Blood and other Halloween stuff

Even though they told me they were going to cut me I didn't believe them. I naively kept that thought until I watched all the bloody gauze piling up on the floor. But what put me over the edge was having all the doctors hovering over me arguing about the music that was playing. They needed better music to work to.

Great.

Some pathologist, hopefully not outsourced to a third world country, made derogatory comments about one of my moles. So there I lay. Getting a couple of divots scooped out of my back. Kinda like making watermelon balls with one of those cute Pampered Chef tools.

Some cauterizing of arteries and 20+ stitches later I walked out of there. Slightly traumatized that they weren't kidding about cutting me, and a little annoyed I didn't get a prescription for Percocet or Vicodin. So given my pre-disclosed nature for self-pity when faced with near death situations, I went home and stole some Percocet from Mindy's stash of "having a baby drugs".

The pharmaceuticals had long worn off before the morning of Sunday, October 29 but I still achieved a rare feat of arriving early and late for the same meeting!! The insult is that I had setup the meeting! I made all the calls on Saturday making sure everyone would be there at 7:30am. So imagine my surprise when no one showed up! It took me a couple of minutes to figure out that I was the only one who hadn't changed my clock. So that was arriving early.

Of course I came home and sulked around for missing out on my sleep, and didn't watch the time and got back late for my meeting. (Maybe Mindy should start counting her pills)

But I digress I have more blood to share.

Ryan also decided to bleed around this bloody holiday. But he wanted a larger crowd around to share in the fun. So at church on Sunday he picked out the perfect cinder block corner, right in front of the Bishops office, and waited until Mindy and I and just about everyone else at Church were standing close by. Then he gracefully launched himself into the corner head first opening up a nice little gusher.

I had to laugh a couple of seconds later as I laid Ryan on the desk of the Church office. We were both a bloody mess and the Bishop, who is a plastic surgeon, is taking a look at the damage. Where is the camera for those kind of shots.

Bleeding in front of a crowd does have its advantages. Ryan was fawned over by everyone. In minutes we has happy again and enjoying the attention.

Maybe if I had shared a video of my bloody gauze pile I wouldn't have resorted to chemical sympathy by sneaking drugs from my wife. (who didn't even use them after having a baby!!)

The power of Max and Ruby

Garrett had figured out that if he was naked he wouldn't have to get into the water at swimming lessons.

b

He became very adept at exposing himself at home, before lessons, in the car on the way and yes at swim lessons in front of his teacher.

b

That is until we unleashed the Power of Max and Ruby. Garrett loves this show, but now he can't watch it unless he keeps his pants on and has a great swim lesson.

b

Garrett's obsession with this show is so thorough that he has even begun speaking like Max, in one word comments. Instead of "I am Hungry" it is now "Hungry" etc. Watch a couple of episodes and you will understand.

b

So recently on Tuesday afternoons, Garrett has been keeping his pants on and actually enjoying his lesson. And when he gets home he gets to stare blankly at the TV and with a half-smile enjoy Max and Ruby.

b

Per my recent TV theme.

What if Mindy used the same logic on me?

b

"As soon as you get the printer hooked up you can watch Lost"

b

"No football until the Garage is cleaned out"

b

Little Boys don't change they just get bigger.

Desperate Housewives

Me: Paige time for bed, now!

Paige: Why what are you going to do, watch TV?

Me: Maybe

Paige: What are you going to watch?

Desperate Housewives?
(Paige noticed the name from the list of shows on the Tivo)

Me: Maybe

Paige: What is Desperate Housewives about?

Me: Four ladies and their lives

Paige: What do they do?

Me: Time for bed, now!!

A good test. Explain to your 9 year old the TV shows you watch and why you waste an hour watching them. Somehow the antics of

Wisteria Lane

are losing some of their luster. I am going to be sitting there thinking about how I would describe what is happening to Paige.

Man I hope she doesn’t start asking questions about Lost.

Obligatory

What can I say. We have kids so we go. We buy overpriced pumpkins, that will likely rot before Halloween, so we can take a few pictures.

I feel so cheap, so used.

Then we go to the grocery store and buy, for 1/3 the price, the rest of the pumpkins needed. Because our family has officially entered into the waste land of

"I want my own pumpkin".

This even applies to 1yr old Ryan. If he doesn't have his own, he will terrorize the rest of the kids, which of course does not help me exhibit all my good virtues such as speaking calmly and not threatening to take away every conceivable thing that is good from any child who annoys.

So Ryan gets his own pumpkin and I hold onto my good virtues for another 5 minutes.

Allrighty Then

I made it through the Birthday and did ok, I think.

The magic was replacing these

With these

I actually put them on and cleaned up, vs. just buying them and letting them sit around for 3 months until Mindy does it which is what I usually do and that is what made the difference.

The Politics of Birthdays

The pressure of a wife’s birthday!

Is it going to be as good as last year?

Or it HAS to be better than last year. Either way it’s anxiety!

Add to it some of my complications.

1. Mindy downloads all credit card transactions almost daily.
So if I buy anything in advance I get the “What did you buy at Nordstroms?” question. So then I wait until the last minute which, as you know, usually turns out bad.

2. I can’t spend too much or I get in trouble.
Mindy is too practical. Money spent on an extravagant gift is HER money that could have gone towards the mortgage or college education or….So it is all the more important that the gift be thoughtful.

