like the song says...like some forgotten dream

we still go visit mom every day. for me, it's getting more like these lyrics: "we don't talk much more" "she sits and stares" "what's new?" "like some forgotten dream" "nothing, what's with you?" "nothing much to do."



i guess that's why i take awol with me. that mutt has it down. in his own way he goes to every single person and says, "helloooo in there...hello."

i keep trying not to blog because i don't like to whine. at least not publicly. but the truth is it's been a trying few weeks, i guess. now that i have a relatively positive mom anecdote...i still feel the need to get it right, to put it in context, to be honest in the telling.

so maybe i'll just copy and paste a few "mom reports".

no. the family has already read those emails and responded. and this blog is essentially for them, anyway. no. i need to come up with a reason. some sort of universal truth, some epiphany to make it worthy, a literary device (a gouge... hahahhahahahha.)
i'm thinking of a deciduous tree. could that work? both the cause (mom's well-being) and the effect (my reluctance to write about her) are cyclical. deciduous.

yes. i'll work on that.

until we meet again... Read more!

the good, the bad and the ugly

from today's news:

the good -
whether you like barack obama or not, i hope you will appreciate this story about his mother's character as revealed through her life's work. she's the good guy in this world of ours.

the bad -
this is actually mostly good news. i only call it "the bad" because it seems unconscionable to me that it took so damn long. it seems bad to me that industry; for reasons of either greed, ignorance, misplaced loyalty or all of the above, allowed themselves to go bankrupt, become 60% government owned and worst of all, create Massive unemployment and chaos while the technology now "suddenly in place" has really been damn near in place for decades.

the ugly -
in case you don't click and read the news stories here (highlighted in red), i'll tell you a bit more about this one. last week the courts awarded the recording industry a $675,000 judgement against a man for downloading and sharing 30 (thirty!) songs online.

now that's UGLY. in my opinion, i think the rule should read as follows: if a record label or artist has already made a million bucks, all their stuff is fair game for anyone savvy enough to share it for free. end of soapbox.

for more rant...

i'm pretty sure the following is all three, the good, bad and ugly , and includes TWOD (the word of the day). the word irredentist is new to me and can be found in the last sentence of the above article.

OH! & one more good!...
i gave away the last of awol's pups today.
the brown one with the paul newman eyes, the one most like awol now has a new home with one of the aides who works on mom's alzheimer unit. she will bring him to work with her. and THAT is a very very good good thing.

(i have pics, but i can't upload them on my connection, but i will as soon as i am able.)

Read more!

for sure...

it's a subjective point of view, but i believe it's true. thanks, annie. you expressed it perfectly.

at least for now. for my mom. Read more!

4-22-09, brand new alzheimer's research reported

"Taking a new approach to the treatment and prevention of Alzheimer's disease, a research team led by investigators at the Mayo Clinic campus in Florida has shown that druglike compounds can speed up destruction of the amyloid beta (A-beta) proteins that form plaque in the brains of patients with the disorder."

i think there really is hope for many of the rest of us...

-----------------

we took the alz residents back to richland college for a picnic lunch and concert yesterday. it was mostly awesome.

the only unawesome thing about the deal was mom being an asshole.

while waiting for the bus mom says:
"what the hell are we doing?"
"i'd rather go back to bed."
"what the hell are we doing sitting here?"
"this is stupid."

so i did the ignoring thing. when we got on the bus i mentioned what a beautiful day it was.
"harumph," says she.

ok. be that way...(she can be so exasperating)

we ate our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches by the lake. [picture would not upload]*
it was 75-80 degrees with a nice breeze. i asked if she was enjoying the day. i asked if she was enjoying being out in the real world in such nice weather. she agreed it was very nice. she might have even smiled.

we went in to the concert hall where the music department of this small junior college was going to do their monthly performance. *

there was a jazz band.*

and a jazz choir.*

& another lab band...*

it was all really surprisingly good. better than good.

the choir was backed up by a drummer and an electric bass player.* they also did an a capella number providing their own percussion, etc.* (i have a video of that, but my internet connection is apparently too slow to let me upload it to a web album.)

both bands were good. the second one did a thelonius monk song* and a charlie parker tune.* pretty damn good stuff. especially for a bunch of kids. i'd give 'em all an A.
well, except for that one kid in blue jeans.* (dang nab it! those videos didn't upload, either.)

-----------------


leaving the performance hall, i asked mom if she enjoyed the concert.

"not one damn minute of it!"

i looked at her in astonishment. i was flabbergasted.
i gathered myself, and said, "then next time maybe you and i will just stay outside by the lake and skip the music."
and she agreed to that. almost cordially.

we walked back to the bus.* on that walk, i held my hand on her shoulder thinking about how lucky she is to have full time caregivers who are not so emotionally involved...

