My Rollercoaster Year

Those of you who know me ought to be aware that I love a big, fast rollercoasters. I really need to go back to the States and experience some of the new rides since last I was there (1996). However, this year has certainly been one hell of a rollercoaster ride with its highs and lows, switchbacks and unexpected turns.

This time last year I was sitting in Bathgate, looking forward to kick starting the local Lib Dems into the General Election year, then onwards to the Scottish Elections and the council elections beyond. The same old routine as laid out by the election cycles. Or so I thought.

Sure enough the year started out in just that manner. On St. Patrick's Night I was selected as the Prospective Parliamentary Candidate (PPC) again for Linlithgow and East Falkirk, with Charles Dundas once again my colleague in the other seat for the local party, Livingston. In the end I came third once more, was agent to Kieran Leach in neighbouring Falkirk (in which campaign I met some new friends). But I was very disappointed on the night that Kevin Lang in Edinburgh North and Leith and Fred MacIntosh in Edinburgh South had done exactly what the party thought was required to win only to no get elected as MPs.

Well eight days after the General Election I had my CV in to start the selection process for the Edinburgh Central seat  for the Scottish elections next May. So there wasn't any real rest between the elections cycles as I started to plot and plan just what I would have to do, first for the seat and then for the list. In the end after another solid 2/3 months of planning and canvassing local members it wasn't to be, but Alex Cole Hamilton had been selected.

So as I started to work for Alex and was settling down to work on the list selection process, which overlapped with the end of Edinburgh Central, I was brought to a sudden halt. Somehow in all the activity of the previous months I had managed to not notice that certain bills were not being paid, kind of major expensive ones. I tried to get finance from the bank but that wasn't happening. I then felt that the only way to deal with this was to return to Northern Ireland and proposed to work that I could continue to work for them from here. With time running out and me having a letter of notice to hand over if there was no decision on that day I was finally given the go ahead to be a home-worker.

So with that then came the task of packing up 9 years accumulated stuff and with the help of Michael completed Operation Evacuate at the end of August. I'd a week to settle in before I started work, but I was also looking for something a little more permanent over here because work, as close friends can attest, was getting me depressed in a major way, even before I moved over.

There then came an email from a friend saying "Have you seen this job?", I applied and found myself up against Michael for what were probably the most angst ridden two weeks in either of our lives. Until I finally was told the position was mine within an hour of a Nationwide conference call for Yes to Fairer Votes as the Northern Ireland Organiser. I just had time to talk to Michael before that call, and he has been a great help and support from that time on.

Since I've got back I hadn't been completely politically inactive, along with Michael we as local Liberal Democrats wrote a couple of responses to consultations from government departments. I've also been involved in the LGBT consultative forum, help establish Delga within the local party, been back across for Scottish conference. As well as attending two party conferences and meeting with others as part of the Yes to Fairer Votes drive.

This year I attended three Pride Parades Edinburgh, Glasgow and Foyle. Somehow I found the time and a person to fall in love with, though sadly that didn't go as I'd hoped. I've also been elected unto my new local party's executive committee as well as keeping up my record of being a conference rep, Sheffield and Birmingham here I come.

So what does 2011 hold?

For a start there is an referendum on May 5th, not the campaigning I expected to be taking up every waking and quite a few of the sleeping moments of my life. But there you are I'm working towards that and looking forward to getting back into the phonebank as people carry on talking to people across Northern Ireland about fairer votes.

After May, who knows. I have no idea what comes next.

Last year I felt that I'd love to find someone I could really connect with that didn't abhor the time I spent with politics and maybe settle down. Seeing as how intermittent my love life has been in the last twelve months it is almost like I am saving myself for that person. Maybe I might get lucky this year and find what I'm looking for in that department. My love life has been a bit of a roller coaster in recent years maybe I just want it to be a gentle punt down life's river from here on. But then knowing the passion I put into things maybe not.

After May I'll be looking for a new job. No idea that that will actually be yet, have an idea what I'd like it to be just need to see if there are openings that I can fill, it may mean a move once more, it may mean staying right here, I just don't know and nobody is able to tell me the answer to that right now. So it looks like 2011 might be another roller coaster year as well.

Stay tuned I'll return to blogging full time in May.

My Thoughts on the World Cup Location Choice...No Not that One

Map of Qatar

Everyone English fan is so up in arms about 2018's FIFA World Cup being awarded to Russia that they have failed to notice something about 2022's.

It is being awarded to Qatar, a nation with a disgraceful human rights record, especially in the area of LGBT rights.

Article 201 of the 1971 Penal Code punishes sodomy between consenting adults (irrespective of sex) with up to five years in prison. There are also incidents of these laws being enforced on non-citizens. Now there are LGBT football fans, I know I'm one of them.

• What happens if we want to visit the 2022 World Cup, are we to leave our partners behind? 
• Are we to sleep in separate beds, rooms, hotels, cities? 
• What if in celebrating a goal or victory we forget where we are and get over affectionate even for just a fleeting second in full view of a policeman? 
• What if we turn up married or civil partnered with passports that say so, wearing matching rings? 
• Would we get lifted as we arrive and carted off to prison?

Gay Football Supporters Network

Qatar is not just homophobic it is a gay criminalising state.

