The Three Weeks I'll Never Forget

May 23 was just a regular Saturday. I was 31 weeks 5 days pregnant with our second child. Up to this date my pregnancy had been quite boring. Sure, I'd had worse morning sickness during my first trimester than I had with Cameron. And now, in my third trimester, I was super uncomfortable - more so than I remember being with Cam too. But that's pretty normal. I didn't have the luxury to take it easy like I did with Cam. Cam is way too active to allow that. 

So like I said, it was just a typical Saturday. Until around 4:00 pm. Around this time, I started to have mild cramping in my lower abdomen & back. Concerned they might be the beginning of early labor, I took a warm bath and rested on the couch the remainder of the day. Unfortunately the cramping turned into actual contractions in the middle of the night. So after Cameron woke up & I called my parents to watch him, Brant & I headed into the hospital to get checked out. 

The nurses hooked me up to the monitors and checked for dilation. I was at a 1+. So not much to worry about. They performed a fetal fibronectin (ffn) test which predicts labor. It came back negative which meant I had a 99.8% chance of not going into actual labor within 2 weeks. But just in case, they gave me steroid shots to develop baby's lungs & magnesium sulfate to prevent bleeding in baby's brain. Thanks to the magnesium sulfate, that next 24 hours were rough!! But the combination of medicines they gave me slowed down the contractions enough the doctors felt confident in sending me home after 36 hours of observation. They almost promised me they wouldn't see us again for at least 2 weeks. 

Well, after a week of partial bed rest, we had a repeat of our Saturday night & Sunday morning. On May 29, we were checked into the hospital, the ffn test once again coming back negative, and I was given meds to stop the contractions. Only this time, contractions didn't stop or even slow down. And I started to dilate more. After 13 hours, I decided the only way I would be getting any sleep that night would be to get an epidural. I was told that if I didn't progress anymore and if my contractions were to slow/stop, they would discontinue the epidural in the morning. 

By morning, I had progressed to a 4 with the contractions showing no sign of slowing. So, despite the 2 negative ffn tests, we prepared to have our little boy 7 weeks early. Since he was guaranteed to be quite small, we opted to try for a VBAC instead of another c-section. So we were to just sit around and wait until I was fully dilated. 

Around 1:00 pm on May 30, the on-call OB came in to talk with us. She was concerned with our little boy's heart rate. Through this entire ordeal, his heart rate had never been of concern. However, in the past hour it had begun to climb quite dramatically with some very concerning dips. The OB was concerned enough she wanted to get him out ASAP. So we signed a few consent forms, Brant got dressed up in his surgical getup, the anesthesiologist got me all numbed up, and 20 minutes later I was being wheeled into the OR to have a baby. Another 20 minutes later our second son was born at 1:46 pm. At exactly 33 weeks, our baby boy was a surprising 5 lbs 15 oz & 18.75 inches long! And he had lots of hair! We couldn't believe it! Brant and I were so happy. Our little James was here! (Though it would take us a couple of days to actually come up with & settle on his first name - even longer for his middle name)

As the doctor was getting ready to close me up, she discovered a large cyst on my right ovary. Brant looked over the curtain and saw that my ovary, normally the size of an almond, was almost the size of his fist! The doctor performed a biopsy, and when she couldn't stop the bleeding, then took out the entire cyst. We were so blessed that James came when he did & how he did! Had he not, that cyst could have caused quite some troubles in the future.

Of course, with James being 7 weeks early, he was immediately admitted to the NICU for monitoring and care. We were told he could be there anywhere up to his actual due date. So we were looking at a long road of hospital visits. Overall James was healthy. He just needed to develop mentally. 

My recovery from my c-section actually went really well. I was able to get up and move around that night (though it did cause me to throw up a number of times - I just HAD to see my baby). By Friday, the day I was discharged from the hospital, I was walking back and forth from my room to the NICU without any assistance. My milk was even coming in nicely (which it never did with Cam). Everything was looking good! 

