Those of you that have read my blog posts have learned that I am easily swayed by certain friends and family memebers' negativity. So I just got off the phone with one of my sisters, she's in a foul mood and is making a conscious choice to be pissed. Pissed at her hubby, children, me, our other sisters and life in general today. Towards the end of our conversation I told her she seemed to be acting ungrateful and that she shouldn't choose to be pissed cause then she'll just ruin her day...
*Patting myself on the back for my wonderful sisterly advice*
Too bad it wasn't received well and she ended up hanging up the phone on me. We have our little spats and this will pass, but the last time something like this happened I ended up getting toasted because I let it (the negativity and hatefulness) seep into my own attitude. So I'm going to be proactive. I'm going to do some things that make me feel submissive, while Foreman is still at work and when he gets home. So far this is what I've come up with:
Doing something around the house that he would like done but hasn't asked me to do.
Making him a wonderful snack for when he comes home.
Send him a sweet text.
Rub his shoulders when he gets home.
Sit in front of his chair on a pillow on the floor while we watch tv. (He's never asked me to do this, but I love to. He always rests his hand on my neck or shoulders.
Fix his plate first for dinner ( I usually do this anyway when we are eating at someone else's house or are not eating at the table but tonight I will even while we are at the table.
I have a few others but didn't want to share anything too graphic ;-)
So any suggestions????
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Friday, July 18, 2014
Courage, and a Toast to the Real Women of Blogland
Dearest Friends,
I haven't posted in quite awhile, partly because of the "busyness" of summer and more recently because I hit a wall. Not a physical wall, but an emotional one. With the recent events in blogland "coming to light" I realized that I felt very strongly about the situation and everytime I tried to write or post something unrelated it was like my fingers refused to type anything other than my thoughts on this situation. So without further delay and mainly so I can process it and move on here's my "2 cents" on the topic. My heart goes out to all involved and hopefully all involved will find healing.
When I first heard about the deception that had occurred, it was from Christina's own confessional blog post. At first I thought, "Wow, that takes some courage" to ask forgiveness and admit a wrong-doing. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized no, it doesn't take courage to do that, it takes the same amount of courage for a bank robber to ask forgiveness from the court right before he is sentenced...
I don't know the whole story, and I won't pretend that I was extremely hurt by her deception; however, how do you supposedly lie to "friends" for years? I won't go into "Why it is wrong to lie." We all know the answer to that, What I will say is it takes way more courage to be real to start with. I can't stand to be lied to or have someone steal from me.
Sooo, let me say this too, if you want to be a friend of mine, please don't pretend to be something you're not, because I won't take it as well as some of the others here in blogland, I might actually get alittle "rowdy" about it. So please be honest. We don't have to agree but if we are not honest with ourselves and our friends, then it is all in vain. Trust is the foundation for any relationship so if you're honest, we're going to get along just fine, otherwise find somewhere else to go, because the "Real Women of Blogland", you know the ones courageous enough to say, "We don't have it all figured out but we're still here and we care."; those of us that are sincere and not playing games with other's emotions, yeah, we don't deserve anymore crappy drama. So go peddle yourshit lies somewhere else, because trust me, it will all come to light one day and you'll wish you hadn't lost such wonderful friends by making up stories just to fit in. This is not just aimed at Christina, it is anyone, (you know who you are) that is not being honest with the community!
I would say I'm sorry if that seems harsh to some of you, but I'm not sorry. It should be harsh, it is a warning. If one of my children lied to me, I would not coddle them and say lying hurts others (maybe when they were young) but even my youngest who is under 5 knows better and knows that lies come with consequences. So my warning is harsh, be honest with me or go somewhere else!
So, today I raise my glass (imaginary of course), to all you wonderful ladies out there in blogland the truly courageous women that share their ups and downs with us and stop by to encourage others in their process of striving for a happier marriage. The women that are honest, maybe not about names as just about all of us have "pen" names, but honest about their experiences.
To you ladies....Cheers, Salud or whatever you're supposed to say during a toast!!!
I haven't posted in quite awhile, partly because of the "busyness" of summer and more recently because I hit a wall. Not a physical wall, but an emotional one. With the recent events in blogland "coming to light" I realized that I felt very strongly about the situation and everytime I tried to write or post something unrelated it was like my fingers refused to type anything other than my thoughts on this situation. So without further delay and mainly so I can process it and move on here's my "2 cents" on the topic. My heart goes out to all involved and hopefully all involved will find healing.
