Decency Dealt a Blow: Gerald Rudolph Ford, July 14, 1913 - December 26, 2006. When he took the oath of office on August 9, 1974, he declared, “This is an hour of history that troubles our minds and hurts our hearts." Upon your death, Mr. President, we say, “Amen, amen.”

Score Card – Progress Iraq: 0 As I write this piece, Saddam Hussein stands in the lengthening shadows of the gallows and the world stands transfixed by the ghoulish prospect. In death he gains martyrdom; in death he provokes renewed killing mania; there has to be a better answer. Meanwhile, Bush and company continue to ponder an Iraq strategy. Had they thought (to use the term loosely) this hard about going into Iraq, we wouldn’t be there now and we wouldn’t have been there then.

Hello Dolly! The US FDA has big T tentatively deemed cloned meat and milk from cloned cows, goats, and pigs (no sheep?) and their offspring safe to eat. Rest assured there will be a lot of yelling and agonizing and we may never see other than clone free products in our supermarkets and meat markets, but measuring how a cloned animal is produced against one produced out in the barnyard, I’d opt for cloned products in a lab minute.

Trans Fat. No, not the blood-stopping gunk used in French fries and other formerly delicious junk food, but Transfer Fat, the kind used to lure chief executives and other high-ranking officers to corporations. In the biz, it’s known euphemistically as a golden hello (a nice balance to the golden parachute that protects executives being ‘forced out,’ another euphemism, this one for ‘axed’), and believe me, these hellos are truly golden, running to tens of millions. They’ve been designed to shield corporate hopping executives from facing hardship as they move from palatial office to palatial office closing plants, shipping jobs offshore, and otherwise eliminating jobs of the working grunts who get what is known in the biz as the ‘shaft,’ an euphemism for screwed.

Toyota Thunderbird? In what has been described as a courtesy call, the new CEO at deeply troubled Ford met in Tokyo with Toyota’s Chairman as Toyota sits poised to become the world’s largest automobile company. Ten thousand kilometers is a long way just to say, “Konichiwa.”

SEC Sudoku? Three cheers for the SEC that has taken some perfectly unintelligible rules and regulations and turned them into an incomprehensible set of instructions. Now when you want to know how much the CEO of the company in which you have your hard-earned bucks invested, you don’t have a hope of finding out. Before, you could at least trick your mind into believing you might hire someone smart enough to figure it out. I wonder why simple disclosure and truth haven’t occurred to these overpaid bureaucrats and execs.

2008 Presidential Election Handicap * DECLARED CANDIDATES Ranking Name Party 3 Edwards, John – Former Senator, North Carolina, and VP candidate– declared 12/27/06 in New Orleans, LA D 2 Kucinich, Dennis John - Democratic member of the U. S. House of Representatives – declared 12/12/06 in Cleveland, OH D 2 Vilsack, Tom – Governor, Iowa – declared 11/30/06 in Mount Pleasant, IA D 2 Hunter, Duncan - Republican member of the U. S. House of Representatives – declared 10/30/06 in San Diego, CA R UNDECLARED CANDIDATES Ranking Name Party 6 Obama, Barack – Senator, Illinois D 5 Clinton , Hillary Rodham – Senator, New York D 3 Biden, Joe – Senator, Pennsylvania D 3 Richardson, Bill – Governor, New Mexico D 4 McCain, John - Senator, Arizona R 4 Romney, Mitt - Former Governor, Massachusetts R 2 Brownback, Sam – Senator, Kansas R 2 Gingrich, Newt - Former House Speaker, Georgia R 2 Giuliani, Rudy - Former NYC Mayor R 2 Rice, Condoleeza - Secretary of State R 2 Thompson, Tommy – Former Governor, Wisconsin R 1 Pataki, George – Governor, New York R 1 Delusional - 10 Yes! Yes! Yes! *Note: These rankings have nothing to do with official polls or rankings. They are mine and mine alone.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Happy 2007!

The winds of winter embrace the souls of three young men on Mount Hood and nations mourn, mightily; The winds of war embrace the souls of three thousand young men and women and nations mourn, silently.

