Can I Have My T.V. Back Now?

The election is over. Thank. God. I don't know about you, but I got pretty tired of all the ads. Candidate So-and-So Masturbates in Church! Oh yeah? Well, Candidate So-and-So Eats Babies! And if you elect them, they are coming to eat YOUR babies!!

I would have liked to gone to the Rally to Restore Sanity. I've never been to D.C., and I like Jon Stewart. I've liked him before anyone else did. But, the timing sucked, and I already had a metric crap-ton of money leaving Casa de Blather for various other things...final payments on Caribbean vacations, new brakes for the car, hookers, and blow.

Fact being, I am neither Republican nor Democrat. I'm more in the middle, picking and choosing my platforms from both sides. I'm for a woman's right to chose, but I don't think abortion should be a primary form of birth control. I think we should be allowed to have guns (I grew up in a family of avid hunters), but I don't think that getting one should be as easy as walking into Walmart and buying one. I think gays should be allowed to marry, but I also feel that churches should still have their own authority to prohibit or allow it within their own faith if they want to. All faiths should be guaranteed the same rights and freedoms under the Constitution (even if I think they are retarded). I know illegal immigrants are not out to take my job (you try detasseling corn for a summer and see how you like it), but I don't think they should be given discounts on health care and tuition, because after all, they are here illegally.

The list goes on and on.

This election was interesting if only for the presence of the Tea Party. Somewhere, amongst the racism and ignorance, are members who are actually tolerant and believe in the stated purpose of the party itself (smaller government, less spending and all those wonderful little talking points that they are zealously crying out for, and yet are unable to elaborate on). Those people are not the ones who unleashed Christine O'Donnell and Sharon Angle upon the world. The amount of derp that fell out of their mouths each time they spoke was almost unreal. It's scary to think that such people, who are clearly at the low end of the intelligence scale, made it so far in politics. It also doesn't speak very highly of the people who put them there in the first place. And to think that Sarah Palin actually has a following. What kind of Kool-Aid is she serving, anyway??

My thought on American politics is that the government is too far gone for anyone to come in and make a positive difference. Our government is in the pocket of corporations, self-interests. No one really cares about sane Americans who only want to have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, and want to send their kids to college. No, government is just a free-for-all of everyone getting theirs. Anyone who enters into the system with a benevolent agenda, immediately gets a cold dose of reality and then it's business as usual. We The People is only an illusion, passed on to normal people so that we remain quiet and productive citizens.

No, folks. We're on our own out here. Which is why I'm seriously looking at retiring in a foreign country.

GB Accosted by Palin-Americans

It's was an odd weekend.

First, a lady flips her shit because I have to look at her husband's peener, and possible touch it. Did I mention that both the patient and the wife are in their 70's? Did I also mention that this was part of my physical assessment that I do to all my patients, especially if they have a foley catheter? It did no use explaining why I needed to do it, the old lady is batshit crazy. She's insanely jealous and thinks us young, cute (and a couple pregnant) nurses are after her man. Her old, wrinkly, coughing, wheezing, confused man. At least I wasn't the poor nurse who had to place the catheter in the first place. I'm told the wife went off the deep end and called that nurse every name in the book. The daughter-in-law assures us that she has been called the same names as well.

Secondly, I was on my way home from work this morning when I realized I needed gas in the tank. So, I stop by QuikTrip. Just get gas and go home to my nice, comfy bed...maybe a delicious cup of decaf coffee before I do. I pull in, get a vacant pump, and do the routine gas-pump thing when and older gentleman on the other side of the pump engages me in conversation. Whatever. I'm in my scrubs, and most people deem nurses as safe to talk to.

He begins by talking about the weather, because what else is he going to talk to me about, besides his hemorrhoids, or some weird spot on his shoulder and would I take a look at it?

Being polite, I also respond in kind about the weather, because I really don't want to know about his hemorrhoids. Then it comes, completely out of left field, sounding like a question I would have got had I been on a speech and debate team in high school.

"What do you think about Pakistan blah, blah, blah. Afghanistan blah, blah, blah. And them wanting to put a mosque two blocks away from The World Trade Center?"

This, of course, is a loaded question. I am, after all, in Teabag Country. I think I would have preferred the hemorrhoids.

I shrug. State something to the effect that I don't care where they want to put their mosque. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Old Fart got all butthurt about it.

