Post Winter Post

 I know winter isn't over yet, but in the frosty mornings and the dark evenings, I still feel the faint hint that spring is on her way.  I've been cold and dark physically too, avoiding, for years, the fact that my aches and pains are bigger than just the simple aging process I have been blaming it on.  Then a couple things happened that pried my blinders off.

 My good friend is ten years older than me, and has been taking care of aging parents, so as I struggled to get up from my seat, she automatically offered me a hand up. I realized, she doesn't limp and moan like I do, even when I'm trying to insist I'm fine.

Then I was loving Black Panther, for its gorgeousness, at the local theater, when people began discussing the release of A wrinkle In Time, and my first thought was that "I have to live to see this movie!" and I wasn't being at all ironic. Somehow my brain had accepted that I am dying.

 So I made the dreaded Dr. appointment, and things are scary, but not as scary as dying.  My blood pressure on a normal day reads about 168/102.  My ANA blood test was positive which could mean Lupus or Lyme disease or be a false positive and I won't know until I follow trough at the Rheumatologist, I have to drive 127 miles to see, and wait until April 26th.  But all the symptoms point to some type of Rheumatoid arthritis. Things like the pain of pressure in my wrists from turning a steering wheel or spreading peanut butter on toast.  Things like loss of the ability to get out of the bathtub or to put on my own shoes.  Simple things are impossible on some days and cutting my toenails might mean I nerd to sleep for 12 hours to recover from the exertion.

 but life doesn't suck.  I had a good day driving through beautiful trees to go with my husband and daughter on a shopping/dentist trip, and I didn't feel too horrible by the end of it.  Now it is pouring hail on my house and Im loving the snuggled in feeling by the fireplace.

 there will be better days.  Spring is in the air.

Sprinkles on The Sundae

Here I am, 2 months since my last post on either of my blogs. I could not really explain how those two months passed so quickly.  I need to apologize to the few of you who read my posts and had learned to look for it at least monthly.

 The quote in the collage above, if it is too small to read on your device, says, "you know all that really matters is that the people you love are happy and healthy. Everything else is just sprinkles on the Sundae." by the late Paul Walker.

 Unfortunately, for my family, those things that matter have been difficult to keep a grip on in the last couple months.  I've been really sick. And even on my best days have been in a lot of abdominal pain. The world is beautiful, and at spring break, where I live is like paradise, but I have been in debilitating pain, with vomiting and diarrhea which has made me cancel work enough to cut my income nearly in half, and that creates more stress in Dr. Bills and income tax that don't get paid in a timely manner.

 so when I am functional, I'm always behind, and my husband, who is also in his busiest time of year as a High school music teacher with concerts and pageants and graduations and field trips, has also been sick and depressed.

 We have gotten outside locally to enjoy some of the beautiful weather, and I have added 10,000 words to the novel I am writing and we got to celebrate out Granddaughter's first Birthday, just after Her Dad moved in with us again, and has her every other night.  A joy and a heartbreak all in one.

 Life can be good, and even in the difficulties I try to remember that, but thinking positively isn't always easy or even much help at all.

 Then again, it can be more than wonderful. Still, if you are going through your own problems remember, you are not alone even when it feels like it.  Send me some positive thoughts, and I'll try to return the favor. After a nap.

Where did Spring Go?

I look at how long it has been since I wrote something here, and I cringe. I am sorry. I can't believe how happy I was to get to spring, only to find it flying past.  Life is good, but it has been very,

 very busy.

My Husband and "grand-daughter" by the tall ship Lady Washington

 We were lucky enough to get to spend time with a lot of the people we love, including both sons and their girlfriends and the toddler girl who belongs to one of the girlfriends, who has stolen our hearts.  We had kids around for spring break, and then we had the tall ship festival and then we got to play outdoors a lot as the weather got warm.

 We walked the dog and played with the parrots and tried to do a minimum amount of lawn and home care but we are wretched about maintaining chores.  And then I got hired to work the last quarter of the school year as a full time teacher in a special ed classroom instead of doing random subbing jobs. Suddenly my writing time evaporated like the winter clouds had done.

 We got to BBQ and the Lily grows in spite of the fact that I tossed the contents of a dead flower pot out into the dog run and the poor plant had to resurrect itself after one winter. It is more glorious every year now.

 One of my joys is the drive in movie theater and it opened. Thankfully it is still cheap entertainment, $12 a carload of people for a double feature.

Making time for important things like giving blood

Magnets my students made for Mother's Day

The Goth King in his glory after the cherry blooms blew down

 One of the best things about teaching is that the creativity of our students always inspires new creativity in me, when it doesn't exhaust me to the point of brain deadness.

Anyway, 14 days of school left for us. Not that I am counting.  But then I have to find a way to wrest the computer from my game addicted spouse and Write.

Have a good day.

Dixie

When Life Seems Colorless

When Life seems dull and slow and grey, and the rain keeps falling and the clouds won't go awaySometimes what I need is a Visit from a friend and a good dose of color to show that the world is full of wonder, warmth and welcome

 Then suddenly I can remember that there is such a thing as JOY

And that living in my reality

includes a lot of it.

 Hope springs eternal they say, but I say sometimes you have to clear away the deadwood to see the spring welling up

 Then that which seemed frozen and dead suddenly opens the buds that were there all along

 and lets you realize that you can make a wish and follow it and that the rain which seemed an assault of bleakness was really a refreshing rest before the spring rises up and floods the world with color, light and HOPE