Two-face the villian and back to school

Most days I feel like the mom version of two-face, that villain from Batman.  I am constantly being torn in two directions, either spend time with my kids who are always waiting for me or spend time on the work that is always waiting for me.  That is why I am so torn with this time of year, back to school.  For some of you, particularly you first-timers, "back to school" may elicit anxiety and sadness.  Your babies are growing up, I get it.  I am a good mom and I really truly enjoy spending time with my kids.  I feel the same way that you all do...to a certain degree.

There is this other side of me, the work-from-home side of me, that jumps for joy at the mention of back to school.  Back to school means that my work can get the attention and the time it deserves.  I don't mean to seem ungrateful, I know that I am lucky to have a flexible job in which I am able to work from home. You see, working from home has a few perks:  1)You don't have to pay for childcare.  2) Depending on the flexibility of your job, you may be able to stop and start throughout the day so that you may tend to the needs of your children.  3)You can work in your PJ's and no one cares.

Sounds pretty good right?  Well let me enlighten you to the darker side of working from home:  1)  Nobody in your house (not even you)  will respect your work time!  Your kids don't care if you are in the middle of balancing an account or making a phone call, they need to get them a band aid for an imaginary wound for the fifth time in that hour RIGHT NOW!  2) What you don't get done during the day due to spending time with your kids, must get done late into the night. Deadlines do still exist.  3) It is pretty hard to respect yourself and your work time when you continually work in your PJ's. 

The worst part though is the guilt that a work-from-home-parent feels.  I feel guilty for working when I should be playing with my kids and I feel guilty for playing with my kids when I know that my work is there waiting for me. See what I mean?  Two-face.

I write all of this not to ask for solutions, I don't really want to change the way things are.  I like being home for my kids and deep down I know that I need to be present in their lives.  I write this mainly to vent my feelings about the situation and to simply say to myself and maybe other women and men that it is "OK".  It is OK to feel happy that the kids are going back to school where they will learn and grow and become more enriched people.  It is OK that I put my work aside for another time so that I can be with my cool and funny kids. It is OK to feel good about the fact that my youngest child is starting preschool and I will have two mornings per week of uninterrupted work time.  Balance is the key and while it is hard to find and different for everyone, it is worth your time to find your balance. 

Lastly, it is OK to feel happy that school has started again for whatever reason that may be for you.

On that note, here are the back to school shots!

Gabe is in a 4th-5th grade split and so far so good.  His comments about the first day were, "It's boring and we do a lot of organizing.  My teacher has a loud voice."  Welcome to the rest of your life little buddy.

Ian is in a 1st-2nd grade split and he loves his class.  His comments about the first day were,  "We're having a bubble party on Friday and today we made magic cookies."  It's good to be in first grade, isn't it?

Simon is in preschool and is the tallest kid in his class.  His comments about the first day were, "They didn't have any trains out to play with yet but we got to use play dough.  I want to stay longer."  Awesome!  I wish it was a tiny bit longer too, and that is OK. 

My return to blogging

Fair Warning: Today I am on a soapbox.  Continue reading at your own risk.

Recently in my church, I accepted a calling in which I am working with the Young Women in my ward.  I absolutely love it!  It is so much fun to be around a group of such bright, intelligent, and funny women.  I have awakened a part of myself that has lain dormant for several years now, it's a part of me that enjoys crafts.  Actually maybe "tolerates" is a better word, I tolerate crafts.  It is a part of me that twice a week get's to giggle and joke and have conversations that would just never take place in my home. It is a part of me that is looking forward to camping and testimony meetings around the campfire!  In this calling I get to be reminded that I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father. I get to be reminded that I have divine potential.  Best of all, I get to be reminded that all women in this world have been given these same gifts.

Because I have this new frame of mind, something has really been bothering me lately. Actually it has always bothered me, but even more so lately.  Why do women, smart intelligent and beautiful women, insist on posting pictures of themselves posing with a giant puckered mouth in pictures?  Call me overly-sensitive, critical, old-fashioned or whatever you want but I do not get the self-portrait with the puckered lips and kissy-face trend!  It's as if you need to exclaim to the world that "I only value myself as much as I am desirable to you!!!" or  "Please see me as a sexual object with no other purpose!!!". 