Then we received a phone call. On Friday, June 3, we were just getting packed up to go home when my OB, Allyson Servoss, called with results of the biopsy. She told us something that had never even crossed our minds. They had found cancer in my ovary. She had already gotten in contact with one of the top ovarian cancer specialists in the nation (here in Utah) and she would help set up an appointment with him. The type of cancer that came back with the initial pathology report was fairly rare. So it was being sent back east to be evaluated by specialists at Mass General in Boston. But from what they could tell, after I healed from my c-section, I would just need to go in for surgery again to have the rest of my ovary removed and we'd most likely be in the clear. We were devistated, but it could be worse, right?

The worse came later.

The next two nights were spent at home with me trying to sleep between bouts of coughing. Anytime I would lay flat on my back or wasn't propped up on my side, I would feel my chest tightening and I had a hard time breathing. By the second night, we started to get concerned. So on Sunday (why did everything in this story take place on a Sunday?!?), I called my OB's office and was told I may have a blood clot and that I should go to the ER to be checked out. Luckily I was already at the hospital visiting James so I just had to wait for Brant to drop off Cam at his parents' house and come meet me. 

In the ER, they did a chest CT scan & a bunch of blood tests. After waiting for eternity (or so it seemed) the ER doctor, Dr Dillon, came in and shut the sliding glass doors behind him. We knew we were about to get some bad news. But what he told us, neither Brant or I ever imagined. The cancer that was discovered in my ovary was also in my sternum, spine, and both lungs. I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at the age of 32 only 6 days after delivering my second son.

From there, the next 48 hours were basically a blur. I was immediately re-admitted to the hospital - this time a patient on the internal medicine floor. My doctor was a girl from my freshman ward at BYU. An oncologist was contacted and more tests were scheduled. More blood was drawn. Over the next two days I would get an MRI, full CT scan, and a bone scan. From these tests, additional cancer was to be found in both halves of my liver. This, besides the breathing, was causing me the most pain/discomfort. So I wasn't really surprised by this additional bad news. The good news was that the cancer had not spread to my brain or any other bones besides those already detected via CT scan. 

But we still didn't know exactly what type of cancer was invading my body. The doctors believed it to be a carcinoid cancer which provided two possibilities- aggressive or non-aggressive. Either way, we weren't looking at a cure. Just a treatment & determining how much time I'd have to raise my two little boys and be with my husband. 

On Wednesday, June 8, we learned that the cancer was not a carcinoid. Though we did not have the official final pathology report, we found out it was an even rarer form of cancer called neuroendocrine carcinoma. My OB delivered the news after she had done some research on it, only to come up with very little information. However, she had a contact at MD Anderson, the top cancer research center in the country, that she was going send my case to for him & his colleagues to review. 

That brings us to today. We're still playing the waiting game. Not knowing the final pathology report which should help us know how best to fight this. We've talked with a number of people at the Huntsman Cancer Institute and our appointment with our oncologist at Utah Cancer Specialists, Dr Wayne Ormsby, is on Tuesday. So until then, our future is a big black hole. We don't know what treatments we will be going through. We don't know the survival rate of such a rare cancer. We don't know how much time I'll be able to be a mommy to my two boys here on earth. We don't know how much time I'll have before making the man I love a widower. We don't know the quality of life I'll have (and my family will have). And all this not knowing is scary. 

We've had a few days when we were crying more often than not. And we've had days when we can spout out the facts without crying - pretending it's not really happening & not thinking about the future. As long as we can stay in the present, Brant & I do ok. But when either of us thinks about what our future holds in store, that's when it's hard to deal with reality. 

So for the next few days, we're focusing on "today". We're focusing on Cameron and James. We're focusing on us in the here & now. 

James is my life saver. And for that, we named him after his mom - James Kris Carpenter. He came early for a reason. He came early to give me the best chance at fighting this terrible disease. And so for him I am going to fight. For Cameron, who has been through so much these past two-three weeks, I am going to fight. And for Brant, who is my love and my eternal companion, I am going to fight! I don't know how long I will be around. But every second that I am given here on this earth I am going to fight! I know I have some very hard days/weeks/months/years ahead of me. But I have Brant and my two little boys and all of my family and friends to help get me through. 

I've already seen such an outpouring of love and support from family members, friends, the amazing doctors & nurses at LDS Hospital, and even people I've never met. I've felt the prayers and faith of so many people. And for that I am so grateful. 

