I miss this place.

Last weekend on a rainy Sunday morning we piled in the car and took off for a drive and ended up at my alma mater and the place where R and I met. We frolicked around the quiet campus with the boys and our wee dog. We pretty much had the place to ourselves.

I'm getting the itch to go back to school.

Hello Spring!

Thursday I turned in my major paper for my Masters and breathed a huge sigh of relief. With the exception of a final oral exam, I'm done. I actually can't believe I'm writing these words.

This weekend has been really special. After turning in my paper on Thursday, DH also had some good news. He got his tax return in the mail. We finally knocked off our first entire debt payment in "the Mission" which was our family loan and boy did it feel good. If Winter was all about getting back on track. We're there. I also got my first paycheque with my raise. This is an increase of about ($150) per pay. DH also had his first Saturday overtime shift of the year this weekend. In the finances department things are pretty great.

But I realize a lot of my recent blog posts have been focused on debt reduction and finances. That wasn't the only thing special about this weekend. We've spent a lot of time relaxing, reconnecting as a family, and resuming life in general. We didn't have any plans with extended family this weekend so it was just us and it was nice.

In my absence, DH did a good job of making sure we were all fed but we've been seriously missing quality home cooked meals. Thursday night I went to the grocery store and stocked up on groceries. I've been cooking up a storm all weekend and we've been feasting.

We've also been enjoying the nicer weather. Yesterday B and I washed all of the salt off my car while N napped in the afternoon. We washed it the old fashioned way with a pail of water and a couple cloths. B also learned how to ride his bike without training wheels this weekend. Took him 2 days and he is now zipping around. There is something to be said for readiness. We tried last summer since he was so good with his training wheels and he wasn't quite there yet so we let it go. I feel the same way about toilet training and alphabet writing. Pushing it before the child is developmentally can be more discouraging and challenging for both the parent and the child. This year he was more confident and determined than ever.

We put the trampoline back up in the backyard too.

And even got to starting a small outside project! - New house numbers (in progress) and a new doorbell ($25). Over the next couple of weeks once the weather gets a wee bit warmer we'll be painting the garage and front door.

Oh yeah.. and the bunny dropped by.

Happy Easter!

Not so typical schedule...

Martina over at Get Real Momma recently posted her daily schedule. I love seeing how other families do things so I thought I'd share my rather hectic schedule as I balance being a mom, F/T school, and F/T work until the end of this month. My final submission of my Masters paper is due on March 28th so there has been no fooling around since mid-February. I'm finally starting to see my paper pull together and the light at the end of this long long tunnel.

6:15 Wake up
6:15-6:50 Cuddles in bed, telephone call to Daddy before he starts work, and breakfast
7:00 Throw the kids in the car in their PJs to pick my sister up to watch them
7:15-8:15 Getting dressed and organized for the day, put on a pot of coffee, drop B off to the bus on the days he has school, and getting ready for work
8:30-4:30 Work/Working on my paper over my lunch hour
4:45-6:00 Get home, eat dinner, clean up
6:00-7:00 Relaxing with DH and the boys
7:00 Bedtime for both boys
7:15-9:00 Library or some other place with tea and wi-fi to work on my paper
9:30-10:30 Getting organized for the next day, chatting with friends on Skype or the phone, watching a bit of TV (usually PVR'd shows)

Weekends look a little more like this:

7:30 Wake up (DH usually gets up with the boys who still get up around 6-6:30, though he wakes up for work before 5am on weekdays so this is a sleep in)
8:00-9:00 Breakfast and much needed coffee
9:00-11:30 Cleaning up around the house
11:30 -12:30 Prep and eat lunch and Put N down for a nap, sometimes B too.
1:00-5:00 Prep something for dinner and retreat somewhere outside of the house to work on my paper

5:00-6:00 Get home, eat dinner, clean up

6:00-7:00 Relaxing with DH and the boys

7:00 Bedtime for both boys

7:00-10:30 Hanging out with DH - usually watching movies, sometimes having a glass of wine

I do wish I had a little more time to spend with the boys. I try my best to work around their schedules in terms of fitting school work in. I also know they're loving the daddy time. Though I wouldn't want this to be my schedule all the time, and it really hasn't been - only from about mid-February as I mentioned before. I don't find it too overwhelming. I have a wee family getaway trip planned for April, once this paper is safely out of the way as a thank you to DH and the Boys. DH was able to sneak away for a boys night at a cabin in the woods up north over the weekend so we're making it work. No relationship spats so to speak of.