-----------------

"exasperating" is an understatement. sometimes she just flat-out pisses me off. the whole ride back, everyone else went on and on about how much and what they liked about the music. the old-timey-ness of it, the big band sound, the youngsters, it made them wanta dance!, etc.. the alz god had given them a momentary break from their ungodly stupor. it was an exhilarating experience for all of us and for different reasons.

...almost all of us. mom was all piss and vinegar again. "not one damn minute of it."...

-----------------

when we got back up to her room she astonished me again by having the wherewith all to apologize for being such an old grump. and we hugged.

meh.
i guess that's hope enough for me.

==================

* but i have little hope for this blog if i can't upload a video. much less a freakin' picture. i'll see y'all on the flip side. cornbread out.





Read more!

family is a strange beast, indeed

it's 6:59 a.m. tomorrow kiwi time.
do you know where your children are?
do you cherish them?

...the mom move went well yesterday.

well, except for the mom being such a bitch towards my sister. i don't know why she does that. and it disgusts me. the sister i'm referring to is the backbone of our family. the one who deserves the best, deserves and does the most.

don't get me wrong...the mad as a hornet thing i understand. i think it's a normal reaction to a change like this. especially for someone in her mental state.
but to take it out on that one person is bewildering to me. and it pisses me off.

anyway...we moved mom to a different room on a different floor in the same building. several of the aides went with her for the transition period. we did it for financial reasons. the new room is in a suite. (there are 3 rooms and a common sitting room in one apartment. omg! SUCH DEPRIVATION...)

- "why the hell did i have to move here?!"

- "because the pavement outside is kinda hard, mom. and there's no artificial air conditioning or heat other than whatever the weather man doles out. besides, they don't cook for you out there or bathe you. or treat you like the pampered queen you've become used to."

- "harrumph!" ((i can take care of myself!))

- "yes, ma'am." ((riiiight...))

too many funny/snarky stories to tell for now, but soon as i get the blogness back more fully into my system, i may relate a few in later posts.

bottom line:
mom is happy as a lark today.
ok...maybe not quite a lark, but she's at least as happy as a grackle can be.
and tomorrow will be even better.

mockingbird happy would be good. Read more!

mom goes to college (♪ ♫ a 5 hour cruise...)

(yesterday) we started loading the bus at 10 a.m. and left on our outing at 11. yep, it took a full hour to get twelve alzheimer's residents, 5 wheel chairs, 4 walkers, three adult children of said residents, 2 staff members and one driver on board.

i'm here to tell you, it was worth every second and then some.



i suppose i need to practice my over-the-head-and-behind blind camera shots. this is the best one of the lot, but i think you get the idea...it's hardly a spring break college crowd. but there's more personality packed into those old ladies than there is on an entire spring break beach.

our motley crew arrived at richland college, home of the mighty thunderducks!, with plenty of time to spare for our picnic lunch before the concert we came to see. (it only took about an hour to unload, wheel and wobble our way to this choice campus spot.)


pat and marjorie.



these two ladies are as different as night and day. pat, on the left, is wry and brash. marjorie is inquisitive and gentle. both are remarkably intelligent human beans.

pat: "what's your name?"
mom: "mary anne."
(they eat 3 meals a day at the same table. we say their names and converse together daily.)

pat: "your 1st name is mary? that's my 1st name, too."

me: "so your name is mary patricia?"
pat: "no, my name is mary winnifred."
me: "how'd you get pat out of mary winnifred?"

pat: "when i was a child people called me winnie and whiney and weanie. i didn't like that, so i fixed them. i changed my name to pat."

mom: "hahahahaha."
pat (to mom, again): "what's your name?"

lest i give the wrong impression, pat is very smart. she knows my name, a remarkable feat at her stage of dementia. she remembers my dog's name even when he is not there and asks about him often, which is not something my own mom is capable of. pat can paint in oils and was once an art restoration specialist. she may have lost more cognitive abilities than i've ever been graced with. i'd love to know 1/2 of what pat still knows somewhere in the recesses of her being.

and marjorie? marjorie is grace and wit personified.

the box lunches were ham and cheese sandwiches with a separate baggie of lettuce and tomato. when i put it all together for her, i was concerned it was too big and unwieldy to get in her dainty mouth. she misunderstood and insisted i take it.  after convincing her i had my own, she carefully took the sandwich apart piece by piece and ate each part separately. when she saw me watching her do this, she gave a knowing wink and offerred me a cookie from her box, which i took gratefully. then she said, "i can break that cookie up for you if you'd like." and we laughed and laughed.

marjorie is at about the stage mom was a year ago.

and then there's helen...

when we loaded the picnic lunches on the bus helen asked what was in the boxes. told what they were, she said she sure hoped beer was included. at one point on the ride over she told mom there was wine in them thar boxes, which delighted mom no end. i said, "no, i'm real sorry, but there's no wine. it's just sandwiches and stuff." 

and helen said, in her gravelly voice, "what kind of stuff? i hope it's scotch." (oh lordy. spring break, look out...here we come!)