If we are imprisoned I bet the cell wouldn't have the multi-million pound air conditioning that the stadia (as yet unbuilt) that will spring up in Qatar.

Bid logo

There is also the problem that Association Football does not currently have any 'out' professional players. There are suspicions that a number of players may be in the closet. Now would be a good time for those players to come out and stand up for the LGBT fans from around the world, but more important the LGBT community in Qatar itself. As we don't have a spokesman from within the game, it will be up to the LGBT fans and their friends to take this issue further. But I guess we may not have any players coming out, if they have a hope of playing in the 2022 World Cup, even though us gay supporters need a hero, one of 'the family'.

We should start by boycotting Qatari products:

• Qatar Airlines
• the Qatar Moto GP
• Qatar Petroleum
• Holiday in Qatar's fine hotels 
• etc.

(feel free to provide more in the comments)

Personally I'd not feel safe travelling to Qatar, especially if I was doing so with a partner, I'm just too affectionate. I don't even think I should even contemplate watching the games on television. So I guess I'll not even be watching the 2022 World Cup, even on TV, thanks to decision of FIFA today. Wonder what I'll end up doing instead?

Blogged at the New Address - Prayers for Bobby

As this blog is in the process of moving the following is merely a excerpt to direct you to the new address:

Stills from the film Prayers for Bobby (TVM 2009)

Earlier this evening I was at a screening of Prayers for Bobby at All Souls Non-Subscribing Presbyterian Church in Belfast as part of the Outburst Festival. In the light of the number of teen suicides over recent months the showing of this film and the discussion afterwards couldn't be more timely.

The change of Bobby Griffith;s mother Mary played by Sigourney Weaver to harrowingly in this film came too late for her own son, but this bio-pic based on her families story and journey should be essential viewing in every church; not just in Northern Ireland but also the states and many other places.

Read more here >>

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Pink Paper Survey Changes allowing Northern Ireland 2Xist*

Following on from my post yesterday and Michael's post and his letter, which led to this response have now included Northern Ireland in its survey.

In an email to my friend Michael Tris Reid-Smith said:

"There’s a further update. Having looked into it further, we have now been able to include Northern Ireland as an option in the Readers' Awards! Obviously anything you can do to get the word out to people and to get them to take part would be great! "

I've filled mine in (if only the party internal elections were so quick to complete) and any offers of free underwear will be greatly welcomed.

Please note this blog is moving to http://stephensliberaljournal.blogspot.com please update your blog roll accordingly.
 
* What you think that is a little bit of an unsubtle way to try and get free boxers?

When Writing Gets a Positive Response

Early today I posted about whether I was the "only gay in the Province". Of course I know I'm not and indeed attending the LGBT Consultative Forum meetings here in Belfast shows just the diversity with the LGBT community that exists here all doing their best for that section of Northern Irish life.

Of course one member of that community, who I know rather well, also took up the cause up on his blog. But Michael being Michael did more that just blog and sent an email off to Tris Reid-Smith, Editor-In-Chief, GT (Gay Times) and Pink Paper and got a response by phone within a few hours, followed up by a response which Michael has posted, in which Tris writes

"Therefore I'm grateful to you for highlighting this anomaly [of our omitting Northern Ireland] and I'll use your blog as an opportunity to consider how we can improve our coverage and our awards. Meanwhile, I and my news team will be very keen to hear from our readers in all parts of Ireland with their news and comments."

Not a bad days work from all three of us who were involved, even if I have had another busy day. But special praise to Tris for acting so swiftly and positively. If only some of the other media would respond so positively to omission, overlooking or misrepresenting certain sections without their readership.

Please note this blog is moving to http://stephensliberaljournal.blogspot.com please update your blog roll accordingly.

Surely I'm Not the Only Gay in the Province

This may come as a shock to many friends and friends of friends in the LGBT Sector in Northern Ireland, or a relief to Iris Robinson, but apparently the LGBT community doesn't exist in Northern Ireland.

How do I know this? Because Pink Paper tells me so. Well not so much Pink Paper as their nominations survey for their readers awards. I recently opened it to find I had 8 choices of geographical location:

• Scotland
• North West
• North East
• Wales
• Midlands and the East
• South West
• London and the South
• South Coast

Conspicuous by its absence is Northern Ireland. This is from a Paper that on its website does cover UK news. I that it by that they mean the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. Indeed they have covered some Northern Irish stories in their coverage.

However, when it comes to nominations it become all colloquial and only covering Britain. Its one of those things that often happens. In the early days of Heat I had a letter published that complained that the film offers never included a Northern Irish option to view. It seems that UK wide publications don't bother or don't care about their Northern Irish readers, and ignore their existence in this way.

When the LGBT community in Northern Ireland is still fighting for inclusion within the Northern Irish community we'd like a little support from the UK-wide LGBT community to acknowledge that we exist first of all.

Please note this blog is moving to http://stephensliberaljournal.blogspot.com please update your blog roll accordingly.

Fisking Some of the TUV CSI Responses

The Tradition Unionist Vote has published its response to the Office of the First Minister and deputy First Minister's (OFMDFM) draft Cohesion, Sharing and Integration Programme.

Here are some telling phrases with my response:

"We strongly believe that respect for the Unionist/Protestant marching tradition is a key indicator of whether or not this country is genuinely moving forward."

