Taking a Deep Breath
I love the holidays. I hate the holidays. I’ve enjoyed a wonderful month and I’m SO glad it’s over. Maybe you feel the same way.
This season I found myself listening to Christmas carols, knowing that somewhere in my past, those words and tunes had brought joy. And they were intended to bring it again. But this year they seemed to bring confusion. Like, “I know there’s a fond memory in there somewhere, but I can’t find it.” I think it was buried under the piles of wrapping paper and the endless stack of gifts I still needed to wrap.
I feel this way every year. The festivities of the season remind me of the Norman Rockwell holidays I never had. Didn’t have them I childhood, and despite my best efforts, seldom achieved them in adulthood. (Does anyone??) Hubby and I go through the motions of decorating before the fly-in visit from our adult son and DIL, but it just isn’t the same as when he was home and so excited about every ornament, every gift, every tradition.
I still aim for the Norman Rockwell holidays, which means lots of cooking and baking, and entertaining. I do what I can in advance because I just don’t have the stamina I used to have. When Son and DIL are here, I do things that I didn’t do when he was growing up, like cook breakfast, because I’ve found that a leisurely breakfast is a wonderful time to talk (as is midnight to 3:00 am—but that’s another story). But having only on bathroom means that I get up first to shower and get ready. Then I cook while the others are getting ready. Then it seems that I cook again and again, either for entertaining here or taking somewhere else.
We’ve had an event or party to host or attend every day for the last 10 days. And that doesn’t even count the Christmas celebration with Mom and my family of origin the 17th and 18th (that, too, is another story). I’m really not complaining. I organized many of those events and enjoyed once-a-year time with family and friends from so many areas of our lives. But the joy of the friendships doesn’t eliminate the sense of exhaustion that follows--and the reminder that no matter what I tell myself, I can't do all I used to do. We're blessed to have friends to celebrate with and frankly, I can’t see changing this voluntarily, but when I reach January, something deep inside lets out a huge sigh of relief. I think tomorrow would be a great day to take a nap and read a book. Because school starts again on Monday.
Photo Credit: iStockphoto
Friday, December 24, 2010
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas!
Photo courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons/A.Affleck
Labels: Christmas
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas!
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it…. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God -- children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:1-6, 10-14)
Merry Christmas to each and every one of you. May you be blessed with family, friends, joy, health, and most of all, the love of Jesus, the Incarnate One.
Labels: Christmas
Monday, December 21, 2009
Christmas Tree Memories
When DS was living with us, he loved decorating the tree and from the time he was old enough to help, he took on more and more of the responsibility. But now he’s gone and it hardly seems worth the effort. Except that he and dear DIL are coming home for Christmas and they will appreciate it. And expect it.
But this year, I took time to reflect on the meaning of the ornaments—the memories—and the task became so much more tolerable. We’ve always decorated only with ornaments that have special meaning. In the early years my dear MIL made most of our ornaments. She was a crafty one and every year had a new project – needlepoint, beading, lace, wood. She did good work and our tree always had a unique look to it. As I hung those on tree, I thought of her and all she did for us. Yes, sometimes she was annoying, but her heart was good and we miss her. After her death we inherited the traditional ball ornaments that she used on her tree. I had always steadfastly avoided purchased balls, but these are from the 40s and 50s. They remind me of ornaments we had on my childhood tree. Now they hold places on honor on the tree. Memories.
When DS was little, we made a photo ornament of him every year. As I carefully placed them on the tree, I remembered the joy and delight of my little one. He was so cute! Memories. Then came the vacation souvenirs. The reindeer from Montana; the whale from Hawaii; the ceramic animals and straw angels from Mexico; the turtle from the Cayman Islands…. Each one brought back fond memories of precious family times.
Last came the nativity scene. I placed it in its place of honor beneath the tree, surrounded by dozens of angels. Most of the angels also have a story. There are the small fabric angels from a church tea I used to attend. There are the lace angels made by dear MIL. And the lighted porcelain angel that MIL gave me the last year she was with us. So many memories….
