DVDs ready to be shipped this weekend!

UPDATE (Sept. 25th) : I have received the DVDs and I'll be shipping them out this weekend! :) De, can you send me your postal address?

:)

So, I'm getting bored, translating and working and being a good girl (shush, I am _too_ being good! lol), and I feel like doing something random.

A couple of years ago I sent out a few copies of The Corporation to 10 readers who wanted one. It ended up being a fun exercise and lauched some interesting conversations.

This time around, I'm moving away from the serious, environmentally-conscious realm to the geeky, goofy, world of D&D. Just for kicks.

To bring a little chaotic good into this world and to support a great bunch of creative people, I'll send a free copy of The Gamers: Dorkness Rising to five people who reply or email to tell me that they want one (I'll email you privately to get your postal address).

I just saw this movie last night and I couldn't stop laughing. I don't know if people who have never played D&D at all will get as much out of it as people who have, but I suspect so. Just imagine your geeky friends of any ilk (technodorks, sci-fi nerds, anime convention-goers, etc.) and you'll see: these people are for real... lol And very lovable!

(I'm more of an eclectic geek rather than a "specialized" one myself... just a beginner at D&D, but huge film fan, sci-fi, urban fantasy, knowledge of all kinds, social causes and idealistic pursuits, nature, books, lists... LOL So many geeky interests, so little time!)

Any takers? :)

P.S. It's not like taking candy from a stranger, really! Although I am but an anonymous blogger (who wants to remain nameless in this forum, thank you very much), I am not a psycho... Ex-girlscout's honour! ;-)

Mana up!

Thanks to procrastinating, I stumbled upon the blog of a fellow tiki lover and found out about these amazing drinks offered at Think Geek (one of my all time favourite stores).

I am soooo ordering these! (they'll probably taste like sickeningly sweet windshield washing fluid, but hey, I'm buying them for the look!)

They look very much like the mana potions favoured by my World of Warcraft paladin and shaman characters (Alliance and Horde, respectively - hey, I tried the "dark side" because my only "real life"friend on WoW had a toon on that side... honest, I'm a Good Guy at heart! LOL) and that my undead alchemist mage creates too (undead are fun: they can cannibalize the corpses of enemies to restore their own energy! Perfect for a zombie fan like me! hee hee!)

The Layers

Daughter of opinion posted it, and I found it quite relevant to my train of thought these days. I wanted to share it with you guys too :)

The Layers

I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising windthe manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me: "Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.

- Stanley Kunitz

Or then again...

Looks like my boyfriend might be out of a job at the end of the month.

Long story short, nepotism at work, he got replaced by some boss's nephew or something, and is now pretty much redundant (even though said nephew knows nothing of the business and has already cost the company hundreds of thousands of dollars in big mistakes). My BF has a new job title, but they'll probably get rid of him (one salary less to pay) by the end of this month, from what he's been told (he just told me, though it's been brewing since "nephew" got hired).

My plans to slow down have suddenly gone down the drain.

On the plus side, if he is let go, he won't be stressed about his job anymore. :p

Pfft. One day at a time, right?

Focus for tonight: lots of freelance.
Focus for tomorrow morning: cleaning, shopping & setting up for BBQ.
Focus for tomorrow after the BBQ: more freelance
Focus for tomorrow evening: quick appearance at a friend's boring b-day party (not all parties are boring, but hers really take the cake in the yawn department), before working the night away. Ditto for Sunday, then the regular "work week" starts again.

I can do this, I still have lots of Red Bull, coffee and tea! :)

Easy fix

So I'm lonely. Big deal. Easy enough to fix:

Once this big translation contract is done (Sept. 16th), I'll finish that accounting stuff I needed to do to create a better budget. Then I'll know how much freelance I need to do, and I can stick to that (not taking on too many contracts).

Then I'll contact my friends and figure out their schedules, and invite them one by one (even though I know it's hard - from experience). My issue, my job to fix it!

