A Physical AND Spiritual Infusion

A few months ago, our relief society president shared a thought that referenced a scripture.  She didn't know the actual reference, but she quoted a line.

As I was recently opening up my phone to look through my scriptures, I did the smart phone version of just "flipping open" your scriptures and reading.  You know, the close your eyes and touch thing.  I needed some inspiration...and when I began to read this chapter, I didn't feel an intense connection to what was being talked about.  While I figured it was good I was still reading, I wondered if something would speak to me.

I got to Mosiah chapter 7:18 in the Book of Mormon.  And it was the same verse the sweet sister had shared in our meeting.  And it spoke to me.  "...O ye, my people, lift up your heads and be comforted; for behold, the time is at hand, or is not far distant, when we shall no longer be in subjection to our enemies, notwithstanding our many strugglings, which have been in vain; yet I trust there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made."

Lift up your head- soon, you will not be subjected to the works of your "enemies", BUT there remaineth an effectual struggle to be made.

The enemy was inside of me...and there was still going to be struggling yet to come, but it has a purpose and it will be EFFECTUAL!

Let me share my story of my effectual struggle, and the lessons I've learned from that struggle with my "enemies".

Do you ever get in one of those funks where you feel like it feels like it's doomsday...but for no reason?

Oh, no...it's just moody old me that gets that way?? ;)

Well, honestly, for the past few months I haven't been myself.  It's taken so much out of me to just be consistently happy, positive and energetic.  I went through a bit of a funk when I first moved out here- a short, intense one that only lasted a few weeks, and then I felt really great through just about the end of the year.  But honestly, the past few months have been quite the struggle.  And I have had no idea why.

I didn't talk about it much because I generally felt all the feelings of happiness.  My brain and spirit were happy but for some reason, they were not communicating that with my body.  Marc could tell.  He would ask me from time to time if I was happy.  I felt very defensive at the thought of it, because of course I was happy!  I have every reason to be happy...I have no reason to not be.  But at some point during my days I would feel a hypothetical rain cloud come over me and I felt powerless to control it.  I'd feel all sorts of frustrating emotions.  One of which was insecurity which I wrote about HERE in my last post. Impatience...irritability...quick to anger...loneliness...hopelessness...sadness... were other emotions seeping from me...and I hated it!

Most of which though, I just felt tired.  So uncharacteristically TIRED.  To the point where if I sat down for a moment during the afternoon, it was as though I was wearing a led suit when I tried to lift my body back up.  Coupled with some other very odd and never before experienced symptoms, it made for exhausting days and almost sleepless nights.  I finally decided  that I needed to go to the doctor.  I had been putting it off for fear that he would tell me what I was most concerned about...that I was possibly dealing with depression.  I didn't FEEL mentally depressed but I didn't know how else to explain why everything in me was succumbing to all of these emotions so easily.  I was so thankful that the doctor took my fatigue as seriously as he did.  I also feared that I would be told that it was normal to be tired with three young children and an active, busy life.  However, he took it very seriously (maybe because when he came into the room to see me, I had laid down, practically fallen asleep on the exam table).  We had a nice discussion and it was determined I would have a series of blood tests run.  They took the blood right then and there told me I would hear back within a few days.

I didn't get word for almost a week and Marc and I had figured that had the test turned up anything significant, they likely would've called.  I finally called and inquired and received a return call from the medical assistant shortly after.  When she told me the results I was a little shocked and mostly relieved.  

She said, "You tested positive for mono, although you're no longer contagious.  Your ferritin level is also at 13.4 and it needs to be at least 50, which means your iron deficient..."  She went on to tell me that I would be needing a series of iron infusions and more testing after that to see if I store iron, and if not, further testing will be done to figure out why.  "No wonder you were tired," the medical assistant said after she gave me my instructions, "Most people have a difficult time functioning with one of those conditions...I don't know how you've been walking around with both."

After we ended the call, I went back and forth between feeling overwhelmed at the fact that this meant I was still going to be tired for a while, and the relief I felt that my situation was now validated.  I wasn't depressed!! I wasn't insecure, impatient, irritable, lonely....sad.  Okay, maybe I was those things sometimes, aren't we all?  But, I was so glad that my lack of energy came from a physical ailment versus a mental one.  Physical, I could deal with.  I'd been down the "health issues" road before and bouncing back quickly was sort of something I prided myself on.  However, what I didn't realize is that the road that I had been walking and would continue to walk and learn over the next few weeks, wasn't just physical.  It was emotional, spiritual and mental, too.  And it was supposed to be.

