout it's the right thing to do.

Mrs Smallprint

POLITICAL RENEWAL

This beautiful picture was taken last weekend by my four year old niece in my garden. The camera was much too heavy for her but she delighted in taking pictures of everything and everyone in the garden with impressive results. Nobody looking at this picture would guess it was taken by a four year old, however the campaign run labour in the Crewe and Nantwich might easily have been dreamed up by one of that age. It was childish in the extreme of them to believe that the electorate could be so easily manipulated using the old "Tory toffs routine". The country is finally waking up to Brown's perfidy - stealing from us all to fritter away on useless initiatives and reviews.

EURO COPS MILITARY STYLE

If you thought my last post was a little far fetched click on the link below to see the European Gendarmerie force that the UK cannot join as it is only open to EU countries with a military police force. The five initial participants are Italy, France, Netherlands, Spain and Portugal.

According to its own website the "EGF responds to the need to rapidly conduct all the spectrum of civil security actions, either on its own or in parallel with the military intervention, by providing a multinational and effective tool. "

http://www.eurogendfor.eu/

I'd like to say "I ain't bovvered" but I am.

GORDON BROWN'S EURO FUTURE

The year is 2020.

David puts down his papers and sighs, why oh why didn't I bite the bullet and tackle the problem in 2009. He glances at his screen, the news in on, pictures of Euro cops dragging protesters into vans flash up. Christ what a mess. Little Englanders want England back and the trouble is getting out is much harder than getting in. Damn Gordon Brown for his lies, at least he's stuck back in Scotland struggling with the same riots and with even less prospect of banishing the Eurocrats.

The question is sanction the plan, allow the army to take out the Eurocops and risk an all ports blockade by the Euro army or allow English protesters to be dragged off to jail in Brussels. Not much of a choice really but then we never really thought it would come to this.


FAR FETCHED, AN EXAGGERATION, MAYBE BUT I BELIEVE THIS IS THE COURSE GORDON BROWN HAS SET US ON. I truly hope that David Cameron won't duck the issue when he wins the next election.

RESULTS OF PARISH POLLS ON THE EU REFERENDUM

This week sees the start of the Parliamentary debate on the EU reform treaty, it seems that Gordon Brown is going to try and divide the Conservatives to distract attention from his own perfidy.

Even the Labour dominated foreign affairs committee has accused ministers of deliberately playing down the consequences of the treaty. Their report concludes there is no difference between the foreign policy provisions in the rejected European constitution and those in the new EU Reform Treaty (Sunday Telegraph). The I Want A Referendum campaign are planning to poll half a million people in marginal constituencies, the results will make interesting reading.

GOOD QUESTION NON-COMMITAL ANSWER

I receive an email from Theyworkforyou.com every time my MP asks a question or speaks in the house. This one amused me today.

QUESTION

David Heathcoat-Amory (Wells, Conservative) Link to this Hansard source
On Members' pay, does the Leader of the House agree that if the proposed Lisbon treaty is ratified more powers would be transferred away from this House, and it would therefore be right for our pay to be reduced? Will she ask the Senior Salaries Review Body to recalculate its proposals in view of that reduction of powers? It would obviously be wrong for us to be paid more when our control over legislation and policy is reduced. The same thing should apply to ministerial salaries, particularly those of the Foreign Secretary and the Prime Minister.

ANSWER

Harriet Harman (Lord Privy Seal, House of Commons) Link to this Hansard source
The right hon. Gentleman will have a chance to raise those points in debate either on Monday, on Second Reading of the European Union (Amendment) Bill, or on Thursday, when we debate the SSRB's recommendations, or he can again synthesise the two points on Monday or Thursday.

QUESTION TIME

Is the failure of politicians to understand and follow the law relating to political funding symptomatic of a wider problem faced by the whole population relating to the massive increase in new criminal offences introduced since New Labour came to power?

CHARLIE DOG TO STAND FOR PRIME MINISTER

Charlie dog has today announced that he is prepared to take on the role of Prime Minister after successfully recruiting a suitable double.

DAVID CAMERON FOR EU REFERENDUM

David Cameron gave an assured performance on this morning's Andrew Marr programme. He said the Conservatives will continue to press for the referendum promised by Gordon Brown but shamefully withdrawn.

GORDON WANTS YOUR BODY

Not content with running every aspect of our lives Gordon Brown believes the state should control our death as well. We should not have to opt out of the organ donor register, our bodies belong to us not the state. If the state believes it is desirable to increase the number of individuals who are prepared to donate their organs then they must persuade them that it is the right thing to do.

