Sometimes When You Are so Blessed, You Start Seeing Your Blessings as Trials

I don't mean to say that my life is perfect because it most definitely isn't. What I am trying to say is that when we are used to getting what we want, we begin to see spontaneous blessings from Heaven as trials. Let me explain.
A few months ago I was hired to teach at BYU-Idaho in the English department as an adjunct professor. I was very excited and very nervous for this opportunity. I had been hoping to get this job ever since I finished my student teaching in the Spring of 2013. I didn't know if I would qualify, however, since I don't have a master's degree. Anyway, I did get the job and everything seemed to be hunky dorey. Then summer hit and everything got a little crazy: weddings, reunions, family trips, birthdays, girls camp, and canning. On top of all of this, we decided it would be best to rent a house with my parents in order to ease the burdens placed on my dad and my younger sister. Between looking for a house, being a mom, a wife, a teacher in preparation, and everything else, it was hard to stay sane. I was feeling a little overwhelmed to say the least. And then it came, out of the blue, I am Pregnant! What!? How on earth did this happen? I really didn't think I was going to make it through the year alive. I felt like this was the last straw. I couldn't help but feel that Heavenly Father was trying to see just how far He could push me. I cried... a lot. I didn't feel well, and I wasn't sure if I could do it all. That's when I realized that I was looking at it all wrong. I was sitting in Young Women's last Sunday and the lesson was on families. We talked about the importance of being mothers in Zion and raising righteous, faithful children. A story was shared about a girl who was smart and talented and she chose motherhood over a career. Her leaders and teachers told her she was wasting her gifts. When I heard this story, I was appalled. I couldn't believe that someone would feel that way about motherhood. And then  I realized that I was being that person in my own way. I was the person who felt like being a mother and expecting another precious child was a trial, an extra burden for me to bear. When in reality, this is my purpose. Being a mother is what I came here to do. Sure I can be a teacher and help and serve those around me, but in the end, the most important thing I can do is to help raise the next generation. My burden/trial wasn't a trial at all. Although being sick and tired all the time really isn't any fun, I am excited to be a mother of two. I am happy that my body is healthy and capable of bearing children. What a marvelous gift I have been given. I only hope I can be worthy of it.

Stay at Home Mom

Ever since I was a child I wanted to be a mom, well. . . kind of. The thought of childbirth scared the daylights out of me but that is beside the point. I always knew that someday motherhood would grace my life, and I would try my very hardest to be the best mom I could be. I suppose part of that desire came from watching my own mother raise six very rambunctious children. The point is I looked forward to it.
     This story is about me and about my experience as a stay at home mom. I hope that someone out there can relate, and I hope that in some way it brings comfort or at least validation.
Let me start at the beginning, or close to it. About six years ago I started college, and at that point a lot of things changed. I guess you could say I found myself in a way. I went through many trials from changing my major (do to feelings of inadequacy)  to losing my grandma, and much more. I submerged myself in my studies, and I loved it! I loved learning, getting to know people, challenging myself, serving on various committees, and being involved in my ward and community. The best part was, that I discovered what a passionate person I am. Everything I put my heart into became a part of me most especially my field of study, English and art education. I discovered just how much I love to read, write, paint,take pictures, and teach. I had no idea I could get so excited about such things. I began to feel as though I couldn't do anything else. I wanted to teach, I wanted to paint, and I wanted to read classical literature and analyze it to my hearts content. I didn't think I could give these things up for motherhood.
     Well, in December of 2011 I married a wonderful man. The kind of person every women wishes they could find. Nine months after we married, I found out I was pregnant. I was very excited and nervous. I was right in the middle of finishing my last semester of classes, and I was preparing to do my student teaching. I knew I was in for a trial. Despite feeling overwhelmed, sick, and scared, I made it though to the end. I was terrified at that time to give up everything that I felt I had worked so hard for to be a mother. My husband and I decided that I should stay home to raise the children as long as it was possible for me to do so. I know it may be cliche, but yes, I wanted to be the one to teach my children to walk, crawl, and say their ABC's. Being a mom was, and is, more important to me than being a teacher or artist. Consequently, I turned down job offers and I went home and waited for my son to come. It was a real adjustment to go from super busy and overwhelmed to trying to find things to do with my time.
     When my son came into the world, I quickly learned that being a mother was a bit harder than I had anticipated. Breastfeeding was a beast and it was very time consuming! Devoting your every minute to a baby can be very exhausting, especially if your baby doesn't sleep through the night.
My son is eight and a half months old now and things have gotten easier. I love being a mom, truly I do. I love playing with my son on the floor, watching him learn how to walk along the furniture, eat, and communicate. He is the joy of my life. However, I still struggle to find fulfillment in my life. I still long for the opportunity to sit down for a few hours and read a good book that challenges my thinking. I want so badly to write something meaningful and paint something magnificent. However, I know that my time will come and if I am patient, I will find the means and time to do the things I love and be a mom. Right now, being a mom is more important to me. In the meantime, I write on my blog, read books here and there, save for my camera, and merely start drawings that I never seem to have time to finish. Beyond that I am a mom who cleans house, runs errands, bakes, makes dinner, mends shirts, mentors young women, participates in my church, plans baby showers, and any other task I can get my hands on. I am a educated mom and wife, and I do my best

