Sorry...

I realize I threw a whole lot of stuff out there on fb and on here and elsewhere and then left you hanging. I need to update what is going on and I just can't do it here. I know that if William came across this blog, which he hasn't read in forever and I assume he believes I no longer use it, he would be pretty upset with that last post. He has never been a fan of me putting our issues on display. So I do have a lot to say, and I find I am spending my days talking to out loud to myself trying to work my own issues out. Just to let you know quickly, we talked. And we talked. And we talked some more. Things right now are okay. When I am with him, things are good. When he is at work though... I wonder and I question and I am a little lost. I question what will happen. I am 95% sure nothing will happen when he is in Australia, but if you had asked me the day before I found out I would have said I was it wasn't even a question. I had complete and total faith in him. Not in her, never in her, but in him? Never, ever would it have entered my head that he would do anything. Now that I know that the thought was in his head I will wonder. Those 10 days that he is gone are going to be the worst 10 days of my life.

So...I'll send those of you who want to know a message through fb or email and let you know where the story is going to be.

Stupid, stupid me

When I read that second to last paragraph about William not telling his family he was coming to Australia I feel so fucking stupid. Of course he didn't tell them! He had no plans on seeing them...he was going to spend the whole time with HER. Oh fuck, I want to kill him. All the lies he has been telling me for months. I even sort of joked one night driving home from work about how I was worried about what would happen between them and he said "Oh, Emma, you don't need to worry about that." And I said I knew I didn't have to worry about him but I worried about her. I had such faith in him. No matter what we went through, I never, ever thought he would cheat on me. I sent her a message on facebook and I said that. I told her I loved him. I said he may leave me, but be sure he will never leave our girls for you. I can't believe the messages I read between the two of them. Talking about getting together a few times a year until the girls are old enough to make a decision about what they want. Fucking bastard. Fucking, fucking bastard. God, I hate him. And I love him, and I think that is even worse.