We finished the tree, turned down the room lighting, and turned on the tree lights. The little white lights that remind me of Disneyland. The tree almost sang of love and memories Ah, Christmas….
Friday, November 20, 2009
Fiction Friday: One Perfect Day
Just in time for Christmas, my friend Lauraine Snelling, weaves an emotional tale of two mothers, each a stranger to each other, whose lives are changed forever in a single moment.
Nora Peterson is determined to make this Christmas perfect. Next year her twin teenagers will head off to college. Their lives will never be the same. With her husband on a business trip abroad Nora’s nerves are already frazzled when she received news of an auto accident that will not only change the Petersons’ lives forever, but also those of another family whom they’ve never met.
As a nurse, Jenna Montgomery has always struggled with balancing her personal and professional life. Her daughter, Heather, has suffered from a heart defect for most of her life. Now that Heather is twenty and still on the organ transplant list, Jenna must find a way to accept that this is likely their last Christmas together. Then the miracle Jenna has desperately prayed for becomes a reality in an instant and Heather’s health is restored.
While Nora struggles with depression and grief, Jenna discovers that miracles aren’t always easy to receive. As a mother myself, I resonated with the emotions of both mothers in this story—the joys, the sorrows, the worry. It’s a delightful book, especially for this season.
Labels: book review, Christmas
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Christmas with an Aging Mother
We spent last weekend with Mom and most of our family. Everyone still wants to go to Mom’s for the family holiday, and Mom still wants to host it. Problem is, she really can’t handle much of the preparations and most of the family can’t or won’t pitch in. That used to be OK. I could handle dinner for a crowd with little effort. However, now that I have my own aches and pains, it’s harder for me to manage. I was utterly exhausted following our dinner – and we low-keyed it in every way possible. Paper plates, ham rather than turkey, boxed scalloped potatoes. Fortunately, my brother washed all the dishes (there were still a lot!) and cleaned up the kitchen. As good as it was to see everyone, we were glad when it was over!We had arrived on Thursday for a Friday doctor appointment. Still no diagnosis, but at least this doc is reducing the medications. However, between the medical appointment and last minute shopping, Mom was pretty blitzed even before Saturday arrived. By the time we were ready to leave on Sunday, she couldn’t keep her eyes open. She laid down for a nap and slept four hours! She sounded much better today.
Labels: aging parents, Christmas
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
12 Tips to Keep Joy in the Holidays
John Grohol offers 12 Tips to Keep Joy in the Holidays. Important reminders for everyone, but especially for Gen Sandwichers who are trying to keep more than the usual number of plates spinning.Labels: Christmas, sandwich generation
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Christmas Preparations
I’ve been sick since Nov. 22. I have some sort of cold/URI (doc thought it was pneumonia) that I can’t shake, even after two rounds of antibiotics. I was sick through Thanksgiving and still feel absolutely awful. In fact, it feels as if it’s getting worse again. I was supposed to go to Mom’s for another round of her doctor appointments this past week, but canceled. She certainly doesn’t need to catch this, and I honestly didn’t have the energy to go. She went to one on her own and I rescheduled the rest for a couple of weeks from now when we are there for the family Christmas. Hope I’m better by then!Despite feeling at about 50%, we decorated the tree and much of the house today That has to be one of my least favorite tasks, followed only by UNdecorating the house after Christmas. Decorating was never a favorite activity, but when Son was home, there seemed to be a reason for it. Now with an empty nest, it seems, well… empty. We have cut back a lot, but still want it to be “home” when Son and DIL arrive on the 26th. And of course, once it’s done and the boxes are back in storage, I like the fruit. Just not the process. So, Lord willing, tomorrow we’ll finish the process and begin to enjoy the fruit.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas!
I want to wish a belated Merry Christmas to all of my readers. I hope that you are able to take a breather and enjoy the season.Labels: Christmas
Thursday, December 21, 2006
A Gen Sandwich Christmas
Elizabeth at GenBetween says, "It's hard being responsible for most everything, huh? No answers, just empathy."Yep, it is. I guess the question is, how much of that is my fault (if I dropped the ball, would anyone pick it up?), how much is birth order (oldest, responsible one, you know...) and how much is simply that I live by a different set of values than the rest of my sibs.