Score Card – Progress Iraq: -0 New Secretary of Defense, Gates, spent the last few days in Iraq trying to figure out a strategy. It’s about time we had a strategy, don’t you think? Meanwhile, King George continues to thump his chest and tell the world we won’t leave until we’ve won. This isn’t baseball, George. There is no scoreboard that keeps track of innings and runs. There is no rule book that dictates when the game ends. Get out now George. You don’t have the right to take one more life; you don’t have the right to maim one more man or woman or child; you don’t have the right to destroy one more life.

Bristol Psychotic? Bristol-Myers-Squibb says it will pay $499 million for illegally flogging drugs, one of which was its anti-psychotic drug Abilify. Do you ever wonder who gets all the money crooked corporations pay?

Navistar Reaped? The big farm equipment company, formerly International Harvestor, is fighting with Deloitte Touche, its former auditors, who accused Navistar of great transgressions. KPMG has taken over from the axed Deloitte Touche, but audits are sliding in late. If you’re a buyer of Navistar stock, caveat emptor!

Moscow On The Hudson? According to some surveys, office rents in Moscow, driven by oil madness, are now fourth highest in the world, trailing London, Tokyo, and Hong Kong, though London at $145 - $210 psf and Tokyo at $130 - $145 continue to lead the pack. Hong Kong comes in at $115 and Moscow at $110. By comparison, NYC is $60.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Happy Chanukah Happy Holidays Happy Kwanzaa Merry Christmas...and stay out of my damn chimney!

Score Card – Progress Iraq: -0 Remember the Iraq Study Group Report presented to the world December 6th? Since then, while W fiddles and Baghdad burns, countless Iraqis and Americans have been killed; American oil companies earned another $1.8 billion; 210,000 Iraqis who can afford the price have emigrated.

Iraq 101 – Some Questions When W “wins,” what will the terrorists do? Will they lay down their arms and say, “Good job, well done America, you win.” Will they stop killing each other because they know America “won” fair and square? When W “wins,” where will the terrorists go? Will they remain in Iraq and return to their jobs as janitors and teachers and lawyers? Are Bush and Cheney unwitting or even willing pawns of Saudi Arabia? Did the Saudis convince Bush that Saddam was a threat to Saudi oil? Did Bush go too far by removing the Sunnis from power? Is that why the Saudis, also Sunni Muslims, read the riot act to Cheney last week? Is that why the Saudis told America that they would back the Sunnis if America pulled out? Do McCain and Lieberman and other neocon war hawks seriously believe that Americans are going to support more troops for this war that started as a huge lie and continues as a lie so huge that if Bush were Pinocchio his nose would reach from Washington to Baghdad?

Yanqi, Si; With the cost of the Iraq war at $350 billion and increasing about $100,000 a minute, it seems odd that Homeland Security Department, citing lack of funds, is abandoning its face and fingerprint program for making sure visitors leave the US when they’re supposed to. Isn’t ‘people overstaying their welcome’ how this madness got started?

Meanwhile, Back at OPEC, it’s nice to know our ‘friends’ in the Middle East are reducing production to keep the price of oil from falling. I mean, haven’t they got enough of our money already?

And in case you were worried about the investment banks, Goldman Sachs racked up $35 billion in profits, which means a few $50 million bonuses for the rainmakers. Let’s see, with the Federal Minimum wage @ $5.15 per hour, it will take some poor working stiff 4,667 ½ years to make $50 million. If you make slightly more than the minimum wage, say a paltry quarter million per annum, you will have to work a mere 200 years.

Oh Crap! Peter Boyle, 1935-2006

Corporate/Government Crooks Update 1. Could the Interior Department’s Mineral Management Service be the next Enron-sized scandal? As of now, we have the Justice Department’s Public Integrity Section, which examines suspected criminal violations by federal employees, and the inspector general with the help of the FBI, looking into ineptitude, conflicts of interest and auditing oil and gas royalty payments. We’re talking billions baby, billions that we the people have to pay because the oil and gas companies, the ones making record profits off our backs, are screwing Uncle Sam, probably with Uncle Sam’s help.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Score Card – Progress Iraq: 0. While Iraq burns, George fiddles. He’s not alone. All of Washington fiddles. This week we were blessed with the much awaited Iraq Report. So what? Will anything change? King George and Prince Tony continue to stand before us beating their chests. Congressmen and women and Senators scratch their heads and talk, talk, talk. Where is the urgency to get out of this mess? It’s Iraq’s war; let them at it, and don’t insult our intelligence with this strategic interest crap. The entire Middle East is strategic for one reason: OIL, and no one is accusing the Arabs of being stupid; they aren’t going to stop selling the stuff. So, I repeat: Who has the guts to stand up and say, “That’s it! It’s over. We’re coming home.” Each day countless Iraqis and Americans loose life and limb. Each day American oil companies earn another $200 million. Each day 30,000 Iraqis who can afford the price leave, over 2 million to date. Now, today, it’s time for American soldiers to leave.