I both look forward and dread Tuesday. I am anxious to start fighting this disease. But I'm nervous to face the facts of my situation and lose the ability to pretend that I'm like any other new mom with an almost two week old in the NICU and three year old at home. That is a challenge in itself. I pray I'm strong enough to be that mom of a NICU baby and three year old and also undergo cancer treatments. And I pray Brant has the strength to be a dad of a NICU baby and a three year old and husband to his young wife who has to undergo cancer treatments. 

But until Tuesday... Here's to pretending life is good!

2 Weeks Left of Being in my 20's!

It hit me today that I have only 2 weeks (and 1 day) left of being in my twenties! CRAZY! I don't feel like I'm going to be 30. I still feel like I'm 25. Maybe that's because my husband and all our friends that we hang out with regularly are 25. It just sounds so old to say that I'm 30. Is it really possible that I could be that old?

My view of being 30 has definitely changed over the years. When I was younger 30 was definitely OLD. Then I graduated college and moved to NYC where many of my friends were already 30 (or nearly 30) and so my view switched to where 30 wasn't that old and there were a few times that I accidentally said that I was 30 when I was asked my age. Then I moved back to Utah, married a younger man, and started hanging out with people 4-5 years younger than me (since most people here my age have been married for years and have a bazillion kids). Now I feel like 30 is old again.

I want to go back to my NYC days when 30 was young!

But throughout the years I have always had a couple of goals that I wanted to accomplish before I hit this milestone. Namely be married and have at least one kid. And guess what folks...I've done that! It might not seem like much of an accomplishment to all you out there who got married at the typical Utah Mormon age of 20. But I've never been a typical Utah Mormon so it's not much of a surprise that I didn't follow in that mold either.

Anyway...I digress. My 30th birthday.

This year I wanted to do something special and super fun for my birthday since it's kind of a big one. So needless to say I was VERY excited to hear that Lady Antebellum was coming to SLC on the day before my birthday! In fact, I was so excited that I made sure that I got my tickets during the pre-sale offered by a local radio station so that I could make sure I got tickets to the show.

But of course you know what they say about the best laid plans... A few weeks ago I got an email saying that the concert had been rescheduled for January 22! But don't worry...my tickets will still be valid. I wanted to cry! I probably wouldn't have spent all that money for a concert in January. This was going to be something special to do for my birthday. But alas...it's being delayed by 2 months.

So instead of going to a concert for my birthday now...we are going to MOVING! That's right. We are going to be moving back into the house that I bought back in 2010 and have been renting for the past couple of years. So maybe not as fun as a concert...but definitely exciting!

I'm not sure what the purpose of this post is...I'm just kind of rambling and wasting time. So there you have it. My ramblings about only being in my 20's for 2 more weeks :). As much as I'm not looking forward to being 30, I think this birthday will actually end up being pretty awesome!

Cameron

Oh hey there! Yes it's been a long time since I've written on this blog. And that's mainly because I've been writing on another blog so this one has been neglected. When I found out that I was pregnant with Cameron, I decided that I was going to carry on my Mom's tradition and write letters to my babies. So that's where I've been spending my blogging time. But I figured that I should give an update on Cameron on this blog now that he's FIVE MONTHS OLD!

Whoa! I can't believe that he's already that old! Time has flown by so quickly! And looking back, my life has changed so much with this little boy of mine. He truly has become my world. I wish that I could spend every day with him, but sadly I have to work. But luckily I only work 3 days a week. I love my Tuesdays and Thursdays when it's just me & Cam. And I REALLY love my nights and Saturdays and Sundays when Brant is there and we get to be together as a family.

Anyway...enough of the cheesiness. Here are some updates on Cameron and what he's doing now:

Cameron is a very active boy. If he's awake, he's moving. Constantly! He doesn't sit still for long. He loves playing and jumping in his saucer, standing, going for walks and playing with toys.

Cam is starting to tolerate being on his stomach a little more, but only for a little while. He gets very frustrated and starts to grunt. Then those grunts turn into a cry which quickly develops into a scream if we don't help him. He's rolled over from his tummy to his back quite a lot, but sometimes he forgets how and makes us help him.

Cam has also recently learned how to roll from his back to his tummy which makes changing his diaper a little challenging at times. But as much as he doesn't like being on his tummy, I can tell that he really enjoys rolling around.