School Boy

The first baby is officially in school. Awhile back we were mulling over the decision to keep him in Montessori or to switch him to public school for kindergarten. We decided to send him to our local public school and we couldn't be happier with our choice so far.

His first day went really smoothly. It was a 3 hour trial morning. He goes part-time but full days - either 2 or 3 days/week. He is in a split JK/SK class so not too much different than his Montessori Casa class with 3 different age groups. His teacher sent home this sweet little note in his backpack the first day:

I was at work that morning so I didn't get the pleasure of picking him up from his first morning but the teacher told my sister when she went to get him that he had a wonderful morning and that he followed routines well. My sister mentioned that he had gone to Montessori from about 18 months. The teacher said it showed and mentioned that she may have to give him some SK work to do. I'm so happy she is willing to do this for him.

After that trial day, he took the school bus for the very first time. He has a bus buddy who is a few grades older who lives in our neighbourhood that walks him to and from the bus to his class. While many parents have a hard time seeing their child go off to school for the first time, not to mention riding a school bus alone, I wasn't even a smidge sad. I was so excited for him. We waved excitedly at each other as the bus pulled away and I knew he was ready for this next step. He has been unhappy lately at home all day. Now, every day when he gets off the bus he gushes about how awesome his day was at school.

One thing I did find surprising was his homework. Each week he is to read 3 books and the parents are to fill out a reading log. This isn't too much trouble since we've been reading each night since he was 2 but remembering to fill out the log has been a learning curve. He also has one sheet of writing to do each week - tracing letters and colouring pictures that start with that letter. Over the summer I started to try to work on writing his name with him and he got frustrated often so I didn't push it. He is much more confident when we work on the writing sheets together. He is really happy to get stickers from the teacher. It's the little things I guess!

Uncertainty

I did a Google image search for uncertainty and came up with this photo. I'm finding it hard to enjoy uncertainty lately. I've been very fortunate to have some pretty great opportunities no thanks to a wonderfully supportive husband and family. For example, I was able to stay at home with the boys, go back to school for a Masters (I am always in my element when I'm working toward something and learning new things), take jobs that are meaningful and that I enjoy and not have to worry that they don't pay extremely well. Make no mistake... these came with financial sacrifices and relationship quabbles at times.

I've come to realize that I am happiest being a working mom. I am also happiest when we aren't restricted to a tight budget and I feel good when I am contributing financially to the household. I think I've mentioned before that DH's income can fluctuate depending on a number of factors like the weather and work paces (sometimes it is just slow). We're never really in trouble but there have been times where we've been uncomfortably tight for money. On the flip side, there have also been periods of time where he has worked a lot of overtime and his usual pay has increased by 50-75%. For the most part, it is steady but there are ups and downs. It can be stressful.

I love the position I'm in right now but it is a contract and will finish in two and a half weeks. Consequently I've been working on the stressful task of job hunting. The only unfortunate part - aside from being a contract - about my current position is the commute into Toronto which ends up being about 90 minutes each way with transit and walking. This has narrowed my job search considerably to only jobs in and around where we live (20-30 minute commute would be reasonable) which makes my job search even harder. I've always said that I didn't want to just take any old job to pay the bills but I think I'm at a point where I'm craving something permanent with paid vacation (!) and sadly, most of the jobs in my field right now are contract. I've been doing contract work intermittently between having babies for 5 years and I'm ready for a little stability and luckily I'm at the point where I have the 1-3 years of experience which is the minimum most employers are looking for. So - my short term goal is to find full-time permanant employment utilizing some of my skills such as communications, research, and report writing, bonus if it is in my field or something remotely related. This will give me some stability and then I can keep my eye out for full-time permanent positions close to home in my field. A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush, right. I do have a few leads.. one from a prospective employer who interviewed me in the Spring for a position which I did not get and contacted me this morning to let me know that another job had come up and that she was wondering if I'd like to interview for it. Fingers crossed for some good news in the coming weeks.

On Kindergarten

Schooling has been a tough decision for us in this household. DH grew up in the public school system. I also went to public school but was in the French Immersion program until grade 7 when my parents sent me to private school where I stayed until grade 11. In grade 11 I decided I wanted to attend public high school but hated it and dropped out after the first semester. I finished off my high school through "learn at home" Ontario curriculum courses where I just went to a testing centre to write exams and submit assignments. I then went on to do an undergraduate degree and am now almost halfway through a graduate masters degree. DH did some college before deciding he was better suited for a trade apprenticeship program. I think it must be easier for parents who had a shared educational experience because a certain choice may just more or less be a given.