And anyway, my best friend has been saying she wants to spend more time together, so even if all the other friends are too busy, or find me uninteresting due to my lack of "mom status", then too bad. Quality over quantity. :)

All I want to do this year is have more time to fix up the house, see friends, and spend more "couple time" with my boyfriend. Surely, I can manage that.

Lonely? Yes.

I just realized last night, as I was talking my head off to my poor Best Friend who lives nearby, as we went on a walk which I couldn't really afford, time-wise, but couldn't afford not to go on, friendship-wise, that I'm kind of lonely after all.

I mean, I don't get to talk a lot. Physically, I mean, using my voice.

I work from my home office (which is great, don't get me wrong) and conduct all my business by email, don't see my boyfriend much in the morning or even at night (he goes to bed early), and I can't talk to him about his stressful work (he asked me not to) or my own stuff (he's too stressed about his own problems to _really_ pay attention to what's going on with me - other than a "are you ok?" last night to which I could see he didn't really want to hear the answer), and I'm not much for pointless small talk.

And on the weekends, frankly, the girls are always there since their mom hasn't been taking them for the last year (the oldest always clinging to her dad and manipulating him, which irritates me to no end) so I retreat in my office and close the door to work (mostly).

Strange. I always thought I'd do well (better) as a lone wolf. Guess not. As more and more friends move away (either physically or isolating themselves due to family, work, etc.), I am increasingly feeling... esseulée.

Now my sister is talking about moving to Québec City with her completely awful boyfriend (out of work, cruises the Internet dating sites to chat up gay men (!), is violent with her during fights...). My parents moved to a different time zone. My best friend is moving to a rural area in less than a year.

I miss physically talking to someone. Emails just don't cut it.

Some real life friends found me on Facebook, but seemed to have lost interest once they realized that I wasn't in the "mom club", or once I "confirmed them" as friends ("friends collectors", I guess).

My "mom friends" can't/won't find a sitter to go out.

My single or childless friends are working/partying hard (or in one case, not working enough and always too broke for a cup of coffee) and don't have much time for just going out with one friend (movie, restaurant, brunch, walk, outing of some sort).

If it weren't for that monthly women's group that I started... 3-4 years ago, I'd never see female friends other than my best friend.

I live in a house full of people but I feel lonely. My Facebook page is full of "friends" who found me, but I feel lonely.

I _am_ lonely.

I'm guilty too. I don't have much free time. I work too much. Out of necessity. But I am taking steps. I'll be slowing down my freelance in the next month or so (for real). But that doesn't solve the issue of me feeling like I am standing still on a highway with people zooming by on the road of their busy life. Look who's talking, I know. I'm aware of the irony. I plan on figuring out a better balance in my life in the next month. That's how I deal with things: identify a problem/need, investigate possible solutions, implement the best option. Review and adapt as needed. ;)

But anyway, I digress. I mostly wanted to write how surprised I am at realizing how little I actually talk these days. I hadn't noticed how little I get to use my voice nowadays.

Cat House on the Kings

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwM6f0liHpo

What an awesome woman! :)

If I ever win a huge amount of money, my crazy dream is to offer free spay/neuter clinics all over the province, in order to drastically lower the amount of unwanted/abandoned/suffering animals.

Thought of the day

"Never let the seeds keep you from enjoying your watermelon."

...and if you have too many "seeds" (i.e. problems/irritants) in your life right now:

"Spite ‘em out!"

Lily, the maid with a heart of gold and a hefty dose of life experience

Made for Each Other, 1939 movie starring James Stewart and Carol Lombard

P.S. Freaky, hilariously wrong (on so many levels) cake courtesy of the blog Cake Wrecks, found on Electronic Ephemera

What was the first record you ever bought?

I was just sort of watching Wayne's World II, as I was translating, and they played the very first single that I ever bought, I love Rock and Roll by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. I was 10, and I asked my dad to drive me to the small mall in the next town (my own town was teeny and had no music store).

That was before my short-lived "I want to be New Wave" phase... lol (my love of rock endures to this day).