-----------------------------------------------

not a very flattering picture of mom on the right, (but just look at how well her face is healing, lynn anne!) helen in the center, and on the far left, marjorie.



this is my favorite picture of the day. unless i fucked something up (likely), you should be able to click on it, or any other picture, for a closeup.
l-r: henry, diane (henry's daughter) and bill. i love how the gender segregation happens so naturally. kinda like in grade school. ("go over there and ask one of those girls to square dance, you little twit!")

come on guys! it's spring break. party time! the girls are waitin'!!!!




ok, this post is going on too long for most of you, but i'm not just ramblin' on for no reason((max butler)). there are a few people who might want to know that we did finally make it to the concert. (like my kids and sister. ie: the reason for this blog.)

the concert is about to begin. mom is seated 4th from the right side.


(bus driver john, on the left, is one of my minor heroes...)



and the concert was very, very cool.

every tuesday, the richland college orchestra class puts on a little concert. the last time we went, they were performing. this time, though, it was 4 members of the dallas symphony orchestra playing as a string quartet so the students could see, hear and interact with how it's really supposed to be done.

i'm very unsophisticated when it comes to classical music. the 1st number was a mozart piece and all i could think of while listening was of old-timey cartoons of spoons and plates and such dancing on black and white tv.
the beethoven opus-something-or-other conjured up vivid images of old silent movies.
the bartok piece blew me away with its sublime dissonance and whisked me off to some old, scary, mystery movie. hitchcock maybe...but what do i know?

afterwards, bill said, "i never appreciated the fiddle before. i never knew it could make so much music. i sure am glad we went."

and i am, too. and for more than one reason. (12 reasons to be exact.)

Read more!

oh yeah...?

WELL, YOU SHOULD SEE THE OTHER GUY!

1st off, i need to tell you that she's a-ok. ok?

outline of the morning -

5:38 a.m.
(ring, ring, ring...)
"hell-o"
"blah blah blah your mom had a fall this morning. she's on her way to baylor hospital."

5:58 a.m.
(i walk over to mom all tubed and wired up in a hospital bed and take her hand...)
"hey good lookin'. how you feelin'?
"i'm ok." (smile)
"what happened?"
"i don't know."

6:00-7:00
"how'd you get here?"
"where?"
"the hospital."
(she cocks her head...) "i don't know..."
"did you get to ride in an ambulance?"
"...an ambulance...i did...clear across town in an ambulance. it took a long time."
she never did remember she'd fallen, but i heard about "goin' clear across town" a dozen times. (it's a 5 minute ride.)

........................................

"i was lying here in this bed looking out at that hallway yesterday. i remember being here yesterday."
"no, mom, this just happened this morning."
"i'm sorry you have to spend your day babysitting your mom again today..."
(again??)"no, ma'am. this just happened an hour or two ago."

(repeat the above a dozen times...)

"...going clear across town in an ambulance...someone in the ambulance mentioned alzheimer's..."(pause.)
then she asked me,"if you were told you had alzheimer's would it make you feel any different about things?"

(my mom has never been an analytical person. or a thinker, yet this is a profound question. particularly the word *feel* in that sentence.)

i thought for a while and said, "i don't know."
i thought for a while longer and finally asked the obvious, "how does it make you feel?"
"i don't know," she said.

................................................

8:00-9:00
at some point the subject of leaving the hospital came up and she asked, "where would we go?"
"back to Vickery Towers."
"hmmmm...i'm trying to think what that means to me...back to vickery towers...?...i don't really know what i'm thinking, if that makes any sense.

.................................................

9:00 a.m.
getting restless. pulling on and messing with all those hoses and wires and sticky things attached to her chest and arms and finger...kept sitting up and tugging on things. trying to get free. wanted her nightgown sleeves back on her arms. tugging on tubes and wires and sticky things...pulling on her sleeves...

all the while, i'm asking her/telling her to please lay down, please be patient just a few more minutes, the tests are all run, we'll be leaving soon, lay back down, the nurse will remove those pesky things real soon...eventually she decided if she couldn't get her arms in the sleeves the best thing she could do was to just take it off.

i pretty much got the full monty.

some day i guess i'll be the one to wash her ass and lift her saggy boobs to wash under them, but...but......

"come on, mom let's get this nightgown back on you. the doctor will be back soon to remove those hoses and stuff. we'll be leaving real soon. i promise."

..........................................................

bottom line:

1 full monty.
1 ekg, 1 head/neck ct scan, 1 hip x-ray. all results normal.
1 laceration over the eye. *stitched* with super glue or something.
1 bad-ass shiner.
1 bad-ass lady.

...........................................................

as cousin nance, who gave us a ride home, said,
"all that adventure and home by 10:00 a.m."


and mary anne smiled.