With B turning 4 this Spring, we're faced with the difficult decision on what we want to do for his education. Up until now, he has been attending Montessori 3 mornings per week. We absolutely love the Montessori program, the school, and his progression. Although we could afford to keep sending him, it is expensive between $800-$900 per month to send him for full days and we feel that the benefits, although many, don't quite amount to the costs in comparison with public school which is free (I guess we pay for it in taxes but we pay these taxes regardless of whether he attends or not). We also have another child to think about too. If we keep B in Montessori then we'll have to follow suit with N which would double the cost. Furthermore, we want B to go to the same school as most other kids in the neighbourhood and public school comes with bussing to and from school. We also considered french immersion but in our area it doesn't start until grade 1. Homeschooling wasn't an option for us. 

Long story short, I called and pre-registered him for kindergarten at our local school. And like the type A person I am, I immediately did my research on the school - seeking the opinions of other parents; analyzing class sizes, enrolment, and extra curriculars; reading the meeting minutes of the parent council; and of course reading over the Ontario curriculum documents for kindergarten. Most recently, I came across the EQAO standardized testing results for the school. The results were far below the regional and provincial average. My immediate thought, like many other critical parents, was to see about registering B for an out of area public school with higher rankings. But then all the benefits of going to the local school would be lost. I then looked at other schools in the City and noticed that their rankings were all over the map and were not significantly correlated with income which I found surprising. After much deliberation. I thought...why should we send our child to an out of area school. Why shouldn't our local school just get their act together. I think this might be the problem with the public school system. All the people who are critical of the system take it upon themselves to find alternatives to achieve better outcomes for their own children, rather than advocating for improvements that will benefit everyone. This is what lets schools get away with less than stellar performance because they are left with parents who rightfully assume that schools are doing their jobs and don't question or parents who don't have the time (or perhaps the money) to stake out alternatives or assert pressure for change. I plan on writing a letter to the school principal asking him what actions the school plans on taking to improve their results and I also plan on bringing up this question at the welcome to kindergarten meeting in the presence of other parents so that the school knows that there are critical parents out there that will be holding them accountable.  

DH thinks I might be over-analyzing as he remarked the other day - "all the other parents will be able to relax because you'll have everything covered". 

Are others struggling over making education choices for their little (or big) ones?

Nursing and "working"

So - I've returned back to my graduate studies program with nearly a full-time course load. N is 4 months old.

I'll give a bit of a brief history for me as this is my second time around being a somewhat "working mom" while nursing. B was the same age as N when I resumed my coursework after he was born. That being said... B did not need to have formula much at all until he stopped nursing when he was around 8 months old. With him I was only gone for two 5 hour time slots/week. Also, with B being a preemie we invested in a super duper double electric pump - the Medela - which I HIGHLY recommend to any moms that need to pump a lot or that have preemies that are not able to latch on effectively for the first while.

This past week was my first go at it and I hadn't yet gotten out the hand pump (Avent) I borrowed from a girlfriend so it was a couple of somewhat uncomfortable days followed by a slight dwindling of my supply. Also... N seems to pound back the milk I pump when it comes in a bottle so both days he motored on through all the milk I left (even my frozen supply). Since I feed on demand, it is hard for me to pump out large quantities. Consequently we were forced to supplement since I just wasn't producing enough when I pumped to meet his needs while I was away. With my own allergies, I didn't want to take any chances so we settled on a soy-based formula which doesn't seem to give him stomach troubles. He also started on rice cereal - just as his brother did when he was the same age.

I really wanted to hold back on starting his solids since B has so many allergies and I do as well. But when given the choice of a formula feeding or rice cereal I feel a little more comfortable with the cereal option. I just don't understand why there are so many fillers in baby formula. A girlfriend of mine weaned her daughter onto goat whey - when she was closer to a year though. I'm going to have to do a little more research on this one.

In the mean time... I have gotten the hand pump and cooler pack out for this week. I'll just have to find a quiet corner of the bathroom on my short breaks to keep the supply going!

Happy March!