Cameron surprised us all one day when he decided that he was going to sit up on his own for a few minutes at a time! Now he sits up on his own and plays with his toys all the time. It's so nice! He loves to be up and able to see everything around him. And this gives me a bit of freedom during the day. So it's a win/win situation.

One thing for sure about my boy is that he loves his independence. He loves sitting on his own and is quickly learning how to hold his bottle all by himself. The times that I have him feed himself definitely take a lot longer, but he enjoys it. And I love seeing him learn and grow.

Cameron is a very social boy too. He loves being around people and out of the apartment. I love that he has a cousin his same age that he can play with. And lots of other fun cousins that will play with him and help take care of him. I love living close to family for this reason.

Cameron is a very happy baby. He only cries when he gets hungry or is tired. Or when he hits himself REALLY hard with a toy. I say REALLY hard because he hits himself all the time! When I hear a thud from a toy hitting Cam in the head I expect for him to start crying. But he rarely does. It's usually only if he's tired or hungry that those hits even phase him. He's a tough little boy! Good thing too because I have a feeling he's going to be getting hurt a lot as he gets older.

I love seeing Cameron grow more and more every day. It's so fun to see how much he learns each week. I know any day now he's going to start crawling and then life will get REALLY busy. Once that boy learns how to move around he won't ever stop. Good thing we're going to be moving into our house soon so that he'll have a back yard to run in.

I love my little guy so much! And I love him more and more every day. He's such a joy to be around!

Changes

As I'm sitting here tonight, I have an overwhelming feeling that I need to get down some of my feelings about a recent change that will, I believe, be forever marked in our history. Last week, our US congress decided that they it would be unconstitutional to not recognize same sex marriage. They left it up to each state to determine if same sex marriage would be legal or not. But the US government will now recognize these marriages.

As a Mormon who has grown up in Utah (traditionally a very conservative state), I've had trouble coming to terms with how I feel about same sex marriage. I know that marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman. I know this. I believe this. But just because those are my beliefs, why do I need to force those beliefs on others who don't believe this. Also, what is so wrong about letting my gay friends be legally married to the man/woman of their dreams? They are capable of loving one person just as much as I am - so why should I stop them from being with them for this life?

As a Mormon, I also believe that marriage should be done in the Temple of the Lord by the hand of someone with the proper authority from God. This marriage is sealed for time and all eternity. That is the marriage that I am in, and one that my religion believes is correct. So, that being said, should I be against any marriage that doesn't occur in one of our Temples? Because, in my mind, a marriage between a man and a woman outside of the temple and a marriage between a man and a man or a woman and a woman fit under the same category.

So, in the midst of this controversy, I want to note my definitive opinion on the matter. I think that same sex marriage should be legal in every state. I think that a person should be able to be legally and lawfully married to the person they love - no matter the sex of their partner. It feels so wrong to me to discriminate against these men and women just because they are different from me. They are still people.

I think back to the time when blacks and whites were segregated in our country. We look back on that time and think how wrong it was. How could those white men and woman look at a black man or woman and not see an equal human being. It makes me sick to think that our society still has to deal with type of prejudice. To say that a man or woman is less of a person just because they aren't your same skin color is so wrong. And I like to think that most of our country now sees that.

My hope is that someday, our society will look back on this time in our history and wonder how we could ever have made same sex marriage illegal. It really is just a different form of prejudice with the same foundation - fear of those who are not like us.

As hard as it would be for a child of mine to struggle with same sex attraction (because of my religious beliefs), I sure hope that if that were the case, by the time he or she wanted to get married that they would be able to marry whomever they want. My hope for this country is that we will one day get past this prejudice and learn that people with same sex attractions are just like you and me.

I know what my vote will be if I ever get to take part in the decision whether same sex marriage will be legal in the state of Utah.

Just wanted to share my feelings.

Cameron Brant Carpenter

Welcome Cameron Brant Carpenter!!!

Born: April 29, 2013

Time: 12:57 am

Weight: 7 pounds 8 ounces

Length: 20 inches

Here's my {long} story about his birth:

Three weeks before I was due, I went into early labor. I was having contractions that were consistently 3-5 minutes apart all day. And so that afternoon Brant and I went in to the hospital fully expecting to have our little boy that night. But sadly, I wasn't very dilated and wasn't progressing, so we got sent home with the hopes of returning that night or the following morning. Well...that didn't happen. In fact, not only did it not happen, but the contractions stopped completely for the next month! That's right... I didn't just go full term (40 weeks), I actually went over my due date by a week! Not cool!

