The Summer of Death

The length of this post is conditional on how patient I am with one handed typing. Since co-ed and women's soccer overlap this year, I decided to just play co-ed. However, my women's team really needed me and I felt guilted into playing our last two games. I decided to miss co-ed last week since it was the last night my parents were here. This week I figured I would do both, since it was the championship game for women's. I also felt it might cheer me up and get my mind off things.

We were getting killed and I wasn't playing great. I had opportunities, but wasn't scoring. I was double teamed and frustrated. We were down three goals, and I felt anxious to help my team and get something in. I feel like I was trying to do too much. Anyway, it had started to sprinkle and the grass was slightly wet. I had a breakaway and went to shoot at full speed. My plant foot slipped while shooting, and I put my had out behind me to catch myself. Bad idea. I heard the snap and felt some serious pain. Never felt pain like that before. After my last soccer post, Mark and I had a big conversation about injuries and how I have never broken anything. I told him I couldn't imagine what that must feel like. Well now I know, and in case you were wondering---it isn't good!

I think the fact I heard it and saw the obvious deformity made things much worse. I was basically hysterical and just rolled around in pain. My sweet friends tried all they could to help, one took my shinguard off to brace my arm. I decided to have someone drive me the 45 minutes to the hospital closer to my house. It was a long painful drive, but I wanted the ortho I used to work for to fix it.

I have a radius fx and possibly a cracked ulna. It was a clean break so no surgery. I was drugged during the hospital conversation, and Mark didn't pay enough attention. I have few details. Worst timing ever with my parents gone and Mark leaving for a Scout camp. The pain has been intense. I finally caved and took pain pills last night. I slept well, only to puke this morning. Taking care of Paige has been impossible, and Mark's mom has had her since Monday night. I miss her, but am so grateful to have the help. I think once the pain calms down, I have enough finger movement in the cast to function and figure things out. So far it hurts too much to rotate my arm, grip, or move my fingers. I will be in a cast 6 weeks.....or essentially all summer, boo! I do feel a bit better today so I am hopeful I will be self sufficient soon. I am anxious to have  my hair washed, and may find myself at a salon for a wash and style. Paige and I will look homeless for awhile.

The angle doesn't show how deformed this was, but it still looks messed up!

Next day swelling. The ref had me take my rings off for the first time all season. Glad he did!

Paige saying goodbye. Dad said she was telling him to "get out, go to the car." She was a sad baby and hysterical anytime he got close to the MTC doors.

Best family ever!

 

 

That post took way too long, and I am feeling like I may wish I was closer to the bathroom here soon, so I am signing off for now. Hoping today is a better day and I figure out the one armed mommy thing. How have millions of little kids broken their arms and been fine right after they are casted? I must be a wimp! Before all the fun, Paige asked to go see my parents. I told her we couldn't and reminded her they were on their mission. She said, "Oh no, they are on their mission!" and started to cry. I have been in contact with them and they are doing great and having some awesome experiences. They really are off to a good start!

And They're Off

This picture pretty much sums up how we all feel I think. This was our first time letting Paige sleep in bed with us--we usually have a pack n play when we travel. I didn't want to hassle with one, so we tried a new technique. Let's just say I moved to the coach after an epic sleeping fail. These two didn't seem to mind sharing though! What do you all do with the kiddos when you travel? Sleeping bags?

 

Last week was seriously exhausting on a lot of levels. I feel particularly bad for my parents as they will not have a second of recovery. Even though they had been working on the move for months, the last few days were still super hectic. Sun-up to sun-down scattered meals, moving, house cleaning, and settling loose ends filled Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday morning we headed down to Utah to pick up my brothers from the airport. After a long day, we were able to spend a little bit of time together Thursday evening. Paige hadn't had a nap all week, and she was a monster the entire weekend. You could tell she was beyond sleep deprived. On top of that, she has molars coming in. She battled a fever at the beginning of the week, diarrhea mid-week, and exhaustion at week's end. She was beastly! It was frustrating to finally have some  moments together, and I was anxious as I struggled to find ways to keep her happy and busy. Poor Grandpa got an exceptionally clingy child who wanted to swing for hours. He was happy to oblige. On top of it all, Mark came down with a raging fever as well. Quite the weekend. Add the emotional roller coaster and I honestly could sleep for days.

 

Friday, Paige spent the day with her birth family. I am so glad I arranged for this. I know my parents were a little sad not to have her around on their last day, but it allowed me to enjoy time with them a little more. Paige's birth family was more than excited to have her. They went swimming and had a great time! I am so grateful for them. I love them so much and they are such a blessing to us. They are seriously an extension of family. I feel so lucky it has ended up this way. Friday afternoon, Mom and Dad were set apart by Elder Bednar. It was a pretty amazing experience to be in such an intimate setting with an apostle. My parents are very close with the Bednars, which made it even more special. Friday evening started the goodbyes. It was awful. I felt so sad for my dad as he said goodbye to his parents. There is a chance one or both might not be here in 3 years. Their health is not good enough to travel, so it felt very final. I couldn't even stand to watch it. On top of Paige's ornery self, I got the feeling she could sense things were unsettled all week. She certainly was not herself, and every time I had to pull her away from my parents she was hysterical. Especially my dad. It made it so hard for me to keep things under control and I was a mess most of the time.