Read more!

i just learned that a blogger friend's mother died last night. i didn't know either one of them other than through this internet thing. but i can't stop crying.

the daughter is a true caregiver. she kept her mom in her home and cared for her until almost the very end; she washed her, fed her, was her companion and loving support.

the mom had alzheimer's.
i have mixed emotions. i feel for the daughter's indescribable loss and pain...i'm glad the mom is rid of hers.



when we 1st "met" i thought our moms sounded to be at pretty much the same stage of progression, but that wasn't so. my mom is still healthy - unbelievably so. she has lost more cognitive ability in the past month than in the past year, but she's still hanging in there and tries hard to catch a glimpse...she sleeps a whole lot more recently. i can see that weekly.

but she's still here. and for that i am grateful. i'm not ready for that. i guess i never will be?

peace to you and yours, Robyn.









my sister took us to walmart a few weeks ago and mom drove a go-cart for the first time ever. damn! she did good job maneuvering through the herds and strays of christmas shoppers.
and she didn't hit a single one. 

...or remember that she'd had such fun the next day. but she still likes hearing about it later.

Read more!

go star wars!

mom and i spent 2 relaxing days and nights at my sister's in stephenville. the food was great, the company even better. mom was disoriented most of the time. especially toward the end.

she enjoyed being with her grandson even though she didn't know his name. that's him flashing the *hook 'em horns* sign. we were playing go fish with his star wars cards. yes, we're a real intellectual group. (doesn't that look like a norman rockwell painting?)

more pics after the jump...

she interacted well while sitting at the table playing cards.



this is a 52 second slide show of the affair...




give me all your neimoidian acclamator-class hokey pokey okey dokey solar sailers...

Read more!

♫ happy birthday to you ♪♫♪

(updated post script after the jump)

and mom says so, too...

(sorry we didn't get around to making you a card, lynn anne.)

p.s.
at mom's today we called l.a. to wish her a happy birthday, but got the answering machine. mom talked for a while and either forgot she was talking to a machine or l.a. had picked up during the call. anyway, mom said, "i'll let you talk to rick" and handed me the phone.

i took it and said, "hello. hello?...hellooo?..."

hahahahahaha. doh! i sure hope the machine was still running to catch our buffoonery. Read more!

adventure at the arboretum

yesterday i was one of 16 lucky individuals to go on a field trip to the dallas arboretum. we were 11 memory care residents and 5 chaperons.

our 5 hour adventure included 1 1/2 hours of walking, riding and sitting as we enjoyed the splendor of a 66 acre park filled with perennial and annual blooms, old growth and newly cultivated trees, sculpture, construction, and most importantly, human interaction.

i can't remember the lady's name on the left, but that's henry in the middle and mom on the right.
(click on the pic, lynn anne, to see yo momma's natural smile.)

although henry's daughter and i went to be with our parents, we ended spending more time chasing the more active old geezers around.



- the weather was a perfect 72 degrees.
- we only had one scare; when ms. billie fell on the pavement.
- the 2 hour adventure actually took 6 hours from start to finish.
- mom said she was surprised at how beautiful it was.
- i saw a sign advertising chicken salad sandwiches!! (and some stonework i'd forgotten doing 15 years ago.)
- joyce thought everyone there was with our group.
- everyone there wished they were part of our group.
- i am more in awe than ever of full time caregivers.

and i hope this slide show works...

[edit: i see it works, but the 1st half of it is the same as the 2nd half without the captions... doh!]




peace, y'all. Read more!

do, a deer ♫ ♫♫

it's been months since i went with mom to her friday happy hour. i used to take her every week, but now the staff takes just about all of the memory unit residents. i'm glad i went today. they had chicken salad sandwich quarters for snacks!

besides, i thought the entertainer was interesting.

as we were leaving, mom typically started to turn the wrong way and i tried to steer her back on course. she said, "but i want to thank him for coming." that's very unlike her. i guess she thought he was "interesting", too.

turns out he was called at the last minute when the scheduled performer called in sick, and i mean that literally. he got the call 30 minutes before show time. he told us he also teaches painting at VT on saturdays and preaches on sundays at various places and is the best husband in the world because he always says "yes dear." did i mention he's kinda sorta funny?

as we walked out mom turned to me and said, "not a very good singer was he?"

ahahahahahhahahaha

true. but he was enthusiastic. and mom smiled and clapped and thoroughly enjoyed herself. he mostly sang what i call show tunes to canned music. cabaret, new york new york, exodus, south pacific, several from the sound of music that mom obviously recognized, it's a grand old flag, ain't she sweet...mom did her spontaneous hand-tapping-boogie to that one.

 

he sang stuff that ripped right through the dementia and said, "well, hello there. i know you."

my favorites were a couple of al jolson tunes he sang a capella. i think they were mom's favorites, too. i could see her grin from behind.

