Extempore Effusions -- Kidushin Perek Bet -- האיש מקדש

Kidushin Perek Bet – האיש מקדש

(41a)

Don’t betroth a girl ‘til you espy

Her yourself with your very own eyes.

Lest you look and then say

‘She’s too ugly, no way.”

You do not want a wife you despise.

(42b)

You can’t plead: It’s not my fault I sinned

Your autonomy you can’t rescind.

Someone sent you to lie,

Or to make someone die--

Don’t blame him. On yourself the blame’s pinned.

(43a)

Bear the message: She wants a divorce

You are witness as well. But of course.

Though we might think instead

You just wanted to wed

The divorcee whose hand you hence forced.

(44b)

If a girl, while still quite underage

Becomes nonetheless—yes—engaged.

Her dad needs to know

Ere the two have a go

Make sure he’s at least on the same page.

(45a)

Under the poplar they sat

Passing wine to and fro- -how ‘bout that.

“With this wine, wed your son

To my daughter, how fun.”

Does the son need to know ere they chat?

(46a)

If he says, “Marry me with this date”

Not a film night; a fruit on her plate.

If it’s worth a full penny

At least one, or many—

That statement, it seems, seals her fate.

(47a)

If you lend some nice cash to a dame

Then you say, “I will not stoop to claim

It back, but to wed

Her with that loan instead.”

Are you married? Or is that just lame?

(48b)

If he says to the dame, “Please come dine,”

And then “Wed me with this cup of wine.”

But it’s not wine; it’s honey

(A joke? It’s not funny.)

Say, is that betrothal still fine?

(49a)

“Marry me if I read Torah well.”

Is he really that good? How to tell?

If he’s read just three verses

(Let’s hope he rehearses!)

Then they are betrothed. All is swell.

(50a)

“You’re engaged if you haven’t got flaws

Like a six-fingered hand, or sharp claws.”

Then he learns she is flawed

Does that make her a fraud?

Tell us sages, now what are the laws?

(51a)

If you betroth both a girl and her mom

Can you do such a thing without qualm?

No, you cannot betroth

Since you can’t sleep with both

Says Abayey in Yael Kagam.

(52b)

Can a Kohen betroth with the meat

Of the sacrifice he got to eat?

“Thanks to this sheep,

Woman now you can sleep

With me.” Is that a fair legal feat?

(53b)

Maaser Sheni coins must be redeemed

In Jerusalem, or so it seems.

Since that trip surely tires,

No woman desires

To be wed with those coins, though esteemed.

(54a)

The garments of priests may be worn

In the Temple and out, though not torn.

To heights we have striven

But Torah’s not given

To angels. We’re all human-born.

(55a)

If you find a cow, sheep or some stray

Near Jerusalem, not far away

Here’s the rabbis’ advice:
It might be sacrifice

So no burgers or sweaters, they say.

(56b)

No mice came by here, no mice stole

Because here the mice don’t have a hole.

Mice steal only to hide

What they’ve stolen inside

Like some cheese, or the crumbs from a roll.

(57a)

Shimon Ha-Amasuni could get

Exegesis on each use of “et.”

Except fear of God

Here he only could nod:

“I could darshan the others, and yet—“

(58b)

If your job is to adjudicate

You cannot charge your clients top-rate

Give your rulings for free

Never charge any fee

Justice sold carries sadly no weight.