Testing, testing...One two three....

Just wondering who all actually is paying attention and has even noticed that I updated my blog. Leave a comment letting me know you at least realized I updated it...... or, maybe I will just make this site private and let it go away.

Well, It's never to late to start....right?!

Hello there friends....long time, very very long time, no excuse really that is worth sharing, so here we go again. An attempt to be better at documenting the lives we live and the fun/not so fun, things that we experience in our day to days. 

Since we have last come in contact with each other A LOT has happened......of course the biggest one, is that I had a baby. (See the first two pictures above) Little Ruby is the sweetest most happy baby I have possibly ever met. She is very calm and rarely cries. She is smiling about 98% of the time she is awake and is now 7 months old. She is a mover and a shaker.  She just started mastering the "real crawl" this past week and gets around pretty well. She started trying to climb up to things as well this past week.  As of right now, she doesn't have any teeth, and very little hair to speak of. :)   

Calvin and Bailey are now potty trained, going to preschool and growing like weeds. They talk and talk and talk and talk. Of course, you are lucky to be able to get it all on the first try, but none the less, they talk, and talk and talk and talk. They get along pretty good, although Calvin is very busy. Likes to do everything and anything. Bailey is very mild tempered and just goes with her own flow most of the time. She is a very compassionate and loving girl who gives everyone she meets a good smile and happy "hello".  They are both three years old and super crazy busy. 

Joel and I are just living day to day.  I can say now that I have a pretty successful photography business here in Green River, and it keeps me really busy.  (You can find me on FB under "L Photography" or go to http://www.lphotography-wy.com/) Joel is also busy, working and helping me around the house. 

This past week my mom came to visit us, which was great because we haven't seen her since Septemeber when Ruby was blessed.  We love when nanna comes, and it is very hard to see her go. It is also sad that there really isn't anything super fun to do around here, so we just stayed at home playing most of the time. :)

Come follow me on FB, since I update that a whole lot more. But, for my good friends that don't FB much, this is for you. Hope all is well. 



The First of Many Tears I am afraid...

At the moment, all I can think is and all that seems to be on my mind is despair. If you haven't been keeping up on facebook you wont understand until you read a little further....but, surely I will get it all written out right now and break it all down.

I had all intentions of keeping the blog updated as the day progressed, but the problem is that labor is very painful and all I could do was huntch over and try different poistions to prevent passing out from pain. :)  No time to blog about things in that state indeed.  It seemed to only take about and hour or two for the contractions to start moving along, and as the pitocin increased, so did the contractions. There was a good stretch of time (at least three hours) where my contractions ranged from 60 to 90, lasted just over a minute each and were about one minute apart. Let's just say that I was struggling to keep positive when pain was so intense....

My doctor came in just before 9 (i think) and did the first of many checks. He had all intentions of breaking my water, but the only problem was that the cervix softener didn't really work and I was still very high, firm, and not even penitratable. We were all kind of baffled I think, but the doctor said there was a good chance I wouldn't progress even with the drugs and that we might have to try again at a later date. I certainly didn't want that to happen, afterall I was 1) so ready to have this baby and 2) confident that the drugs would do their thing and all would be well. Determined to help progress the dialtion through the contractions I attempted to be mobile. Standing a lot, bouncing on the pregnancy ball, swiveling my hibs, and just trying to let gravity and nature take it's course. I was pretty consentrated and determined...which really helped me get through the major pain parts of the labor. I found myself having blissful pictures of all this coming to an end with my little girl in my arms and a new chapter of life beginging.