I'm sorry to be truly moving on this should not be the be all and end all. We have people from different countries now living in Northern Ireland. We have people of multiple-identities and indeed family that cross over previous diversities in our society. The sooner our society here in Northern Ireland reflects this the better.

"TUV objects strongly to the commitment within the CSI Programme to publish a sexual orientation strategy (1.9).

"TUV is astonished that there is not one word of recognition of the contribution which nurturing the traditional family unit can make to a cohesive society within the CSI Programme while at the same time there is a commitment to publish a sexual orientation strategy.

"It is patently obvious that there is already a more than enough legislation to protect and promote this interest group. There is no statutory justification or requirement for the proposed strategy. It is an obvious sop to the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) lobby demanded by Sinn Féin/IRA and meekly accepted by the DUP."

To call for recognition of a minority grouping, which happens to cross sectarian, racial, ability, with/without dependents lines is probably a true reflection from both the unionist and nationalist voices. To dismiss it as a 'sop' instead of seeing it as standing up even for Traditional Unionist people who are LGB or T (yes there are some in the LGBT community here) is a failure to speak out and use that voice.

As for the commitment, which the OFMDFM has said will not happen before 2012. The same department commissioned a harrowing investigation into homophobic harassment and violence in 2003 which has yet to be acted upon throughout the executive. This is a dragging of the heels that has gone on long enough. The 'commitment' is just another 'commitment to procrastinate'.

Equal Marriage: Why I'm a Member of the Lib Dems not Stonewall

Stonewall have finally come out with a statement 'supporting' equal marriage:

"We seek to secure marriage for gay people as a civil vehicle on the same basis as heterosexual marriage, available in a registry office but without a mandate on religious organisations to celebrate it.

"We seek to retain civil partnerships for lesbian and gay people recognising their special and unique status."

But hang on, this is not what I or the Liberal Democrats are saying. Merely keeping is a civil vehicle ignores some of the LGBT community. People like me who are of faith and LGBT and want a church wedding, and certain religious groups The Quakers, some liberal Jewish synagogues etc want to carry out same-sex marriage in their faith, if we can but allow it.

Yes the Liberal Democrats also are not mandating every religious group to celebrate same-sex marriage. We called for allowing those "that wish to do so" to be allowed to. Five small words but a world of difference from what Stonewall are now saying. If they have consulted on this who have they consulted, clearly not widely. Clearly they are getting a statement out to appease some.

Also as you would expect from Stonewall they miss out the whole area of difficulties facing those people of transgender. Their existing relationships need to be allowed to carry on if they wish. Yet the failure to extend civil partnership to hetero-sexuals along side gay marriage and civil partnerships leads to an issue there. What if a partner in a same sex-couple undergoes gender reassignment, what happens to their marriage? Stonewall are not allowing them to have a civil partnership.

The Liberal Democrats have introduced a fully inclusive equal marriage policy, even allowing humanist celebrants in England and Wales to conduct weddings (as they can in Scotland), Stonewall are still failing to see the whole picture. Although this first step is to be welcomed there still is a lot of catching up still to be done to be where most of us are.

Wearing Purple Today - A Call to End Commitment to Procrastinate

Today is a day that I'm wearing purple* it is a colour that may be being seen around the world on a lot of people. The reason being that today has been set aside as a day to highlight gay bullying and the recent spate of teen suicides that have been directly related to it.

Many of you have said through various means how much my personal experience posted at start of the month moved you. If you haven't already take a look but be warned tissues are a pre-requisite for clicking that link (as indeed they are for me to read the comments).

Last night I attended a consultation for the LGBT sector in Northern Ireland into the Office of the First Minister and deputy First Minister's (OFMDFM's) Programme for Cohesion, Sharing and Integration (CSI). The major problem of the document is that it focuses merely on racism and sectarianism whilst ignoring other diversities and minority groups as laid out in Northern Irish legislation, (disability, victims of conflict and their families, LGBT and women amongst them).

There is a passing reference that this will set in place a timetable to bring in a sexual orientation strategy. This is a bone of contention within the LGBT community in Northern Ireland. There was already a consultation document for a Sexual Orientation Strategy on LGB (note the lack of T). A question has been asked by Stephen Farry MLA (Alliance) about a firm commitment to a timetable for this.

"Will the junior Minister give a firm commitment of a timetable within which the strategy will be brought to fruition? In doing so, will he bear in mind that a commitment was given to the Committee for the Office of the First Minister and deputy First Minister back in 2009 that such a strategy would be brought forward shortly?"

The Junior Minister for the OFMDFM Robin Newton in response said:

"a realistic assessment of the time needed to give due consideration to the issues raised and to complete consultation indicates that the timescale for publication would be no earlier than 2012."

Not before 2012! It is getting somewhat outrageous the timescale that his particular consultation is taking. The omission then from naming homophobic or transphobic hate crimes by name but is a ghostly and other types gloss over is galling in the draft CSI programme. In what turned out to be almost the last word last night I said:

"While the ministers of OFMDFM are telling us not before 2012. This is not a commitment to do anything, merely a commitment to procrastinate."