 

Friday was a late night, and we didn't spend much time together as an immediate family. I wish we would have had more quiet moments since it will be the last time we are all together for a very long time. Saturday morning was just surreal. Emotions were very near the surface. Mark was sick, Paige was sad, and I failed to keep myself in check. It was a beautiful morning so we did enjoy some moments outside on the swings and some last minute walks.

Dad pushed Paige for hours at a time the entire weekend. This was Saturday morning, just a few minutes before Dad had to change into his uniform for the next three years-----his suit. Good thing the man wears a suit so well!

Paige was like this most of the time. She just clung to my mom and dad. This is such a sad picture! Both girls were sad, and I was sad taking it.

 

 

My best friend! My mom and I are close. I am the only girl and so is she I guess. We definitely enjoyed having each other to do lunch, pedicures, and shopping trips. I didn't take my phone anywhere, so I need to get the other pictures from my brothers. They have some good ones at the MTC and at the setting apart. I regret that I didn't get a picture of just my Dad and I. At this point, Paige refused to let him set her down. She cried almost the entire time at the MTC. I think it was a combination of a few things, but I think a part of her new something was up.

Putting on the tag for the first time.

 

 

Melissa, Paige's "birth grandma,"  gave her this cute little maxi skirt. So adorable! Paige already thinks she is 15, so why not dress her like a 15  year old right?

 

 

Coming home was harder than the whole weekend. It was cold and windy, and a good 20 degrees cooler than Utah. Ridiculous. Didn't help my mood much for sure. It just feels weird to be here without them. I can't say I LOVE living here. There are lots of pros and cons I guess. I think the biggest pro was that I had family here. There is no way I could have survived what we have gone through without them. I was glad to have them close during the cancer, infertility, adoption, and new baby phases of life. Now I don't have family---and EVERYONE else does. I think people don't rely on friendships here because they have so much family. That is great as long as you do too. Sam and Max tell me about the bonding and things that happen in areas where no one has family. Neighbors, friends, and ward members look out for each other more. Those relationships are stronger. They get together for holidays and activities. Things like that don't happen here. No one needs a substitute family because they have their actual ones. I realize Mark has family here, but that only makes it worse for me, not better. Is it weird that I think it would be better if neither of us did? I feel like  it really would force us to rely more on each other. I woke up Sunday and I was sad. Maybe not as sad as Saturday. Today I feel sad again. Mark is gone to work, and I see many days ahead with time to fill. It's an adjustment. I am sure over time things will get better and I will get used to it. In some ways I feel so guilty and so embarrassed that this is hard for me. Lots of people don't have their parents close, and I am 30, so it's probably time I didn't either. I think if it was just me, it would be easier. I am just so sad that Paige won't know them anymore. In a few months, she won't remember all the good times she had with her grandparents--the special relationship she has with my dad. By the time they are released, she will be in kindergarten and they will essentially be strangers. I will have to work hard to make sure that doesn't happen I guess. Yes, we can go and visit. But it won't be the same, and I have a hard time thinking they will just be able to drop everything and be with us when we are there. I have a feeling they are going to be quite busy for the next three years.

 

I just hope those missionaries know how lucky they are. They are getting a great couple. I am not thrilled that I have to share them, so I hope they enjoy the advice, love, and counsel as much as I do. My dad will be a great mission president, and my mom will be a great missionary and mission mom. Despite my sadness, I am proud of them and excited for them.  

 

 

We had an adoption conference call last Thursday. Nothing like taking an important phone call in the car next to your two year old. It was good and we really liked the company, but still unsure if that is the route we want to take. They require a substantial amount of money up front for a two year contract. It is non-refundable and it makes me nervous. What if something comes up somewhere else right after we pay them their fee? What if nothing comes up and we aren't matched for two years? They wanted to know today what we decided, and I just felt like we hadn't decided anything. I hope they will let us delay a month while we work to figure some things out. I can't make decisions that big in a weekend----especially this last weekend. Too many other things on my mind!

 

 

In other news, Paige makes my heart happy and has said some funny things lately:

 

While playing toys with my dad, she randomly said "Ooo, oo, ooo, that's what a monkey says guys"

 

Loves Monster's Inc and has watched it endlessly. I caught her saying "Mike Wyzowski" the other day. She also yells "boo" at everyone every chance she gets.

 

Anything scary is a "monster ghost" which apparently is much worse than either of those things individually.