Read more!

wha? 2 posts in one day? again???

yep. i'm so excited i just had to tell Someone...

i'm excited because "The Campaign" is finally (almost) freaking over!

if it had gone on one more day i think was goinG to have to shoot myself. sheesh. what a bunch of ninnies. and i don't even live in a freakinG battleground state where folks are constantly inundated with all those slanderous, negative tv ads. god bless america.

enough of the rant. let me tell you how "the vote" goes in my little world.

i took this lady to vote. (pic taken today)



now, for the past 6?-8?-12? months we've gone from her saying...
"obama sounds ok, maybe i'll vote for him." and me saying, "but you're a republican, mom. dad would turn over in his grave."
"oh, i just don't know if i want a woman to be president," she'd respond.

...to her saying, "who do you like?"
and i always tell her, obama.
"oh, i'm not sure i want to vote for a black man for president," she'll say. and i always tell her she doesn't need to worry about that because she's a republican and will vote for mccain.
"who?"
"mccain, the republican. you'll like him, mom."

...to her pointing at the time magazine cover today and asking, "are you going to vote for this one or this one?"
i said, "i'm going to vote for obama," pointing to his picture.

"i think i'm going to vote for the other one," she said.

"that's good mom. we wouldn't want to mess up our 39 year old record of cancelling each others votes out, would we?"

(her laughing) "well why vote then?" she asked.
"because that would be unamerican. and besides, daddy would turn over in his grave," i told her. and she said, "ok. let's go."



i've had friends question why i help her remember that she is a die-hard republican, etc. even had people laugh AT me for it and shake their heads in disgust. but i don't think they understand what it really means to respect another person for who they are. in this case, maybe, who they "were."

GOBAMA! even if my vote doesn't count.

[and yes, i do hate, hate, hate what W has done to our country and to the world and to my kids' future and for so much more. and yes, i do believe mccain is Much less likely to rectify any of those egregious mistakes than obama is. yes, i am afraid of even the most remote possibility of a palin presidency. (((yikes)))

but i also remember sitting in the den as a 17 year old kid, watching the election returns in 1968, still under the political influence of a mindset that literally trembled at the thought of hubert humphry as president...i remember waking up the next morning with such relief that nixon had won...i wondered how nearly 1/2 the country had wanted otherwise...

and i am still amazed at the "other half." which ever side you are on, there is another side made up of real people. (true in war, too. read:iraq) they're not all good. not all bad. dumb as rocks in your or my opinion, but still human beans. and worthy of my respect. peace.]

Read more!

halloween at VT

oh yes. my halloween was very exciting...i went to mom's. 

they tried to get her to dress up. wear a hat. anything. "that's never been my thing," she said. "what is your thing?" "i don't know..." (sigh)

she did seem to have a good time, though. here she is seeing a lady she sat next to 3 meals a day for 2 years up until about a month ago. she couldn't remember where she knew her from and swears she hasn't seen her for years. but she did recognize her.  

there were lots of children. some were grand and great grandchildren of residents. more were employees' children and i think quite a few were random neighborhood drop-ins.  
i don't know who this one is, but mom couldn't get over how cute he was.
 


but he didn't look so sure about her. hahahahaha. 



there were games. mom even played one.



the local fire station showed up. there was a very good four piece band and singer. hot dogs were cooked. we saw lots of people from the "other side" we hadn't seen in a while. and several of the folks from the alzheimers floor dressed up. one, Billie, even won the costume contest! all in all it was a pretty good time. the important thing is, mom got out for a change and enjoyed the experience.

here are all the pictures i took.

Read more!

me and my dad?

my dad and i... my dad and me... 

"my dad and me" *feels* better.

 

would you say, "this is me," or "this is i?" and which side of the quotation mark does the puncuation go in that sentence? 

come on grammar police. hep me out.

i bet he didn't know i was hiding a stick behind my back...hahahahaha

 

-------------------------------------

[that reminds me...hey, chris of  "inside my heart" blog - for at least a month now i've been unable to view your blog for more than a few seconds before that tab of my browser crashes.  this is admittedly a pretty crappy computer, but it doesn't seem to happen with other blogs, web pages, etc. what's up with that?]

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last week sometime, mom and i were looking at a picture of my daughter and her 2 grand dads taken at her 3rd or 4th birthday party on velasco street. i left it out on mom's chairside table because we both enjoyed looking at and talking about it. 

today she said she couldn't remember why it was there. i reminded her. and i told her again the next 4 or 5 times when she asked why "she" had put it there. i decided to change the subject slightly.

i asked her if she remembered the first time josephine's "other" granndpa in the picture had come to her house. (suffice to say, she couldn't even remember his name without prompting, but when told, she even said the late grandma's name!)

anyway...the story goes that The Colonel and Mrs. Musgrave, my new parents-in-law, were coming to mom and dad's house for the 1st time. the colonel is a rather distinguished fellow. everyone was anxious to pretend to be equally distinguished and respectable, of course.

the musgraves were invited in and after the proper howdy-dos had been exchanged, they were offerred seats for what was, up to that point, a little bit of a nervous occasion... oh, no worries... my brother, who was about 8 years old at the time, had put a whoopie cushion in the colonel's seat. 