• 98% of LGBT young people suffered homophobic bullying at school.
• 30% of this school bullying was by adults
• 66% have contemplated suicide

These figures are startling and in a programme that says it will help young people at risk is ignoring some very much as risk young people by it omission and failure to look at a holistic sense of society and cohesion. It is written with the history of Northern Ireland controlling it and not looking to the present and vitally the future where there are multiple idenities rather than where you really feel you should be on a Sunday morning.


* Not this time to Take Back Parliament which also uses the colour.

Purple Solidarity for LGBTQ Youth Bullied or Suicidal

READ: ****This event was not created by me. It was created by someone who cares deeply on Tumblr, and I am only spreading the word. (via Davey Wavey)****

It's been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes and at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that's exactly what we'd like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools. RIP Tyler Clementi, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase and Billy Lucas. You are loved.

Join this event and invite everyone on your friends list. Don't let their deaths be for nothing. Let it mean something, and let's do something to change this country for once.

If my recent blog posts haven't been enough to persuade you to join me wearing purple this Wednesday, here is Fort Worth councillor Joel Burns sharing part of his experience for the first time in the chamber.

National Coming Out Day UK

Today is National Coming Out Day in the UK, many people will have notice twitter being alive with this yesterday but that was the USA and other countries. It is a day to celebrate the rights of LGBT rights achieved and the fight for those yet to come wherever that may be.

Coming out is a strange phrase it suggests one particular occasion instead of one of various events that someone who identifies as LGBT has to go through, on a day-to-day, person-by-person basis. Here are some of my coming out stories.

To my parents: I told my Mum while I was ironing door stairs in the house where I am writing this. I simple said "Mum there is something I have to tell you. I'm gay". She asked, "You're not having sex are you?", seeing I was clearly standing there ironing my shirts and not engaging in a sexual act and she had asked the question in the present tense I replied, "No." If she had phrased it, "You haven't had sex have you?" she would have got a different response. Since then seeing as she has discovered both condoms and lube at various times I would suspect that she knows that is not the case.

My dad was at the time a church elder and Boys Brigade Captain, in which I served in the section my mother was leader. When I told him, he simply said, "Thanks for being honest." I wish more Christians could take that approach when other gay Christians come out to them. We're avoiding the sin of lying.

To work colleagues: The first time I came out to work colleagues was on a works night out. One of the girls in the group, knowing I was single, asked me, "What to you think of that girl over there?" I ceased the chance in front of all my colleagues and said, "Not my type, but that guy just behind her. Phwoar!" That was it. I came out to the guys at work, in a fun non-intimidating way, to all of them at once and they were fine with it.

To the bowling team: I can't remember exactly what the first occurrence was. But it was most certainly one Saturday as a group of us night-clubbed the night away in Bangor, post match. Having never seen me hit on any of the girls the lads asked me why, so I told them. Some Saturday's later in the usual pre-match warm up banter across the green about who was going to pull that night, one of them started with, and we might even get a nice guy for you Stephen. They were fine about it, it was done in an inclusive and jocular fashion. If any of the opponents dared to use homophobic language about me the other 15 were on them like a shot.

On National TV: To be honest I suppose I actually have to identify as bi-sexual, even though I have only had one opposite sex sexual partner, though I was engaged to her for five years. However, most of the Scottish Liberal Democrats were aware of that as most of the five years coincided with my early days in Scotland. Indeed that was the reason I ended up there. So in 2009, three and half years after that relationship ended, I hadn't got around to telling everyone. Key friends and colleagues were all aware, but not every conference rep. However, we were going to have a debate on the blood ban. Here were my opening comments.

"Conference, my Grandfather donated blood from the early days of the Blood Transfusion Service. He was an on-request donor due to his rare blood type. My father received his gold badge for 100 donations. I used to give blood, but not now. I'm not allowed to, as (slowly) I have sex with other men. (long pregnant pause)"

This was going out live on BBC Scotland on a Sunday Morning, but there was also some interesting reactions of shock around the hall.

More work colleagues: At one point in recent history our team in Edinburgh were 4 straight, 3 LGB* (unlike Stonewall I know there was no Transgender involvement, nor did there have to be). However, despite subtle pronoun corrections and other such things in the work place 2 or maybe three of the straight members of the team hadn't quite picked up on the diversity in the group. The three of us all had from the first few days that the other ones joined the team. However, it was the turn of one of the three to leave (not me). So the leaving do was arranged for The Street, probably one of the most straight friendly, gay friendly bars in Edinburgh's pink district (so much so that some straight friends have missed what is happening around them). Slowly as the three of us waited for partners to turn up it became apparent to our newest team member and another innocent one that we were in a gay friendly environment in the more gay leaving do I've even been fortunate enough to attend with my own work colleagues.

These are just some of the coming out stories that there have been in my live. As I said at the start it is almost a daily experience as you meet someone different and you have to decide if you can go ahead with it and let them know that detail about you. As you can see there is a variety of ways that can be achieved. My opinion is if you are confident in yourself and go and do it your friends, acquaintances have no option but to respond in a positive way. If you are positive in yourself and happy to let them know. Sure there are also some bad tales to tell. But the more people who know and love you through it, the more people who will also watch your back when things go nasty.

* Yeah one of each.

It Gets Better - Teen Bullicide

The Liberal Democrat constitution says that "no-one shall be enslaved by ignorance". Therefore it was appalling to read this morning of the death of 12-year-old Holly Stuckey, a pupil of Maesteg Comprehensive School, Bridgend, South Wales.