And Then There Were Three

Every once in a while we get to experience something that changes our lives forever, and for the better. Becoming a mother was one of those experiences. Although at first I was not looking forward to motherhood, I slowly became used to the idea (approx. nine months). As my goal of getting a bachelor's degree came to an end, and all my clothes gradually got smaller and smaller, I started to accept the fact that I was going to be a mother. Yes, the person to whom my small little larva would rely on for nourishment, comfort, protection, attention, and everything else. A little overwhelming I must say. Many people told me motherhood was challenging, life altering, rewarding, and very stressful. I had no idea, however, just how life altering, stressful, and rewarding it would be. I became a mother just twelve weeks ago, and already I have witnessed first hand what it feels like to love someone deeper and more selflessly than anyone, or anything, I have ever loved in my life. I now know what it feels like to look into a baby's eyes and yearn for a kind of connection I did not know existed until now. I can finally appreciate all the sacrifices my mother made for me throughout my life hoping that someday I could experience only a small portion of what she feels for me even today. Despite being hesitant about motherhood, there is nothing I would rather be doing than spending all of my time with a pure little soul whose spirit is oh so close to our Heavenly Father above. This precious little boy is such a joy and I am so thankful to have him in my life.

Logan Scott Baker 8lbs 11oz and 21 1/2 inches long. After fourteen hours of labor and three hours of pushing, Logan came into this world with the help of some very large salad tongs (forceps) . We can definitely say that Logan is one strong cookie. He did very well. Other than a few bruises on his head, he was in perfect condition. There is no joy greater than that of a precious child of God.

You Never Know What to Expect

7 months later and here I am, a married women living in an apartment of my own with a handsome man who loves me. Who knew life could turn out so utterly different than expected. Just this time last year I was dating Andy and trying to decide between marriage and a mission. It wasn't until two weeks before I was supposed to leave that I called up my stake president and told him that I wanted to post-pone my mission. Ironically, that was the same day that Jordon came home early from his mission, due to back problems. In short, my life is in a very different place than I had originally imagined it to be today.

Change the World Through Art or Education?