PPPPPTTHTTTTHHHHH!! 

it was awesome. (the colonel is now 96 years old and still sharp as a tack. i wonder if he remembers that story and how how hard he laughed at the situation and at himself?)

mom heard this story today as if for the first time and i swear she laughed so hard i thought she was going to choke. at the time, as i remember it, she was freaking mortified. 

a little later this morning i made the whoopie cushion sound again and she cracked up again.

here's mom in her "new" favorite outfit. yes, lynn anne, she wears it several times a week. she'll even tell you it's her favorite if you comment on it.

p.s. i give up trying to hide most of this beyond the read more text. arghhh Read more!

seeking advice

mom lives in a facility that consists of about 1/2 independent-living and 1/2 assisted-living residents. of those in assisted-living, a very small percentage (maybe 5%) are in what they call the memory unit where mom lives.

this morning a resident from the independent unit came up to mom's floor and a made a very generous offer. he proposed to spend an hour each monday morning reading to them and has even recruited other residents to get involved in the program.

next monday he will be reading a mark twain short story...

it is my opinion that they won't have a clue as to the meaning of what he has chosen to read. it is also my opinion..."so what." the real value of the hour will be human interaction.

i have offered to join this reading group, but i would like to find something more "dementia appropriate" to read to them. i know several of the readers here have first-hand experience with what alzheimer's patients might enjoy and i would like your input.* **

so far, my only idea is mother goose rhymes.

not to be condescending or insulting, but i'm thinking they may be familiar and besides, those rhymes never were meant to be enjoyed for their intellectual nuances as much as for their whimsy, cadence and rhyme. right?

ok...i'll stay away from "as i was going to st. ives..." hahahahhaha, that might a little complicated,

but which do you think might be their favorites?

and what other than mother goose would you suggest?


* if you're involved in an alzheimer's forum, would you be willing to solicit suggestions from the participants?

** input from anyone would be much appreciated.

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mom's exciting birthday party extravaganza.

i don't normally buy greeting cards. sometimes i'll look through all 200 available and find nothing *i* want. it's easier to get what i'm looking for in my imagination. so i usually just make them myself, but i was in the drug store the day before mom's 86th birthday and decided to see what i might find card-wise.

the Very 1st card i picked up seemed like such a perfect metaphor for alzheimer's i had to buy it:

score!

now, i ask you. how often do you see that type of symmetry in life?

i also bought a bag of chocolate chip cookies (she loves them), and that was going to be the extent of my gift giving. until i woke up in the morning, that is...

do we dream these things? do our minds reboot and clear the clutter of old data, allowing fresh ideas to germinate while we sleep? whatever.

i woke with a near** brilliant plan. i would go to the grocery store and buy enough cupcakes for all the residents and aides. we're gonna have a cupcake party! (click on pic to drool. and i don't even hardly eat sweets.)

hey wait a sec. i just now noticed there's a chocolate one missing!



on the way over, i stopped and pilferred some crepe myrtle blooms.



and some turk's caps.



mom asked several times, "where did all these flowers come from?" and of course, each time i told her i had brought them. one time i even admitted i'd picked them out of peoples' yards on the way over. later when she -inevitably- asked again, joyce, one of the residents, said, "your son stole them. but i think he makes up stories."

hahahahahahaha. true on both counts, joyce.

at one point i asked mom, "how old are you today?" she tersely said, "i don't have to tell you that," and everyone laughed. but i persisted, just joking around. she thought for a few seconds, trying hard to come up with an honest answer, i think, and finally said with the slightest bit of hesitation, "65?"
i laughed and asked her how old she thought i was. she said she had no idea. i told her, "57, so i guess you had me when you were what? about 8 years old?" this made her laugh.

later on when i wanted to get a picture of her smiling i asked her again, "now how old are you today?" without skipping a beat she responded, "25."

complete and utter laughter ensued.



the aide passing out the cupcakes! asked each resident, "what color do you want?" i thought, "that's odd." i'd have probably asked, "which flavor," or mentioned the choices as being strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, lemon, etc.

mom wanted "pink." joyce wanted "white."
while joe, a very distinguished black man who rarely speaks, was offerred a vanilla one withouthaving been asked. (there were more of those left and the aide probably figured he wouldn't respond to her question, anyway.)

well, i'm here to tell you- joe spoke up. he replied with a sly grin, "no thank you, i'll take black."

one more cool thing about the party:
there are usually just 2 aides and a supervisor at any given time on the floor, but that afternoon there were also several new aides there doin' recon work or something. we got to talking and it turns out that...

2 are from ethiopia, 1 from eritrea (she was delighted i knew where that was), 1 is from nigeria (though she first claimed to be from louisianna), 1 is from dallas, and a nurse, whom i'd invited up from the 1st floor for the party, is from ukraine.
what an awesome melting pot we live in. mom is so lucky to be surrounded by such a caring group of people no matter where in our world they're *from*.

and maybe that explains the chosen semantics of, "what color do you want?"