She didn't know as much about sex education as some of her classmates. They had branded her a lesbian and bullied her. In September a few days into the new term Holly who was asthmatic came home out of breathe and died in her father's arms.

It was only later that he found tormented letters from her saying she 'felt like no-one'.

Her school did and does operate a zero tolerance policy on bullying bit for whatever reason, despite months of being bullied Holly didn't go to them, or her parents who only later found out the extent of the bullying.

My own parents did know I was getting bullied at school but it wasn't until Saturday, shortly before I wrote this, that I told my mother to what extent it had driven me. Let me just assure any young person who is getting bullied at school that it does get better. I know what you are going through. If you are getting bullied because of your sexuality it is because of the ignorance of the bullies not because of anything that you have done. There can be happiness for you in this world, there will be a lot for you to give.

Go to those you trust. your parents, a teacher, a close friend. Let them know you are being bullied, let them know how you feel.

But don't just take my word for it, listen to Darren Hayes




or Chris Colfer



or Davey Wavey



After watching Davey Wavey explore some more of his YouTube channel for other advise on living with your sexuality in a fun way that shows you how much better it can get.

It Gets Better! It really does, I want all of you if you're getting bullied to live to the day that you see that, and then live quite a bit more.

I'm Not a Statistic...But Came So Close

For the moment Tyler Clementi (18) is the most infamous teen suicide victim, but in time he will become a statistic. Just like Raymond Chase (19), Seth Walsh (13), Asher Brown (15), and Billy Lucas (13), five other young gay American teens who have taken their life in recent weeks however over time he may well turn into just another statistic.

They were all bullied at school. Now they were a mix of races, mix of locations, the one common denominator is that they were all gay and they had all in some way been bullied because of it. As a seventeen year old I too almost became one of those statistics for exactly the same reasons. I stood at the end of the breakwater in town on a particularly stormy day knowing if I took one further step I would be crushed by the breakers against the concrete before anyone could get near me, or indeed the RNLI Lifeboat could be launched from across the marina.

As an adult while out one night I actually was able as a confident out man to run into one of the people who had actually bullied me for being gay at school. Someone who had physically beaten me unless I ran, who hurled names at me. It was something I myself was in denial of at that time, unlike (from what I read) the five young men who are no longer with us.

But on that Saturday I went up to that former bully of me and said just three simple words, "You were right."

I got a stare back, then a "What?"


So I expanded, "You were right, I am gay, and it doesn't make me any less of a man."

There are those who have known me over the past 24 years. Those who have known what I have done, either for them personally or for a group of people they know or are involved with, who may actually say it makes me more of a man. There has been so much in the last 24 years that I have been able to give to others. Some of it sure is because of my sexuality, most of it is in spite or irrelevant to that aspect of my life.

Sadly the world is missing out on what Tyler, Raymond, Seth, Asher and Billy have got to offer in the years that should still be ahead of them. Sadly it is also missing out on some of the people I've known personally who are more that just a mere statistic. Some of whom did come to me for help along the way, some of whom couldn't handle it for whatever reason ended it. There are others that I know have thought about ending their own lives but haven't and are still with us, still having a lot to give.

Reading the details of some of these stories over recent weeks has brought a lot of memories back. Ones that make me want to curl up in a ball and shut the world out. But something the last 24 years has led me to do is be someone who speaks out.

Here is where Stonewall have it right we need to end homophobic bullying wherever it happens; schools, churches, workplaces, public transport, anywhere. However, it happens while there is not equality and without equality some will always see it as not-normal, sub-normal even. However, as my statement above said being me, being gay, hasn't made me any less of a man.

I've run at a high level, debated with confidence with politicians and leaders of parties, deal with senior bosses of a multi-national company prepared to say no if the answer actually is no. None of these things is dependent on my sexuality but on attributes or skills that are as intrinsic a part of me of who I fall in love with.

The skills of too many young gay men, or lesbian women are being lost to our world while others bully them to the point they cannot take it. Those of us they trust can only reach out so far and can't be there 24/7/365.

Something else that came out of last night's discussion was that when we were teenagers struggling with our sexuality there weren't gay role models, either on the national stage or who we knew personally. That is a lot easier now to find in Northern Ireland and I hope in parts of the USA, but it isn't always easy. However, comments from leaders in fields that young people look up to like the one made by 50 Cent whatever its intention do not make things easy. Other teens then feel it is alright to carry on with the gay bashing. The fact that in teen slang 'gay' means something is bad leads to extra pressure these days.

Or course heterosexual teens are bullied as well. Heterosexual teens also take their own lives. But the reasons for bullying them do not seem in some small way to be institutionalised by the difference in status, available status etc that is afforded to them over LGBT teens. Normalisation needs to happen through full equality.

The Presbyterian Church in Ireland's Take on Homosexuality and Me

Yesterday evening while I was at the Peace Centres Ireland and Changing Attitude Ireland event in Belfast it was mentioned that in 2007 that my church, the Presbyterian Church in Ireland (PCI), had come up with Pastoral Guidelines. I thought I'd better read them, especially as I also felt compelled to write a letter to my minister following last Sunday's sermon which was on 1 Thessalonians 4.