 

Declares herself to be Paige. "I'm Paige, I am right here"

 

Yesterday she was riding Mark's roping cow dummy. I asked her if she was riding her horse. She said yes. Mark corrected us both and said, "No, that's a cow." Paige concurred and continued to ride. Mark and I decided to go for a walk, I asked Paige to come along and she said, "No, I can't come, I am riding my horse-cow."



 

Continues to love escaping her crib and opening and closing any door she can. I found her fast asleep on her floor the other night.

 

Love her. Glad that she is my right hand girl and that I will never officially be alone. Please remind me of this comment when I complain about not having privacy in the bathroom.

 

 



My Favorite Pastime

Let me start by saying I have a very patient and loving husband who puts up with the year round season. Once a week I get some time to myself, with my friends. It is much needed and so rejuvenating. From September to March, I play indoor arena soccer. I love how quick the game moves and how it's more finesse than power. I have never been one to have a power shot, and in indoor that's ok. It is much more about short quick passing and ball placement. From April to August is outdoor. There are few things that are more enjoyable than playing a game on a beautiful summer night. I lack some power in outdoor, but being fast is a greater advantage, so it's a trade off. Indoor is mostly co-ed. I have done women's leagues in the past, but they are more accident ridden, and I am getting to old to risk that. In outdoor, I play one session of women's and one session of co-ed. In women's, I am happy to say my sprint speed hasn't seemed to diminish much and it is a fairly obvious advantage. Sometimes it makes it too easy and my biggest hang up is keeping focused and under control to avoid a silly shot over goal. It is frustrating that as a fast girl, I am only able to beat an average guy. It makes co-ed a little more difficult, but I have a stronger cast of supporting players.

Every year I tell Mark it is coming to an end. As much as I love it, I only will play as long as I feel like I am making a valuable contribution. I know at some point, my speed will decrease, the competition will be younger, and my competitive self will remember all too well what it was like to be good. It will be more frustrating than fun. I hope to coach at that point, I could never leave it completely behind! In the meantime, I am grateful that  I have been able to avoid any big injuries and that shockingly so, I am playing better the last few years than maybe I was in high school. I feel that I may not be as athletic or as brave(or as stupid), but I feel like a much smarter player who understands the game more and I play within my limitations.

I have had so much fun lately, and I am sure it has a lot to do with playing well. I also love the people I play with. I have some life long friends on the field. Michelle and I have played together since we were in 7th grade or so. She is truly an extension of my self, and I know where she will be at any given moment. Ashlee and I first met playing club ball in high school. Since that point, we have never had a season without each other, barring pregnancy of course. Pregnancy throws a whole new wrench in the rotation----well at least for some:) Ashlee possesses qualities I wish I had. She is tenacious, strong, and fearless. She would never back down from a header, while I pray it doesn't come close to me. Then there is the amazing Jackie. Jackie is unbelievable. She is forever young, and despite having 3 ACL repairs, hasn't slowed down a bit. I am grateful I play with her, so I never have to play against her. I am positive I would not be able to out run Jackie. In college, Jackie played with the boys since there wasn't a girls team. She puts us all to shame. Not to mention she is amazingly diverse and can do just about anything. Build a house, trim a horse, refurbish a horse trailer, endurance race, you name it...Jackie can do it. She is my go to gal in all things horse. I also firmly believe I am a better player because of her. She has forced me to step out of my comfort zone and play positions I never would have before. Jackie is also the "quarterback" of our team. No matter where you are, you can hear Jackie telling you what to do! These girls are my best friends. They have been with me through thick and thin, on and off the field.

I could go on and on about the players I play with. Even in coed there are guys I have played with for YEARS. It has been fun to grow up together, see each other get married and start families. Yet every year, we meet up again for 10 weeks to revisit our youth. We are a little slower, heavier, and injury prone, but out we go. Our women's team this year is on average the oldest in the league, and next week we will play in the championship game. It's great! About a year ago I put together an all women's indoor team that was a good ten years older than the competition, and we were undefeated all season, only to lose in the championship game. I have had 10 goals in my last 3 games--2 of these came in co-ed, scoring in co-ed is few and far between for me. I feel like soccer makes up a huge part of my identity. I feel so comfortable there. I love it.

I was never any good at juggling---still not so hot

The car pool ladies. We all drive together, and it is part of the fun to get to chat with these girls!

 

Poor Jackie and I have been trying to get a decent picture of the both of us for the last few weeks. Let's just say I am not great at selfies. We should throw in the towel and do it the old fashioned way by asking someone to help us out! This was last night after we both played every minute of the game in 85 degree heat. I get tired, Jackie does not. Love the random strand of hair I have billowing.

This was last week at co-ed. I thought we were doing silly faces, but we weren't according to Jackie. So I am the only one with the goofy, cheesy face. I love this girl. I count myself lucky to call her a friend.