I find them to be really degrading and in most cases sad and pathetic.  You either look slutty or you are just trying too hard to seem youthful and "hip" because all the cool kids (or your own kids) are posting these pictures.  If you are thinking this then double shame on you!  You have a kid old enough to pose in this fashion and you are too!?! This just makes me feel really sad for you.  It doesn't really show that you have a funny side, that you are fun to be around.  You just look stupid.

You might be thinking, "lighten up Emily, I took that picture as a joke."  or "It's just a kissy-face".  Well I assure you that this is not the message you are sending.  Unless of course in these pictures you are dressed in a black frock and covered from neck to wrists to ankle with absolutely no make-up.  Then I will agree with you, its a funny picture.  I will even make an exception for pictures when an entire group of you, male and female are making kissy-faces.  That is funny, and the intent is much different.  What I am talking about here is those individual pictures of little old kissy-faced you.

Here is my opinion:  Take a look at the picture you are about to post.  Think to yourself "is this something that I am comfortable sending to my dad or my grandpa?"  Be honest!  If the answer to this question is no, then please do not post it.   There are only a few people in our lives who should see us puckered up and ready to kiss.  These people include significant others, children, and grand-children, maybe the French.  Not Facebook friends!

Learn this simple mantra, is might change your life: There's no space for my kissy face (picture).

Rant out.

Date Night

Nick and I attempted to attend the temple tonight.  Things were going great, we got out of the house when we expected to,no one was in a crabby mood, and we even found a parking space on a relatively busy night.  As we walked up to the front door, I noticed this homeless looking guy just standing in front of the glass door staring into the temple.  I will admit I thought he was a little weird, he was in shorts and a t-shirt with dread locks but he really looked like he wanted to go in.  Then we got to the front desk of the temple.  Then we were turned away.  We had let our temple recommends lapse!  They expired at the end of the August, we haven't been to the temple since July. 

Do you know how horrible it feels to be turned away at the temple entrance?  I do.  I promise to never be so thoughtless again.  And, I had totally judged that homeless looking guy.  I've got some serious humility to learn.

At that point we realized that we already had child-care and we should still make the most of the evening.  We decided to go see a movie and the only thing that looked mildly interesting was Contagion.  Here's my advice, when you get turned away from the temple do yourself a favor and DO NOT see Contagion.  All I can think about now is how we need to stock up on some ammo for our gun and beef up our water storage. 

What a weird night.  Glad that I could spend it with Nick, but still a weird night.

A glimpse into my future...

Gabe started school a week and a half ago, since that time he has been asking me for our telephone number so that he can share it with his friends.  Now, a little background:  We are currently living with Grandma and Papa and Gabe and Ian do not attend the neighborhood school.  We found the school we want our kids to go to and plan on buying a house in that area next spring or summer so in order to eliminate ANOTHER transition we put them in the school we want them to go to.  So, we don't really have our own land line, but we have cell phones.  More background, in my heart of hearts I don't want to give out numbers to friends because then I would have to get to know parents and then drive Gabe or his friends to and from after school play-dates. I've got to be honest here, the overlying theme of my hesitation is sheer laziness.  I'm a busy person and I can't be bothered with things like socialization now can I?

For the greater good I suppose, I gave in and told Gabe to give his friends my cell phone number.  That was yesterday.  Today, approximately 5 minutes after we got home from picking up from school, my cell phone rang.  I didn't recognize the number but said "hello", there was nothing on the other end but breathing.  I said "hello" again and more breathing.  Finally I said, "Are you a friend of Gabe?"  On the other end, a little voice said, "yeah can I talk to Gabe?"  I said, "Yes, can I tell him who's calling"...
"What?" he said..."Can I tell him who this is?" "It's Alex."  So, I gave the phone to Gabe and told him it was his friend Alex.  Gabe lit up, took my phone from me and as he walked into the other room for "privacy" he started in on his conversation with his friend.  I got tears in my eyes because maybe we are a bit late to the party, but this is the first time Gabe has had a phone conversation that warranted a little bit of privacy. 

