As I stated in a previous post, all of the testing on my milk came back clear. Woohoo! I was so excited and I just new that Kinsley would latch on like a pro and all would be well. Hmmm....I should know by now that my plans are not always how it works. I tried to latch Kinsley on and knew right away that she was not latching on correctly. I was way to scared of getting an infection to push it on my own so we made an appointment with the lactation specialist at NCH. Unfortunately, she was not that helpful. We bought shields and we bought a special bottle that allows you to attached a small tube to your breast so that the baby can get milk even if nothing is coming from your breast.
After my milk came in I had another set-back. I realized that I really only had two ducts that were working on one side. So even though the other ducts in my breast were producing milk there was no where for the milk to drain. One of two things was going to happen. Either the ducts would just dry up and stop producing milk or I would get an infection. I was devastated because I felt like we had done so much and come so far for it not to work now. The doctor had told me that they could go in and try to re-open the ducts which sounded awfully painful to me. We waited to see what happened. Thankfully I didn't get an infection. I had damage on the other side also with limited milk coming out so Kinsley would just get mad when she tried to latch on. I had one day where I thought maybe it was going to work and she stayed latched on for about 45 minutes. Then I pumped afterward to see what was left and she hadn't really gotten anything. Since it wasn't working well and I was a little sore afterwards I just gave up on the idea of breastfeeding.
I was determined to feed Kinsley breast milk though. So I pumped....and pumped.....and pumped.....and pumped...and (well, you get the idea..). It was so hard. I have a new respect for women who have done this. We think feeding a brand new baby 8-10 times a day is a lot - try feeding 16-20 times. I had to stay hooked up to the pump for 30 minutes each side to get the milk out because of my lack of ducts and Kinsley usually took 30-45 minutes to drink her bottle. How did I find any extra time for anything, you ask?? At first I didn't. I was very overwhelmed and beginning to wonder if it was too much for my family to have my every minute dedicated to pumping/feeding.
Thankfully one of the things I had purchased was a pumping bra. This allowed me to be hands free while pumping. This way I could play a game of uno with the older kids, or help with homework, or as time went on, I would sling the pump (which came in a shoulder bag) over my shoulder, throw on a breastfeeding cover and fold laundry, or wash dishes, or vacuum. I pumped in the airport... I pumped in the car... I pumped in the kids pick-up line at school...I even pumped while driving (is that illegal?) I just didn't have much of a choice sometimes. I felt that pumping had become my life and I needed to find a way to make things work with all the other activities that needed to happen!
The other thing that saved me through this process was Aaron and the kids. I would not have gotten any sleep if it weren't for Aaron. He was such a huge help. I would have to get up and pump in the middle of the night for 45 minutes to an hour and then I would have had to feed Kinsley for the same amount of time only to have to do it again within the next hour. Not cool! So Aaron took baby feeding duty, even after he went back to work. Thank you, thank you, to my wonderful husband!!
The kids were also a huge help throughout the day when Aaron was gone. They would feed Kinsley while I pumped many times. I could not have done this by myself. I took one month at a time telling myself that it was okay if I only made it one month, then two. I pumped for over 7 months. But I pumped and saved every ounce and was able to feed Kinsley breast milk for 10 months. I am SO grateful for that.
Lesson: As I continue to learn over and over things don't usually go as I had planned. I am a planner and I try oh-so-hard to make things go my way, but even though things don't turn out how I had them in my mind, they usually work out ok. It doesn't mean it is easy. I had so many days that I struggled emotionally and physically, but good or not, I am also a stubborn woman, especially when it comes to something for my kids.
After my infection with Hailey I wasn't even sure that making milk was going to be an option. So when I realized that I was making milk and it was coming out, however slow...I was determined that if the Lord would bless me with milk that was not physically dangerous to my child I was going to do whatever I needed to, to make sure she got it! I am so thankful for that blessing from the Lord!