The mono runs it's course. There is no medicine or practice to get through it faster, it just has to run it's course.  I'm thankful no one in my family caught it from me- what a blessing that was!  As I sit and type this, I'm pretty sure I have recovered from mono, although only a blood test could confirm.  My one item of business was to get those infusions.  After dealing with weeks of insurance issues- patient authorizations, doctor orders, paperwork...paperwork...paperwork, I was finally put in touch with IV Therapy at the local hospital and my infusions were scheduled.  

Pictured above is one of the infusions.  They ran about an hour long and I was kept another half an hour for monitoring.  Blessed was that almost two hours of time where I napped, read and ate Lorna Doones, all while covered in a warmed blanket.  A practically painless (except for that dumb poke- why does the anticipation of that suck so bad?  I HATE that) time that left me LITERALLY fully of energy!  Not right away, but after my first infusion, I cleaned my whole house that night and took a 20 minute break to have a dance part in front of my mirror.  

"Alright, I'm back to normal, I thought, "and this is just ONE infusion!  This is awesome!" Shortly after I fell asleep that night, I woke up with a violent stomach flu.  I was thinking it was maybe a side effect of the synthetic iron, but when Carson came down with it the next night, I knew it was a bug.  I had felt REALLY good for a total of maybe 4 hours.  

I sort of had a pity party for myself.  I was so exhausted of being exhausted!!!  At this point in time, I really started to think about what infusion meant.   The definition of INFUSION is: the addition of something that is needed or helpful.  The definition of INFUSING is even more interesting: to cause to be permeated with something that alters usually for the better.  An iron infusion was definitely needed and helpful- and promised to alter my body for the better.  However, I started to think about all of the things I had been ailing with.  More than my physical symptoms, it was the mental and spiritual ailments that had really brought me down.  I realized that what I needed was more than just an IRON infusion.  I needed a SPIRITUAL infusion.

I had somehow become DEFICIENT...deficient of iron, obviously.  I'm not sure why, but the best guess is malnourishment of some sort.  Most likely a dysfunction of something in my body, because I felt I had been fueling my body properly enough with healthy foods and vitamins as to not be as deficient as I was. My iron stores had become depleted.  But what about my spiritual stores?  Had I been taking enough in spiritually and storing it for the times when I'd need it most?  Had my spirit been properly processing when I was reading scriptures, praying, attending my church meetings, etc, or was there a dysfunction in the processing that was causing a LACK of spiritual stores?  

I came to the realization that I was feeling spiritually depleted and in addition to my physical infusion to restore my iron, I needed an infusion of the right things so that my Spirit is strong and built up to face the challenges of life, whatever they may be.  

I think of times in my life where I've been through a lot more than this.  I almost died once for heavens sake, and I wasn't affected like this.  I've been through personal storms and struggles that have been very difficult, but seemed to make it out quickly and stronger than ever.  Why was this rocking me so deep to my core that   it felt like I was trying to climb up a mountain during an avalanche?  For every progression I made, I felt shoved back down twice as far.  And it didn't make sense to me until now.  That I hadn't been spiritually prepared for this.  And maybe I was being taught a spiritual lesson through physical dysfunction.  Maybe I wasn't listening any other way.  Whether I'm being prepared for something bigger or whether I need to just be stronger to weather the storms of everyday life that we all go through, I cannot afford to be spiritually depleted.  Not for myself, not for my sweet husband, and not for my young growing children.

Our bodies need nourishment.  They need vitamins...they need food...they need water.  Our bodies are hungry and thirsty, and we feed it.  And when they are depleted, we go and we get medicine to heal it.  Because, why?  It's a NECESSITY- our bodies are fragile and they are sustained by effectual struggles to keep it that way, or they will stop working to our benefit.

Our spirits work the same way-- they need nourishment...they can be fragile...and in my opinion, they affect our physical so much so, that if our spirits are depleted, it will inevitably affect the shell that houses our souls.   Which makes me think of this scripture in 3 Nephi 12:6- "And blessed are all they who do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled with the Holy Ghost."

