eggett family

My dear sweet sister wrote a blog post at nextdoormormon.org about her grieving process over the death of our brother, Scott. I thought I would share some of my thoughts about what I went through. This is the first time I have actually put my thoughts down on "paper" so a lot of it is probably random rambling.

Coping with the death of a loved one is so personal it is often difficult to express exactly how one feels during that time. There are many things that I believe helped me through the grieving process, but there are 2 of that I know for sure.

The first is the gospel. In the gospel we are taught that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is all encompassing. Not only did he suffer for our sins, but he suffered all of our pains and anguish. I learned early in my life how to use the Atonement to help me through times of trial and suffering. In the LDS faith we are also taught that families can be forever. Even though Scott is not with me physically, he is still my brother. And he always will be. And I have had experiences in the temple that have built my testimony of the closeness of our family members on the other side of the veil.

The second thing that has helped me to cope is teaching my children what I believe about death. And doing so in such a simplified manner so they understand has reinforced my beliefs and has helped to close the gap between what my head knows to be true and what my heart is feeling. My 4 year old daughter asked me one day why her Uncle Scott had to die. And my answer, as simple as it was, was what I believe to be true. I told her that her uncle had done everything that Heavenly Father had asked him to do on earth. And that he was needed back home in Heaven.

Dallin and I also spent time teaching our kids our beliefs about how death is the separation of our spirits and our bodies. And while our bodies are buried, our spirits live on. We live on. I think that is the most beautiful thing ever. We live forever. Who we are. Who we become. Forever.

My children also needed me to be their mom first, and a grieving sister second. I honestly couldn't spend hours wallowing. Be that for better or for worse. Every once in a while I cried in front of them. And when they asked me why I was crying I just explained that I missed Uncle Scott. It was true. And I think it is healthy for them to see how I've dealt with Scott's passing. It's been 10 months now, and I still cry for him occasionally, although those moments are usually in private now.

I miss Scott so much. We were best friends growing up. He and I shared so much together. We fought like cats and dogs when we were teens, but he and I shared a bond as the oldest daughter and son in a family of 8 that withstood those rocky high school years. And despite his mistakes and flaws he was such a stronger and better person than I. He once wrote a paper in elementary school about the person he admired the most. He wrote about me. I was the person he wanted to be like. And I remember being so humbled by that because he was the person I wanted to be like. Well, and let's be honest, I wasn't always the nicest older sister. But he loved me anyway. He admired me anyway.

Losing Scott so quickly has really taught me how to fully enjoy each moment and embrace life. Especially with my children. I try to just soak in everything they are doing, the stages in life they are going through right now. I tell them everyday, multiple times a day, that I love them. They roll their eyes at me sometimes, but I don't care. Because I want them to know. I want them to know that Mommy thought spending time with them was more important than anything.

I've also tried to be a better wife, though I fall short so many times. Dallin truly is my best friend. He has literally seen the good, the bad and the ugly, and he still loves me. He sacrifices everything for my happiness. When we were dating I told him I wanted to go on an LDS mission. He told me he wasn't going to wait for me, that he would still date other girls while I was gone. He is such an amazing man, and I knew if I went on a mission I would lose him to someone else. (I think he didn't want to lose me either.) I decided being married to him was the better choice. And I am so glad that I did. I honestly do not know what I would do without his companionship.

Everyday I am humbled by the fact that I was blessed to grow up in the Church. To have the knowledge of the gospel that I have. I honestly cannot tell you where I would be without it. I know that families are forever. I know the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is true. I know it with every fiber of my being. And I know that if we follow God's commandments and keep our covenants we can live with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and our families again. Forever. And there just isn't a better incentive than that.