Because it's about to get dirty.
Viewer discretion is advised.
So, as some of you are now well aware, I recently dragged myself and 2 small children half way across the country to beautiful sunny southern California. That's right, folks. I flew with 2 (count them, 2!!) toddlers BY MYSELF.
It was unpleasant.
And I would do it again in a second.
So, here's the good, the bad, and the dirty - vacation edition.
1.) Disneyland
The Good:
It was free. I'm all about free.
The Bad:
Sister Britt (you'll see more of her in a minute) got locked out of the park. Her ticket had problems and it's a long story, but it wasted an hour of our precious Disney time and was kind of funny until she started crying.
(OK, she didn't really cry - it was allergies. But we didn't know that 'till later.
Therefore, it was not funny. But now it is.)
The Other Bad:
We had ridden 2 rides by 2:30 pm. 2 RIDES!!
(That's an average of one ride every 2 1/4 hours. Not good.)
Everyone and their mom and their grandma and their step-sister's cousins' half-brother-in-law's uncle was there.
It was madness.
But I would do it again.
2.) The Trampoline
The Good:
Seeing my daughter love that trampoline the way I used to.
You know, before my spine started crumbling and my knees went bad and my ankles turned to mush.
The Bad:
Will you look at that face? There is no bad here.
3.) These two:
The Good:
We spent every waking moment together.
The Bad:
Even that wasn't enough.
4.) The Soccer Game
The Good:
We won.
The Bad:
If there is dirt, these girls will be in it.
And there was dirt.
(Look at her hair. That is dirt. DIRT!! And yet, I would do it again.)
5.) The Beach
The Good:
We were at the beach. In November. Without boots, gloves, beanies, or snow jackets.
The Bad:
One of my children may or may not have cried the entire time. She also may or may not have had a legit reason to.
**T.M.I. allert**
(the following sentences are not for the fainthearted)
Aubrey had a poo as hard as a rock and about the size of a small dog that refused to exit the premises. She was bent over in pain and not at all happy.
But one enema later, she was good as new.
You can go vomit now.
6.)Downtown Disney
The Bad: 
My kid now thinks that this is OK. For the record, IT IS NOT.
The Good:
I count 9 reasons.
7.) The Grandparents
The Good:
We saw lots of them. And that's how I like it.
The Bad:
Aubrey thought that dinner with the Grandparents would be the perfect time to have a flour-fight. She fought the bag of flour. And the bag of flour won.
8.) The Turkey Bowl
The Good:
No one died.
(50 year old men playing sports with 14 year old boys. The odds aren't great.)
The Bad:
There was sand. And if there's sand, well...
9.)Coco
The Good:
Coco is a dog. Aubrey likes dogs. Therefore, one could conclude that Aubrey likes Coco. And one would be correct.
The Bad:
That dog liked to lick her.
On the mouth.
Which she thought was funny and I thought was not.
And yet, I would let it happen again.
Good bye, California. We miss you already.
The end.
Viewer discretion is advised.
So, as some of you are now well aware, I recently dragged myself and 2 small children half way across the country to beautiful sunny southern California. That's right, folks. I flew with 2 (count them, 2!!) toddlers BY MYSELF.
It was unpleasant.
And I would do it again in a second.
So, here's the good, the bad, and the dirty - vacation edition.
1.) Disneyland
The Good:
It was free. I'm all about free.
The Bad:Sister Britt (you'll see more of her in a minute) got locked out of the park. Her ticket had problems and it's a long story, but it wasted an hour of our precious Disney time and was kind of funny until she started crying.
(OK, she didn't really cry - it was allergies. But we didn't know that 'till later.
Therefore, it was not funny. But now it is.)
The Other Bad:We had ridden 2 rides by 2:30 pm. 2 RIDES!!
(That's an average of one ride every 2 1/4 hours. Not good.)
Everyone and their mom and their grandma and their step-sister's cousins' half-brother-in-law's uncle was there.
It was madness.
But I would do it again.
2.) The TrampolineThe Good:
Seeing my daughter love that trampoline the way I used to.
You know, before my spine started crumbling and my knees went bad and my ankles turned to mush.
The Bad:Will you look at that face? There is no bad here.
3.) These two:
The Good:We spent every waking moment together.
The Bad:
Even that wasn't enough.
4.) The Soccer Game
The Good:We won.
The Bad:If there is dirt, these girls will be in it.
And there was dirt.
(Look at her hair. That is dirt. DIRT!! And yet, I would do it again.)5.) The Beach
The Good:We were at the beach. In November. Without boots, gloves, beanies, or snow jackets.
The Bad:One of my children may or may not have cried the entire time. She also may or may not have had a legit reason to.
**T.M.I. allert**
(the following sentences are not for the fainthearted)
Aubrey had a poo as hard as a rock and about the size of a small dog that refused to exit the premises. She was bent over in pain and not at all happy.
But one enema later, she was good as new.
You can go vomit now.
6.)Downtown Disney
The Bad: 
My kid now thinks that this is OK. For the record, IT IS NOT.
The Good:I count 9 reasons.
7.) The Grandparents
The Good:
We saw lots of them. And that's how I like it.
The Bad:Aubrey thought that dinner with the Grandparents would be the perfect time to have a flour-fight. She fought the bag of flour. And the bag of flour won.
8.) The Turkey BowlThe Good:
No one died.
(50 year old men playing sports with 14 year old boys. The odds aren't great.)
The Bad:There was sand. And if there's sand, well...
9.)Coco
The Good:Coco is a dog. Aubrey likes dogs. Therefore, one could conclude that Aubrey likes Coco. And one would be correct.
The Bad:
That dog liked to lick her.On the mouth.
Which she thought was funny and I thought was not.And yet, I would let it happen again.
Good bye, California. We miss you already.
The end.