The first thing that strikes me is the first paragraph of the preamble:

While a person's sexuality is a very important part of their lives, it does not define who they are. Biblically we as a church maintain that a person is defined in the first instance in terms of their relationship to God – creation in relation to Creator. To refer to a person as a homosexual, a lesbian or a heterosexual is therefore to narrow their identity to their sexuality alone. For this reason it seems better to refer to 'people' who have 'same sex attraction'.

Now there are a lot of things that define my identity. I don't call find a way to avoid the fact that I am male, even though that doesn't express my identity alone. Nor do I shy away from being a Liberal Democrat, an ex-sportsman, a geek etc. There are many things that make up my identity, being homosexual is just one of them.

My homosexuality isn't also merely a matter of attraction to someone of the same sex. A dictionary definition of attraction is:

1. The act or capability of attracting.

2. The quality of attracting; charm.

3.

a. A feature or characteristic that attracts.

b. A person, place, thing, or event that is intended to attract

4.

a. The electric or magnetic force exerted by oppositely charged particles, tending to draw or hold the particles together.

b. The gravitational force exerted by one body on another.

Now, of course there are things about the person/s that I fall in love with that attract me to them, but like any relationship hetero or homosexual the more you get to know someone you also find the dark recesses. Those things are not attractive, sometimes the things you end up doing for someone you love are not attractive. It doesn't mean that you do not love them but is it then that you realise that it beyond mere attraction, when you still feel the same about them despite the ugly, unattractive parts of what being part of a couple entails.

There is hope in the opening paragraph setting out the need for Pastoral Care with this paragraph:

It is clear that people of all ages who have same sex attractions are very reluctant to tell others because of fear, prejudice etc. Keeping their feelings hidden out of fear has a significant impact on mental health.

Sadly it is very true, that the element of keeping sexuality hidden can have an impact on sexual health. We are taught as Christians not to bear false witness, yet part of our witness as gay Christians is our sexuality. As I mentioned last night the fact that when people realise it affects people they know

There are some positive affirming statements (emphasis mine):

When we condemn homosexual practice in isolation or single it out as somehow worse than other sexual practices outside of heterosexual marriage then we demonstrate homophobic attitudes.

and

There needs to be the recognition within the church that the desires for love (in all its aspects), intimacy, companionship etc. that move heterosexual couples towards marriage are the same desires that motivate those with same sex attractions.

Sadly there is the footnote:

As stated, the position of the Presbyterian Church in Ireland is that sexual practice is only for heterosexual marriage. As a church therefore our aim ought to be to help ALL unmarried people to cope with sexual pressures. We realise this raises issues regarding celibacy. While this is an area of debate in relation to the 'hope of marriage', essentially ongoing sexual pressures still need to be controlled.

The debate for the 'hope of marriage' is one that I think needs to be discussed, especially in light of the comments above about desires for love in all aspects. As I've mentioned before 1 Corinthians 7: 7-9 says:

"I (Paul) wish that everyone were like me, but each person has his own gift from God. One has one gift, another has another gift. Now for those who are not married and for the widows I say this: it is good for them to stay unmarried as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry. It is better to marry than to burn with sexual desires." New Century Version

So you have a church that is telling me it acknowledges my love has desires in all its aspects yet denies a physically expression of that love outside marriage. What level of that physical expression is a line to drawn? Wherever it is I have already crossed it, because I do burn with sexual desires, often stemming out of deep love, not merely attraction, for a man. The bible through Paul tells me it is better to marry than to burn with such desires, yet I don't have that option from my church, however much I want to.

What am I to do?

I'm writing two letters one to my own minister in light of last Sunday evening's sermon, the other to Board of Social Witness to ask about their seven recommendations, especially some of the latter ones.

Homosexuality and Faith

Cross posted on Liberal Democrats in Northern Ireland

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

1 John 4:18

Tonight I was in a backed room in Grosvenor House, Belfast for a meeting organised by Irish Peace Centres in association with Changing Attitude Ireland and the Methodist Church in Ireland. Of course I realised I had no paper to make notes, but did have my iPhone. The key speaker was David Walton, a lay Methodist preacher from Eccles, who was a past VP of the British Methodist Conference. The subject was sexuality and faith, here are some rough notes of the areas covered..

After starting with some personal anecdotes about his own sexuality David went on to say we have to acknowledge there are a number of issues that the Churches still face when it comes to homosexuality

1. There is a sense of disgust about the act and the subject itself
2. There is the argument about promiscuity (but looking around us this is not confined to the LGBT community)
3. There is the matter of cohabitation, sex outwith marriage, divorce etc all leading to the break down of marriage as the church sees it.

Sexuality has become a test of orthodoxy in the eyes of many churches, both for themselves and for others faith. However, what is slowly breaking that down is when there is someone, a grandchild, child, sibling etc that you know who is openly gay.

In 1993 the Methodist Church started what they called their pilgrimage to understanding human sexuality. In the end they came to accept relationships and civil partnerships, but stop short of allowing blessings in church (and therefore by default also equal marriage).

There is discussion going on in most churches about diversity. Although some are coming to conclusions without meeting LGBT people, or acknowledging that there are some within their congregations.