On Sunday, April 28, Brant and I headed to the hospital bright and early to be induced. We got checked in to our room just after 7:30 am and around 8 I got hooked up to the pitocin with the hopes of meeting the little one in a few hours. Cameron didn't respond very well to either the labor or pitocin and his heart rate became a little worrisome, so the nurse wanted to get internal monitors put in me instead of the external ones. So the doctor came in and broke my water and put in the internal monitors.

Not too long after, the contractions got progressively stronger, so I got an epidural. I'm not one for going the natural route. If that works for you, great! I'm impressed. But I know myself enough to realize that I'm not that strong. Anyway... The contractions were getting strong and very close together. Cameron wasn't responding well to that at all so the nurse cut down my pitocin from 4ml to 2 (side note: most people get around 15ml of pitocin or more. But apparently my body reacts quite well to that drug and the highest we ever got was 4ml. Most of the time it was at 1-2ml or off completely). For the next few (read many) hours, the nurse was constantly changing how I was laying and the amount of pitocin I received to try and get Cam's heart rate to be normal. It's normal for a baby's heart rate to go down before and during a contraction, but Cam's heart rate kept going down after the contractions. They were quite worried about it and we were on constant watch.

Around 6 pm, we started discussing the possibility of needing to do a c-section because Cameron's heart rate just wasn't responding well to labor. At one point it got down to 60 bpm (it's supposed to be between 120 and 150 bpm - so scary!!!). So we got all prepped to do the c-section. My doctor came in, the anesthesiologist gave me the full epidural to numb me completely from the waist down, and the OR was prepped and ready for us. My parents even came to the hospital (against my wishes I might add) because they didn't want to be far away while I was getting the procedure done.

Because my doctor is a family practitioner and not an OB, she had to call in an OB to do the actual procedure. When the OB checked the monitors, she noticed that Cameron's heart rate had become normal and was now only going down with the contractions, and within the allowed parameters. So we decided to wait it out and try for a vaginal birth. So back to more waiting. At this point I was dilated to a 5 and progressing slowly (obviously since I'd already been in labor at this point for over 10 hours!).

As we were passing the time watching Psych, I noticed that I was starting to feel the contractions more and more. And not just noticing when I was having contractions, but actually feeling the pain. So I hit the button on the epidural machine to get more medicine, but nothing changed. In fact the contractions just got worse and worse. I hit it a couple more times but still nothing. Finally it got to the point when I couldn't hit it any more because I was in too much pain to do anything besides squeeze the heck out of Brant's hand. The nurse was in the room at this point and when Brant pushed the epidural button he asked what the error message on the machine meant. The nurse came over to look and found out that while they had hooked me back up to the epidural machine after deciding not to do the c-section, they forgot to turn the machine back on. So the epidural had run out and I was feeling every bit of those contractions.

They immediately called the anesthesiologist in get me back on the good stuff. But since it takes a while for the medicine to fully set in, I got to experience natural birth for a good 30 minutes. And let me tell you...I will NEVER go natural after feeling that pain! Oh...and I should add that they had upped the pitocin again and so my contractions were coming every 1-2 minutes. Yeah...I didn't even have time to catch my breath between them. It was awful!! But luckily, after almost squeezing Brant's hand off, the medicine kicked in and we got back to less painful waiting.

I think the nurse thought I was being a big wimp because according to the monitor, my contractions, though very close together, weren't very strong. But when I described how intense they really were, she decided that my internal monitor must have gone bad and needed to be replaced. Once they put in a new one, the monitor showed how really intense my contractions had been.

By now it was 9:00 pm and I was still only dilated to a 5. My doctor hadn't been too worried because the monitor showed that my contractions weren't very strong. But once she saw how strong they had been for the past 3 hours, she told me that she'd give me another 30 minutes to dilate more. If after that I hadn't progressed any, then we'd be doing a c-section. So they upped the pitocin again and we waited the 30 minutes. Well...I guess my body responds well to threats because in those 30 minutes, I went from a 5 to a 10! That's right. When my doctor came to check me, I was fully dilated and ready to push! So I began to push.

