Pigs and flowers - sure signs of fall

Fall is finally here in South Georgia.  I know this because my neighbors' pigs have arrived for the season and the yard is full of blooming camellias.  The arrival of Peaches and Milkshake each year roughly coincides with Día de los Muertos ( oddly like the monarch butterflies arriving in Michoacán) and they are here for fattening and showing before they become bacon and pork chops.  My neighbors' children have had a succession of Peaches and Milkshakes - each year the same names - which they raise, show, and sell.  And with the same precisely timed arrival, so come the Christmas decoration to the neighborhood.

Here are a few things I have discovered or observed during the past week:

1. No matter how many tiny wooden painted fir trees, illuminated deer, and singing angels my neighbors put in their yards, South Georgia will never look like a winter wonderland.  A thin covering of dried pine straw is a poor substitute for snow.  And when bright pink flowers are actually blooming on bushes next to a Santa, the illusion is interrupted.


2. Yesterday when I checked the mail two lizards were chasing each other on the box.  The road is full of smears from brave frogs who hop across the street oblivious to on coming traffic.  When it rains all the reptiles come out to play.

2. Desiccated frogs and lizards are a reality in my life.  I don't flinch anymore when I find a dried out creature tangled in corgi hair in some forgotten corner.  Yesterday a dime-sized frog mummy was in the middle of the living room floor, probably dropped there by a dog who discovered it and transported it to a spot more convenient for play.  I just scooped it up with bare hands and disposed of it.

3. There is no end to the growing season, the mosquito season, the wasp season, the fly season.  All annoyances continue to grow year round.

4. There is truth in the saying ,"...like a deer in headlights..."  Although few blasts on the car horn will scare away deer standing at the side of the road, it is the ones you can't see before they are running across your path that will nearly give you a coronary.

5. Try to find a grocery store that doesn't stock Kilz-Em-Dead rat bait right next to the fried pork rinds.  However, if you find yourself there because the only other grocery is out of something you need for dinner and a 36 mile round trip to the next town seems excessive, do not look into the meat case.  I repeat, do not look into the meat case.  Feet, intestines, and stomachs from all manner of birds and beasts abound.  And who says the pull-date is really a deadline?!

My Town

Here are a few things that I have discovered or observed during the past week:

 Billboard along I-75 between Valdosta, GA and Tifton, GA

1. Desiccated frogs and lizards are a reality in my life.  I don't flinch anymore when I find a dried out creature tangled in corgi hair in some forgotten corner.  Yesterday a dime-sized frog mummy was in the middle of the living room floor, probably dropped there by a dog who discovered it and transported it to a spot more convenient for play.  I just scooped it up with bare hands and disposed of it.

2. There is no end to the growing season, the mosquito season, the wasp season, the fly season.  All annoyances continue to grow year round.  On New Year's Day the weeds are greener than the grass and I've been bitten by mosquitoes on Valentine's Day.  The vines grow here like something out of the Little Shop of Horrors.  We use a 16" machete and carry a file to keep it properly sharpened when doing a little light weeding.

3. There is truth in the saying, "...like a deer in headlights..."  A few blasts on the car horn will scare away deer standing at the side of the road.  It is the deer you cannot see before they leap across your path that will nearly give you a coronary.  Ten foot tall deer fence means nothing more than a ten foot jump for our Bambis here.  I've seen this height cleared in a single bound without the slightest break in stride.

4. Never shop at a grocery store that stocks Kilz-Em-Dead rat bait right next to the fried pork rinds and cheese curls and carries 13 different varieties of snuff.  However, if you do find yourself there because the only other grocery in town is out of something you need for dinner and a 36 mile round trip to the nearest town just for a lime seems excessive, do not look in the meat case.  I repeat, do not look in the meat case.  Feet from all manner of beasts and fowl, intestines, stomachs, and a variety of fish that would sell better at the bait store.  All this scenery nicely rounded out by an odor that says that the pull date is not a deadline, but merely a suggestion.

5. Forget Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster - we've got Hogzilla and the Skunk Ape.  Hogzilla is old news here - there is even a movie and a National Geographic special about it (totally worth waiting through the ad to see - SoGa is my neck of the woods - and the hog was in the papers for months after this happened).  The Skunk Ape has been around for awhile also, but it is only this spring that the local paper in a nearby town started printing stories about it and publishing accounts of sightings.  My neighbor first told me about the Skunk Ape which I only vaguely remember hearing about (I'm a much bigger Chupacabras fan).  But here in Q'town, one little boy told me, the Skunk Ape is real.

Lizard time, titty bears, and mosquito gates

A year or so ago my native Spanish speaking husband told me he needed a little lizard time.  I really had no idea what he was talking about until he clarified with, "you know, when you just lie around and do nothing...like a lizard."  He really was certain he had heard people talking about lizard time activities.  It must be the thick accent down here.  Pen turns into pin, ten to tin, sure to show, and leisure to lizard.  Oddly enough, he actually has an easier time understanding the native southerners than I do, but there have been a couple times he was completely off base.

My favorite involved a skit he had to do at one of those team building workshops. Each group was given a few objects around which they would create their drama.  Papi's group received, as he told me, a Kleenex, a piece of paper, and a titty bear.

A titty bear? I asked him, un oso con chichis? (yeah, maybe you didn't know that the faux Mexican restaurant Chichis was really called Hooters, but it is true, you have been eating salsa at a place called Titties).

No, a titty bear, a TITTY bear, he insisted.

Papi, it is a TEDDY bear.

Oh, its a good thing I didn't have to say that word in the skit!

This morning on my way out of the house, I reminded him to let the dogs outside.  He asked me, did you  close the mosquito gate. 

¿The what?

The mosquito gate.  You know, the door that keeps out the mosquitos.

A very lizard day

At 5:00 AM I put my dogs to frolic while I make coffee. They head out into their run through the side porch. Just to the left of the door hangs a string of glitter encrusted plastic snow flakes which I think are beautiful and refuse to take down even though it is almost Memorial Day. This morning I sat down on a bench and waited for them because I had a little burst of energy the night before and ground the coffee and set up the machine so all I needed to do was push the button. I looked around at the peeling paint and cobwebs and thought about the amount of time it would take to scrape and paint. Then I spotted a regular visitor in an unusual place. One of the snowflakes had acquired a rider:

 Papi used the camera later in the day when he spotted a strange creature when he was bringing in the mail:

...and all the wet weather is certainly going to bring the snakes out of the woods.  Fingers crossed that I don't stumble across any rattle snakes.