Rubbing Noses

What is the Labour Party up to, eh? Are they working on the selective-memory principle that voters will forget what they did ten years ago yet still blame Thatcher for what happens today? Is the succession of garment-rending non-apologists their attempt to say, “Hey guys it happened, nobody could help it but now the coalition need to have a grown-up discussion about it.”? What they should be saying - Mandelson, Straw, Blunkett, Johnson et al, is, “Wow! We really did fuck it up, didn’t we?” then quietly falling on their swords.

So, all this lovely, vibrant, colourful, thrilling diversity – how’s that working out for you Sheffield? And Leeds, and Manchester… Bradford, Birmingham, Burnley, Oldham, Luton, Leicester, London… every last city in the land? While the Guardian is still pathetically fighting a rear-guard, you’re-all-racists action, the rest of the country – especially Labour’s traditional working class strongholds – has been dealing with life at immigration ground-zero. And of course the latest ‘revelation’ has been the un-British ways of Sheffield’s Roma.

Overcrowding, antisocial behaviour, littering, loitering, noise. This is not refugeeism; these people are not fleeing bombed-out villages; if anything they bring their wrecking ways with them, along with the fears of imported disease: George Orwell died prematurely in 1950 of tuberculosis but over the next thirty years it was all but eradicated. Now it is on the rise, apparently, along with other diseases long absent from these isles. And only recently Defra has been urged to increase the rabies risk status of the UK.

Talking about this is not racism it's real, yet still the debate is stifled with soundbites. Over the weekend the boy wonder, Owen Jones was on the radio touting his ‘owen’ particular brand of jaw-jaw polemic. Frequently citing the flawed conclusion of the recent study that found exactly what it had been tasked to find he repeated “immigration is a net benefit to this country” whenever he was challenged, oblivious to the simple truth that this says nothing useful. A company with loss-making departments doesn’t accept their failure on the basis that, overall, the company limps along and scrapes a tiny profit.

Owen’s other, principal argument plank was that some people cried that immigrants took their jobs while others blamed them for living off benefits. “Which is it?” demanded the ferocious fighter for social justice,  ”you can’t have it both ways!”. Well actually, Owen old chum, you can. You see, some immigrants are imported to be cheap labour for Britain’s large-scale employers; they come, they work, they go home again. Bully for them. But others undeniably come over with no intention of working, simply seeking a generous benefit system they don’t have at home.  

And of course under New Labour’s glorious project the borrowing in ‘boom’ times to extend the welfare state to workers too means that you can - at one and the same time - be both a tax payer and a net recipient of benefits. And the importation of cut-price workers has had a big hand to play in that.

One argument that Labour used in favour of mass immigration was the state-dependent pensioner-heavy balance of the population. They had a point. With more and more elderly becoming economically inactive and with successive governments raiding National Insurance as just another tax pot for current spending, where indeed was the money to come from? As always, they argued, by squeezing current tax payers, so the more the merrier. I’d be very keen to know how that situation is going to be improved by the free movement of people with giant families who have no intention of ever working. Perhaps Owen has an answer?

Once again, I saw the documentary “Cold War, Hot Jets” at the weekend and watched, misty-eyed , at the world I was brought up in. A Britain that had won the last war, was winning the cold one and looked very much like the envy of the world. But now it’s as if you spent your whole life building something – a nice, modest house with a well-tended garden amongst contented neighbours – only to find that the government has spent your savings and the only option you have is to open your doors to lodgers. Soon, you have a family of six living in the shed, helping themselves to the contents of your fridge and garden, selling off your possessions and making your life hell. Fuck your huddled masses – it’s every man for himself now.

It's vibrant multiculturalism, innit?

And the worst of it - whatever Miliband, Straw and uncle Tom Blunkett and all are now saying – whatever mumbled excuses they are spouting we know that this was their intention all along. Blair and Brown set out to deliberately destroy the very notion of Britishness and simply refused to listen to the ‘ignorant’ fears of those who would have to live with the consequences. And the current coalition has no power to turn the tide, the next influx of which is expected in a few weeks.  A tiny part of me wants to see a massive influx of Roma in January to rub the LEFT's noses in diversity!

Crisis? What crisis?

In the assault on our intelligence which is all that politics is, Ed Miliband has chosen his weapons in this war of words and foremost in his arsenal is a vacuous but deadly phrase. The most important thing about sound-bite ordnance is that it conveys voter appeal, yet has no substance and provides the enemy with no counter attack. How can the Tories respond to the howitzer of the ‘cost of living crisis’ without being seen as downright nasty? Well they might like to compare ‘poverty-stricken’ Britain with the Philippines right now in the aftermath of Typhoon Haiyan, except to do so would be crass. It’s worth a thought though, because most of us will never know true crisis.

On the African plains, herds of wildebeest make their meagre living by moving as the seasons change. At times of plenty life is good for a brief while and everybody benefits, yet the predators still pick off the weak and detached; those living on the fringes. When the great herds migrate, their whole society changes its shape and the fringes are no longer occupied only by the feckless or stupid, but the turmoil of motion pushes even strong individuals to the outside where the lions wait… And then there are the crocodiles.