When I first heard about the deception that had occurred, it was from Christina's own confessional blog post. At first I thought, "Wow, that takes some courage" to ask forgiveness and admit a wrong-doing. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized no, it doesn't take courage to do that, it takes the same amount of courage for a bank robber to ask forgiveness from the court right before he is sentenced...
I don't know the whole story, and I won't pretend that I was extremely hurt by her deception; however, how do you supposedly lie to "friends" for years? I won't go into "Why it is wrong to lie." We all know the answer to that, What I will say is it takes way more courage to be real to start with. I can't stand to be lied to or have someone steal from me.
Sooo, let me say this too, if you want to be a friend of mine, please don't pretend to be something you're not, because I won't take it as well as some of the others here in blogland, I might actually get alittle "rowdy" about it. So please be honest. We don't have to agree but if we are not honest with ourselves and our friends, then it is all in vain. Trust is the foundation for any relationship so if you're honest, we're going to get along just fine, otherwise find somewhere else to go, because the "Real Women of Blogland", you know the ones courageous enough to say, "We don't have it all figured out but we're still here and we care."; those of us that are sincere and not playing games with other's emotions, yeah, we don't deserve anymore crappy drama. So go peddle your
I would say I'm sorry if that seems harsh to some of you, but I'm not sorry. It should be harsh, it is a warning. If one of my children lied to me, I would not coddle them and say lying hurts others (maybe when they were young) but even my youngest who is under 5 knows better and knows that lies come with consequences. So my warning is harsh, be honest with me or go somewhere else!
So, today I raise my glass (imaginary of course), to all you wonderful ladies out there in blogland the truly courageous women that share their ups and downs with us and stop by to encourage others in their process of striving for a happier marriage. The women that are honest, maybe not about names as just about all of us have "pen" names, but honest about their experiences.
To you ladies....Cheers, Salud or whatever you're supposed to say during a toast!!!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
You've Got A Friend...
Over the past year or so and especially recently, I have made so many wonderful friends here in blogland, we email, comment and post it's been really wonderful...but that's always as far as it has gone...until yesterday. I finally got to hear the beautiful voice of a friend, not just any friend...another dd wife.
Scarlet, from Scarlet and Clarks world and I have been emailing for a while and eventually it led to texting and finally yesterday, we got to hear each other's voice for the first time. At first I was a tad bit anxious, what if she couldn't understand my southern dialect very well, what if we didn't have anything to "talk" about, what if, what if?
Then the moment came...my phone rings, it's her...
Crap, my hands are wet from doing dishes and I can't get to my phone...
So I dry my hands, Get the kiddos occupied for an hour and head outside to call her back...
I dial, it rings
"Hello"
"Is this Scarlet?"
"Yes."
All anxiety melted away, we talked about everything, just like old friends. We laughed and we even had time to talk about "Dd matters". It was wonderful!! I thank God for my new "phone-a-friend" lol, and for all of the wonderful ladies I have met through this blog.
Scarlet, thanks for a great conversation and I look forward to many, many more.
So for Scarlet and all of my friends here in blogland, this is for you I also threw in a link to a favorite country song of mine:
Scarlet, from Scarlet and Clarks world and I have been emailing for a while and eventually it led to texting and finally yesterday, we got to hear each other's voice for the first time. At first I was a tad bit anxious, what if she couldn't understand my southern dialect very well, what if we didn't have anything to "talk" about, what if, what if?
Then the moment came...my phone rings, it's her...
Crap, my hands are wet from doing dishes and I can't get to my phone...
So I dry my hands, Get the kiddos occupied for an hour and head outside to call her back...
I dial, it rings
"Hello"
"Is this Scarlet?"
"Yes."
All anxiety melted away, we talked about everything, just like old friends. We laughed and we even had time to talk about "Dd matters". It was wonderful!! I thank God for my new "phone-a-friend" lol, and for all of the wonderful ladies I have met through this blog.
Scarlet, thanks for a great conversation and I look forward to many, many more.
So for Scarlet and all of my friends here in blogland, this is for you I also threw in a link to a favorite country song of mine:
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Entitlement
Entitlement, wow. what a word...just think about it for a minute...what does it really mean?
I had a chat with a very dear friend over the weekend and one word that was brought up was, entitlement.
So I pose this question to all my blogland friends, are we truly entitled to anything in life? What about in ttwd/DD
Here's my humble opinion...
I think the only thing we are truly entitled to (as adults) is the right to make a choice, for example:
I'm not entitled, or owed, a job. No company, business or industry owes me a job. I do however have the choice to search for opportunities that are available, fill out the proper paper work, mail a resume and continue the search until I am blessed with a job.