My doctor said that Cameron was still pretty high up there and so I had the choice of waiting to see if he'd drop on his own or to continue pushing. She said that if I continued pushing I'd probably be pushing for 4-5 hours. So I decided to wait a bit. 30 minutes later, the doctor came in to check and Cam had indeed dropped - a little. So we decided to push. I pushed for an hour before they (the OB had been called in to consult at this point) told me that my pelvis was too small and that most likely, we'd have to end up doing a c-section. They told me that I could continue pushing for another hour or so to see if he would fit through if I wanted to. By this point I had been in labor for 16+ hours and was so tired. I told them I wanted to throw in the towel now and just do the c-section.

So I stopped pushing and we got prepped for the procedure. They called in the anesthesiologist, but he was currently with another patient. As I waited for him to come, the pain and pressure from my body wanting to push became so overwhelming. I thought that those contractions I'd felt earlier were bad? Nothing compared to the pain that I felt at that time. I honestly can say I've never been in so much pain in my life and hope to never be again! Maybe the fatigue and exhaustion were factors in how I felt, but either way... WORST PAIN EVER! I had never been so relieved to see someone as I was when the anesthesiologist walked in the door. I told him that he was definitely my favorite person in the room right then :).

Well...after the full epidural kicked in and I was once again numb from the waist down, they wheeled me in to the OR and started getting everything ready for the c-section. Overall, the procedure went very well and was pretty quick. The only bad thing that happened was that I got the shivers so bad! I was shaking and shivering horribly! I don't know what the lower half of my body was doing as it was behind a curtain, but my entire upper body was shaking! The doctor said that it was completely normal after all the medicine I'd had pumped through my body. Plus I was losing a lot of blood and so my body was in a bit of shock. And I'd also been in labor for 17 hours and I was exhausted! He assured me that it would go away eventually. Thankfully Brant was by my side the whole time and so I was able to hold on to him for support. It wasn't the most enjoyable thing I've been through.

After about 30 minutes of surgery (at 12:57 am!), I finally heard my baby's first cry. It was magical! I wish I hadn't been so tired so I could enjoy that moment more, but all I could really think was how much I just wanted to sleep. They took Cam immediately to the nursery to clear out his lungs and do other stuff. So I wasn't able to hold him immediately after he was born. But we were able to get a small glimpse of him through the window as they worked on him and the doctors stitched me up. I wish I could have held him in my arms, but I guess it's a good thing that I couldn't because I was still shaking pretty badly.

Once I was all sewn up, they wheeled me back to my room where we waited to see our little boy. Cam had a little trouble breathing at first, so they needed to keep him in the special care nursery for a few hours before they could bring him to us. As much as I wanted to meet the little guy, I was OK with the few hours of sleep I was able to get at that point. I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open as the doctors tried to tell me what was going on. I'm not exactly sure what they told me at that point.

So after bout 3 hours, the nurse finally brought Cameron in for us to meet for the first time. Holding my baby for the first time was something I hope I never forget. Yes, I was still so tired, but I was also so happy to have my little boy in my arms! I got to hold him as they wheeled us to our recovery room and they played the lullaby over the loud speakers (LDS hospital does that for each new baby - so fun!). Then Brant was able to hold him for the first time when we got to our room. I knew then that Brant was going to be the best dad. I could see the love he has for our little boy and it made me so happy.

I received a short lesson on breast feeding and then tried it out. Cameron latched on pretty well and I was able to feed my little boy for a bit. But after, we let the nurse take him to the nursery so we could get some much needed sleep.

The next day (or actually later that day), was filled with friends and family coming to visit. It was so fun to have people come and share in the excitement of our new little one. The nurses would come in every so often to check on me and the baby and to see how we were doing. On one of these visits, they did a blood test on Cameron (it was his second one) to check to see how he was doing because I had gotten a fever while I was in labor with him and they needed to make sure it hadn't gone to Cam. Well...the blood test came back and showed that he had a slight infection, so they would have to give him an antibiotic via IV. He'd only need it for 3 days though, so we'd be able to go home when expected.