I'm truly thankful for the reminder that I need to be "hungering and thirsting" after those things that will make strong from the inside out.  Because to be filled with the Spirit of God, I can't think of any better medicine to be infused with, than that!

Sour Patch Luby

You've all seen those Sour Patch Kids commercials- like THIS one...

"First they're sour...then they're sweet..."

I have decided that we live with one of these little creatures.  As our sweet Londyn creeps nearer to her 2nd birthday, her little personality continues to emerge.  If you spend any amount of time around her,  you know she is the most expressive child.  You always know exactly how she is feeling by the look on her adorable little face.

For example, today in Walmart, I purchased a new hair brush that Luby promptly used on her neatly rubber-banded hair, turning her hair into a snagged mess.  Typical toddler-no big deal.  However, the game turned into throwing the brush onto the ground then squealing to hold it.  I probably played along for 4 or 5 brush-chuckings, until I finally didn't give it back to her.  To suppress the screams that came along with tha,t we promptly made a beeline for the donuts.  Much like her mommy, this girly loves a good maple bar.  For Valentines Day she indulged on a deliciously beautiful, heart shaped maple donut.  As we waited in the checkout line, I looked down at her sweet face, covered in maple frosting, her hair askew and thought that moment deserved documentation.  As I held up my phone and told her to say cheese, my 22 month old, rolled her eyes at me.  No joke...she rolled her eyes.  And not just once.  The woman behind me chuckled and said she'd never seen such a little girl make such a big girl face.  

This is the picture I got...

 ....and every time I'd hold up my phone to sneak another picture, she'd roll her eyes and then shut them.  After I put my phone away, she gave me the sweetest smile and puckered up for a kiss.

This is typical Londyn fashion.  Marc will come home from work and she will run towards him, arms outstretched squealing "Daddy!"  He will pick her up to give her love, and she will promptly slap him across the face.  And then kiss him.

While there are moments where the sting of the slap, or the ringing of the ears from the squeals prove a tiring process, I am so in love with the little personality that is developing in my strong-willed, confident little one.  She is definitely unique and knows who she is and what she wants...and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The devil has my number...but not for long.

Sometimes I dream a blog post.   And then it's embedded in my brain and I can't stop thinking about.  Words and phrases will start composing themselves in my mind...and before I know it my fingers are itching to hit the keyboard.  So, this may be somewhat of a psyche explosion...one I won't know even makes sense until it gets spit out onto this computer.  So here goes...

The devil knows my number...  and it is 467-328-7489.  Okay, not really- 467 isn't even a real area code.  But that is the number for I-N-S-E-C-U-R-I-T-Y.  We all are familiar with this feeling, right?  No doubt we've all had our fair share of it in our lives- whether it be in relationships, in our line of work, our ability to perform a task or talent the way that we'd like, etc.  I think as I've gotten older, I've realized what a tool of the adversary insecurity can be in my life.  It's sort of been like a plague.  Granted, I've learned a lot from it...but its like that nasty, under the bed monster that rears it's ugly head at the most inopportune times.  And, it knows no limits.  It will attack any area of my life and tell me that I'm just not good enough...for...fill in the blank.

Ew... so mean and annoying right?  As I've gotten older, I've learned how to tell it to shove off and leave me alone.  I've learned to reason why this monster in my head is wrong.  I've been able to draw lessons from these experiences and see the progression in fighting through those feelings.  But who can fight ALL the time?  I know I can't.  And the second I let my guard down...those feelings creep back in.


*****Let's attack her MOTHERING skills today- she totally fed her kids Lucky Charms for breakfast two days in a row and their poop was green from all the sugar.  Lets just rake her over the coals for that one.  Oh geez- loser mom- don't you even CARE about what kind of nutrition your children get???*****

*****OOOH- it's THAT time..let's take that bloated feeling and just run with it!  Oh your jeans were a bit tight to button today?  Well, you disgusting blob....*****

*****Sure, you can sing...but look at ALL these musicians out there.  They can sing too...and they are better than you, hipper than you, more relevant than you, play guitar....  You were not meant to be anything special with those talents.*****

*****See- you got left out.  They didn't invite you/visit you/call you back.... you're not that important of a friend.  In fact, they've been just WAITING for the right moment to DROP you.*****