I'm not entitled to good health, I have the choice to exercise, eat healthy and get plenty of rest. Does that mean that if I make all the right choices that I will be guaranteed good health? My odds will be better but nothing is guaranteed.
So this leads me to ttwd and DD, am I entitled or owed anything in a relationship? Is he? Other than physically and emotional safety.
Just wanted to see what your opinions are...
I had a chat with a very dear friend over the weekend and one word that was brought up was, entitlement.
So I pose this question to all my blogland friends, are we truly entitled to anything in life? What about in ttwd/DD
Here's my humble opinion...
I think the only thing we are truly entitled to (as adults) is the right to make a choice, for example:
I'm not entitled, or owed, a job. No company, business or industry owes me a job. I do however have the choice to search for opportunities that are available, fill out the proper paper work, mail a resume and continue the search until I am blessed with a job.
I'm not entitled to good health, I have the choice to exercise, eat healthy and get plenty of rest. Does that mean that if I make all the right choices that I will be guaranteed good health? My odds will be better but nothing is guaranteed.
So this leads me to ttwd and DD, am I entitled or owed anything in a relationship? Is he? Other than physically and emotional safety.
Just wanted to see what your opinions are...
Thursday, June 5, 2014
A Beautiful Spanking
I've been debating on whether to share this post or not. This spanking happened during our boot camp week and although I had shared the experience with a few close blogging friends I wasn't sure if I wanted to share it here or not for reasons I can't discuss. So after much deliberation I really felt that I wanted to share this experience with all of you...
It started out as a wonderful day, Foreman and I were on our 3rd day of our modified boot camp and he was still sending me sweet texts throughout the day, I sent him a few in return and all was well that is until....
Have you ever gotten a phone call, text or email from a friend or family member that feeds off of negativity?
I got a call...from a family member, she's struggling in her marriage right now and she called me to vent. Now normally I would redirect the conversation because I have a tendency to 'soak in' all the complaining and negative emotions. For some reason I couldn't redirect the conversation, so I soaked it all up, you might as well have called me a biscuit cause I was sopping up all the criticism towards her husband and the complaining so by the time Foreman got home...I was in a horrible mood. He tried several times to talk to me and I blew him off. He asked where's that sweet 'Sass' that was texting me most of the day? I didn't know what to tell him, I was mad...and at the time I didn't realize why. Looking back now I can see how detrimental that call was to my own attitude and how easily my emotions were swayed by her negativity.
So after multiple attempts to talk to me, I was a brick wall. He threatened to take me around the corner of the house and I stood there with eyebrows raised. After I had calmed down, Foreman 'invited' me down to his building/woodshed. On the walk to the shed he started talking about how much he had been thinking of me today, how he had went out of his way to send me multiple lovely texts, not because it was his homework (that as the day before) but because he loved me. Then he gets home to find me pissy, distant and downright hateful.
I knew it, he was right he had been so sweet and loving and I attacked him and then withdrew as soon as he walked through the door. I started to cry, not because I knew what was coming, but because I knew what I had done to him...to his heart.
When we got in the building he turned me around to face him, with his arm around my back holding me close, he told me he loved me. He kissed my forehead then my lips and while holding me in that strong hug he began, steady and determined. As I stood there leaned against his body, I felt his strength not on my backside ;-) but in his hold on me. For the first time I really felt open to him and instead of laughing or joking or being sassy, I truly felt it... his strength melded with my vulnerability and I cried into his chest while he held me, I released my hold and began to trust him more...it was a beautiful moment that I will never forget.
Hugs,
Sass
It started out as a wonderful day, Foreman and I were on our 3rd day of our modified boot camp and he was still sending me sweet texts throughout the day, I sent him a few in return and all was well that is until....
Have you ever gotten a phone call, text or email from a friend or family member that feeds off of negativity?
I got a call...from a family member, she's struggling in her marriage right now and she called me to vent. Now normally I would redirect the conversation because I have a tendency to 'soak in' all the complaining and negative emotions. For some reason I couldn't redirect the conversation, so I soaked it all up, you might as well have called me a biscuit cause I was sopping up all the criticism towards her husband and the complaining so by the time Foreman got home...I was in a horrible mood. He tried several times to talk to me and I blew him off. He asked where's that sweet 'Sass' that was texting me most of the day? I didn't know what to tell him, I was mad...and at the time I didn't realize why. Looking back now I can see how detrimental that call was to my own attitude and how easily my emotions were swayed by her negativity.
So after multiple attempts to talk to me, I was a brick wall. He threatened to take me around the corner of the house and I stood there with eyebrows raised. After I had calmed down, Foreman 'invited' me down to his building/woodshed. On the walk to the shed he started talking about how much he had been thinking of me today, how he had went out of his way to send me multiple lovely texts, not because it was his homework (that as the day before) but because he loved me. Then he gets home to find me pissy, distant and downright hateful.