Well...to make a long story short (too late!), instead of getting better, the infection got worse that night and so Cameron would need to go on a stronger antibiotic that would take 7 days. So we knew we'd be in the hospital for at least a week :(. And he was having a bit of trouble breathing, so they had to put him on oxygen as well. That meant that he could no longer be in our room with us - he'd need to spend the whole time in the special care nursery. We could go visit him anytime we wanted, though - thank goodness! So we spent a lot of time in there holding and feeding him over the next week.

But that wasn't the end of our worries. Cameron became really dehydrated and didn't really want to eat much. And he didn't have a wet or messy diaper for 24 hours! That's scary!!! So they had to put him on an IV to make sure he was getting enough nutrition. It was so sad to see my little boy hooked up to all those monitors and IV's and oxygen. It was heartbreaking! Also, in order to try and figure out where the infection was, they tried 3 times to do a spinal tap and was unsuccessful each time. Luckily they gave up after the third time. I don't like having my baby go through that!!

So many prayers were said on Cameron's behalf by our friends, family and ward members. Not to mention Brant and me. Thankfully, Cameron took well to the antibiotics and after a few days, his infection had gone down significantly. Eventually he was able to get off the oxygen and was able to spend some time in our room with us! This also just happened to be the day that I was discharged from the hospital and moved in to what they call a "hotel stay" where I was no longer a patient, but we were able to stay in a hospital room for free while Cameron was in the special care nursery.

Over that week time, Cameron became strong and healthy and we were able to leave the hospital and bring our baby home on May 6, 2013. It was so fun to be at home as a FAMILY for the first time! It was a very long week in the hospital and we are so grateful to be out of there.

Recover for me hasn't been easy. I wasn't sure what to expect with a c-section since I didn't think I would need to. I still don't feel like I can be a mom to Cameron because bending down, getting out of bed, moving around the apartment, and pretty much every other day to day activity is difficult to perform. Luckily my mom is close by and can help me every day. I'm just looking forward to when I feel normal again. Or at least like a mom. It's hard to take care of myself, though, when I have this adorable baby boy to think about.

He's Coming!!! Oh...Just Kidding

Monday was a very exciting, happy, boring, frustrating, then disappointing day. I woke up around 8 (yes...I can't get out of bed before then lately...don't judge) and while getting ready for work started having contractions. I started timing them on the clock in the bathroom and they seemed to be roughly 5 minutes apart. So I pulled out my iPhone and started to actually track the contractions.

Over the next few hours at work, they stayed consistent at around 6-7 minutes apart on average. Around lunch time they started to get a little closer together and a bit stronger. Not like in the movies where the woman is clutching her stomach and screaming. Just enough to take my breath away for a few seconds. But they were now consistently coming every 3-5 minutes. And that is what my doctor had told me to look for. I called her just to make sure that I should head to the hospital and she gave me the green light.

So I called Brant and told him to meet me at home. We were going to meet our little boy that night!! We were both so excited! We got our bags packed and everything ready to go. We turned in our taxes on the way to the hospital (yes...this tax accountant turned in her taxes on April 15). We drove to LDS Hospital and excitedly told the receptionist that we were there to have a baby. My contractions had been getting stronger on the ride to the hospital and we KNEW it was the real thing.

They put us in one of their large delivery rooms, I got changed into the little gown and we got ready for the good news that our baby was coming.

About 40 minutes goes by before a nurse comes in to hook me up to the monitors and check my progress (they were short staffed when we got there and someone was delivering a baby down the hall). I was a bit frustrated at this point because the contractions had seemed to lessen since being checked in to the hospital. They were still coming, just not as strong or as close together.

Then the nurse gave us the disappointing news that I was only dilated to a 1 cm. But they would monitor me for an hour to see if anything changed. We watched a movie on Netflix on my iPad during that hour and I TRIED to keep my mind (and eyes) off the monitor showing my contractions and my baby's heart beat.

After an hour (or more), the nurse came back in to check my progress. I was now at a 1+ (like there is that big of difference between a 1 & 2). But they wanted to keep us at least another hour because my baby's heart rate had gone down after one of my contractions and they needed to make sure that everything was okay with him.