*****Oh, you were going to read your scriptures everyday this week huh??? Well, you only  got to it three times.  And your prayers?  Come on...you were half asleep.  You might as well just give up because you are never going to be committed enough to make those things the priority you should. ****


I could go on and on, but you get the idea.  I want to really point out that this is not something that is majorly debilitating my life. But, in my dream about this post, I had an epiphany.  The adversary launches his attacks on the things I should ACTUALLY be the most confident about.  He never tries to drag me down about my inability to sew- sure, it would be nice, but I have no real stock invested in that particular ability when it comes to my confidence.  Why waste his time on something that I will just shrug off and say, "That doesn't matter."  No, he's going to get me where it really hurts.  Cripple me where it matters most.    So, maybe, I should actually fight off those insecure thoughts with a renewed confidence that if it wasn't something I was meant to be good at, he wouldn't be encouraging me to throw in the towel!

My second epiphany came as these thoughts bounced around in my head this morning.  I looked around at the gym at all these beautiful women.  Working hard, dripping sweat and seemingly confident.  And then I imagined their worst insecurities running through their heads!  Was the woman there for the first time, trying to figure out a new machine worried that she looked like the rookie?  Will the woman who ran her first mile in forever next to the gazelle like marathoner who ran 10 miles at a 9.0 pace, feel like she can't come back because she can't keep up?  And I realized that I am probably not alone in that insecurity plagues the best of us...

...and I think that is why I wanted to write this post.  Not just to remind myself that I am of infinite worth and purpose on this earth, but that YOU are too!!!

With insecurity, we often find very near the concept of comparison.  Also known as- envy, jealousy, etc.  I was just having a conversation the other day with one of my dearest friends whom I think the world of.  Whenever I talk to her, I want to be a better person.  We were talking about the concept of being "REAL".  And how in this day and age of social networking, it is very, very easy to compare ourselves to others and this can often times lead to the insecurity and self deprecation we are speaking of.  And how what an unhealthy scale it is to measure our worth on- first of call comparison, but second of all, social networking, which compares our backsides to someone else's frontside.

I found a wonderful conference talk on this by Elder Holland (everything he ever says just PIERCES my soul!)
He said, "Who is it that whispers so subtly in our ear that a gift given to another somehow diminishes the blessings we have received? Who makes us feel that if God is smiling on another, then He surely must somehow be frowning on us? You and I both know who does this—it is the father of all lies.  It is Lucifer, our common enemy, whose cry down through the corridors of time is always and to everyone, “Give me thine honor.”

He is the enemy...the opposer...the one who is waiting in the wings to tear us down- to pit us against each other and bring us down to keep him company.  Not company any of us deserve to be in.

Elder Holland also said, "All are privileged, the one like unto the other. Walk peacefully. Walk confidently. Walk without fear and without envy. Be reassured of Heavenly Father’s abundance to you always.

As we do this, we can help others, calling down blessings on them even as they make supplication for us. We can cheer every talent and ability, wherever it is bestowed, thus making life here more nearly what it will be like in heaven."

WE are each others CHEERLEADERS!!!!  We are our own cheerleaders!!!!  There is no need to be tearing ourselves down nor one another.   Negative energy never begat positive results in anyone.  

So, I'm done letting these insecurities dig their way down into my self worth.  I'm ready to buoy myself up in the knowledge of who I am and what I am meant to accomplish!  And I want you to do the same.  And I want us to help each other.  One of my favorite quotes/pictures is this:

And I truly believe we all have that capacity within us!!!  I'm thankful for these closing words from Elder Holland: "...No one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than another. I testify that He loves each of us—insecurities, anxieties, self-image, and all. He doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other."

So to this, I say my "number"...I-N-S-E-C-U-R-I-T-Y...its no longer in service.  Disconnected.  I hope that you do the same and recognize the beauty that is you and your wonderful talents.  

Motivated Monday

Sometimes you need a fresh start.  Sometimes you just need to go through and organize and delete the 857 unread emails in your email account.  Sometimes you need to just return to something that made you really happy- for me, that was blogging/writing.  Sometimes you need to just help your husband with his work and do some bookkeeping for him.  Sometimes you need to be able to do the online guitar lessons that you bought on Groupon.  Sometimes you need to organize your family finances/calendars/bill paying, etc.  And for me, I was in a rut with ALL those things...