  It was just after 1:00pm when the nurse came to check me again. I had been having really really hard and "good" contractions and I was hopefully. I prayed harder then I have in a long time that progression would be shown and that everything would be ok. Insert the checking....insert the tears. No change. After hours of laboring, much pain and moments of time when I had to fight out the thoughts of "i really can't handle anymore of this, can I get drugs yet" there was nothing, no sign of change at all.  I couldn't believe it, I really couldn't. I tried my hardest to not break down right there and start bawling, but then, in the quite of the room, as I was alone sitting through horrible contractions, all I could do is sob. Backing up just before the check, my friend Christine came to visit and she brought Calvin with her. Jody had been with us all morning and was the most help I could have asked for...Calvin was very concerned about me but having his cute face there reminded me of the miracles we have been blessed with. When the nurse checked me, I had everyone leave the room, which is why I was alone for a little bit when the nurse left. Christine and Joel came back in with the kids and all I could do was feel so empty, so helpless and very frustrated. I didn't want to overreact to the situation or anything, but it was at that moment that I lost my fight. I knew that nothing was going to change. I knew I was going to be laboring the rest of the day until the doctor came for nothing. I knew we were going to be sent home.

I still tried to hang on to hope...I really did. By this time of the day I was so exhausted as well, that losing the fight was ok, because I let my body rest and I surcame to a little sleeping. How one sleeps through contractions, I am not quite sure, but luckily they eased up just a little and I was able to nap. When you are sitting in a quite room, you certainly have a lot of time to reflect on things. I am still not sure exactly why or what this experience is suppose to teach me, but as far as how my life goes, I always seem to experience a lot of different trials that aren't necessarily "normal" situations to help strengthen myself and most importantly others. That is what I am holding onto at the moment...that this experience is happening for a reason, and that I will know someday what and why I have had to go through it all.

 The Day turned to night and the doctor came in just about 7:00pm to do his check. The good news was that my cervix had actually softened a little...the bad news, not enough to warrant anything else to occur. It was decided that the best thing would be to go home, rest it out, and let the pitocin work it's way through my body in hopes that next week my cervix will be ready to go and so will baby. I will go in on Monday to his office, get checked again, and if things aren't looking like we would want them, he plans to put in some natural seaweed plant thing that will stretch my cervix and make it so that Tuesday morning, when I go in again, for pitocin, I will progress at a good rate and be able to have the baby. If we didn't do this, and I opted to go with a second dose of pitocin at the hospital, we were running too much of a risk that me and the baby would get exhausted and it might force us into a c-section. If on Monday that change still isn't significant, then there is a chance that my body just wont let dialation occur, and we might have to discuss c-section, but I am pretty sure we will be ok.

Joel and I spent a good deal of time talking about how we were feeling and trying to think things through. For me, it is rethinking my entire plan, trying to find out how to keep focus for the next four days, when all my fight is nearly gone and pain is very prevelent. Humbled and very torn about how the next few days are going to go, I know I must continue...one step in front of the other.  And, when the time does come that little Miss makes her appearance, it will all be water under the bridge and worth every second of the wait, every second of the battle, and every second of the pain. (let's just hope I can get drugs faster the next go around).

When we got home, I had Joel bring me stright here before picking up the kids so I could shower and try to relax my mind and body. Joel went and gathered our little love bugs and I said hello to them when they got home, then went straight to bed. I awoke about an hour ago...had a breakdown with tears and frustration, took some pain meds, and I am hoping for a better day tomorrow. I have a lot of stuff to do, so hopefully I can keep busy over the course of the next few days and get my focus and determination back....a long with a new game plan for my kids and my family.

Here is to hope, that all will work out well, that life's journey will continue and that faith, hope and love will incompass my mind and body for the upcoming arrival of this little Miss.

Baby Update....

Well friends, the hospital doesn't let people facebook, so updates come via the blog finally! I don't know how much I will be able to update, but I will do my best.

We checked into the hospital last night about 745pm. After going through concent form after conent form, and waiting for the pharmacy to deliver my "cerivx softening" medication, they checked for dialation (which was at a 2) and then they reached for my tonsils and inserted the medication. It was good times indeed!  After that, nothing too exciting happened....contractions off and on through the night and sleep was very minimal.....even with the help of some ambien. I stayed up until about 1 finishing up some work for the Outdoor Soccer Shoot I was overseeing this past week, in hopes that I would have it all done and ready to be shipped out tomorrow, but it doesn't look like I will be so lucky. There are a few things I have to organize that I just didn't have the time to do yet. The CD has to be in the mail monday, we will see what happens there.