We leave tomorrow for two days at Mom's. Gifts are all wrapped and most of the food purchased (except that Costco was out of pork tenderloins, so we'll have to stop on the way). I haven't started packing yet, but the laundry is all done and it's only two days, so that shouldn't take long. (Famous last words?)
Now, to get on with the Christmas letter, which clearly won't make it out before the holiday... again.... We send well over 200 letters, so it's an ordeal that I seem to keep putting off. But I'd rather be late than stop doing it or do less. This is the one chance each year to keep in touch with old friends (who, BTW, seem to be getting older. We got some photos this year from people we didn't even recognize! I'm so glad we haven't changed a bit....)
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Christmas Looming and Lamenting
I wonder how much blog posting drops in December? I sure haven’t had time to write anything profound. Or anything at all for that matter. Even now I’m stealing time from wrapping, decorating (no, I’m not done yet....) and baking. Not to mention laundry….We leave Friday morning to spend two days with Mom and Dad, and I’m still not ready. We’ll cook another relatively simple meal on Saturday, although from what I hear, my sister is too busy and tired to help. And the brother who often pitches in doesn’t come for Christmas. So once again, the load will fall on me. Problem is, I’ve been too busy to even delegate much or think about a simpler alternative. What we did for Thanksgiving worked—sort of. And most important, since this is my parents’ Christmas, I want to make it special for them. We’ll have a wonderful day with our best friends on the 25th and over a week with our son and DIL. Christmas at Mom’s is a blip for us, but for her, it’s all there is. And who knows how many more they will have.
I must confess that I’m preoccupied preparing for the 25th when our son and DIL come home. It saddens me that I have such joy preparing for them and feel only responsibility preparing for the celebration at Mom’s. I really do want to make it wonderful for her. Once again her family celebration is not on Christmas, but on the weekend before. She’s done that for years to assure getting the greatest number of us there. But even now, one son and DIL, one or two grandchildren, and at least three great grands won’t be there. And her husband is still in board and care, longing to come home.
When I talked to her tonight, she vacillated between anticipatory planning and crying. I know she’s tired, yet I know she will pick up the load my sister is dropping even if I tell her not to. She said that she had her doctor run a blood panel to see why she’s been feeling so bad, but everything came back “just fine.” Now what? Looks as if I need to try to get over to her next appointment.
I’d love to hear how other Gen Sandwichers are balancing Christmas celebrations and what you’ve done to lighten the load and increase the joy.
Labels: aging parents, Christmas, family, sandwich generation
Friday, December 08, 2006
Bologna with no Bread
Tonight we decorated our tree and house. While I’m sure we’ve done it a time or two without our son while he was away at college, this year seemed to take on a different feel. It’s just my husband and I.We did all the traditional things—Christmas carols on the stereo, chili and garlic bread for dinner, hot buttered run while decorating—but it seemed empty. Our son loves Christmas and makes such a celebration of the decorating process. Plus, he’s very artistic and has an eye for what goes where, what needs tweaking. Hubby and I, on the other hand, are real klutzes when it comes to decorating, whether the house or the tree.
I think this year had a sense of finality about it. He’s married and probably decorating his own tree and apartment. He won’t be home again. Of course, we’re delighted to have raised a son who actually left home. Who is actually making a living and living a life apart from ours. That’s good. We’re delighted to have a son who knows what it means to leave and cleave rather than move himself and his wife in with Mom and Dad. Good feeling. We “did good.”
But in the process of raising an independent son, we raised one we enjoy being with. We not only love him; we like him and we respect him. When he comes home, we talk and talk and talk for hours on end. And we feel the same about his sweet wife. We don’t get much sleep when they’re here. Sometimes we sit at the breakfast table until mid-afternoon, just talking about life. And so, we miss them.
Our first Christmas as parents of a married son. His first Christmas as a married man. The end of an era. The beginning of another…
Labels: adult children, Christmas, sandwich generation