...until tonight.  Oh beautiful tonight.  When my husband bought me a wonderful new laptop. 

I'm laying in bed, watching the Bachelor (guilty pleasures...) organizing my life, snuggling with my husband and writing!  Where has this computer been all my life?  Ever since moving, being on the computer has been a really hard thing for me because our office is in a room in the basement.  And when I shut myself down in there, I feel like I'm not a good mom.  I can count on two hands how many times I've sat and spent more than 20 minutes down there in almost 9 months of living here.  It's made me feel very unorganized and very behind on a lot of things.  I'm hoping this simple purchase can alleviate a lot of ruts for me.

So, speaking of fresh starts- I realize that it is already February... but we just recently welcomed a new year, and I loved this article from January's Ensign Magazine.  He talked about how sometimes we wait for some specific time to start living up to our potentials...to fulfill our purposes and callings. 

He said:

"An old proverb says, 'The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second-best time is now.'

There is something wonderful and hopeful about the word now. There is something empowering about the fact that if we choose to decide now, we can move forward at this very moment.

Now is the best time to start becoming the person we eventually want to be—not only 20 years from now but also for all eternity."

 

This is my motivation to myself this Monday.  There is no better time than NOW to start becoming the person we want to be.  And we HAVE to believe that the person we are meant to be is GREAT...AMAZING...FULL OF LIMITLESS POTENTIAL!  If it's what I teach to my children, it's what I must then believe myself.

 

I'm prepared, lap top and all, to take tomorrow (and the rest of life)... by storm!:)

Wild Wednesday

I used to blog all the time.  I would get up in the morning, like it was my job, and I would just write.  I miss that, and so one of my goals for the New Year was to blog more often.  I thought it would be easier to do so with a theme.  So far I've decided Wednesdsay's can be WILD Wednesdays...

Because its Wednesday...and today, was WILD!

I'm pretty sure that any day that you wake up and the first thing you have to do is shovel your driveway during a snow storm...the day is gonna be a little crazy.  I feel adjusted to the temperatures in a sense.  Cold is cold is cold.  And it's cold for sure.  Snow constantly coming down is another thing.  I may have spent a combined total of 2 hours shoveling my driveway today (I'm kind of still pretty bad and unefficient at it.)  But, it was only 7:30 in the morning- and I was cheery enough to begin a day.  So, I bucked up, shoveled the snow and went off to the gym.

After the gym I had a volunteer assignment at Montana's school... and this is where it really got WILD...

I do a job where I return and then check out books for a "Take Home Reading" system.  It's in a little room off the library, where there are a few toys and you are allowed to bring your younger children.  It's usually a little crazy, but manageable.  Today, I made it through about 2/3rds of my project when I smelt it.  At first, with another baby in the room that belonged to another mother working for a different class, I thought, "Maybe its not mine..."  but I soon recognized the brand.  It was my Loo for sure.  Loo...and "used" the Loo.  And it was foul.  In this tiny little room, we were practically being smoked out by the vapors.  I apologized for the sweet other mom and told her I was almost finished.  Just as I said this, I look over to find my little STINKER (literally), pulling books off of shelves.  It was like she was magic, the pile of books on the floor.  I'm not sure how her tiny little hands accomplished so much in the mere moments my back was turned, but she had doubled the work I had left.  And I think I was starting to lose conciousness from lack of clean oxygen. I scampered to return the books to their alphabetically correct spots (ugh...) and then the lights went off....

...and on...

...and off...

Oh, my sweet Carson.  His Kindle was obviously no longer of much interest to him.  "Bud, don't do it.  No more."  

Lights out.

"Carson!"

Repeat.

He must have seen the fire in my eyes the fourth or fifth time and decided hell hath no fury like a momma who has to change nuclear poop after all this.  

I frantically replaced the books and was cleaning up the mess of leggos and snacks my kids had strewn around the room, when I hear the scream.  The "I'm super hurt, I'm not going to take a breath for twenty seconds after the first shreik until I practically pass out" kind of scream, coming from Londyn.  I look over to find her on the ground and Carson looking like a deer in the headlights.  