I knew it, he was right he had been so sweet and loving and I attacked him and then withdrew as soon as he walked through the door. I started to cry, not because I knew what was coming, but because I knew what I had done to him...to his heart.
When we got in the building he turned me around to face him, with his arm around my back holding me close, he told me he loved me. He kissed my forehead then my lips and while holding me in that strong hug he began, steady and determined. As I stood there leaned against his body, I felt his strength not on my backside ;-) but in his hold on me. For the first time I really felt open to him and instead of laughing or joking or being sassy, I truly felt it... his strength melded with my vulnerability and I cried into his chest while he held me, I released my hold and began to trust him more...it was a beautiful moment that I will never forget.
Hugs,
Sass
Saturday, May 31, 2014
On the Porch
Many activities, have happened on our front porch...
We've had long talks as a couple...
Barbecues with friends or family...
Sweet conversations with our children...
Plenty of laughs...
A few tears...
The very rare romp late on a summer night...
even a few swats for sassiness...
but this morning I got a quick but very effective Front porch session...
It all started on Thursday, we had a long drive together and had some appointments, at 2 different times on Thursday I was really disrespectful to Foreman. He was trying to explain something to me and I started talking over him, in front of others :-o not once but twice! Both times he resigned to step back from me and let me finish spinning out of control.
Once we were in the car heading home, I spoke first.
"You were right, I know you were just trying to help me understand and to keep me from stressing, and I just kept cutting you off and talking over you."
I was hateful and I basically cut him down in front of 2 different individuals. Gasp! Looking back, I'm amazed that he kept his cool, I remember one of the individuals looking at me sort of in awe of my stress-rant and in the way I was speaking to Foreman and they don't have a clue about our dynamic...
So he accepted my apology in the car and we had a pleasant drive home. He understood I was stressed and I thought that would be the end of it...
I thought about it all day yesterday, I just couldn't shake the feeling and the look of hurt and frustration on his face the 2nd time I went into my rant. That look...it's the look he used to give when I did those things on a regular basis...a defeated look. I hate that look but in the moment I couldn't stop my mouth.
Fast forward to last night and he asked me if I was going to go running and he would watch the kids, I very plainly said no, not tonight.
Now, Foreman doesn't have a long list of rules and he doesn't micromanage me. Before we did this last boot camp, he wouldn't have done anything about me not running, because he doesn't want to be a tyrant...he has noticed how proud I am of myself when I do go running and how great I feel afterwards, and he was offering to help, not just demanding that I go. Last night we talked about it all and he told me he wasn't happy with my attitude the other day and that he knew I wasn't happy about it either, he also said that he wasn't happy that I chose not to go running and that he really didn't like the way I said, no.
After we talked we got the kids in bed and watched a ne show on television...he held my hand ;-). Then we went up to bed, he said he was tired but that he expected me to get up with him this morning since he had to go to work. This morning while the kids were still asleep, I got invited out onto the front porch and he took care of things. I feel better about things now and I'm so glad he didn't let me go on with that horrible attitude.
Well, I have plenty to do before he gets home today and we have some lovely friends coming over for the evening. Hope your all having a wonderful weekend.
Hugs,
Sass
We've had long talks as a couple...
Barbecues with friends or family...
Sweet conversations with our children...
Plenty of laughs...
A few tears...
The very rare romp late on a summer night...
even a few swats for sassiness...
but this morning I got a quick but very effective Front porch session...
It all started on Thursday, we had a long drive together and had some appointments, at 2 different times on Thursday I was really disrespectful to Foreman. He was trying to explain something to me and I started talking over him, in front of others :-o not once but twice! Both times he resigned to step back from me and let me finish spinning out of control.
Once we were in the car heading home, I spoke first.
"You were right, I know you were just trying to help me understand and to keep me from stressing, and I just kept cutting you off and talking over you."
I was hateful and I basically cut him down in front of 2 different individuals. Gasp! Looking back, I'm amazed that he kept his cool, I remember one of the individuals looking at me sort of in awe of my stress-rant and in the way I was speaking to Foreman and they don't have a clue about our dynamic...
So he accepted my apology in the car and we had a pleasant drive home. He understood I was stressed and I thought that would be the end of it...
I thought about it all day yesterday, I just couldn't shake the feeling and the look of hurt and frustration on his face the 2nd time I went into my rant. That look...it's the look he used to give when I did those things on a regular basis...a defeated look. I hate that look but in the moment I couldn't stop my mouth.