As far as sleeping, the beds really aren't that soft. I wish I would have had my body pillow and blanket to help bring more comfortable vibes my way. They also have me hooked up to the baby monitor and contraction reader so with every turn I make, potty breaks and all that jazz, they have to come in and re-adjust the sensors and get the heart rate back on the monitor. Over and over as the night went on, that occured. Our nurse has been super nice and even when she was hurting me by checking me and putting in my iv's we were still able to talk through it and laugh about things. That helps, yes indeed. 

I started the day yesterday just completely nervous and an emotional wreck, but as the day progressed and we prepared to take the kids over to stay with friends and came home to a quite clean enviornment, the spirit helped calm my soul. I recieved a blessing and it is just always so reassuring to know that I am never alone, and that through it all Heavenly Father is there for me. One thing about this pregnancy, that has been known from the beginning is that this miracle wasn't a coincidence, it was the WILL of the Father. As I have had numerous blessings through out this process I have always been able to have that reassurance that everything is going according to His plan and that joy will abound by carefully heading to the guidence of the spirit. Thankfully I have a strong testimony of the gospel, and a firm understanding of faith, hope, and love. Without those, nothing would be the same.

This morning, around 6am they removed the cervix softener thing and then I had an hour wait for the pitocin. They currently have me hooked to the monitor and the iv drips, as well as a blood pressure cuff. Every 20 minutes they come and increase me pitocin drip. The contractions are coming more strong, but I only feel half or less of them at this point. I have a lot of back labor and pain because Little Miss is currently facing up, which is causing back labor, but hopefully with the contractions and as things progress she will rotate a little to come down the birthing tunnel just fine. 

When we checked in last night there was a tiny cute little baby that was in the nursery being cleaned up and given its shots. That really helped me feel calm and made me realize what a great experience we are about to embark on.  Those tiny hands and oh so cute feet....little nose and everything just so perfect and heaven set. The joy is just beyond words. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on the greatest miracle that came into our lives, almost three years ago...our sweet C Baby. I have been using this pregnancy as a way to live through how he came into the world and have just marveled at the strength his mother had in allowing us to take him into our home and be his mom and dad. Truly, the greatest blessing of our lives. Being a mother is more to me that anything in the world. Having these sweet little angels as part of my daily life is one thing I will always be grateful for.  I am going to miss feeling Little Miss move around in me, I might even miss the sickness that she has created for me these past 9 months possibly....but oh the joy that is in my heart and mind when I think about holding her and seeing her for the first time. A moment that I have always dreamed but never knew would be possible.  

I will keep trying to update this if possible, but at the moment, this is all for now, as my contractions increase, bladder is full and liquid breakfast was delivered. Thanks for all your prayers and support. Please keep them coming!

Much Love! 

New Week, New Goals and New Attempts at being better......(cough, yeah right...cough)

Here I am....proof that I am still alive, and pregnant! haha Joel took this picture of me yesterday, and incase you are wondering, I am 30 weeks as of today. :) 

I pretty much look at this poor and neglected blog almost everyday, thinking that maybe today will be the day I will sit down and update stuff....guess what, today is actually that day that I am doing it! haha It is pretty pathetic that there are only a few posts scattered about on this from the last year.  But, I am very very busy, and a mother of two very entergetic toddlers, pregnant, and an owner of my own business so I have an excuse!  It seems like this pregnancy is flying by. I am getting more and more anxious and nervous about actually having to deliver a baby. I pretty much had a mental break down yesterday about it, but I think I am good today. 