One thing that all sides of those with faith can agree on is the need of strong and stable relationships, based on honesty, fidelity, self control etc. Especially in the light of the world we are living in.

When it comes down to the acts of sex, which we too often focus on, we are ignoring the core of what loving relationships actually are.

There was then a time for question and discussion within the people present. One highlight was from Gerry Lynch who said, when the church is seen as being less accepting that our secular society we [the church] have a real issue.

This is only part of the initiative that Irish Peace Centres is running. They are seeking to have conversations that difficult conversations across social divides but had in a way solid debate and not name calling from opposing camps.

There will be two series one for LGBT people who love their faith

October 15th & 29th, November 12th and 26th, December 10th

The other for parents and friends of LGBT people

November 8th, December 6th, January 10th, February 7th, March 7th

Both series attendance at all 5 meetings is requested and if you are interested email padraig@cooperationireland.org who will provide details of the venue in Belfast where the discussions will take place.

For the Bible Tells Me So - A Film Review

The other night I was watching the documentary feature For the Bible Tells Me So (2007). It is a very moving and powerful film following the lives and consequences of a number of American Christian families dealing with a relative who realises that they are gay.

It also looks at the actual content and context of homosexuality within the Bible, i.e. those verses used by individuals and groups to end their love or seek to cure what they have failed to understand or investigate. The families include that of Gene Robinson the openly gay Episcopal Bishop in New Hampshire and Dick Gephardt former Presidential candidate and his lesbian daughter Chrissy. But it was the tale of two less prominent families that really struck me.

First up there was Jake Reitan a young man from a Unitarian background. He came out as a teen to his big sister a full year before he could tell his parents. Their initial reaction was one of trying to hide Jake's sexuality from all around them and to catacomb themselves and him from the 'shame' of having a gay son. But Jake wanted to be open and honest about who he was and his family are an ideal example of a family coming to terms with their own inbuilt and learnt prejudices, seeking the truth themselves and coming to understand, love and stand beside and behind their son. They are active advocates as a family for acceptance from families of their LGBT sons, daughters, brothers, sisters etc.

The other is the sad story of Mary Lou Wallner, who couldn't accept the 'gay thing' about her daughter and they became estranged. As with too many gay children brought up in Christian households that led to estrangement and after an exchange of heart achingly terse letters Mary Lou's daughter took her own life. Too late to do anything to her daughter Mary Lou did investigate herself what the Bible actually said, the context it was said in and what it means to modern day life.

Fortunately I had neither of those experiences to those extremes when I came out to my parents. However, it didn't mean that at times I wasn't curling up into a ball, needing to reach out to something/one for comfort or bring the odd tear to me eyes. It was also a truncated version of the 10 years of searching scripture which I myself did. If only I'd taken the answers my 16-year-old self came up with it would have saved so much time, but may not have been so well grounded.

There is a lot of mental anguish because of the way many in our culture still see homosexuality. But as this film showed it is often out of repeated ignorance or selective verse selection that these put-downs that these judgements come.

Ben Summerskill's Webb Ellis Moment

Image used with permission from
gyronny.com

Last week Ben Summerskill warned the LGB community (Stonewall doesn't do T) to beware of politicians playing political football with the issue of equal marriage.

Over the last week the tweets and comments have been coming thicker and faster from all political parties and those with none. There is uproar from a broad section of the LGBT community that hasn't been since 1969 and the original Stonewall riots. I think we have noticed that Ben Summerskill is like a poor confused pupil standing on the playing fields of Rugby unsure of what to make of William Webb Ellis's innovation. For those of you who don't know Webb Ellis was the pupil credited with picking up a football on the playing fields of Rugby and creating a whole new game which bears the school's name.

To me that is the ideal analogy of what has happened to Stonewall and Ben Summerskill over the last few months/years. Other groups and even the mainstream political parties have picked up the ball of equality and are running with it in hand. They are holding unto equality tightly, not controlling its passage with taps from their feet. For them equality is not just equalising LGB rights it is about inclusiveness of SLGBTQ* (Staight, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning) rights, something that while Stonewall say they stand for equality they seem unable to support.

The right of heterosexuals to have equal access to Civil Partnerships was part of the Lib Dem Policy passed last week. It was also part of the original CP legislation going through Parliament, which Stonewall say they were championing, yet now they (or is it just Ben) say they are not standing for heterosexual equality.

The policy also included Humanist celebrants in the right to marry or civil partner couples in England and Wales. Something that they had only been able to do in Scotland before. An equality of beliefs which Stonewall probably don't want to recognise or support.

The fact is that the equality that is left to fight for has to be fair to heterosexual, homosexuals, bisexuals and transgender people. That is the whole new ball game. It is the ironing out of the little things that were once thought separate is okay as long as we step along the right path. It's time to smooth those out, being equal need to be just that, equal opportunities for all.

If Summerskill can't see that maybe it is time for Team Stonewall to select a new captain. Or if Stonewall really cannot see them, maybe they should get out of the game. 86% of the recent PinkNews poll were in favour of equal marriage, 61% of the general public in a recent poll said the same.

It truly is time to work out how to do, not work out the issues for why 'society' can't.

* May even have to add AP to that for Asexual or Polyamorous.