What was the first 45 that you ever bought with your own money? (or dowloaded from iTunes or whatever, for the younger folks out there - though you missed something if you didn't have the satisfaction of actually holding that first record in your hands, let me tell ya...) :-)

In a good mood

I was replying to an email this morning when I realized that I will soon be able to determine whether I can slow down, work-wise.

I just need to catch up on accounting and doing my income taxes (yeah, I'm late this year - couldn't be avoided), and making a new budget based on the impact of home ownership on my freelance business, etc., then I'll know if I can work a bit less. I think I will be able to breathe a bit. :)

I'd been so overworked and running like mad to barely keep up with everything that I had forgotten that I'd soon have a better take on my financial/work life.

Can't wait to see where I'm at!

marital mirth

So it seems that everyone I know is: a) pregnant b)just had a baby c) engaged or d) just got married.

I am deeply jealous (story to follow when I have time to post a longish thing), at this point, and am going to barf if I have to exclaim in happiness at _someone else's_ good news (I've reached my "altruistic joy" quota, seriously kids, this lady is just one more "good news" away from climbing atop a belltower with a high-powered riffle).

Do you think giving this to the new brides and brides to be would be perceived as being a tad sarcastic? ;-)

P.S. Just kidding, I would _never_ dampen anyone else's joy by being snide or anything other than sincerely happy for them. I am glad that other women see their dreams of partnership and family realized, but the sheer number of such news this last month, along with personal events, is starting to make me wince at this point. So this is "devil me" poking some gentle retro fun at the blissful babes.

Cheating on my best friend

So as I already mentioned, I didn't give my blog address to my boyfriend.

But this time, I also didn't give it to "real life" friends. Last time, 3 of them had my URL, and one turned creepy. Hence the new, anonymous blog.

Now normally I'd have given my best friend the address, but...

I think I'll need this private space for now (for the first time in... well, since we became close friends). I tell her everything, usually. The good, the bad, the ugly.

You see, when I was looking at buying a house in this area, we were both talking about living close to each other, buying a house a couple of blocks from each other so that we could walk to each other's house, etc.

But now, because her incredibly controlling (and unemployed for the last 15 years) tantrum-throwing boyfriend has decreed that he "can't live in the city anymore" (newsflash: you never go out of your apartment anyway!!! I'm not kidding, he never goes to a movie, shopping, to see friends, nothing! He's a total recluse, so what does it matter if he stays indoors in a city house or a boondocks house?), she is going to move quite far from here. Because of this she'll have to commute a good 2 1/2 hours every day (if she is lucky and catches the train - which a friend who used to live there tells me is "iffy at best") to get to work. She loves the city, by the way, and does not want to move there. But she said "if he's not happy, I'm not happy", so she's going along with it. Even though she is paying for the house all by herself, and is the only one working in that couple (both actual work and house chores, cooking, etc.).

Both of us being busy and working in the same field, we don't have much free time (and to top it all, she has to support her useless bf all by herself - and he smokes over 400$ of cigarettes every month, for starters). So we both work hard.

Do you really think we'll get to see each other much when she moves that far away?

And did I mention neither of us has a car? She doesn't even have a driver's licence anymore.

So I'm very sad because of this. I bought a house in the city to stay close to the ones I love (my previous "dream house" dream was a house in the woods, away from it all... until I realized that being near my loved ones was more important to me).

The one friend who lives nearby is the guy turned creep (so, no seeing him anymore).

My parents moved 14 hours away + a 2 hour ferry ride (only 2 departures a day too).

My best friend who was supposed to move basically next door is caving in to her control freak of a boyfriend and moving so far away we'll never have time to see each other.

My other friend who'd said she wanted a house in this area is also thinking of moving far away.

I'm sort of looking around and going "Hello? Anybody out there?" and only hearing echo back.

As my friends and I are all in our mid-thirties and up, we are all in the busiest time of our lives (kids, houses, jobs, bills, etc.). So "free time" is precious. And long distances just eat that free time away and make it less appealing to "just drop by" to see each other.

I'm afraid I'll lose my best friend, due to distance. I've never had a real "best friend" before, and losing her would really break my heart.