SARKOZY, VIVE LE DIFFERENCE!

The French is seems are rather scandalized by their Presidents behaviour, not because he is cavorting with a beautiful woman (that is of course to be expected and encouraged) but because he didn't stay decently married and have an affair (openly behind closed doors). It is strange but true that if the same situation arose in this country the opposite would be true.

DECISION FIRST CONSULTATION SECOND

I arrived home from work today to find one of Somerset County Council's delightful self congratulatory news letters waiting for me. Now in my capacity as the official household small print reader I thought I'd better cast a beady eye over it. Under the heading "Are you throwing hard cash away" I read such gems as "When cooking for a family, get the right portion per person" and "Check what's in your cupboard or freezer before you shop for more".

Now as you can imagine this sort of inane rubbish was hardly what I needed when tired and hungry , the last thing on my mind was wasting food, I just wanted to be tasting food. So I read on big mistake!

It seems my local council want my views on "THE POWER OF NATURE" a fun survey about "The Somerset wind Energy Initiative". Hmmm....... me thinks, Somerset doesn't seem the most obvious place for wind farms. Anyway I read on and here are the first few questions (answers - yes/no/don't know).

Do you believe the UK should develop its renewable energy potential?
Do you believe that Somerset should be developing its renewable energy potential?

Do you believe the UK should be developing its wind power potential?
Do you believe Somerset should be developing its wind power potential?

And so on.

Anyway this made me curious as to why they were really asking, so I did a quick search and lo and behold they are planning to stick some big beasties up on the County owned farms and of course get a share of the action. More details below in the Western Mercury.

This really is the worst form of pretend consultation, I will however send it back and it won't have the answers on they are hoping for.

http://www.thewestonmercury.co.uk/content/twm/news/story.aspx?brand=Westonmercury&category=news&tBrand=westonmercury&tCategory=znews&itemid=WeED18%20Apr%202007%2011%3A54%3A09%3A890

Quote

"One large turbine would be able to provide power for the whole of Wedmore. It's a small price to pay to help the planet and we all need take responsibility at a local level."

According to the 2001 census the population of Wedmore is 3145. Mind you it's not very windy below sea level either.

APPEARANCES CAN BE DECEIVING!

A BILLION - THE SCALE OF THE THING

We hear the word billion mentioned casually by politicians every day, but how often do we really stop to think about what it actually means?

Here are a few pointers.

1 Billion = 1,000,000,000
1 Billion seconds is about 31years.
1 Billion minutes ago the roman empire was in full swing, about 1900 years.
1 Billion hours ago humans were living in the stone age, about 114,000 years.
1 Billion days ago, Australopithecus an ape-like creature related to an ancestor of modern humans, roamed the African savannas, about 2.7 million years.
1 Billion months ago dinosaurs roamed the earth, about 82 millions years.
1 Billion years ago the first multi cellular organisms formed on the earth.

Okay so you've got the idea that a billion is a big number.

So here are a couple more numbers to chew on.

Northern Rock loan guarantees so far 25 to 100 billion or 25,000,000,000 to 100,000,000,000.

The EU budget for 2007 is €115 billion or 115,000,000,000 euros.
The UK contribution to the above is 8.3 billion or 8,294,200,000 euros.

So as usual New Labour is doing a grand job of spending our money, these are some very impressive numbers Gordon.

MY NEW YEAR TRADITION

I'm not sure when the tradition started but I always go out into the garden on New year's day for the first weeding session of the year. I tell myself that for every weed I pull out now there's a further ten I won't have to pull out later in the year (and that's a conservative estimate). Some years it has been a real struggle, cold weather head throbbing, today however was a joy, not too cold, no hangover (we stayed in and ate roast chicken and shared a bottle of champagne).

I love the turn of the year it fills me with optimism, the days getting longer and the warmth of summer to look forward to. The winter garden is naked waiting for its spring outfit so I like to look out for the gaps that need filling (if I don't fill them with something I like then mother nature will certainly choose something for me which may or may not fit my somewhat disorganised design).
The transformation by June is quite startling all that life waiting to spring up, my roll is one of minimal interference, if plants don't like my garden then I don't try and grow them again I just stick with the many plants that do.

I hope this year that our country can achieve a similar renewal with a change in our political landscape.