When I was a little girl I wanted to be an artist. I wanted to paint the world, it was my canvas. I would spend much of my time drawing things that I saw or making up stuff out of my head but most of all I liked to draw faces. I told myself that when I was older I would go to college and learn to paint people and landscapes, for that was what the "real artists" did. When I finally made it to that magical place they call Brigham Young University--Idaho I got started right away on my life long dream of being an artist. I took a class from Brother Leon Parson, a man whom I would say is one of the greatest painters I have every seen. The class was Art 110 Drawing 1 and it was all about perspective and what he liked to call "construction drawings." It was very difficult but in the end I had an A- and I was okay with that since Brother Parson didn't really believe in giving A+ to people. Life went on and I continued to take a few more art classes: Photography, Color and Design, Head Drawing and a couple others. It was in head drawing class that things began to change for me.
One day I was working on a picture of a live model-which was not uncommon- and Brother Parson, who was my teacher for that class, came up to me and commented on my line quality. He said something to the effect of, "Aimee this is not working maybe you should be a ceramist." He was being facetious and I really didn't appreciate it. His comment went a lot deeper than I wanted it  so therefore, I went home and cried my eyes out. I called my mom and told her the story. She said not to worry many people especially artists, have days where they doubt themselves because their work just isn't going the way they want it to. However, it was then, in my third semester of college that I really began to analyze myself and where I was going. I got down on my knees and prayed to my Heavenly Father for help. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this but I was really chastised in that prayer. While I was praying I had the distinct impression that I needed to be an educator. I asked why it was that I had never thought of this before and the answer I received was that I was told but I didn't listen. I knew then that something had to change. That week I went to the advising office to make the change. However, I still had a couple of problems. My whole life I wanted to be an artist, did this mean that I should just abandon my dream? The other thing was what was I supposed to teach? Should I be an art teacher, an elementary teacher, or something else? I spent a few days praying about this and finally decided that I would be an elementary ed. major with an endorsement in  art so I could teach it as well. This seemed to work out for a while. . .
Christmas break came and I was just getting ready to begin my second semester as an El. ed. major when a friend of mine asked me a question that threw a wrench in things. He asked me a simple question: "What classes are you looking forward to next semester?" I thought about it and I couldn't think of one! I was excited to be a teacher but more than anything I was just wading through the classes so I could get to the end. What was I thinking? Two days before classes were to begin I went to my older brother Derek's house and talked this over with him. Naturally, because he is an English graduate, he told me I should do English. I thought about it but I was afraid because I didn't like to read and I didn't like to write. There was no way I would make it through being an English major. However, the more I thought about it and as I looked at all the classes I would be taking I became more interested and more excited. I decided to give it a try. I took one literature class; Young Adult Literature and I loved it! I was hooked from their on out. I had finally decided that I would be an English Education major with a minor in Art Education. This would allow me to teach and be an artist.
As I really got into my English classes I realized that I truly had  passion for critical thinking and deep analyzation. I loved my literature classes and still do as I am right in the thick of things right now. I get to converse with highly educated people whom I respect and admire and hope to be like some day. And the best part is I still get to take art classes. I am currently taking a ceramics class and I have really enjoyed learning a new form of art and the many things you can do with clay! My creative juices are just starting to flow and I am really loving it. I have not regretted changing my major for even one moment. Most importantly I have learned that I can be creative in more than one way. I can change myself and others when I follow the promptings of the Spirit. Heavenly Father wants to help us and wants us to be the best we can be no matter what that is. For I have learned that I can be an artist even in my writing and in my communication with others and not just in my drawings and paintings creativity stretches much further then just the fine artshttp://www.lds.org/media-library/video/mormon-messages?lang=eng&start=1&end=12&order=alpha#2009-02-06-create.