-------------------------------------

** i said "near brilliant idea" because the better idea would have been to take cupcake mix up there and to have made our own. meh.
live and learn, right?

one cupcake at a time...

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dear family, i hope this slide show of all the pictures i took yesterday works. (please come back later if it doesn't.)



ok. looks to me like it *worked* even if it is kinda blurry. lemme know if you wanna see any clear photos.

and a happy cupcake to all.

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A Very Memorable Mother’s Day

yesterday was good. i took mom her mail. there was a card with notes from all 3 of my siblings. her eyes got all misty and she went on and on about how sweet it was. her ability to connect emotionally with them made my heart soar, too.

after a while i gave her the card i made for her. this picture of mom, my sisters and me was on the front. inside i described it for her: taken over 50 years ago, about 10 years before my brother was born, in front of our home on peavy road, she was about 35 years old, etc…

For you Alzheimer’s caregivers, you understand the routine. same for my having labeled us kids on the front. what you may not know, if you haven’t read this blog for long, is the “little oops” reference. the first time I ever heard her call my brother that was less than a year ago when she told a group at vickery towers that she has “3 children and a little oops.” i think the funniest thing about it (really, the only funny thing about it) is that she thinks it’s so funny.

did i mention she actually cried a few tears when she read my note? well, she did. i‘ve maybe seen her cry once before in my life. (it’s kinda personal, so i won’t share the note.) then, in typical alz fashion, she asked (again) if I knew about her calling luke “her little oops.” and of course she never quite figured out what i meant when i told her i made the card.

in her mind…it was just there. 50-year-old family memento and all. So in the moment. (sigh)

mother’s day extravaganza at VT after the jump. be there. or be square…


---------------

so, after the card-opening in her room and all, we went downstairs together for a party the facility put on for mother’s day.

simply put: it was elegant.

the entertainer was a “big band vocalist.” a handsome, young man who sang “the love songs of frank and friends.” (that's him there.)

his brother “played” some sort of digital keyboard/synthesizer that backed him up perfectly.
their mother sat demurely in a chair off to the side.

he began by singing “yooo aaare so beautifuuulll, to meee...” over and over until he’d gone all around the room and personally spoken to, kissed or shaken hands with every single mom there.
at one point in his show, the crooner danced with his own mom. it was…well…i thought it was downright elegant.

each mom also got a carnation and a little gift bag. (i had to confiscate several items from mom’s that are taboo on the Alzheimer’s unit.) even the fake flower arrangements on the tables, that we were encouraged to take with us, were…very nice, if not elegant.

what else?

- we were served champagne.
- coffee and tea were available.
- several resident moms had gotten together and made the richest, most delicious chocolate candies for everyone. they were only the size of a small reese’s, but with 3 or 4 different layers of chocolate. each layer with a different hardness, texture and sweetness. somehow they’d infused the whole thing with a raspberry filling and i’m here to tell you - they were Really good. (and dare i say…elegant?)
- there was a cheese and fruit plate. but get this. the server came around with tongs and a cart and individually loaded each lady’s plate with their personal preferences of grapes, melons, strawberries and several types of cheese.

now you tell me…is that fucking elegant or what?

the whole party lasted 2 hours. about 1 ½ hours into it, something even more unexpected happened. A pizza delivery guy showed up.

this is just weird. Pizza with Champagne? and we’ve already snacked to our hearts’ content? besides, freaking dinner was less than an hour away…as I was looking, with my head already cocked in disbelief, wondering at the 6’ 5”, 240 lb., movie-star-looking guy holding the insulated pizza containers over his head, ** suddenly the music changed. the keyboardist went into a really slow, evocative cadence. as the “delivery” guy set the pizzas down he very slowly took his shirt off...and then his pants...

My God!
you’da thought you were at a bachelorette party for a bunch of horny 20 year old girls rather than in a room full of 70 and 80-somethings! i bet you’ve never heard such hootin’ and hollerin’ and carryin’ on. i’ve for sure never personally seen nor heard anything like it myself.

maybe not so elegant, but it sure as cornbreadhell was fun.

Note: there was only one heart attack. - Jan, the activity director who’d put on the rest of the party, had nothing to do with the stripper part. and she certainly didn't order pizza.

may she rest in peace.

----------------


** from the double asterisk on is completely from my imagination and did NOT happen. (at least not yesterday at VT.) the rest of the story is true in every single detail. including the pizza delivery intended for a private party somewhere else in the building.



and a Happy Mother’s Day to you all.
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it's rebus time!

(don't laugh, but it took me *forever* to make that...)