If you haven't been keeping up, I do have a seperate pregnancy blog that I have been keep and that is private. Let me know if you want an invite to it, and I might grant your wish...if you are lucky! Bwaha

Now onto the updates I guess: 

Joel:  Joel is currently serving as the second counselor in the Young Men's Presidency in our ward and oversees the 12-13 year old Scouts. He is gone a lot more than I like, but like much in my life, I have to deal with it...granted I complain, A LOT. He is still loving his job as a fire claims adjuster for State Farm and he is out traveling the state daily. I am lucky enough to have him home most nights, although there are  a a few nights that I have to attempt to keep my composure and do the single parent gig. He has recently found an addiction to play Black Ops on our XBox360 and he does more cleaning of the house these days then I do. This weekend he is going to go camping in Boise for his 5th annual "man weekend".  Also, not excited about it, but tradition is tradition and the guys worked around my pregnancy to find a time that was safe for Joel to be gone. 

Calvin: Calvin is a very very very active 2.75 year old. His 3rd birthday is right around the corner, and I just can't believe it. He has been seeing a speech theripist for almost two months now and is making good progress on his expression of needs and communicating better with us as days go on. He struggles to use consenents when he puts words together, and the speech gal is working on different things to help him remember to dictate and express his feelings. I have learned a few tricks as well, and together he will hopefully be up to speed in the next few months. He is very against the idea of potty training, although we have been slowly implementing it into our day to day routine. I am pretty sure he will still be in diapers when the baby comes, which is something I really would like to avoid, but I struggle to find energy to be on top of the messes that come when attempting the hardcore training. His favorite objects these days are trains and race cars. He is in 3T pants and shirts, although there are times he wears 4T as well. He is in a size 10 shoe and he is very independent. He will start preschool in September.

Bailey: Bailey is a follower. Slowly but surely she is making her wants and desires known, although that typically means turning into a diva and throwing fits. She keeps me busy in converstation and is always very proud of different things that she can accomplish. She loves to talk about babies and is often times found playing with herself and her toys, or running after Calvin trying to get him in trouble. If she is talking to you, she will find a point in the converstation to put out her finger and say "oh, just a minute, be back....k"...then she waits for acknowledgement and goes to get something and bring it to you. She is pretty good at talking when she wants to, and she doesn't let too much get in her way.  She has taken to potty training pretty well, but is struggling with the concept of pooping in the potty. She will ALWAYS come tell me the second she has pooped in her diaper, but she never seems to want to express the desire until after the deed is done. I am hoping to have her potty trained by the time the baby comes. I just need a few days of focusing strictly on that, and then all will be well. (i hope!)  

Me: I am going crazy....absolutely bonkers!  Between tending to my two crazy children, dealing with a mildly difficult pregnancy, owning a business and finding time to get all my work done, cleaning my house, preparing a nursery, and doing everything else moms/wives do....I never have time to get everything done. My list of "to dos" gets bigger by the day and all I seem to be able to do is daydream about sleeping. It is true...I could go for some awesome sleep all day everyday if possible! Wyoming is treating us good and it is starting to feel more like home.  I have a handful of amazing friends.  It is not certain how long we will be here, but as days turn to months and months to years, it looks like we might be here longer then first thought. Next year we will probably start looking for our next adventure, but the plan is only to apply for jobs that will take us somewhere that we want to go. No need leaving here if it isn't for something even better I guess.  

It's a baby...a baby GIRL!

Well, the secret is now no more. After 7 years of fighting infertility, adopting 2 beautiful children, numerous miscarriages, heartaches and tears....we are excited to announce that I am pregnant with a BABY GIRL!!!!

This pregnancy came to us as a COMPLETE surprise, and although I have been seeing a fertility specialist the last two years, we were working towards getting everything in order for hard core fertility treatments...slowly but surely.  I will now have one of the most dreamed about experience marked off my bucket list and will be able to experience giving birth to my own biological child. The thought is just crazy to me...but I couldn't be more happy, more humble, and more grateful then I am right now.