"It's a bunch of shit!" he exclaimed. I just stared at him, the corners of my mouth yearning to stretch upward in a big grin that can only precede me laughing hysterically at you for being retarded.

"I've been around the world and blah, blah, blah. And used to work blah, blah, blah. And I knew some of them and if you think they love you, you're out of your mind. Because they don't!" Then, he procded to stomp off to go get a donut and some coffee. Or some Ex-Lax because, obviously, he was full of shit.

Had I been on my A-game, I would have played along and agreed with him, and then taken him down the path that would have led him to scream out his fervor for Sarah Palin right there in the parking lot.

Truth be told, I really don't care about the location of a mosque, but I know the corn-holing, Palin-American, Teabag demographic is all butthurt over it. These fucktards, some of them high-ranking politicians, can't be bothered to learn the difference between a splinter group, and a mainstream religion.

Warren Jeffs married children off to pedophiles in the name of God, but that doesn't mean that the entire LDS church celebrates the deflowering of 13 year old girls by 60-something year old men after church on Sunday.

I'm convinced that the majority of the population are retarded, or as I like to refer to as, Palin-American. Those who use intellect and common sense to make their own decisions, not based on fear-mongering, are in the minority. Smart people, it would seem, are an endangered species.

This country was founded on religious freedom. Some people today would tout that, but only if that religion was Christian-based. Putting a mosque near Ground Zero is no more offensive than putting a Synagogue or a Buddhist temple or a Church of the Divine Orgasm in the same place.

I could get behind a Church of the Divine Orgasm. Orgy immediately following the potluck dinner on Wednesdays.

Hell Hath No Fury Like Bored Federal Agents

Yesterday, Oz went about his daily life, and then came home to find federal agents in his apartment parking lot, waiting for him. Some were from the IRS, some from our very own Department of Homeland Security. There were six total. They knew exactly who he was, what he looked like, what he drove, and where he would be that day.

To describe Oz, would be to describe pretty much any vanilla Midwesterner. Pasty white guy with blue eyes. Who can also happen to leg press 760lbs. He's plays in kickball games, socializes, and is generally well liked. No, he doesn't have his own militia.

At any rate, G-men corner him in the parking lot, and not in a friendly manner I may add, and grill him about death threats he apparently lodged against the IRS. They had electronic transmission that served as proof of these threats, they claimed. That he had a gun, and he was going to shoot IRS agents. They were not pleasant, and Oz got the distinct impression from their tone and body language, that they were hoping he would do something aggressive. They were itching for a fight.

After twenty minutes of grilling, in an apartment parking lot, now with a audience, the G-men leave.

After some thinking, Oz realized just how all this came to pass...a crazy ex-girlfriend. A while ago, voicing frustration over the IRS and taxes, he cracked a joke about how taking out the IRS wouldn't be such a horrible thing via phone text message. Who doesn't make sarcastic jokes of that nature? Every day, lots of people do, and yet it is because most of us are rationale people, we never act on what we say. I joke that I'm going to toss myself off the helipad at work, but I have no plan on actually doing it. It's simply a matter of letting off steam.

Apparently, now even cracking jokes at the gubment's expense is against the federal law. We know this because Oz's special visitors reminded him of this more than once.

Big Brother is alive and well. Too bad they don't have the intelligence to investigate those who call in tips that White and Nerdy is reenact the Matrix shootout at a federal building. Otherwise, they would know that the tipster had a well documented psych history, lengthy stays in said nuthouse, and a scary obsession with her ex-boyfriend, despite not having contact with him for months and months. Oh...and she is the one who owns the gun. Maybe they need to look into that...why Crazy Ass is allowed to have a gun in the first place.

Obviously, Oz is furious. His belief that the government looks after its own decimated. Further research, by Oz, reveals that government agencies routinely harass people like this, and that Oz is far from an isolated case. When I tell people about it, their jaw drops. Obviously, his story is much more detailed than my second-hand information. So, he is writing about his experience, and when he is done, I will post the link from my blog.

We're told that the government works for the people. That the politicians should fear the people who elected them to office. Turns out, the government could give two shits about John Q Taxpayer. We are a dystopian country, only most people don't realize it yet. Our founding fathers would be appalled.

Canada is looking better and better everyday. I'm sure they need nurses there, too.