This month is one of big change for us around here. Firstly, I will be starting a new job tomorrow. It is only part-time which is perfect so I can still spend time with my little man. Not to mention it is in the my field and I will get to do some great things for some pretty great pay too. The job kind of landed in my lap through some of the volunteer work I do. It is only a year long contract which is great since I plan on going back to school this Fall if everything pans out. This also means that our plans for baby #2 are sadly put on hold for another few months to ensure I can finish up my contract. I also don't think I could manage full-time grad school, a part-time job and a new baby. School, job and Brendan are going to be more than enough come Fall.

This job has also meant that I have had to find care for Brendan. Last year he went to a home daycare for a few months and it didn't work out. This time around we are sending him to a Montessori for 3 mornings/week and having my sister pick him up, feed him lunch and put him down for his nap at home. I feel really comfortable with our choice. Expensive it is but he will be well looked after. The school also aligns very well with our own parenting philosophies such as...

- eating nutritious food - the kids only eat fruits and veggies for snack and drink water which means no sugar laden foods

- getting out in nature - they play outside every morning

- learning through play

- arts and crafts

- teaching manners

Things I particularly like are that on the child's birthday, the parents are asked to donate a book to the classroom. They ask that the books are nature books or stories about real life experiences. The parents can also send a plant with the child's name on it and the name of the plant so that they may take part in nurturing it and watching it grow. The class also sponsors a child in a third world country. Many of the philosophies are very similar to Waldorf principles. Unfortunately for us, we live nowhere near a Waldorf school but I think this environment will be just fine for us.

Brendan has gotten to do two one hour visits to the classroom and has seemed to enjoy his time there from what the teachers tell me except for the initial me leaving part. I'm sure things will get better.

Perhaps I'll find out this month whether or not I have been accepted to the program for this Fall.

Growing and Learning

While I have been having so much fun with Brendan staying home and watching him grow in leaps and bounds, I have still felt as though something has been missing...

At many points during my time as a stay at home mom I have felt an extreme loss of independence. Before Brendan came along I relished my time alone and loved keeping active and busy in a number of ways through my coursework, volunteering, etc. When Brendan was born I did what every mother does naturally and put life aside and took on my role as a mother 110% in that transition I lost a lot of what really made me independent and happy. When I was working on my undergraduate thesis I felt that independence come back. When I was working full-time last summer a small part of my "independence void" was filled but my "nurturing mother void" prevailed and I couldn't fathom working full-time and being a part-time mom.

Over the past few weeks I have realized that I really want to go back to school. I had always planned on going back to do a Masters but just didn't know when. As Brendan is learning new things everyday (see evidence below) my own personal growth and breadth of knowledge has been waning. I'm certain the answer to my fulfillment is to jump back into academia. This new endeavor will allow me to be more of a full-time mom and part-time student. I think this is my perfect balance. I have been working hard on my application for the Fall and hoping and praying that all the pieces fall into place. As for our baby plans... they are still in place even though I have decided to pursue this large venture. After much thought I felt that I didn't want to not take advantage of the opportunity to go back to school while I am in the right mindset. When I get pregnant I'll work out the details then but for now..here I go! Oh...and I officially start sewing classes this month - YAY!

Learning how to walk the dog and LOVING it!

I taught him how to make snowangels. He thought it was great :)

Happy Happy New Year!

Well.. this is my first post of 2009. The last leg of my winter vacation was pretty hectic and included a bad case of the stomach flu for all of us. For New Years Eve day we went to Ryan's sister's just outside of Newmarket for some outdoor fun. We were hoping Brendan would enjoy riding around outside in his new toboggan but it was too cold out and he got pretty angry pretty fast. All in all we spent more time bundling him up then he spent actually outside. Ryan enjoyed playing some pond hockey with his family and I enjoyed standing on the sidelines by the bonfire and drinking mulled wine from the Coleman stove (unfortunately my skates cannot be located as they have been lost in the move - for now).

I spent the rest of the holiday frantically trying to finish my already late literature review for my thesis project. I am happy to say that I sent it away to my professor last night so I'm feeling pretty good today.

Brendan is growing, growing, growing. He has been trying all sorts of new foods and seems to love the Stonyfield Farms Organic "Yo-Baby" yogurt. He has also taken a liking to melon and loves it in the mesh feeder. It would appear that Brendan will have a ton of new friends in 2009. It feels like everyone I know announced over the holidays that they were having babies this summer. Ah yes.. 2009 should be an exciting year.