So for this hour we watched Psych (and the monitor). After which we got the news that nothing had changed and that most likely I was just in "early labor" which could last a while. My contractions were still consistently at every 3-5 minutes, just not super strong yet. So most likely we'd be heading home to wait it out, but she needed to talk with my doctor first. 30 minutes later, we were sent home with the reassurance that we'd be back in later that night or early tomorrow morning.

Three days later...I'm at work. Having very few contractions. Still at a 1+ (we went to the doctor yesterday afternoon). And thinking this baby is never going to come. People keep telling me that my body is getting itself ready for the real thing and that any day now we'll be welcoming our little boy home. But I'm losing hope.

Tuesday was probably one of the hardest days I've had. The contractions had pretty much completely stopped and my hope of getting my baby that day were shattered. I couldn't face going to work, so I called up my mom & sisters and spent the day with them at my mom's house. It helped so much to be with them all day where we just talked, ate lunch, and baked peanut butter bars. Brant also made it clear that he was having a hard time dealing with it, because after an hour of work he called me to say that he was heading home but that I should stay up at my mom's and he'd see me that afternoon. I guess we both just needed a day to wrap our minds around the fact that our baby was playing tricks on us.

The past two days have been better though. I've come to terms with what happened and am dealing with the fact that I'm still pregnant. Don't get me wrong...I'm still anxiously awaiting my baby's arrival and hope that each day will bring on contractions and/or my water breaking. And I still hope and pray that I don't make it to my next doctor appointment or my actual due date (the 23rd). But at least I can function like a normal person (well...normal 9 month pregnant one).

So wish me luck! And keep your fingers crossed that this little boy of mine comes sooner than later.

Signs of Labor/Easter Weekend

This weekend was supposed to be a lot of fun. On Saturday, my family planned a shower for me and two of my cousins' wives (Trish & Sarah). Then after, Brant's family had their traditional Easter party where they do a big scavenger hunt, eat yummy food, and hang out. Then Sunday my family got together for a big Easter dinner at my parents' house. Doesn't that sound like such a fun weekend?

Well...while all those things did take place, and I heard that the activities on Saturday were a great time, Brant & my weekend was a little different than that...

I went to bed on Friday not feeling the greatest. We had gone out to eat at a Mexican restaurant for dinner and I figured I had probably over ate a bit. But nothing to worry about - the heartburn and overstuffed stomach feeling would go away with the help of Tums and rest. Right?

WRONG!

At about 4:00 am, I woke up and realized that the sick feeling just wasn't going to go away laying there in bed. Figuring that it might help if I sat up, I went out to my big white chair to "sleep" sitting up. Brant joined me around 4:45. Shortly after, I succumbed to the signs and barely made it to the bathroom before all my dinner came up. (Sorry...that's gross)

Well...to make a long (and gross) story short, I spent the next 10+ hours visiting the bathroom about every hour to...clean out my system. I couldn't keep anything down. I tried to drink as much Gatorade as I could, but it didn't stay in my system for very long.

***Side note: I never throw up. To me, it is the worst thing I could do, so I suppress it as much as I can. I honestly can't remember the last time I had thrown up before Saturday - I never even did at the early stages of pregnancy. So for me to throw up 7 times in one day...let's just say has never happened to me.***

Needless to say, we missed ALL the fun activities on Saturday - even my own baby shower!! Luckily, around 3:30, I got a Zofran from my sister and the nausea stopped. So that night, though I didn't feel 100% better, I was actually able to keep down a little bit of bread, some saltine crackers, and even 1/2 a bowl of soup! And I was completely better on Sunday - enough to even enjoy some chocolate at my parents' house! So at least we got to have SOME Easter fun this weekend.

I'm 90% positive that I didn't have the flu, as I didn't have any other symptoms (no aches, no pains, no fever) - just an upset stomach. Maybe it was something I ate at dinner. Maybe it was my body getting rid of all the wast in preparation for child birth (see below). But whatever it was, it was awful!!

Most websites I found said that vomiting and diarrhea are signs of early labor. Add that to the fact that for the past two days my contractions have sure kicked up, and things are looking like my baby might be coming soon!! Honestly, I'm surprised that I didn't go into labor on Saturday with all that my body was going through. But I'm glad I didn't. I want an April baby :). And as of today I'm 37 weeks - so "full term"!! So...come on baby!