Especially since I feel a bit guilty about her move. She told me she was moving far away a few months back, and felt defensive about her reason I guess when she saw the surprise on my face (I have a lousy poker face), because she added "well, it's not like we see each other much now anyway". Which is true. A few times a month max. I work a lot. So does she. But I feel like it's my fault. If I slowed down, worked less, saw her more often, would she have stuck to her initial plans and stayed closer? (shhhh, I know, this is just insecure me talking, she makes her own decisions - or rather her boyfriend makes them for her... *sigh*).

So although I feel pretty bad not sharing this blog with her, I think I'll keep my new blog private, for now anyway. I'm having a hard time seeing her get controlled by her boyfriend so much, and I guess I'll need to talk about that too. And I don't want to hurt her feelings. But still, it feels like cheating on her, somehow. :-/

Dick and dollies

"Well girls, I think your cookies just saved the world from nuclear catastrophe!"

-Richard Nixon, to 2 teenage girls whose homemade cookies (in which they have accidentally baked marijuana) helped soothe tensions during a Nixon-Brezhnez meeting

...

I am currently watching a funny movie called Dick. It's a hilarious take on the whole Richard Nixon presidency circus (actually, this gal here has a good description).

Political humour and retro baking. What more could I ask for while I work on horrendous accounting tasks? :)

Ah, yes, a recipe for the famous Hello Dollies cookies (baked by 2 ditzy teenage girls) which may have saved the world! ;-)

Here we are (from this site):

2 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/4 cup white sugar
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup flaked coconut
1 cup chopped pecans
1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
Combine the graham cracker crumbs, sugar and melted butter. Press into the bottom of an 9x9 inch baking pan. Layer the chocolate chips, coconut and pecans over the crumbs. Pour the sweetened condensed milk over the top.
Bake at 325 degrees F (165 degrees C) for 25 to 30 minutes. Let cool and cut into squares.

I'm soooo going to bake these as soon as I have a free moment!

Blogroll

I've been trying to rebuild my blogroll of favourite people, I think I have a good start. If I forgot yours (or forgot to save my latest addition - don't laugh, I had to add the same blog 3 times because I kept forgetting to hit the Save button), please let me know! :)

Tattoo Lady at wordpress (don't remember how anonymous you want to keep your blog, so I play it safe), can you let me know your the blog url of your sis (she of the Great Danes)? I'd somehow deleted/lost the blogroll on my old blog, and now there are some addies that I can't find again. Ugh.

Really looking forward to more conversations! :)

Overworked

I'm having the worst work week in a loooong time. My "day job" is sending me such horrible contracts to work on, you have no idea.

Wednesday I was up until 2 AM and up at 6 to finish a rush job for my day job.

I was up until 2 AM last night (and up this morning at 5 AM!!) to work on a super technical/legal document on newfangled doors for a new client that we "wanted to wow" but who changed her mind after I'd done all this because she just realized that "hey, translation costs money" (and this _after_ giving us her approval for the damn project!). Of course none of this overtime is counted in my productivity time. My boss doesn't take into account the degree of complexity/technicality of a text to do his math (unlike other places).

And just when I thought I was home free, I get another crappy contract, one of the worst clients ever (online validation/localization). It takes forever to do, and I can't "charge" all of my whole work time (the client's estimates are ridiculously low, and we are trying to "wow" them too), which means my productivity goes down and I get scolded for this...

I told the coordinator that "screw this, I'm writing exactly how long it took me, and too bad if the client isn't happy. I'm through getting the short end of this crappy deal" (well, I was more polite, of course).

She replied basically "ignore the written instructions of the client, do _not_ proceed as they specifically told you to, and do only half the job, it will save time".

...

Ahhhh, taking pride in work well done.

Apology to Jer (where are you?)

So over the last several months, I've been so incredibly swamped (and yeah, probably self-centered too) that I've basically been a hermit.

I've forgotten most birthdays, almost never gone out with friends, haven't seen a single free movie premiere like I used to, and certainly didn't keep up with blogs and emails (I still have unanswered emails dating all the way back to January... yikes!).

