I know I have spoken about this before. I know I have. I know other people around the blogs have said it or alluded to it. But, an incident today is causing me to bring up the subject again. A gentle reminder, dear readers, that this is my blog, my life and my feelings.
I work hard. I have a good job. I like what I do and where I do it. Someone is causing me to not like the environment. I will not get into specifics, but I am feeling “teased” and “abused” by someone and it needs to stop. Today’s (and a few other days’) incident involved my weight. I am heavy. To be honest, I am downright fat. I don’t try to hide it (c’mon, really… how could I? Leave the “extra weight” at home?). I try to look my best, do my job, eat healthy, I should exercise more… but I am not slovenly, stinky, aggressive or unfriendly.I am currently seeing a nutritionist b/c I do want to lose weight. PC loves me and I love him and neither of us wants me to be ill. So, I am trying to get it under control now. I eat very carefully at work b/c I have learned that when you are overweight, people feel obligated to offer advice…usually about the pork chow mein (that you swapped 19 Weight Watcher points (i.e. celery and water for breakfast and ice for dinner )) that you are about to enjoy b/c you painstakingly weighed out 4 ounces of it. Where was I? Oh! Yeah, so the situation involved my weight, acting like a 4 year old and me hiding in the ladies room for 20 minutes. Not wanting to make a scene, and not knowing how this would play out in my future career, I have taken 100+ deep breaths, contemplated all means of revenge and vindication and sat back at my computer with my water and my apple. I have been quiet about this (even to PC, sorry hun… it was just becoming so much a part of my day here, that I just lumped it in with “long” when you asked how my day was.) to friends or even to family.So, here’s what I have to say:
Young moms/dads: I know you have to teach your kids words. Please do not make me a “visual aid” when you see me and reinforce that “yes, Timmy, that lady is indeed FAT.” I know I’m fat, you know I am fat. How about overweight? “plump”? Or, how about making it a lesson in not teaching your kids to judge people?
Gym people: I know that if I go to the gym I will lose weight. If you think it’s easy for someone to walk into a gym full of thin people as a heavy person, then you should try walking into a Weight Watchers as thin person. (*FYI: I have never heard so many people say “skinny bitch” to a complete stranger than at one of these meetings… especially when the thin one announces they are there for those “stubborn 7 lbs”. Careful, that lady chewing the celery and doing the Pee-Pee dance b/c she’s on her 345 ounce of water? She will take you out… and it’s shear jealousy—I always think “what if I had started WW when I only needed to lose 7lbs?”) All people: Take a good long look at yourself, your home, your family and your life before you make fun of someone. First, you are an adult. Teasing someone should be something you don’t do. Second, is there any part of you someone could tease? Like your hair? The fact that you have worn spit-up-on shirts everyday this week? Your accent? Your religion? Fatism ( a new word.. you like it?) is the last acceptable discrimination allowed. I can be fired for being overweight (causing the medical premium to go up), I can be denied employment b/c of it (not able to stand for 8 hours, etc..)… and I am not protected against harrassment because of my weight. I just needed to send this out to the world and get it out. I saw something in the paper this weekend (in the advice section): it recommended that readers not barage overweight friends and colleagues with latest fad diets, etc… because you are probably not telling this person something they don’t already know. And I liked this advice. I live in this body everyday. Some days I hate it. Some days I love it. A lot of days are hard for me to get up and put on pants and enter the world. Somedays I continually beat myself up for eating breakfast or having lunch. Like I don’t deserve food. I have some weird feelings about my selfworth and my weight, but that comes from a relative and I have made peace with that person. It’s a battle, me and my weight, and it’s my battle. I’ll win. I know I will, but until then, I need some positive people on my side. So, what do I do about the Negative Nellie? Knitting tomorrow… tonight I need to just “be” and collect myself ( hard to do at work).