A New Chapter

Before I was even diagnosed with cancer, I had problems with infertility. When I was trying to get pregnant, in order for ovulation to happen for me, I had to take Clomid...and later was switched to Femara. Getting pregnant with our 3 boys was always very calculated and I had to keep track of everything! It really took the fun out of it all, but I was going to do whatever I could to be able to have children. I did not have the struggles that so many other women do with infertility though. It makes me sad that some are faced with that specific trial in life. Becoming a mother was my dream ever since I was a little girl.

After Jake was born, we had fully intended on having at least one more baby. But when I was diagnosed with cancer when he was just 14 months old, my thoughts of having any more children were forced to come to a halt. Not knowing how chemo would affect my body and if the doctors would discourage a possible pregnancy in the future....I had to let it go and focus on the 3 little boys that we were blessed with.

As both my oncologist and OB/GYN have said and can attest to, mine is a rare case in which chemo actually regulated my cycle, instead of pushing me into early menopause! And here I sit today, 15 weeks pregnant with our 4th baby...a total SURPRISE and MIRACLE!!! With all of the cards stacked up against me, how could anyone not say that this baby was meant to be a part of our family and a pure gift from God?

Both my oncologist and my OB/GYN are very encouraging and excited! Curt and I had spoken with them each last year about their opinion on a possible pregnancy in the future. They both reacted positively and gave encouraging advice. Last week I had my 6 month check up with my oncologist and she gave me a big hug after I showed her my ultrasound pictures :)

It is amazing and I still am in awe. The boys are extremely excited, especially Luke! We will be finding out in about 3 weeks or so what the sex is and I CAN'T wait! My due date is 12/22/11 and I am already dreaming about that day and what our sweet little baby will look like :) SO grateful!

P.S. I am planning on ending this blog. I no longer feel the need to update since I am doing well and have made it through this long journey, but not without the help and prayers from so many :)

In the Clear!

I finally got my Pet scan done last Saturday. Yesterday I got the call from my Dr's office telling me that the scan was NORMAL and there were no changes from my last scan 6 months ago! Such a big relief...although I wasn't terribly worried about it to begin with. My next Dr's appointment is in June, which will probably include bloodwork and another Pet scan.

Oncologist Check-Up

I met with my oncologist a couple of weeks ago for my 6 month check-up. After examining me, she said everything looked and felt good. She didn't feel any need to do any bloodwork for another 6 months. Now I'm just waiting to get my new insurance info in the mail so I can get my PET scan done. I am so grateful for another clean bill of health! I will update with my scan results as soon as I can...

The fear in my boys, mainly Luke, never goes away. When I was getting ready to go to my appointment, Luke saw me straightening my hair and asked..."What are you doing that for?"... "Where are you going?"

I told him I had a dr's appointment and that it was just a check-up, but I saw the instant worry and fear in his eyes. I kept reassuring him that I am fine, that the cancer is still gone, and that my dr just likes me to have a check-up every 6 months. I'm not sure how convinced he was.

It makes me sad, but this is just a small taste of the effects that cancer continues to have on our family. The worry never fully goes away, but I don't allow fear to take over my life. I am excited for 2011 and anticipate a year full of adventures, good health, and many new memories made with my family!

3 Years

I got the call from my surgeon, Dr. Schuster, 3 years ago today. My biopsy came back positive for breast cancer. My life changed in an instant that day. I'm so grateful that I've been given an extra 3 years of life on this Earth to be with my family. I love Curt and our boys more than life itself. Here's hoping for many more years of good health!

Tamoxifen/Pet Scan/AZ

The kids and I drove down to AZ in June for a visit. I had set up an appt to see my oncologist while I was there. My appt went really well and Dr. Obenchain talked with me about Tamoxifen. I was so relieved to hear her opinion/advice on me not taking it anymore. She wasn't alarmed or anything and just expressed how important it is for me to feel good and to be able to enjoy life. She said my main treatment for my cancer was my mastectomy. Everything after that is just an added "insurance policy" and isn't required. I felt good about my decision before, but after talking with Dr. Obenchain, I felt even better! She explained some other options and said, if I was interested, we could discuss it further down the road. I am content right now and may, or may not, try something different in the future.

She also went ahead and set up a time for me to have a pet scan done while I was back. The results were negative.....meaning NO sign of cancer anywhere!!

I'm also happy to report that I will be able to continue having Dr. Obenchain as my doctor because our family is moving back to AZ in two weeks!!! We are so happy to be going back and are looking forward to our new adventure with Curt's new job.

My Sisters

Any time I see a tulip, I always think of my sister Camille. The same goes for my sister Carrie and the pretty little pansies. Carrie had so many decorations in her house with pansies on them. I thought it was so cool when I saw tulips and pansies together in the Gardens at Thanksgiving Point. My two sisters together. Just as they are now.

Oh how I miss them!

Reunited and It Feels So Good!

The nutshell version:

By month 3 of Curt being gone for work in Utah, I felt like I was about to explode! The separation from their daddy was becoming really difficult for the kids (especially Luke). So we made the decision to move the kids and I up to Utah so that our family could be together again. Curt and I both felt like this was the best decision for our family. As much as I did not want to leave Arizona and all of my AMAZING friends, I knew I needed to do what was best for our family. So on March 12th, we loaded up the truck and drove to our new town home in Draper, UT.

The first month or so I was struggling but trying to remain positive and remind myself of all of the blessings I have. We are so blessed to be together as a family. We are all healthy. Curt has a job (yay!). The list goes on and on.

As I was struggling with the move, each day I was beginning to feel more and more CRAZY. When I say crazy, I mean: unable to think, focus, remember, etc etc. On top of that, I felt myself slipping further and further into a depression. It was disappointing, frustrating, and exhausting. I was put on an anti-depressant after starting Tamoxifen but felt like it was doing no good lately. After crying to Curt one night, he did some research and discovered so many women who have documented the SAME exact symptoms I have been having.....because of Tamoxifen. When he told me their symptoms, I felt VALIDATED! I knew that I really wasn't going crazy, but have been suffering from the stupid side effects of Tamoxifen like so many others.

Curt and I have discussed in the past how long I will end up taking Tamoxifen. It is supposed to be for 5 years. This June, will be my 2nd year. I put a call into my oncologist back in AZ and described how I've been feeling to her assistant. After several days of phone tag, I'm hoping to actually be able to talk to her myself and get her opinion....although she did say I might need a break from Tamoxifen or to increase my Celexa (anti-depressant). Curt and I have decided that going off of Tamoxifen (for now...or forever) is going to give me the best quality of life right now.

I haven't taken my Tamoxifen for about 6 or 7 days now and I can totally tell a difference! I no longer feel the depression and my mental fogginess is clearing! I feel happy and energetic! I am feeling like myself again and it feels GREAT!! I am still in awe at the sudden change I am feeling. Curt has noticed also :) I feel like I am already a better mom to my boys....and that means everything to me. I'm also coping with our move sooo much better. I've made some friends and am excited to live here and to make the best of it!

Some people might become a little nervous when they know that I've gone off of Tamoxifen. I am not nervous at all and I AM going to talk to my dr about it (as soon as we can connect). Curt and I both feel so good about this decision. I want to enjoy my life and what time I have left with my family here on Earth. Who knows when that will be, but I feel so strongly that things happen for a reason and that God has a plan for me and my family.