Blindsided

I'm 36 years old, which means I've been a "woman" for approximately 24 years now. That's a long time to be battling PMS and yet I do so each month like a reluctant warrior bracing myself for a battle I rarely ever win.

I was thinking last week that it was almost time to put on my emotional armor so that I wouldn't be taken by surprise this time, but PMS is a crafty foe who kicks my butt even when I think I'm prepared.

All day today I felt very aware of my gut region and actually wondered (ala Amy M.) if perhaps I was filled with colon cancer and only had weeks to live. I actually pictured my funeral and wondered who would show up for it (what with the hassle of the holidays and all). Then I thought I was being silly and should just eat some shredded wheat or something as a peace offering to my intestines (I ate a banana instead).


It wasn't until Whitney and I dropped Landon and the neighbor kid off at scouts and headed to the post office that I realized what an irrational state of mind I was in. This is MY post office, what were all of these people doing there!! I drove through the parking lot, muttered some choice words under my breath and headed for Target instead.


Target wasn't much better except that the lines weren't as long and there was a ton of stuff to catch my eye. My main purpose for going there was to replenish my Suave Sweet Pea Shower Gel. Why did I need to do that today? I have no idea except that I am totally out of it and really wanted some more. Of course, I ended up buying 4 packages of razors (they were on sale), which reminded me that I've also been shaving for 24 years ($%#@) and am moving laser hair removal to the top of my Christmas wish list.

But I digress. Usually Target acts as a haven to me. It's aesthetically pleasing, full of great deals, has an excellent stationery aisle, and never disappoints me. But the combo of wicked PMS and after-school Christmas shoppers was more than I could handle. It was a jungle in there (in a Walmartesque kind of way) full of crying kids, employees restocking shelves to the detriment of the customers, and Whitney campaigning for every stupid toy known to man (a fabric dinosaur with spikey hair for real?).


It reminded me that the reason kids act up in stores is because they're trying to convey the message to their very dense parents that they don't want to be there. So why do we insist on bringing them? All stores should be open 24 hours so that we can shop without kids! I rarely have my kids with me in a store, but even this short outing with Whitney made me crazy. She wasn't particularly obnoxious, it's just that my defenses were out of whack and my tolerance for her requests and enthusiasm was low. Not good.

We fled Target ($95 later) and went back to the post office. The parking lot was considerably less full so we went in...big mistake. I took one look at the line inside (12 people deep) and the automated machine line (4 people deep) and turned around. Whitney cheered. Aargh!

We had 15 minutes to fill before picking Landon and the neighbor kid up from scouts so I thought a quick trip to Robert's (the craft store) was in order. They have a 50% off coupon today and I wanted to scope out their holiday home decor and replenish my white cardstock inventory. We pulled into the parking lot only to drive through it and leave again (what was I thinking going there?) it was too crazy to subject myself to today. Whitney was elated.

{I look as bad as I feel.}

I opted to drive thru Taco Time (which I NEVER do) to get a cream-filled churro. What a random stop for me, but I felt the need for a treat immediately and saw the sign. Four dollars and 16 cents later I had a cream-filled churro in hand, plus 2 regular churros for the kids. This treat along with 2 Midols and some time outside putting up Christmas decorations and I'm feeling so much better.

I even toyed around with the notion of going to get our Christmas tree tonight, but in a rare moment of clarity reminded myself that I don't feel well and most likely would let that influence our evening. Baby steps people, baby steps.

P.S. It's so therapeutic to be able to write about this, even if no one reads it. I love blogging.

**How goes your battle?
Do you ever opt out of a store because
the parking lot is too full?
Do you take Midol?
Have you ever posed with a churro before?
Are you sick to death of shaving?**