I hate to admit that the WILD in Wild Wednesday at this point, would have described me.  My head may have spun around on my body.  By the time we left the room, the Kindle was confiscated, and Carson had the promise of a time-out when we got home.  We checked out of the school and got out to the car, where Carson and I had a heart to heart and I apologized for getting as upset with him as I did.  And him, with his gorgeous hazel eyes, filled up with tears, gave me the sweetest I'm sorry.  And my heart melted, like it always does with that kid.

I felt renewed enough to attempt what I still needed to do- which was run to the grocery store. 

At this point, I think I had lost brain cells from the smell...which, I did change before the grocery store.  Because, my old brain cells would have just said, "Go home, Stace...go home."

I think the WILD could just be listed at this point...

*Baby gets bonked in the head with a snow shovel- screaming ensues.

*A plethora of junk I never buy gets chucked into my cart by Carson, who only won 3 out of the 4 snacks.  #parentfail

*All of my groceries loaded on the belt when Carson grabs himself and jumps up and down yelling, "I have to go pee!"

This was all grocery store...after grocery store:

*Lots more shoveling

*Baby gets a hold of black sharpie.

*Montana admits after attitude of the century,she "may have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and should go to bed early tonight."  Uh, ya think sister??

*I just showered.  And it's 5pm.

So, yes...I had a bit of a Wild Wednesday.  But most of these things I am already laughing about.  Except for the Sharpie.  It ruined her super cute little GAP shirt.  

And I love my life.  I love my Wild Wednesday...and every other day of the week that has it's wild and crazy moments.  It's fun to share in the moments like this to gain some perspective that life will inevitably bring days like these.  Especially with three young children...in a snow storm...with a Mom that honestly wasn't on her "A" game today.  And tomorrow, for Thankful Thursday, I will talk about why I am thankful for days like this...honestly.

 With perspective....after the fact... :)

Merry Christmas 2013!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Rogers!

We hope this message finds you happy and healthy this holiday season!  2013 was another big year for the Rogers family as we have moved to Cedar Hills, Utah!  We are truly experiencing a white Christmas season so far!  Here's a look back on this year, and how we got here...

Londyn (20 months)- If you've ever been around this sweet bundle of joy, you'd know that she is the most expressive child.  The faces she makes are priceless!  We feel like she has an older soul about her- she tends to read people very well and is a good judge of character.  This winter as we took a ride on the "Polar Express", she became the VIP of our car as she reached out to every helper, Elf, Mrs. Claus and even Santa Claus himself, as they walked by.  They carried her up and down the isle of the train as we sang Christmas songs.  She loves attention, and being the baby of the family, she gets lots of it!  She has also began going to nursery at church- which is a huge milestone for us to not have anymore babies in the hall!  She's learning to talk and has quite an array of words that she is learning, including the seasonal "Ho, ho, ho!"  She has become a huge fan of FaceTime-ing with family members and is so excited to see grandmas and grandpas back in California.

Carson (3 1/2)- Our buddy boy is such a sweetheart.  He melts my heart on a constant basis.  He will walk into a room to find me, just to give me a hug and tell me he loves me.  We've contemplated seat belting him to his dinner chair, because he's constantly getting up to come around the table.  He looks at me with his big eyes and smile and says, "Mommy...I just wanna give you a hug."  How can I argue that?!?!  He is obsessed with pretend play and has an amazing imagination.  We currently have five, FIVE, imaginary "dogs".  Some are actual stuffed dogs, theres a stuffed lion that's a dog...and I think a few more are invisible.  He's into everything ninja and superhero and is constantly asking me if I want to play too.  He always lets me be the pink Power Ranger.  He started preschool in the fall, two days a week, but begs to go to school everyday.  He absolutely LOVES it and his teacher Mrs. Redd.  He's loving the snow and asks on a daily basis to go play in it.  I tell him most days, that there will be A LOT of time for us to make snowmen and go sledding.  (Like, plenty of months...and years... of snow in our future!)  Carson also played his first season of soccer this year, and we really saw this little athlete come out!  He's been talking about going back to "Caulifonia" for Christmas for months now and cannot wait to see everyone!