 

The countdown continues. The moving truck comes today. Yesterday, Paige and I stopped on our way to the pool. Paige has had a fever on and off, and I guess being super mom I thought she would have fun swimming. Needless to say she did not, but I held her while she slept and got to visit with my cousins. She sat and rocked with my dad for about a half an hour before we left, not normal for the girl who won't sit still. I love how she is just looking at him. We will sure miss him.

 

Blowing By

 

I keep thinking I am all up to date on the blog posting, until I look and realize how much time has passed since the last post. Time is seriously blowing by. Unfortunately, the wind is too. I apparently touted the nice weather a little too premature. Since the last post,  I can't say I have been in love with conditions. We have had sun, but too much wind for my liking. Is it like this every year and I have selective memory, or is it actually worse this year? Regardless, we have kept ourselves busy, not sure if we have been productive, but definitely busy!

 

 

Mark and I (mostly I) have been working on our second home study....yippee (insert sarcasm). Our current home study works for everyone except LDS Family Services. They initially said they would take an independent home study, but then changed their minds. It has been beyond annoying to do that process for a second time, but it is a necessary evil. We haven't had the best of luck finding other agencies to work with for one reason or another. We initially wanted to work with a number of different places, but many want a substantial amount up front which makes that impossible. Something that has been somewhat of a shock to me is the response I get once I mention we are LDS. People have been all sorts of excited about working with us until they find that out. I recognize I live in a bubble, but it is still slightly shocking that many still don't believe we are Christian.

 

 

In other news, my parents officially leave in less than two weeks. I am in denial. I try not to think about it too much. I know I am almost 30 and this shouldn't be this devastating, but it makes me sad. I have loved watching Paige develop a relationship with her grandparents. It has been beneficial to me, but so much more so for Paige. She adores them, and sadly, she won't even remember the time she has had with them. She will be in kindergarten when they get home---and home won't even be here. So strange! Additionally, they have been packing and moving stuff into our crawl space a little bit at a time. In the past week, the old homestead has really thinned out. In a week, it will no longer be "Boppa's and Mamma's".  I am sad to see it go. In a world where people are surrounded by extended family, generations of family for that matter, I am still coming to grips with the fact I won't have any left nearby. It seems much more obvious than it might be if we lived in a different part of the country. My side of the family will be a complete mystery to Paige. My mom's family was much the same way for me, and it always made me a bit sad. We have been trying to cram in as much fun time as possible with my parents, and I hope to cram a lot more in what little time we have left.

 

 





Paige can be such a girly-girl. This was the first time she wore this dress, and she told me looked "so pretty!" She was pretty excited when I suggested we take a picture for Boppa and Livvy.

 

Memorial Day looks awfully nice and warm doesn't it?! The kick off to summer is always terrible weather it seems like. This year was no different. It was SO windy, but down in the river bottoms behind our house, it wasn't too bad. I was surprised at how calm it was down there. We decided to roast some marshmallows with Mark's family. It was pretty despite the cooler temperatures, and we ended up having a great time. Paige loves being with her cousins.

 

Love that we can go "camping" in our backyard, and sleep in our own beds. That is the type of camping I love the most.

 

I have found nap time is much more productive when Paige and I spend time outside. We try to get out and walk every chance we get. This particular day wasn't very nice, and Paige was going nuts, which in turn drove Mom nuts. I had a few hours to kill before Mark came home to save the day, so a walk it was! Paige is so easily distracted and her legs are so short, a walk in the river bottoms can easily turn into a big ole excursion. Roxy has embraced the farm life and was running around somewhere, covered in cow poop. Boots never strays too far from Paige, and as much as I hate to admit it, she smells WAY better than the dog! She is such a moody cat, but she has been really fun for Paige. Paige bosses it around and thinks it obeys her. Paige is turning into quite the little sass! Even the animals aren't immune.

 

These pictures were all taken last week. My mom and I were also present, but you would never know it. Paige was pretty sure it was ALWAYS Boppa's turn. My dad spoils her and I don't mind one bit. Honestly, that is his job! I have loved every minute of these adventures. I may shed a tear or two each time they end, knowing they are limited. Let's face it, I have been spoiled too.



So sweet.

Paige rode the carousel about 15 times and still pitched a fit when it was over. I may have to purchase the 75 ride pass twice this summer! Love that my baby loves horses of any kind. Last year she still needed help. This year she grabbed the reins and was ready to ride all on her own.

You won't find one picture of me and dolls as a young lass. Paige is quite the cute little mommy though. She has a whole bunch of friends she likes to take care of. Tonight she got to see a newborn up close and personal for the first time. She was pretty amazed by it, and pretty darn sweet as well. Paige has a very kind heart and is very good at sharing, giving kisses, and being soft. I fear that one day she will be more help than I would like!