I'm married to a musician, more specifically a singer/songwriter.
People often picture a quirky man, on a street corner, guitar case open, shamelessly playing away his tunes.
They may think to themselves: oh his poor wife and family...
So, you can imagine when I play catch up with friends/relatives or meet a stranger, conversation often goes something like this:
Inquisitor: So... what does your husband do?
Me: He's a songwriter. He has a band and performs.
Inquisitor: Oh... cool. But what does your husband do? Like where does he work?
Me: He's a musician. He writes songs. He works at home and performs at music venues.
Inquisitor: Oh... cool... [long pause] ["the look"] [awkward change of subject]
If I had a penny for how many times I got "the look," the look of pure confusion on how being a songwriter and having a band is something people actually do, I'd be a rich woman! The look of "so when is he going to get a real job," the look of "oh so your husband has a hard time growing up... I'm sorry." Maybe I'll carry around a jar with me from now on.
Though I wish people wouldn't be that quick to judge, I don't blame them for their first thoughts. I too would probably have had the same reaction a couple years ago. But every time I get that reaction, I won't deny that I wish they could understand, I wish they wouldn't change the subject, I wish they'd hear me out.
I knew from the beginning what I was getting into I suppose. One of the first impressions I had of John was at a talent show. There were hula hoop dancers, crazy glow stick dance routines, and, of course, the witty comedians, but I was completely blown away by the boy on his guitar. His voice was impressive, and although his songs were unfamiliar, he somehow made them feel familiar. He was good, really good. And he was cute. And he became my best friend.
When we got married, he sang to me at our wedding. He wrote a song just for me. It described our relationship perfectly and of course it made me shed tears of happiness (which probably was his goal). Music was now a form of communication for us. He spent many of our early married days sitting on our couch writing songs and scribbling notes in his notebook. Music was a part of who he was and I loved it.
A year or so went by and life got busy, we were in our last stretch of obtaining a college degree, and I could tell something was missing from the man I loved so much. It took me a bit to realize what it was, but I noticed his guitar collecting dust behind the piles of books and school papers. One day, I suggested to him that I hadn't heard him play in awhile; I demanded he sing me a song. I saw it again. The passion. The pure happiness in his eyes. That is what music brought him. And in that moment, I think we both subconsciously realized what was ahead.
The wheels were turning again and they have never since turned off. First came the flood of songwriting. There is not a day that goes by that John is not working on a song, and it's usually multiple songs at once. I can't even fathom the creativity in that curly head of his, it's absolutely amazing how he comes up with them. On the road, during church, in the shower, but no matter where it is, he puts his heart and soul into them. They are very dear to both him and me, so it took some time and some guts to share them. But, in order to make the dream happen, he needed find band members that believed in his music, to share in the dream and make it come to life. It takes time to find those people, and it takes a lot of sacrifice on both ends, but when we did find the right people, it was magical. We were that much closer to our dream. But what's a band without it's fans?
So, lo and behold, the process of finding fans that also believed in the music and to share the dream. This also took time and guts. We are so lucky to have a family that has been nothing but supportive through the whole process. I know many musician's families that have given their son or daughter, "the look." The "dream on, that's not going to happen..." look, and my prayers go out to those individuals; they need it. But our rockstar family was and always will be Coin in the Sea's first and best fans. There's absolutely no way we could have made it this far without them.
And then there's our friends. Oh, our dear friends. They are also VIP's. Some joined the band, some acted as promoters, videographers, sound engineers, and others came to our first shows even when they were the only ones in the crowd. They have even showered us with encouraging words and expressed excitement. They understood that when we asked them to come to our show, we were really asking, "will you help support us in accomplishing our dreams?" And there they stood, being the true friends that they are, and I hope we get the chance to repay them for their support. So there you have it, our developing fan base, that has grown to 337 according to Facebook... :)
But then there's the other people. Those that give us "the [permanent] look." Those that will never believe in us until we are in the Billboard top 10. The ones that brush us off and say, "oh... another local band that I haven't heard of" and then leave. Those that don't really hear our music and say, "oh, good music, but dream on... it's like winning the lottery." Those, too numerous in my opinion, that either take advantage of musicians or don't take them seriously. I can assure you that John and I have discussed everything about this pursuit. We are very realistic about it as every musician should be. We realize that there's only so long that you can live off of a budding musician's pay, and if we don't bloom, then we get "normal-person" jobs and continue on. But until that point we do everything we can to put aside the dream-killers. Because it all comes back to the boy on the guitar. The boy who's eyes light up when he writes and sings, who dreams of providing the world with good, wholesome music, that sings unfamiliar songs that somehow seem familiar.
Not only do I believe in him, but I believe in the music.
So what is it like being a musician's wife? Yes, we have to watch our finances very carefully, but if anything, it's helped us manage it wisely. Yes, we have band practice at our house, but I love the band and I love hearing them. Yes, my husband is frequently gone on nights and weekends, singing his heart and soul and getting underpaid for it. Yes, we are constantly subject to heartbreak and disappointment, but we also experience happiness and success which somehow makes it all worth it. Yes we're always working on promoting his music, but its not just any product we are trying to sell, it's a piece of our heart and soul, it's music that we believe will benefit the world.
And I'm happy to say we look like this rather than the photos at the beginning of this post :)