Montana (7)- I cannot believe I just typed that number next to one of my childrens' names.  I still am in shock and disbelief at times that she is as old as she is.  We went to an "It's Great to be 8!" fireside this last Sunday, where we talked about her upcoming Baptism in 2014.  As she got excited about Activity Days and the details of a baptism, I couldn't help but get teary eyed thinking about what huge milestones are in store for my "baby" this year.  She has transitioned really well into full day school and first grade.  She LOVES her teacher and her school and her friendly, positive and determined demeanor have really helped her with this big move to a new school and all new friends.  She misses all her cousins and friends in California, but has loved every minute of living in Utah.   She played her third season of soccer this year and is such a natural at it.  She also started gymnastics and loves it! She is reading like crazy and spells like a champ!  She is pretty determined on her grades, as she came home crying when she got a 9/10 on her spelling test last week.  I can't imagine what I would do without my responsible girl who looks after her siblings, does chores without being asked and is also one of my very best girlfriends.  Like her brother and sister, she is so excited to see all of her family and friends in California for Christmas!

Stacy-  Yes, I KNOW I left out my age....you don't ever ask a woman that!!! Okay, okay, I'll spill since it was a big one this year.  I hit the big 3-0...and guess what?  I love it!  I actually am so excited about my 30's and all that are in store in that decade.  I've set some pretty high goals for myself and am excited for what the future will bring.  The move to Utah has probably been the hardest for me in the family, because I left a network of women in my life- mothers, sisters, friends- that are irreplaceable.  However, when I say hard, it doesn't accurately portray the beauty of this experience and how seamlessly we have been able to start our lives out here.  We have truly been blessed and know that we are in the right place.  I thankfully have some family out here, some friends from home that have made their way to Utah as well, and have made some friends that have made all the difference in this transition.  My sanity has also come in the form of a very similar routine nearly everyday.  I love to go to the gym and have found it to be even moreso than just a hobby and passion, but almost a job I do everyday for myself, and my family. (I'm not a fun person to be around without a shot of endorphins!)  I have a lot of aspirations to delve more into music out here and am looking forward to putting more time and effort into that in the coming year.   I, too, am very excited to go back to Sacramento.  The kids and I haven't been back since we moved in June- and I can't wait to hug all our family and friends!

Marc- I have never seen this man happier.  This new endeavor, still in the annuity and life insurance industry that he's been in since 2006, has brought us to Utah County where he has partnered with some really amazing people that he truly enjoys being with and learning from.  He has enjoyed being a member at the country club right across the street from his office...so he has definitely spent some time "working" on the golf course.  He has taken us on some getaways to help break up this transition- we went to Vegas and Disneyland as a couple and then to Disneyland as a family, and have also spent a lot of time checking out the local scene at Farmers Markets, Corn Belly's, the country club pool, Alpine Live Nativity and lots of restaurants, etc.  We are thankful that he is able to spend so much more time with us with some flexibility in his schedule.  He also enjoys working out at either the club on his lunch or at the gym with me on the weekends, as well as playing early morning basketball three times a week.

We are all very excited about our life out here in Utah!  We are getting used to the cold weather and the white scenery.  I'm constantly saying, through chattering teeth, how extremely beautiful it is out here.  Living right by the mouth of the American Fork Canyon, we've really been able to see the array of beauty that we are fortunate enough to live in.

One of the main things that has remained the same for us this year, as always, is our love for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  We believe a loving Heavenly Father has led us on this journey and know that we have been blessed by His grace and mercy.  At this time of year especially, I want to express our gratitude for our Savior, Jesus Christ and how thankful we are that a child was Born to live the most exemplary life, suffer for us, die for us and ultimately redeem us through his Resurrection so that this family that we have built, can be eternal.  We hope that you as well have felt His love throughout this year and throughout this holiday season, and that we can all ALWAYS remember, among the hustle and bustle of fun traditions, games and songs, that He is the reason for the season.

Have the merriest of Christmases with your loved ones and such a Happy New Year!  Our best to you and yours in 2014!

Love,
The Rogers

Be Strong

As I've gotten older, I've grown to have a certain confidence in myself that I am a strong person. I've been through significantly difficult experiences that have pushed me past limits of physical and emotional capacities that I didn't know I had and I came out not only alive but generally well and blessed. So, I don't know if its prideful to admit this but I will anyway, I think I'm pretty strong. 