Being the good parent that I am, I followed Gabe into the family room and listened to what was being said. Gabe had it on speaker phone so that he could hear better and basically they were talking about the book order that they got from school today.  It has a zombie journal for 8 dollars and apparently they both want to get one. Then a quick transition to this conversation:

Alex: Do you want to hear my chickens?
Gabe: What?
Alex: I have chickens, do you want to hear them?
Gabe: Yeah.
Alex: ...(walking outside)...it's really windy here, is it windy at your house?
Gabe: What?
Alex: Is it windy at your house?
Gabe:  No.
Alex:Here are the chickens... (chicken noises ensued)
Gabe:  Cool.
Alex:Ok, Bye.
Gabe:  (Hung up the phone, without saying bye)

I have concluded that
1. Like it or not, I am going to be forced into the 2nd grade social scene.  Boo.
2. We need to brush up on our phone etiquette at our house.
3. Gabe may need to get his hearing checked.

I dread the day that phone call is from an adolescent girl...

Ian Starts Kindergarten!

Today marked Ian's first day of his school life, he began kindergarten.  He was so excited!

All last week he was counting down the days until he got to start school, he had his outfit planned and his backpack ready days ago.  Here is what he chose, Red is of course his favorite color.  As for the shorts, well I am not too fond of them, but they are shiny sports shorts and so he thinks that makes them fancy.  Shiny = fancy in the mind of a kindergartner, so I let him wear them.  He's too cute to say no to.

Ian had a lot of expectations about school based on what he has heard from his big brother Gabe, so I tried to remind him that this is a different school and things might be different than what he expects. He was cool with that. 

I made Nick come with us to drop the boys off this morning because I knew that it was going to be sad, and I wanted him to see how us stay at home parents feel.  I don't think you get the full effect of a child starting school unless you take them on their first morning.  As a result, we were on time for school and the pictures are significantly better than Gabe's first day pictures.

Gabe was a little worried, the first bell had just rang.

When we got to Ian's room, his really great teacher had the room in perfect order.  She had everyone's desk set up with a name tag where she wanted them all to sit.  There are two Ian's in Ian's class, so Ian is officially Ian J.  It brought back all those memories of forever being Emily M all throughout elementary school.  Ian thinks it is cool though.

Without batting an eye, Ian joined his class and began in on learning the new routine.  I am pretty sure he didn't even turn around to say goodbye to us until we called out to him.  He is just ready!  On our way out, Ian's teacher had made a small gift for each of the parents to take.  It was a bag with an apple, a chamomile tea bag, some mints, a small candle, and some chocolates.  Attached was this poem that she wrote:

The first day of Kindergarten

I gave you a little wink and smile

as you entered my room today.

For I know how hard it is to leave 

knowing your child must stay.

You've been with him for five years now

and have been a loving guide,

but now, the time has come 

to leave him at my side.

Just know that as you drive away

and tears down your cheeks may flow,

I'll love him as I would my own

and help him learn and grow.

After you've gone home and dried 

your tears, make yourself a hot cup of tea.

Eat some chocolate and put up your feet.

Remember that together you and

I will work for your child to be the

best that he can be.  

Love Mrs. H

(Yes, Nick and I cried our way through reading that.)

Ian is such a great kid, I am going to miss having him home all day with me.  It's true, he has a great school and a fantastic teacher.  He is going to be so happy in kindergarten!

Gabe's First Day of School

We were only a little bit late this morning, but it was enough to set my 7 year old's nerves on edge.  The letter from his teacher had said that she would pick up his class at the front door of the school at 8:30 when the bell rang.  We arrived at the school at 8:31, had to quickly and illegally cross the street (j-walking, I'm surprised that I didn't get yelled at) and usher the boys into the school, then I remembered the traditional first-day-of-school picture in front of his new school.  Gabe and I hastily retreated out the front door, leaving Simon and Ian inside to snap a quick photo.

What now?  We didn't know which room was Gabe's room, it's a new school and a new neighborhood, and back to school night isn't until this Wednesday.  So, we quickly looked at the room directory, Mrs. M was in room 10.  Thank heaven I at least knew his teacher's name!  (Secretly I gave myself some mom points for that one, I got to take them where I can these days)  But...where was room 10?  We figured it out thanks to the help of a kind mom who could see we looked lost.