Fewer Rules, More Bars! Republicans heading into the sunset of oblivion are scurrying around trying to satisfy chits by passing legislation easing a bucket full of rules legislated post Enron’s collapse that govern American corporations. It’s not the rules, dummy; any corporation with smart lawyers can dance around rules. It’s the punishment! Cheat or defraud or lie, jail for ten years (not negotiable) plus one additional year for each $10 million pocketed after coughing up every cent of ill-gotten gains.

So This Radioactive Spy Goes Into a Bar... As Polonium poisoned radioactive former Russian spy Litvinenko is laid to rest in a specially sealed coffin in a forest-like area of London’s Highgate Cemetery, seven bartenders at the Pine Bar of the Mayfair Hotel on Grosvenor Square, the same bar where Litvinenko met two Russian colleagues (at least one of whom is now also ill from radioactive poisoning) immediately before falling ill, have tested positive for radioactive contamination. Two hundred and fifty Pine Bar customers are also being called in for testing...honey, I wasn’t there, honest; I think I have a touch of the flu.

Lay A Bomb! Homeland Security to spend $60 million to examine container ships from Pakistan, Honduras, and South Hampton England, for nuclear weapons. Three questions: First, aren’t these countries allies? Second, only three ports? Third, container ships; what about all the rest, like tankers from the Middle East?

Rumsfeld Rumination Hip, hip, hooray, Dastardly Don is gone. Alas, the criminal war in Iraq goes on and on and on; and alas, King George is still president; and alas, Darth Dick remains vice president; and alas, we the people aren’t clamoring for justice, YET.

Allium E.Colli? That’s bad onions to you baby, the ones doled out at Taco Bells that are wreaking havoc with the stomachs of a hundred or so patrons largely in the Northeastern States. In a safety move, Taco Bell has yanked these tasty but dangerous offenders from all 5,800 US outlets. Bad time to own YUM stock; bad time to be a Taco Bell franchisee; bad time to have eaten Taco Bell alliums.

Corporate Crook Update Kirk Shelton, former Cendant Corporation vice chairman, appealing his $3 billion accounting scandal conviction sending him to the slammer for a paltry ten years and an order to repay $3.27 billion at $2,000 per month (136,350 years, sans interest, if anyone is counting) has been confined to his home other than to visit his lawyers and psychiatrist. Question: Can’t they visit him? I’ll bet he pays them a lot more than $2,000 per month.

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Score Card – Progress Iraq: 0. Too many words, no action. No leadership from Bush. No leadership from Democrats. This mess remains stuck in neutral. Who has the guts to stand up and say, “That’s it! It’s over. We’re coming home.”

Google Time Warner? With its stock through the roof at $500 plus and the 14th largest market cap of all corporations in the U.S., it’s time for Google to buy a major corporation. Can a Google Time Warner be far away?

Darth Dick & The King: In less time than it takes to shoot off his friend’s face, Cheney bops off to Saudi Arabia for afternoon tea with fellow oil mogul, King Abdullah, to figure out how to not loose the war in Iraq: read keep the Iranians and Syrians the hell out of Baghdad. Also read: if Halliburton’s stock tanks as a result of taking a big hit in Iraq, DD’s pension plan will be in the toilet.

Benedict 16. Pope Benny’s trip to Turkey this week is not a battle of Christianity versus Islam; that would be George W. Christ’s misguided mission. Pope Benny merely wants to recapture Orthodox Catholics that have been separated from mother church for a millennium or so. The Muslims, however, fear Benny might also try to reclaim hallowed Muslim ground for Catholicism and are making a lot of noise because of this and a few Muhammad nasties Benny let fly back in IX/MMVI.