Amidst all this, I didn't notice that my friends Jer had taken down his blogs. And now I'm worried that I might have let _him_ down.

Jer, I hope you got my message through Facebook, and I hope you're doing ok!

I'm sorry for having been a really lousy friend over the last year (actually, this apology applies to everyone who reads this too).

I really, really hope I get to talk with you again!

Weirdness of the day

So you guys know how Facebook works, right? At the top of the page, your name appears, and you can enter a status, such as "Miss Step... is blogging".

You can see the updated status of friends and people you know in your Facebook newsfeed. It's a fast way to keep in touch.

Sometimes, though, you get doozies.

Late last night, I saw that the status of a colleague of my boyfriend (who added me as a Facebook friend after meeting me only once... I didn't want to be rude so I confirmed this "friend"... referred to as "Weirdo" from now on) said:

"Weirdo is... doing a tranquility binding for Miss Step!"

Exclamation mark his, btw.

Errr, WTF, mate?!

Now this guy also writes on his FB page that his stance on religion is that it "is a mop that should stay in the closet". So it's not like he's a well-meaning, tree-hugging Pagan trying to send good vibes my way.

What the hell was that about?!?

Even if he were a Pagan/New Ager, etc. it's wayyyy uncool to "bind" (force something on) someone. Free will, dude!

But what perplexed me the most was: why? And why me? We never speak! He doesn't know me. I don't even know what a "tranquility binding" is! LOL

So I commented a brief "Err, WTF?" on his page. He didn't reply.

Boyfriend got really pissed off at this though, and told him it was the rudest thing he'd ever uttered (and yeah, Weirdo is a truly socially inept person, known to freak out clients during client presentations, and "normal" people in social occasions). But still, talk about coming out of the left field!

Boyfriend apparently told him off by email when Weirdo wrote to him about it (with more bizarre stuff to say, apparently, Boyfriend is quite pissed off about this guy and the whole exchange, and wouldn't go into details with me), took him off his friend list, and so did I (it's not like I wanted Weirdo as a friend to begin with anyway).

It was just really odd, and completely random. And yes, rude. No matter what your background (religion, spirituality, or whatever the heck motivated him), you just don't impose your will on someone else without even asking them how they feel about whatever it is you want to push on them.

Oh, and about the weird guy in the picture on this post: you know, I'd trust this guy more that Weirdo. Picture Guy wears his oddness quite openly and is upfront about it, whereas Weirdo hides under a "normal/straight" exterior (belied only by his eyes, if you've got a "freak radar" on alert, as I do).

A new home...

So I finally started a new blog. Hopefully, my weirdo/kinda stalker ex-friend won't find it. :-p Or my current boyfriend.

It's funny, when I started my first blog, I wanted my (then) husband to read it, so that this new media could open new possibilities for communications. But mostly, I wanted to use it as an online "scrapbook" of sorts for the happy times & outings that I did not want to forget.

Two weeks later after starting that blog, I found out about my ex-husband's cocaine & gambling addictions (for starters), and this started over 2 years of madness beyond what I could have ever imagined.

My blog became a space to vent, to keep track of what was happening (living with a pathological liar will mess up your memory and self-confidence like you couldn't imagine).

Along the way I met some amazing people who supported me, and with whom I shared my oddball interests and thoughts (it wasn't always drama, thank the gods!), silly quiz results, and just really good conversations.

Some time back a friend of mine (who had my old blog address) just crossed the line from being a "socially awkward, pushy friend" to being a "grossly inappropriate, disrespectful and vaguely worrisome stalkerish guy". I made my blog private (meaning only registered readers could have access to it), but I didn't like this format much.

Then life got in the way of "having a life", and I had no time to write anymore.

But I've been missing it so much!

So I decided to try my luck again with a somewhat public (though anonymous) blog.

And this time, I don't want to share it with my boyfriend. I found out how helpful it was to be able to talk with others without worrying about hurting a loved one's feelings. I would never want to hurt my boyfriend (or anyone else for that matter). But I need a space which is mine.

So here we go.