3. The haunting of “The Worst Birthday Present Ever”.
See if you don’t agree how royally I screwed this birthday up and why I have recurring nightmares to this day. As newlyweds, in those “passionate” first months, I somehow waited until the last minute to get a birthday present and in a desperate attempt to do something, anything, I went to an ATM, withdrew some cash, stuck it in a brown paper bag, without a card mind you, and then in front of family handed it to her and said “hey you can go shopping”?

Can you ever make up for that?

It is even more graphic typing it out in words than just thinking about it. Ouch.

So here I sit. Wondering if my “gift card” is really going to do the trick.

Good Times

20 years ago Mindy and I took a great 80's picture in the living room of her parents house before a “friend date”.

A friend date is where the guy spends a ton of money and get’s no loving. A huge hint to most girls that the guy is hopelessly in love, but I digress.

So this was 20 years ago…

And this was last Friday night.

We look a little Wiser, but not bad for 20 years later.

So off we went to the reunion.

And….way better than we expected.

At the 10 year we were all checking each other out. At the 20 we were just happy to see each other. It was such a different vibe.

(of course it was everyone else who had mellowed out, we have always been grounded)

We left thinking everyone was much nicer than we remembered and looked much better than we expected. Of course the losers probably didn’t show, so….

Some of my old group. David Clark and Matt Brown.

And Mindy’s best friend. Lisa Macdonald

There wasn’t the nostalgia I kinda expected. No old memories came rushing back, in fact there was a lot I couldn’t remember. Especially if I was friends or not with a familiar face. Did I remember the face and name because I had teased them, actively ignored them, or because we actually hung out together? But it didn’t seem to matter, we talked anyway like old friends.

Kinda like the conclusion of the quintessential 80’s movie The Breakfast Club when the misfits all walk out together friends. Of course they figured it all out in one morning of Saturday detention and it took us 20 years.

I am happy with how life has turned out. I can tell because Saturday morning, after the reunion, I was done and ready to get back to my life today.

Like Garrett watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with the Cousins.

Yeah, the future is so bright I gotta wear shades.

Going Back

There is a certain amount of foreboding each time I talk with a former classmate about our upcoming

20 year High School Reunion.

You want to go, but then again you don't. It will be interesting to see who gets over the angst enough to show their face.

I think we are all asking ourselves,

"Are we happy with the way our life has turned out"?



Come on you have to ask that since at the reunion you are going to parade around in a "new outfit" and answer such judgmental questions as "What do you do for a living?" And all night long I am going to be repeating the most trite and false compliment of all -

"You look great".

When in fact nine times out of ten I am going to be thinking "Wow you gained some weight", or

"Those can't be real",

or "Dude I can't believe I am the same age. Man I hope I look better than that." Of course there will be a few times when I will really mean it.

Now when someone says that to me, of course they will be sincere.

Getting past the sizing up of each other that is going to go on, I am a little nervous because I am not the same guy I was 20 years ago. In fact I am not sure I know or could even describe who I was back then. But that is the guy most people will remember,

the only Eldon they know.



A very small example. We often go on family walks through new neighborhoods with homes under construction. Mindy loves to roam around these almost finished homes checking out the layouts and features. But I sit around nervously watching, sure that someone is going to come by and get us in trouble. Honestly I don't go in with her and look around. I sit outside and hold the baby while she runs around inside with the kids.

Even my 9 year old teases me

that I don't go in. That is not the same person who has comments such as "Dude you are the craziest person I know" written multiple times throughout his yearbook. I am not looking forward to the "remember that time you..." comments I am going to get.



I'm kinda like Eldon on Prozac now.

Or a mission, college, hot wife, graduate school, 4 kids, debt, debt and more debt had the same effect as happy pills.

Stay tuned.

Good times?

A waste of time?

or

Freaky Dude?

We leave Thursday evening for the 6 hour drive to Mesa.

The Tale of Two Sickies

That tickle in the back of the throat started about the same time for both of us. You know the tickle, the tell-tale sign that a cold is coming on. But just at this beginning moment we began very different journey's through

the First Fall Cold.


Mindy woke up early the next morning to work out. She hustled kids all day and started the laundry. I did make it to work but had to come home and "veg" before going to bed. Folding clothes was just too much in my delicate condition.

The next morning Mindy, who was just as sick as me, took my early morning slot and went to the gym. I slept in. Waking up late just in time to kinda sorta help the kids out the door for school.

This being Friday I was working from home, luckily. So I loafed around pecking out a few emails. Meanwhile Mindy has the boys out the door running who knows how many errands.

I get a call to go to lunch. Miraculously I find the energy to shower and go. But of course upon return the symptoms are as bad as ever and I have to lay down.

Saturday finds me again unshaven and in bed. As Mindy runs off with all the kids to soccer I kindly offer to watch Ryan who has just gone down for a nap. As the end of Saturday approaches I get invited to go to dinner after Priesthood session. Again I find the strength to get dressed and get out the door. Returning just as Mindy has put the last kid to bed.

As I ask Mindy a random question that evening I get no response. Softly I say "Honey what's wrong"? "Have I done something"? "I'm just sick".

37 and I still don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!