Sunday...

(One sad boy, one goof. A tired sweet baby, and two parents appearing to hold it together; but we know better don't we?)

Today I sat in Relief Society and looked down the isle I was on. Four of my favorite people were sitting there; all of us in different places in our lives, all different worries and concerns, all different likes and dislikes. All of us with make up on, hair done, and our happy faces on. But as I thought about each of these women I couldn't help but think of what was underneath it all for us. I thought of the stuff causing us sleepless nights and the need for "get me through this day" cookies. One women has a husband who is kinda unhappy with his job; little makes a woman more concerned than a stressed hubby. What we wouldn't do to make our loves utterly happy always. One is reaching the end of her pregnancy so I can only imagine how tired, tired, totally tired she is. Darn you Eve, is it your fault our bodies and minds and every part of or souls are stretched to our limits in order to bring us our most extreme form of joy? One of the strongest girls I know lives in a constant state of flux, never knowing from one minute to the next where or what her life will bring. She does it all, and her outside holds it all together. But If she's anything like me, her insides feel like falling apart and taking an eternal nap. How does she do it? And the beautiful woman next to me was there. She was there! Isn't that sometimes just enough, just being where we need to be despite it all? I know she feels the constant incline of a woman's often crazy life, and I know her calves burn and she would love to stick up her thumb and hitch a ride up the continuous mountain of "stuff" , but she doesn't. She keeps going.

As I thought of my friends, and of being a mom, and a wife, and woman, I thought how little I could do to change anything for them. I thought of how helpless I am. Helpless to alter the universe in favor of calmness and smooth waters, and yet how desperate we all are for those moments. And I took a deep breath and quickly asked God to remember us. To meet us and strengthen us and give us moments to make us laugh. And I feel certain that He will.

Being a woman is hard. It sometimes feels lonely. But it is more than anything else a testimony of the strength we have in us. The ability we have to make joy in our lives and in the lives of others, and in the power we have to see the remarkable gift all the moments of life actually are. On this day of worship, I am most grateful to be a woman. And most happy that I get to share it with my friends.

The Girl...

I seriously love this chick so freaking much. She is so sweet. Like we've never seen such sweetness in this house. She sleeps like a champ, smiles whenever we even glance her way, squeals at squeezes, and is so chill we don't know what to do with it. The Gardner's having a chill kid... what the crap? I would love a million of her. Sometimes I wonder if the boys get so sick of hearing me say how perfect Ava is, but they tell me they think so too. I never knew how people would say how much they loved tiny babies. Dave and I always started to think having a baby was awesome around 8 months. Ours were always colicky for way too long and would never stand for being set down for a minute without howling. Ava has renewed my faith that babies can be sweet little presents. And trust me, I loved my boys as much too.

There's just something about my Avie.



(Threw this one in just because I thought it was funny. Ava was so bald and funny.)

Love...

I got Ava's newborn pics back and I'm in love. Almost as good as the real thing, but not really, cause pictures aren't soft and don't smell like yummy newness mixed with spit up. She's already changed so much I can't believe it. She isn't 5 and 1/2 pounds anymore darn it. But she's even more lovely now. Thanks Lisa for the amazing hook-up with Skye!

Little Girl...

So we all love pretty much everything about our little Ava. She is so tiny and furry (kinda monkey like), and smells delish and makes the cutest little kissy lips ever. Every morning I wake up and am giddy to the point of giggles that I get to squeeze the sweetness out of her all day long. The giddiness slowly wears off by mid-morning and morphs into "holy cow how much can a bitty baby poop?", and, "wait, didn't you just eat a half hour ago?" and, "what is that? silence? for 2 minutes? I can't believe it!". Our love never wains but our epileptic fits of joy kinda deplete by lunch. She, on the other hand, can't get enough of her daddy or her biggest brother. One squeeze from either one of them and she is looking longingly into their eyes and wouldn't dream of making a peep. Too bad for her she's stuck with mom all day. Can't one of my children love me most? Geez.

I will say the first few weeks almost killed me. And Dave. And maybe my neighbor who probably heard a lot of crying from me, Dave, and the wee one. Then one day I woke up and didn't cry first thing before breakfast. Maybe not even a tear till lunch. It was then I realized we would live!!! We would outlast this dark cloud encompassing our house and survive to cry another day! Since then its been bliss. If and only if bliss is defined by squeezes and kisses and loves randomly and frequently disperssed between long hours of colic and sleeplessness. Yep, bliss.