However, as my previous post Regaining Sensation mentioned, this move has proved to be a more substantially life changing and faith building trial than I had actually anticipated. It's pushed my personal buttons in such ways that have made me actually question myself, my character and even that strength that I had come to believe so fully about myself. But, being the full of faith and God fearing Christian woman I am, I do truly believe in the concept of all difficulties ultimately contributing to the greater good within us...that is, if we choose to fight past it and turn it into that good versus accepting the defeat and succumbing to the adversaries desires to dummy ourselves down to the lesser version of ourselves that he wants us to be. It's kind of his thing, to bully the crap out of us, in hopes that we will believe his lies and embrace them as truth. It makes him feel big and important-- which are two things that he really isn't at all. 

But back to the point, we are fighters by nature. We fought to make it to this life. We inherently know that we are progressing to something and in order to progress we must fight, battle, learn through living and grow through the grit of trial. 

The problem with fighting is that it is hard, it is exhausting, and we often times lack the motivation that will get us comin' out with our game face on and our dukes up. 

If you've ever played any sort of sport or ran a race, you might agree with me that motivation is key for your mental game, which I must add, is as equally important as your physical game. Sometimes that motivation is a song, or a quote, or a person or prize. It's been a myriad of things for me over the course of the last six or so years that I've been more physically active, but a current motivational theme for me would be music. A good playlist is very key to a successful workout for me. 
Tell me what person in American culture, or maybe even internationally, wouldn't recognize the movie Rockys theme song, Eye of the Tiger, and not feel the sudden urge to amp up? It's more of a feeling than even a melody and beats anymore. That's what certain songs can do for me mentally, to motivate me. 

Songs like David Guetta, ft. Sia -"Titanium" (because after making it through some trials I really have felt like I have been shot down, but I didn't fall-because I AM titanium-). Alicia Keys- "Girl on Fire" (Tell me that song doesn't make you feel EMPOWERED!) and most recently, Katy Perry's "Roar" (that's like an anthem for really figuring out how strong you are and you want to show the world just how strong you are!)

In our church we have a semi annual conference that is a general meeting for not only the members of our church, but for the world if they should wish to watch, listen to or read the messages.  One of my favorite talks from this past conference last month was by Elder Richard J. Maynes- of the Presidency of the Seventy.  His talk, titled The Strength to Endure , stuck out to me as he related our spiritual strength and stamina, spiritual FITNESS if you will, as needing the same level of care, exercise and attention that is necessary to be physically strong.  One of my favorite phrases from his talk:

"When we face adversity in life and our desire is to emulate the attributes of Jesus Christ, it is essential to be spiritually prepared. Being spiritually prepared means we have developed spiritual stamina or strength—we will be in good shape spiritually. We will be in such good shape spiritually that we will consistently choose the right. We will become immovable in our desire and ability to live the gospel. As an anonymous author once said, 'You must become the rock the river cannot wash away.'

Because we face challenges every day, it is important that we work on our spiritual stamina every day. When we develop spiritual stamina, the false traditions of the world, as well as our personal daily challenges, will have little negative impact on our ability to endure in righteousness."

I appreciate and reap the benefits everyday of my physical strength and care I take of my body.  When I'm chasing after my three kids, when I'm trying to carry in ALL my bags of groceries at once, when I'm carrying around my 18 month old and multitasking as she is in her clingy stage, etc.  And I'm thankful for a body that carries me where I need to go and helps me accomplish things.  It makes me feel strong.

But, my spiritual strength is what really sustains me.  What really carries the load.  When I don't take the time to exercise it, it is evident in all aspects of my life.  Everything is harder... and I am weaker.  We are meant to be tough enough to fight through the trials of this life.  Our spiritual capacities are way more than our physical could ever dream to be.  It seems to me then, that the amount of spiritual exercising we should be doing would exceed our physical.  I can't say I am doing that as literally as I may like as of now, but I am working toward it.  Since I set my 30 goals, I have been more consistent at scripture reading and I feel good about it- but in comparison, it is still not as consistent as my gym time, or as long of a focused amount of time.  However, the difference having that extra spiritual exercise everday has made in my life, is immeasurable!

So, my thought for the day is that I'm strong.  You're strong.  We're all strong.  We are enduring this life and doing what we can to build our spiritual and physical muscles for the fight(s).  And, man, I feel strong.  And while that strength is evident in many facets of my life, the source of my strength is Jesus Christ and His Gospel.