You Dont Have to Do It Alone

Life can be a real journey. I have learned many things this year, but I think the thing I learned best of all is that, I really don't know very much. The year began with the beginning of a new semester. Just previous to that had been a very hard couple of months for my family. My mom was in and out of the hospital, our dryer broke, it was winter, the refrigerator broke and so did most of our cars. So needless to say it was kind of a relief when school started and I had different concerns on my mind, most of which only concerned me which was a change. I do want to say though throughout all of this I never felt alone, I always knew that Heavenly Father was looking out for me and my family.
During the winter semester a lot happened. I made some really great friends got more involved with the school by being a mentor for disadvantaged freshman but the most exciting thing was I switched my major from art to El. Ed.  It was a big change but I KNEW this was what I was to supposed to do.After all this there began a new semester and I felt as if  was starting all over with a clean slate. I had new roommates, a new major and I lived in a new place. Things were good and I had some great experiences. Of course like any other time of life there were trials but I found ways of getting around them.  With the help of religion classes, sincere prayer, lots of scripture study and weekly Temple attendance I was able to get through the school year with minimal bruising.
When it was all over I decided to try something new and move to Provo. It was out of the blue but it sounded fun. My cousin Leah, and I lived with my Grandparents and we had lots of fun but little did I know this was the beginning of a lesson I really needed to learn. As I have described in previous posts I looked for jobs however, I was unsuccessful, l for the most part. I applied for more than forty jobs and the only thing I found was substitute teaching. I prayed hard to know what to do but to no avail. I never felt impressed to do anything or go anywhere, I was at a stand still.One day while I was in Provo my grandpa gave me a blessing, in my blessing he told me many things, all good but many scary. I truly felt that things would probably be different from then on. Shortly after the blessing and  just before Thanksgiving I decided to move home since the holidays were coming and my brother was graduating from college. I felt it was better to be home and I finally felt it was time to be back, for good. Once I moved home I almost instantly became unhappy and kind of depressed. I was not excited for Christmas and I had no friends. Everyone seemed to be gone or busy with other things. My moms health was not that good so I was once again faced with the fear of so much responsibility that I was not sure I could take at the time. The concern of money and other things were always weighing on my mind, even though I had finally felt like I should be home it was hard. Once you move away it is hard to go back and still try to move forward. I lived out of my packed bags and I had a constant feeling of floating, I never felt settled and I didn't  feel like anyone wanted me here. However,  I continued to pray but didn't know what to do. Finally one Sunday I had a breakdown, or should I say a breakthrough. My mom finally asked me if there was something wrong and I just cried. I told her many things. Afterwords I poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. I told Him I couldn't bare it anymore and I needed the Saviors help. I know how the Atonement works, at least I thought I knew. You lay your burdens on him and He will lighten your load. Well I didn't know how to do that. I continued to pray when finally the answer came. He told me I didn't need to know how, that wasn't my concern. He told me just to trust in Him and he would take care of it. It is so simple yet it has taken me years to learn and far too many tears before I realized that we don't have to understand in order For the Atonement to work. If you go to the Lord with your pains and your sorrows, truly he will make it possible for you to have peace.
This year I learned so much about tender mercies, faith, trust, love, and humility. In order for us to learn Heavenly Father must humble us. When we are at our lowest we are the most malleable and easy to teach. At the End of this year I want to bare my humble testimony that this is the True Church. God lives, and He loves us. The Savior was born, died and was resurrected, He Lives and He loves us. Prayer works and if you pray with a sincere heart He will answer. I know the Book of Mormon is true and was translated by a true prophet. I know that our Prophet today speaks to God and knows what is best for us. I am thankful everyday to be a part of this and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.

Answer To My Prayer

It has been way too long since I wrote on my blog. Harvest is over and I am now back in Provo trying to find something seasonal to keep myself occupied until I go back to BYUI in January.
For some who may not know exactly what Harvest is or what my place in harvest might be let me explain (below are a few pictures I took). Harvest is that lovely time of year where all the farmers are digging up their crops and putting them into cellars, grain bins and sending beets off to the dump before being processed. I drive a big truck with ten wheels. My truck is not beautiful but handsom... yes that is why I named him Herbert! We got along alright, only a few fun stories to tell. Anyhow I drove Herbert for the duration of about four weeks. I do this every year and most of the time it isn't something I look forward to (hence one of the reasons I moved to Provo) but somehow I always find my way back to the potato field.
Now to the interesting part of the story. Before I decided to go back and work harvest I was really struggling to know what to do since I wasn't having too much luck with jobs. I had applied for over forty jobs and wasn't having any success. I had been praying very hard to know what to do. Every time I prayed I didn't really feel like I should stay and I didn't feel like I should go... Now I look back and see that maybe I just wasn't listening. I wanted so badly to stay and work in Provo but Heavenly Father had different plans for me. Sometimes you can want something so bad but if it is not the Lords will it won't matter how bad you want it. I learned so many things in the last few weeks. I learned that if you are obedient He will provide a way. He knew I didn't want to work but He gave me a friend to help make my experience he softened the hearts of the people I worked for and He even blessed me with a few missionary experiences. He answered my most sincere prayers. Sometimes, lots of times life doesn't go the way you want or the way you think it will but in the end Heavenly Father will always give you the thing that will be the best for you, the thing that will bring the most peace and happiness. I am still a little confused on what I am to do with my life now that I am home but with His help I know I will find the answer.

Twelve row beet topper

The six row beet puller about to load Melissa's truck

I tried to get some shots of the gorgeous sunsets but alas I was unsuccessful

Me in Herbert

My awesome friend and coworker, Ashley

Waiting in line at the Dump

This is just a really weird truck I had to take a picture of. It reminds me of a rat.

The beet field just above the Snake River

The twelve row puller loading cemis