Fast forward to last night and he asked me if I was going to go running and he would watch the kids, I very plainly said no, not tonight.
Now, Foreman doesn't have a long list of rules and he doesn't micromanage me. Before we did this last boot camp, he wouldn't have done anything about me not running, because he doesn't want to be a tyrant...he has noticed how proud I am of myself when I do go running and how great I feel afterwards, and he was offering to help, not just demanding that I go. Last night we talked about it all and he told me he wasn't happy with my attitude the other day and that he knew I wasn't happy about it either, he also said that he wasn't happy that I chose not to go running and that he really didn't like the way I said, no.
After we talked we got the kids in bed and watched a ne show on television...he held my hand ;-). Then we went up to bed, he said he was tired but that he expected me to get up with him this morning since he had to go to work. This morning while the kids were still asleep, I got invited out onto the front porch and he took care of things. I feel better about things now and I'm so glad he didn't let me go on with that horrible attitude.
Well, I have plenty to do before he gets home today and we have some lovely friends coming over for the evening. Hope your all having a wonderful weekend.
Hugs,
Sass
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Rain, Emotional Eating and Modified Boot Camp
Hi, friends. It's been a hectic and on some level, discouraging weekend. Life happened this weekend. It happens to us all and to some more than others...and sometimes it really SUCKS. Life isn't fair, it "rains on the just and the unjust" and sometimes the rain doesn't ever seem to be stopping.
Well at our house we had thought the 'rain' had stopped at least long enough for a rainbow to show through, then all of sudden here comes the rain...again. Now it's not a downpour or a 'hurricane' but still it's that consistent, annoying, "life stinks sometimes" kinda rain and there isn't anything I can do about it! All this 'rain' has absolutely nothing to do with dd/ttwd but it did affect our modified boot camp schedule but the 'rain' itself was the most discouraging of all, in fact we actually continued on with our dd activities which I think helped me process things better. I also got a wonderful evening with Foreman on Sunday, we had dinner out with another couple and then watched a movie snuggled on the couch afterwards.
Boot camp went according to plans, sorta... the point was to have it during our regular life so week could adapt and continue. After our talk on Sunday evening we both felt like we had accomplished that goal; howeve we both didn't truly feel like it was a "boot camp". We got our feet wet, this time and if Foreman decides to do another then we'll see if we will set it up the same or different. I'm actually pleasantly surprised at everything we were able to accomplish during our regular everyday lives and how close I feel to him, and how we both grew a little more comfortable in our roles throughout the week. So my final opinion, it was a success. Will we adjust more next time? Definitely. Will we ever do it again? I hope.
So what does this post have to do with emotional eating? Well, due to the weekend 'rain' I've been on the phone and email with doctors and hospitals etc...all morning and a good part of the weekend. I could have ha a wonderful breakfast this morning of eggs, or oatmeal, something healthy but no, I'm having roasted garlic triscuits with cheese melted on top! lol So here's to emotional eating after the 'rain'.
Hugs,
Sass
Well at our house we had thought the 'rain' had stopped at least long enough for a rainbow to show through, then all of sudden here comes the rain...again. Now it's not a downpour or a 'hurricane' but still it's that consistent, annoying, "life stinks sometimes" kinda rain and there isn't anything I can do about it! All this 'rain' has absolutely nothing to do with dd/ttwd but it did affect our modified boot camp schedule but the 'rain' itself was the most discouraging of all, in fact we actually continued on with our dd activities which I think helped me process things better. I also got a wonderful evening with Foreman on Sunday, we had dinner out with another couple and then watched a movie snuggled on the couch afterwards.
Boot camp went according to plans, sorta... the point was to have it during our regular life so week could adapt and continue. After our talk on Sunday evening we both felt like we had accomplished that goal; howeve we both didn't truly feel like it was a "boot camp". We got our feet wet, this time and if Foreman decides to do another then we'll see if we will set it up the same or different. I'm actually pleasantly surprised at everything we were able to accomplish during our regular everyday lives and how close I feel to him, and how we both grew a little more comfortable in our roles throughout the week. So my final opinion, it was a success. Will we adjust more next time? Definitely. Will we ever do it again? I hope.
So what does this post have to do with emotional eating? Well, due to the weekend 'rain' I've been on the phone and email with doctors and hospitals etc...all morning and a good part of the weekend. I could have ha a wonderful breakfast this morning of eggs, or oatmeal, something healthy but no, I'm having roasted garlic triscuits with cheese melted on top! lol So here's to emotional eating after the 'rain'.
Hugs,
Sass
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