Sissy, Miss Priss, Ava Bean, or Princess Pooperella (the boys come up with the most appropriate names), as our love is known is actually the most wonderful little thing and all of us are quite smitten. She is by far the most sought after attraction here at the Gardner home and rightly so; something so innocent and perfect and beautiful should be surpassed by none. She has certainly completed our family in the most magnificent way.

And I do me complete. Like we're done. Like no UPS truck making any stops around these here woods if you know what I mean. And if my grandma is reading this I hope she doesn't know what I mean because I think she thinks I'm a prim and proper lady.

Here's some pics (in no particular order)... enjoy.









And lest you and your hubs are thinking about adding a little cutie to your brood:



And Ava, if you read this one day and think I didn't love you beyond words, you'd be wrong. You make me one happy momma. Just you wait. I'll be showing you love the whole rest of your life, in every way love can come. You're my girl.

Be prepared for disappointment... no Ava pics yet. I'm just too lazy to find my cord and download anything. Soon though. I promise. (But realize my promises are loosely given and rarely followed through on these past few weeks.)

I just thought while my house is relatively quite for a second I'd eat a treat. But I don't have treats around and that made me sad so I thought I'd settle for my second favorite thing and snuggle Dave. Dave isn't here. So my only outlet left... blog.

I'm tired. I'm worn down. I need my hair colored cause my grays are crazy. I want sleep and know I wont get any tonight. Did I mention I want a treat besides my dried apricots? I need to wax my eyebrows. I need to psyche myself up for T's homework that starts tomorrow. Why do parents have to do homework? Lame. I need to relax. And my list could go on and on and on. Like how my sweet baby's nursing can go on and on and on all day, every day, every second of the day. I'm not bitter. Or sore.

Despite my obvious grouchiness, I have discovered one thing through my bleary eyed existence: I'm surviving, and that's enough for now. My body is slow and my mind slower, but I have the sweetest cheeks to kiss and the craziest boys to discipline (frequently), and a pretty patient equally tired man to sit next to and things are good. They'd be even better if ALL my children would decide they could sleep a few hours here and there, but hey, what kind of mom needs sleep? I'm glad for these tiring moments of my life. I'm happy I have a beautiful healthy family. I'm looking forward to the future without trying to begrudge the present. For heavens sakes I have a fridge full of diet caffeine free Dr. Pepper. Everything is good and as it should be.

Take a nap for me.

Tbone ages...

Toothless T turned 6.

He was spoiled rotten.

He played his first round of real golf and drove way farther than his mom. He got everything Star wars that he'd ever dreamed of. He had a fun family party and played baseball and frisbee and ate the most ginormous piece of cake ever.

And the highlight... birthday spankens. Seriously. He was asking for his spanks all day and had to wait till the end of the night to get them. But he got em. All 60+ of them. Weird kid.

Love him to bits. Really, a better boy has never been made.

Preschool baby...

Today Gav went to preschool for the first time ever. He was so excited and didn't give me a second thought from the moment we pulled up. He said they played with a puzzle book and race track, read a story about a pig and that he showed his harmonica to everyone for show and tell. He also got a cupcake from his teacher as they were leaving, and he very smugly showed it to T informing him that he wouldn't be getting a single bite since it was HIS from HIS teacher. I bet it is fun for a little brother to finally get to do something his big brother always gets to do. I'm pretty sure the reason we had such a successful first day is that 4 of the 5 kids in his class are in our ward and his best bud, Gavin M., is also in his class. They're pretty handsome for 3 year olds I think.

Tonight as we were eating dinner and the boys were telling Dave about school I got a little teary realizing we have no more babies around here. Only big boys causing big trouble and leaving big holes in their mothers' heart as they leave everyday. Dave said,"Well I guess its just time to make more babies. Hubba hubba." To which T replied, "how do we make plastic babies?" I was glad that I could honestly say I had no idea how plastic babies were made and leave the conversation at that. Daddy needs to start being a little more careful with his inuendos I think. But maybe just till the little guys are in bed, cause man we do make cute ones.