I have kept a private blog from the day I found out I was pregnant, and that has been fun to go through. I try to keep my weight and measurements updated so I can track my growth and I am not really shy about talking about some of the things I experience. Seriously, not shy one bit. haha

I am due in July and I have been put on pretty strict guidelines to follow. It is certainly crazy, and yes...I think I will be going nuts for a few months while I adjust to 3 kids under 3, but the Lord works in mysterious ways, and I know that it is through him that this miracle was brought into our lives.

Yes, I fell off the face of the earth, but am slowly pulling myself out of the deep dark depths...

The last few months have been pretty difficult for us. Hence, the lack of wanting to talk about things and post, i am sure. But none the less, there is one blog I have been keeping very good at updating, however it is a private blog, and probably always will be. Feel free to inquire more about this if you would like. Some of my friends already have access to it.

I might get around to blogging about the last couple of months, but for now, just know, at this moment everything is going great. We are living 2 different miracles from our Lord at this moment, one having to do with saving a life and the other creating a life.

Thursday I might have more to say about those, but for now...know that we love our family and friends more than possible to express, and we love our Savior and the grace and goodness he brings into our lives daily.

The Kiddos

Growing like weeds and cuter than ever. The kids and I went out on a little outing today and I tried to get some fall pictures of them. Didn't work very well, but at least I got a few cute ones of them. Bailey had surgery yesterday (post to come) and as you can see, she looks pretty good. She wasn't really smiley for me, but hey, can't complain too much.

Let's Try This Again....

There is no lieing...I suck at blogging...well, I suck at personal blogging anyway. I seem to do ok with my photography blog/website, but it is obvious that I have been neglecting this blog for sometime. I can not promise much, but I am going to try! TRY TRY TRY!

The pictures that go along with this blog were taken this past week when we drove to Larimie to watch Boise State dominate Wyoming. If you don't know us well enough, then shame on you! haha we are die hard Boise State fans, and the fact that they are ranked 3rd in the polls this year is like Christmas every weekend! We are in high Heaven. Needless to say a whoppin' was brought and we left very happy!

In other news, my photography business is booming and I am staying very busy doing that, working for the city and babysitting my friend's kids two times a week. I don't have time for everything, but who ever does?

{Preparing for a Vacation...of a lifetime?}

Awe the joys of family vacations. As a kid, we rarely went on any, and if we did...I certainly don't remember them! Joel and I's last "vacation" was probably when he returned home from Iraq and we spent a week in Hawaii. Sure we have gone home to our families and visited, and although they are like vacations, it doesn't really feel like it because it is familiar areas. Does that make sense? (speaking of going home, have I mentioned how excited I am?! It will be fun to introduce B-Baby to all of our friends!)

Well, coming up soon, we will be taking a LONG road trip to Nauvoo for a week. (which really isn't a week because we will be spending the first two days driving, then three days there, then two day driving back)...fun right!?! I sure hope so! I am so excited to travel unknown territory. I am not excited however to deal with the kids, but I am praying for priceless picture opportunities and fun activities we can do with the kids along the way. Of course I will have my computer with me, and when possible, I will upload pictures of our trip and update. It will probably be a lot of phone updates, but you like that right?!

In other news, I got my hair done on Monday at the beauty school in town....personally, not recommended. I have gone to may beauty schools in my day, and this one was by far the worst one ever. The instructors were practically hidden and well the chic who did my hair...let's just say I would NEVER have her do it again. :) Monday was just a wreck. The hair sucked and I was so upset. So i went back and scheduled an appointment for her to fix it (which I have never done before in my life...if I hated it i sucked it up...but this was just too bad!). I went in this morning to get it fixed and it is still nothing like I wanted...but it is livable. Seriously extremely bold and different, but it just is going to force me to keep my makeup fresh and my hair styled. If I can do that, then I will be good as gold! :) I just hope people don't think I am going through a mid life crisis or something. haha