And the hits just keep on coming

Should I go in chronological order of the weekend or in order of importance? I think the latter.

So Adam and I met for dinner on Friday before heading to a movie. We got seated in a mafia table, you know, where if you sit in the corner you can see the whole room? The place settings were laid out kitty-corner to one another, but Adam made to sit across from me. I suggested it might be better to take the seat on the (L-shaped) both next to me. I thought that was good on my part, to encourage the closeness. Now usually I am not okay with couples sitting on the same side of the table, but we were kitty-corner, you know, seated on consecutive sides of the table, so it's not the same. He called me beautiful, which was sweet, and we talked as easily as we normally do, except for when he was convinced our onion strings were french fries. But there was no hand-holding or thigh-grazing or anything. Okay, so off to the movie.

We saw Sherlock Holmes, which if you haven't seen I definitely recommend it, and we both like previews, so if that's not enough to start a relationship on I just don't know what is. I tried to take advantage of the common armrest, but his stayed crossed the entire movie, so nothing-doing. I decided after that night that on Sunday morning after volunteering I'd have to tell him I just see us as friends. I never got that chance, as he said he had errands to run afterwards and we went our separate ways. I think we've lost that loving feeling. Which is fine. I can't make myself be attracted to him, as much as I would like to be. He is a great guy though, and if anyone ever asked me if I know any in New York, his name would be at the top of the list. I have Adam to thank for making me recognize the kind of admiration I deserve, and as I've waited 27 years for it, I guess a few (please God not more than that! ;o) ) more won't kill me.

Now, as for facebook-blast-from-the-past-to-be-known-as-Sam, it is a weird tale. So Annie, being optimistic for me, suggested that perhaps he was a stud and that I'd be spending more time in the suburbs (I am loosely defining suburbs to include the majority of the tri-state area). This could not be farther from the truth. A chubby kid in high school (it takes one to know one), Sam is now on the emaciated side of thin. He still has the same ferocious-looking acne though. And when I saw him from across the street, I thought "No, that can't possibly be him. Really?" He looked like he was still wet from a shower, which turned out to be the hair gel he was using to try to tame down his formerly curly and now possibly thinning hair. I know you probably think I am being mean, but really I am being as accurate as I can be. Maybe that's the mean part? But we're not done. He was also wearing pants two inches too short. And was limping. I kid you not. So, we had lunch at a diner where we talked about high school, him with an astonishing command of the most minute of details. When we parted, he said that we should definitely get together before another ten years passed us by. I just smiled and nodded.

Thursday Shorts

Quick updates:

No JR. As predicted, he flaked. Not a big loss, and the longer we go the less I miss it. Or so I try to believe.

As for Adam, we're going out tomorrow for dinner and a movie, and I promise I will do my best to be a little more forward and/or encouraging. He's also coming to a volunteering thing I'm going to on Sunday, so I reeeaaally hope Friday isn't awkward.

Someone may have fallen in facebook love with me. I had never heard of it either until Annie told me it had happened to a couple of people she knows; they had lost touch with people from high school or earlier, who then later found them on facebook, found them attractive, and found themselves in networking website love. This is a guy I've known since 7th grade from being music dorks. We were not particularly close, but went to a movie with two other kids once, and apparently this has stuck with him. We didn't talk all through college or after (and I didn't miss it) until he found me on facebook and realized we live a few hours from each other. This, apparently, is reason enough to get together. I know this is scanty evidence for fb love, but i can't tell you the whole story without you thinking less of me than you already do. Anyway, he's going to be in the city this weekend, so I decided I should bite the bullet and have lunch with him with the hope that it will fend off any more ridiculous requests to meet up in the land where public transportation doesn't go.

I may have volunteered to participate in a date auction, and not as a bidder. Has anyone ever done one of these before? I find it a little scary and imagine it will be more than a little humiliating. But, I figure, what the hell? I'll keep you posted.

Return of JR

Just a quick note: Over the Christmas holiday, which I spent with family and which was very restful and enjoyable, I was contacted twice by JR. He called on my way to my parents, but I was in the quiet car of the train and didn't pick up, and then he texted on Christmas Day. Both times very solicitous, and both with a request that we get together once I was back in the city. I emailed once I got back as a courtesy, and we are supposed to meet up "later this week". As tomorrow is Thursday and I've had no word, I'm not sure we'll actually see anything of one another. I'm not sure that I'm interested anyway though, so that works out. How are you supposed to treat a friend who may or may not know that he's hurt you, and that you're not sure that hanging out with him is a good idea? I've embarrassed myself too many times with him making outlandish emotional declarations, thus am not willing to come out and say just that. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of being that significant if he hasn't already realized it. I'm mature, I know. Can I just let it go?

Release My Inhibitions?

Hello again! I hope you all had a delightful holiday, and are embarking on a wonderful new year! Over Christmas my roommate reminded me of the promises I had initially made to myself at the conception of this blog, you know, to try one of those “tried and true ways to meet someone” every couple of weeks or once a month or so, and obviously I haven’t really done that. Although, I guess I am currently sort of seeing someone who used to be a casual acquaintance; was that on the list? Did I tell you that Adam definitely is interested in me? Well he is, and I told him I was undecided about dating him, and then he didn’t kiss me. This is the short, Reader’s Digest version. Those things didn’t all happen on the same day, let alone the same breath.

The first was revealed a couple of weeks ago after we went to dinner and a play, and he insisted on riding with me to my stop and seeing me to my apartment. Did I mention that it was freezing cold with an icy wind to boot and that he walked home? On our way to my door, he said some really complimentary things and was very awkwardly adorable, and I kissed him on the cheek and we said goodnight. I know I know, maybe a little harsh, but up to that point I wasn’t completely sure what his intentions were and so wasn’t mentally prepped for anything else. Later that week I suggested we go to dinner somewhere a little closer to home (we live in very close neighborhoods), assuming that maybe we would go back to one apartment or the other to get over the first kiss hurdle . . . nothing more than that, so get your minds out of the gutter. I’m self-conscious, he’s shy, so I figured that some place away from the public eye might be better for us. And then he picked Wednesday. What was I supposed to do with Wednesday? We went to dinner, and I helped him pick out some presents, but then I legitimately had things to do at home and could not go back to his place. That night was when he point-blank asked me if I was interested in him and I said I was undecided. Since nothing happened that night, I assumed that when he came over to my apartment to give me a Christmas present (super-sweet, I know!) we’d finally make it to first base. Nope. He didn’t kiss me. I lingered for a bit when we were saying goodbye, tried to give him the opportunity, but he didn’t take it. Now, this may be my fault for saying I was undecided, and he’s a gentleman and didn’t want to presume anything. But how am I supposed to decide without a little bit of help? Make the first move? Unacceptable. I am nearly as shy and awkward as he is, and have never made the first physical move. Sure, I have embarrassingly asked a guy out here and there, but that is not the same thing. I don’t know how to be smooth going for the first kiss. That’s not in my repertoire.

Obviously, I am about as good at this as one might expect an ex-chubby-choir-and-academic-team member to be. Any tips to get over yourself and make the first move? I was thinking next time I see him maybe just to greet him with a kiss, get things out of the way. But that might backfire on me, I don't know. Maybe I should just cruise bars and try to kiss people, that way when it really matters I won't be so neurotic about it. That's a practical idea I think. Totally, completely jives with who I am. My mother would be all for it. Love her, I really do, and I should probably try to be more like her when it comes to being completely self-assured and un-self-conscious when it comes to doing potentially stupid things in public. Perhaps it would be freeing. Something needs to change, it is a new year after all . . .