We got to the classroom last all the kids to arrive, everyone was in there seat and the parents were quickly being shooshed out the door. Gabe wouldn't go in at first, and he wouldn't let go of my hand.  He was worried about taking his backpack inside because the hooks were in the hall and he didn't know where to put his lunch.  So, I helped Gabe find his desk with his name tag and put his backpack on the back of his chair and that's when we realized that Mrs. M was expecting "Gabrielle" Jacobs rather than Gabe.  Gabe and I laughed about it for a minute and then I told him to tell his teacher when he could, she had printed a whole sheet of labels with "Gabrielle" printed on it in rainbow letters.

They were probably labeling everything from the lengthy list of school supplies we were asked to bring from home.  I snapped a few quick photos and we left the room, that's when I heard Gabe say to Mrs. M who had come to say Hi,  "Just so you know, you spelled my name wrong.  This is how a girl spells it."  To which she replied, "I didn't know how to spell it and couldn't find you".  Huh?  I'm sure the office had my number, and clearly she had my address. I even signed him up in my own writing for school, so how did it ever turn into Gabrielle?  It didn't matter for long though, because as I was leaving the school, I turned and snapped this photo.  Even though it is a new school, even though he doesn't know anybody, and even though his teacher thought he was going to be a girl, my Gabe is back in his element and he is going to have a great year!

Learning from our Elders

I've had two experiences this weekend where our family was able to learn from our Elders.

Nick and I had the unique opportunity this past Sunday to speak in a small branch for Retired Seniors.  There were only about 20 people there total, but the spirit was amazing!  We brought the boys with us because we were asked to, and they were so good.  Nick and I spoke a few weeks ago in out own ward about our pioneer heritage and we were asked to give those same talks at the Branch. 

My talk was all about my Grandma who recently passed away.  I was always really close to her, but after her death I have read her life story that she transcribed to a friend of her a few years ago before Alzheimer's took her memory.  There are so many things that I never knew!  My Grandparents on my dad's side grew up in East Germany through the Depression, World War II, and the Russian Occupation afterward.  It AMAZES me the things that they had to face, but also helps me to understand why they have such strong testimonies of the gospel. 

So, I talked a lot about how special it has been for me to get to know another side of my Grandma after her death through her records. The transcription is word for word and in some parts she directly speaks to her children and grandchildren.  I love those parts, I can hear her voice saying those words to me as I read.  I love her so much and I miss her.  At the branch,  I couldn't help but look into all of those members faces and think they all must have amazing stories to tell.  I really hope that they get written down for posterity, there is so much to learn!

Nick gave a great talk about his lineage, Zina Huntington Jacobs Young.  It's always an interesting story, but afterward we heard from the President's wife that one of the Sisters that day comes from a polygamist marriage and is now in her 80's coming back to church.  I wonder what she thought about the talk?

Saturday, Nick and I went into a grocery store leaving our kids with Papa to wait in the car.  When we came out about 10 feet away from the front door we saw Simon with his trousers to his ankles relieving himself against the side of the store.  We quickly ran over, horrified, to find that all the boys had done the same thing.  The reason?  They all had to go and that just seemed like the logical thing to do.  My boys pretty much were delighted by the whole thing, but we bee-lined it right out of that parking lot.  Luckily, the store we were at was an Associated Food Store, so I guess that's what they get for firing Nick back in May?  Well, it makes me feel better to think that anyway.   


Speaking of Polygamy, have I mentioned how nice it is to have two of us women cooking together in the kitchen?  I think it is one of my favorite parts of living here with Nick's parents.  We even enlisted Nick's help on Sunday so we could have the following menu:

Grilled New york Strip Steaks (Nick grilled them perfectly!)
Greek Orzo Salad
Homebaked rolls (Rhodes bake and serve, can't really beat them)
Grilled Zuchinni
Not Yo'  Mama's Banana Pudding,  (Paula Deen Recipe, hence the name)

If that made you hungry, head on over to my food blog and see the recipes for the Orzo Salad and the Pudding.  They are easy to make and so yummy.  Here is a picture depicting how Gabe and Ian felt about dessert.  Great picture there, going in the family records!