Hermitage vs. Gazprom No contest. The Kremlin’s Gazprom wins. Gazrpom, Russia’s oil monopoly and fourth largest company in the world with a market capitalization of $250 billion, wants to build a string of palaces, er, office buildings, in St. Petersburg that will be three times higher than The Hermitage, the home of Russia’s last monarch. St. Petersburg has a zoning law capping all buildings at 157 feet. Nyet problemas, says Gazprom, we’ll change the bylaw. Can you imagine living is a society with a cavalier government and its agencies displaying such a callous disregard for established rules and regulations?

PC, MAC, or Antikythera? Scientists are restudying some seriously gunked up gears, cog wheels, and related pins and pieces discovered a hundred years ago by archaeologists poking around in a sunken Roman ship. There is an accepted hypothesis that these cogs wheels, gears, and pins housed in a rectangular wooden frame with two doors covered in instructions for its use, known as the Antikythera Mechanism, constitute a computer-like device constructed as early as 100-150 BC and used by the Greeks and Romans to display astronomical cycles, planetary info and as a nautical device. An operating manual and toll-free number have not been found.

Civil War? If the last American soldier left Iraq on Friday and civil war broke out on Saturday, would we send our troops barreling back to Baghdad? Do those dying in Iraq care what the punditss decide to call their war? Civil War: oxymoronic or moronic?

Paulson Poison! Under the guise of improving their international competitive position, Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, Jr. wants to rewrite rules protecting American companies from lawsuits and a host of other evils stacked upon their brittle bones by wicked consumers, i.e., we the people, by creating an impenetrable legal curtain behind which companies can hide. Example: Besides doing cost-benefit studies before adopting new rules, the SEC would have to shield corporate directors from investor lawsuits. If Paulson is really interested in the competitive position of American companies, he might start by taking a hard look at executive pay run amok.

The Finger! Bad enough they want to empty our wallets, now they’re reaching up and taking it right out of our butts. Urologists, the rubber finger people, have a new treatment called I.M.R.T. for intensity modulated radiation therapy that, while effective, may be more profit driven than treatment driven; at upwards of $50,000, I.M.R.T. costs several times more than currently existing treatments.

Polish Joke, er, Fact! Polonium 210, the radioactive chemical element that killed former Russian KGB spy Alexander Litvinenk and sits at the center of a growing international scandal, was discovered in pitchblende in 1898 by Marie Curie and named for her native country, Poland. Just so you know, there is also polonium 208 and 209.

2008 Presidential Election Handicap * Ranking Name Party 6 Obama, Barack – Senator, Illinois D 5 Clinton , Hillary Rodham – Senator, New York D 4 Edwards, John – Senator, North Carolina D 4 McCain, John - Senator, Arizona R 4 Romney, Mitt - Former Governor, Massachusetts R 3 Biden, Joe – Senator, Pennsylvania D 3 Richardson, Bill – Governor, New Mexico D 2 Brownback, Sam – Senator, Kansas R 2 Gingrich, Newt - Former House Speaker, Georgia R 2 Giuliani, Rudy - Former NYC Mayor R 2 Rice, Condoleeza - Secretary of State R 2 Thompson, Tommy – Former Governor, Wisconsin R 2 Vilsack, Tom – Governor, Iowa D 1 Frist, Bill – Senator, Tennessee R 1 Hunter, Duncan - Representative, California R 1 Pataki, George – Governor, New York R * Based on Extra Wry’s scale and opinions, which change moment by moment. 1 Delusional; 2 Dreaming; 3 Teasing; 4 Embracing;5 Heavy Breathing; 6 Touching; 7 Petting; 8 Tasting tongue; 9 Groaning; 10 Yes! Yes! Yes!

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!

Have a Great Holiday!!

Juice?: Is O.J. Simpson trying to make as big a fool of Judith Regan as he did of the criminal justice system? In his ghost-written book, ‘If I Did It,’ being published by Harper Collins imprint Regan Books headed up by Judith Regan, does O.J. confess, as Judith Regan contends, or is he taking Harper Collins and the reading and viewing public (Fox is broadcasting Regan’s interview of O.J. on November 27th and November 29th) on another ride, not to mention what it does to the Goldman and Brown families and Simpson’s two children.