Quote of the Day: Ben Summerskill Part Deux #MoreBS

Image used with permission from
gyronny.com

"Stonewall has never pretended to be a democratic member organisation. We have never said we speak for all lesbian, gay and bisexual people."

Ben Summerskill quoted in Pink News

Good because you aren't speaking for me, nor it seems journalist Johann Hari who at the LGBT Labour fringe event today said :

"We are not the government, we are making demands on the government."

Which is good except for the past 13 year LGBT Labour have been associated to the party of Government and haven't pushed them on this issue. Last week was the first time a party of government passed a UK-wide equal marriage policy. Sadly the Labour party this week only placed equal marriage 13th on the list of priorities for debate.

Summerskill is also scared that the bill would fail in the Lords, by "retreating to tradition", all the more reason for the reform of the House of Lords in the current Government's plans.

Summerskill also claimed in response to Hari's comment that disability groups wouldn't deliberate the cost of wheelchair ramps, that "It is perfectly proper to say there are arguments that will be used against us so we can counter them". That would the the £5bn figures that was initially Department of Work and Pensions, then the Home Office then Stonewalls own reckoning as both Government bodies denied this figure.

Read also: This post from Timothy J Moore who was at the LGBT Labour meeting, which suggests that Summerskill was reiterating comments that he made last week at the Delga (LGBT Lib Dems) fringe.

Stonewall Give the Facts, the Negative Facts Again #MoreBS

I turned to Mícheál this morning and said I was determined not to do any LGBT blog posts today. I felt that I'd done enough for the week and needed to get the balance of other issues correct on this blog. That was until Andrew, whose flat we're both currently staying in, retrieved his post.

There was a begging letter for Andrew to rejoin Stonewall and the following piece of literature.


In which they are quoting a 2008 opinion poll in the Observer. Here are the same figures as reported in the paper.
The article goes on to explain (and I have corrected the erroneous English.

Same sex marriage civil partnership has been legal in the UK since 2005 , but 45 per cent of Britons still feel that gay couples should not be allowed to get married civil partnered or married. When the same question was asked in 2002, 50 per cent held this view, but the introduction of the Civil Partnerships Act has only changed the views of five per cent of the population.

The argument that Ben Summerskill at least earlier this week was putting about was that this was a minority opinion. However, it would appear that even two years ago it was swinging into the majority opinion. Over the last two years there has been a lot of work by organisations, other than Stonewall, in getting the message across. As indeed this week the Liberal Democrats brought in a proposal that equalises marriage across numerous aspects than simply bringing in 'gay' marriage. Allowing humanists to perform marriage in England and Wales bringing equality with Scotland,

This year all three of the main party leaders have to some extent said they supported the idea of equal marriage. In fact at 4:30 this afternoon whoever is announced a Labour leader supports the idea of equal marriage. If we are campaigning for equality it is a matter that all groups are treated equally, LGBT groups should be interested in gaining equality with the rest of society, that includes extending civil partnerships to heterosexuals.

There is also the comment at the top that says 'Nothing Left to Fight For? You Decide' yet no option for comments.

It also says in begging section "*by donating £20 of more per month, you will become a Close Friend of Stonewall and receive additional benefits". Wonder if those special benefits include the right to gay marriage?

Read also Mícheál has done a similar post on the subject here. We promise not to twin all our blog posts even if we are wearing similar hues today.

David Laws Doesn't Want to Return to Government

It really isn't my attempt to get at Stonewall again it is just a coincidence. When David Laws came out Ben Summerskill took to the air waves and print media saying that gay men who stayed in the closet didn't deserve the same degree of support and sympathy of an organisation such a Stonewall.

Reading the news today, while I was sitting waiting for Mícheál coming out of an appointment at the Royal Victoria Hospital, of David Law's latest statement I think it needs revisiting.

He says he has 'lost the hunger' and is 'unwilling to return to the Government' after the stress of being outed the way he was. There is even talk of him not seeking re-election for his seat in Yeovil at the next election depending on the outcome of a parliamentary investigation into the financial dealings which saw him worse off, but not declaring the relationship with his 'landlord'.

It is a sad case when someone is forcibly outed and loses their va-va voom as appears to be the case with one of the sharpest minds in the Lib Dem parliamentary team. It may be just a matter of time that David still needs to come to terms with his situation, I certainly hope it is, but I hope it is not the onset of some deeper malaise.

As I pointed out shortly at the time public opinion was that the UK didn't care about the sexuality of those leading the country. But it can be hard to have to come to terms with the sudden public knowledge of your sexuality. Most of us get the opportunity to come out to others in our own terms, in our own time. It is an ongoing process as each new contact has to be weighed up for how and when they are told.

To have that decision ripped out of you hands and over the front pages and TV screens must be a traumatic experience and one that takes some time to heal and get over. I'm not saying to David get out there and be proud of who you are right now. I'm sure if he had turned up at the Delga AGM or any of their fringe events* he would have been made to feel very welcome, but he chose to stay away from conference altogether. But I would say don't do anything too hasty. See advice from those of us who are out, gay, candidates or MPs about how we deal with it. Some of us keep it as something we don't talk about, some like me seem to very much at ease as talking about it as part of us, not the whole.

It would be a shame to lose David to politics altogether and I hope that he does reconsider the statement he has made. But I also know that the time has to be right for him.

* Or any part of conference for that matter.