...so, at mom's today their extracurricular project was a cooking session. and guess what they made?

that's right - PIZZA.

they made it with english muffins, just like you probably made it with your kids - or as a kid. mom was so impressed. she asked for the recipe right after they'd finished making it...duh. linda thought it was so cute that mom wanted the recipe she had to hug her. then she wrote it down for her.
(what linda isn't fully aware of is what a great cook mary anne was back in the day. tomorrow i'll be sure to go on about that. i think we may have found a genuine link to her past that could be exploited as a memory/interest booster.)

"i've never tasted such good pizza," she said.

of course she's had it at VT for a snack several times in the last year, but she's never had a hand in making it before. i wonder if she'll remember any of this tomorrow.

and then...we went to dinner.

see, they're trying to fatten up most of the alz folk and they do snack time immediately before meals pretty often. in fact, one of my favorite people there, Jim, has steadily dropped from 134 lbs to 114 just since december.
luckily mom didn't want hardly any of her dinner of pasta, bread stick and soup with ice cream for desert. i say luckily because she'd just eaten several *slices* of pizza and she definitely doesn't need to be fattened up. besides, i got to eat most of her dinner. and all of her ice cream. hah!

[oh & the rebus?
pete incaviglia, former o.s.u. and texas ranger great (no steroids, thank you very much) and pete rose, former cincinnati red great and all-time mlb hit leader (yeah, i know...but i still love the guy) = PETES.
(ok. the *UH* didn't work out so well.)

PETES + A = PIZZA.]

but you already knew that, didn't you.

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the wedding post...

many of my readers/cyberfriends are or were front line caregivers for a parent with dementia - or what is more commonly called alzheimer's disease. they are there in the trenches every day, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. (see sidebar for links to their blogs.) it's difficult for me to even imagine what they do for their loved ones. i'm a part timer. i may visit my mom once or twice a day. i may even miss a day... i can go on vacation... but they can't.

one of those cyberfriends recently had her 1st vacation in i don't know how many years and one of the highlights of that respite was being able to take a shower without worrying if her mom was gonna wander off or hurt herself in some way. can you even begin to imagine that? a simple, freaking, relaxed shower being a novelty because your responsibility for your mom or dad normally precludes such *extravagance?*

the picture to the right is in homage to chris, one of my cyber/caretaker friends who recently lost her beloved parents.

the rest of this post is directed to anyone who is currently going through the agonizing process of having to decide whether to continue the constant, loving, hands-on, day to day care in their own home; or to move their loved one to an alzheimer's care facility similar to the one my mom is so blessed to live in now.

robyn, i humbly dedicate the rest of this post to you and yours...

!- all week i've walked to mom's with scissors in my back pocket. i cut flowers on the way - irises, snapdragons, violets... i played hooky day before yesterday. why?
because i can? yes.
am i sorry? yes.
mom fell down that day on her way to the bathroom.
am i ashamed for not being there? yes.

no broken bones, thank god. just a little skin break on her forearm. the facility called my sister who lives 120 miles away to inform her...it'll be a long while before i miss another day of visits, but she has constant, competent care where she lives. i'm not a doctor or a nurse or a physical therapist. i don't even have a phone. i think she's in better hands than mine and i'm grateful. (see below.)

...the flowers i bring are nice, but how do you full-timers bathe and feed and keep constant vigil day in and night out? you're amazing...

@- at my mom's care facility they take her to an interdenominational church service on sunday morning, a bible study group on monday afternoon, they help her bathe 3 times a week, feed her meals and snacks, wash her clothes and change her bed linens once a week, give her regular medical check ups and nurse her when needed. they watch old movies together...and lawrence welk and lucy... they play trivia games and are asked to tell and retell whatever they're still able to remember of their own histories. they have several group craft projects each week. they go on short walks if able. most importantly, the staff on the memory care unit is a very loving group of individuals.

#- one of the aides, opal, is getting married at the dallas arboretum and has invited mom and 2 or 3 other residents to be there. she says they're not going to be in the crowd, but right up front in a special place. she even had a discussion with them about what color her dress should be. mom said white or sky blue. mrs. braddick wants her to wear pink. opal has already decided on yellow i think, but she continues to engage them in the conversation which is clearly a self esteem booster for the ladies. i just hope they are still aware enough to go and enjoy it when the day finally comes. opal's waiting until september, when her son returns from 4 years in iraq...my guess is not so hopeful for most of the ones who are now invited, but in the meantime it really means a lot to them.

$- opal's wedding reminds me of an email josephine sent me a few weeks back with a link to a "This American Life" radio show episode. the alzheimer's wedding party is a bittersweet tale. it's only the 1st nine minutes (the prologue and act I) and well worth your time. i hope you'll listen and i know you'll enjoy.

%- when i first heard about the above story i googled alzheimer wedding and found it to be a fairly common phenomenon. if you're interested in learning more about that particular type of therapy there are lots of newspaper articles to read on the web. here's a photo from one of them...



i feel fortunate that if she still has any marbles in september...mom will actually get to attend a real one. me? i'm prayin' for marbles.



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