Corporate Crook Update: Jacob Alexander, former CEO of Converse Technology who fled to Namibia after being charged with options fraud will find out next April if Namibia wants to keep him, likely based on how much money they can shake out of his pockets, or will ship him back to the U.S., likely based on how much the U.S. will pay to have his sorry ass shipped home to face the music. Why does it take six months to decide this? I mean, how lengthy is Namibia’s docket for crooks avoiding extradition? No RIP! Ken Lay of Enron shame died four months ago and the criminal claim against his estate was astutely set aside by the courts on the basis that he couldn’t defend himself. Now, a bipartisan bill is being promoted by two U.S. congressmen that may end Kenny boy’s RIP, or at least that of his surviving family who face sizeable asset seizures. Disbarred! Jay I. Gordon, a former senior partner of politically connected Greenberg Traurig, one of the nation’s largest law firms, resigns from the New York Bar for taking kickbacks for steering clients to questionable tax shelters. There is more to this than meets the sty. Stay tuned.

Executives, We Don’t Need No Executives! Borrowing from a line from ‘The Treasure of the Sierra Madre’ and confirming something all working stiffs have known since the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, a corporation (Hewlett-Packard), despite its corporate executive suite being in total disarray, posted sharply increased revenue and made more profit on that revenue.

Chinese Checkers: Through sanctions, the world has been trying for ten years to get the South East Asian country of Myanmar’s oppressive government to care for its citizens, but big neighbor China’s insatiable appetite for Myanmar’s oil ended all that. Isn’t it odd that while China thumbs its nose at world efforts to civilize one of the most oppressive places on earth, U.S. and other western interests are queuing up to invest in China?

Lott’s Lot: Trent Lott, who, four years ago noted that his home state of Mississippi had supported segregationist Strom Thurmond’s 1948 presidential bid and added, “We’re proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn’t have all these problems.” rather than being disgraced and kicked out of politics, has been elected minority whip, the Republican’s second-ranking Senate leadership position. Just how stupid do they think we are?

Job Iraq? What is our ‘job’ in Iraq? Are we interfering in Iraq’s right to self-government, whatever that is? Are we the Brits and the French of 1776 America? Are we supporting one side against the other in a civil war? Are we fighting for the sole benefit of American Oil companies? What does W mean when he says “We won’t win if we quit.”?

Deep in the Heart of…Toyota? It’s official. Tundra, Toyota’s big red-neck pickup truck, will roll out of a new $1.2 billion plan in Texas. Will W be its pitchman like Dole and Viagra? In fact, how much did Texas W being president result in the plant being located in the Lone Star Sate?

Dogfight! US Air might not know how to run an airline, but it knows how to make a scene. Emerging only last year from its second bankruptcy in the past four years, US Air is now going to try to acquire bankruptcy court-protected Delta Airlines for $8 billion. But wait, what’s this: US Air might make a profit this year? Rarefied air indeed. Maybe US Air does know how to run an airline. Will we finally have an airline worthy of the flag? Air US anyone?

Dell Decked? The G-Men are getting serious about Dell’s accounting practices. Dell announced this week that the SEC has started a formal investigation. Dell will delay release of its financial results from Wednesday until the end of this month but refused to release details to investors about what attracted the feds. What about we, the customers? Are we invisible here? Maybe its time to buy a non-Dell.

Lobocratics? As Republican lobbyists head out of Dodge, Democratic lobbyists are riding in; hard, sweating and frothing. Please, if there is a God, anyone’s God, let the buying of our leaders cease, and reveal the boot hill that awaits those who fail us.

2008 Presidential Election Handicap Republicans R Democrats R Former NY Mayor Rudy Giuliani 2 Sen Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York 6 Rep. Duncan Hunter of California 0 Barack Obama 6 Sen. John McCain of Arizona 4 Senator Joe Biden from Pennsylvania 2 Condoleeza Rice, Secretary of State 3 Gov. Tom Vilsack of Iowa 2 Tommy Thompson, a former Wisconsin gov 1 Sen John Edwards of North Carolina and former VP candidate 3 Former gov Mitt Romney of Massachusetts 4 Gov Bill Richardson of New Mexico 1 Former gov George Pataki of New York 0 Outgoing Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist of Tennessee 0 Sen. Sam Brownback of Kansas ? Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich of Georgia 1 0 = Delusional, 1 = Faking It, 2 = Ego Trip, 3 = Money Pit, 4 = Early Withdrawal, 5 = Ultimate Defeat, 6 = Heavy Breathing

That’s all for this week, my friends. Stay alert; don’t get uh, twisted!