In life people move from job to job, circumstance to circumstance. Some by choice, some by folly and some by sheer misfortune. At the centre of the human herd are the greater mass of working or welfared classes; on the fringes those with a more adventurous or unfortunate disposition and some thrust there by the forces of nature.  But all of them are engaged in ‘making a living’; that’s what we do. Other than survival there are no genuine higher purposes to life itself but humans have sought to fabricate them and a bloody good job we’ve done of it.

Beyond the strive for mere survival, when the bellies are filled, humans engage in remarkable flights of fantasy and fancy – diversions of art, sport, literature, technology and for children of all ages, tales of gingerbread houses and wolves in the woods. All of this represents a surplus above and beyond the mere cost of living which, after all, is simply a combination of food and warmth and shelter. And if you think we value so highly those great works, consider how many former civilisations have set about destroying their own culture as ravaged populations have turned on the non-edible architecture in frustration or, in despair, simply walked away.

The Roma are coming – if the Filipinos could they would – they are a herd on the move. Until now their borders have been constrained but there are no crocodiles in the English Channel and to them the grass is very much greener over here. When Miliband talks about a cost of living crisis he is doing it to make you believe a lie; that your livelihoods are under intolerable strain. They might be harder than they were five years ago but for the vast majority of ordinary people little has changed apart from the perception of the size of the surplus.

"...and in England, people live in gingerbread palaces!"

When you watch your big television as the kids use their own computers and you all gorge on pizza and fiddle with smart phones, complaining all the while about your miserable lives,  subsisting on the bread line you might want to take a moment to ask yourselves a question. If life here is so bad, if we truly have a cost of living ‘crisis’ why would anybody, let alone tens of thousands, want to abandon their homes and their culture to come to Britain?

More Sugar?

I’m sometimes accused of being a tad partisan, labelling every left-winger as simple, naïve or just downright gullible, likening them to children or simpletons. But if Sunny Hundal’s portrayal of the right as pantomime villains resonates with left-wingers then it tells me I’m on the right track. Both sides have their baying mobs of course, but the mobs to the left have hatred in their hearts. They hate what they see as right-wingers because right-wingers are pure evil. Talk about black and white – oh, you can’t; that discussion is closed down for good.

On the tenth anniversary of the mysterious ‘suicide’ of Dr David Kelly on caring Labour’s watch and the unprecedented 70 year secrecy order on the evidence that can have been imposed for no other reason than to ensure any guilty parties are long deceased, the naivety of the left appears to be in little doubt. They have a simple yearning to be liked, to be seen as the nice guys and they will fight and cover up and even kill to preserve that sunny self-image. Or they’ll tell their mum.

Because the facts of the matter are straightforward; humans are of a kind. Yes it’s true, they all want pretty much the same things and only the route by which that is achieved appears to be in dispute. In the brutal dog-eat-dog world of everything-that-has-ever-happened, humans will stop at little to achieve their ends. No matter the political allegiance espoused, humans are kind when it suits them, possessive when they need to be and hostile when it is all that is left. Tory voters are no more evil than their lefty counterparts; they are just a lot more likely to survive when the economy finally tanks.

Because the nice agenda contains a fatal flaw; myopia. Just as the failures of the federalisation of Europe are to be solved - according to the European Parliament - by more European Union, so the failures of socialism - according to socialists - can be cured by, yes, more socialism. If the error of treating a victim of poisoning with more poison is immediately obvious to you, you must be a heartless, vicious, right-wing bastard. And the coalition is far from right wing, which is why it is doomed to continue many of the disastrous policies of the left.

With the European Union expansion the socialist wet dream project has painted itself into a corner – the solution to a failed pan-European immigration strategy is (you guessed it) ever more freedom of movement. Which is why we are going to see more and more horror stories about gangs of Roma child pickpockets and shanty towns and trafficking and drugs as we head towards 2014 – the press will do what the government dare not. The Roma are no more generically evil than other humans, they are simply pursuing a survival strategy by any means available and western Europe is ripe for plucking. Too bloody nice, you see. Or too bloody weak.

If anything, what we really need is a strong, centre-right administration, intent on reversing the decades of weak, socialist capitulation brought about by a sense of righteous niceness and an inability to say no. Labour can never offer such a thing and they have absolutely zero credible policies, which is why their entire electoral strategy appears to be the recruitment of the Sunny Hundals of the world to resurrect the palpably untrue ‘Nasty Tory’ brand and rely on the natural, childlike instinct of the left – to spit out the nasty medicine and take sugar instead.

Labour – Political Diabetes.

Swapshop

For many more years than most of you realise, our society has been changing. The Britain and the British portrayed in war-time films – the plucky underdog fighting for survival yet never resorting to foul play – is long gone. The jolly bonhomie when times were tough, now replaced by a truly repellent internecine social warfare, all the while applauded by the useful idiots of The Left as ‘progress’ or ‘equality’ or worst of all ‘diversity’. 

Bizarrely, under the class system Britain, with its home-grown, natural diversity, was a more cohesive whole than anything the socialist’s oppressive dream will ever realise. You object to wholesale importation of cheap foreign labour and they call you a racist. Declaim the generations blighted by welfare dependency and they call you a bigot. Fly the flag and they denounce you as a Little Englander. Oh yes, the ‘progressives’ have learned Dr Goebbels’ lesson well.

So well, in fact, that a young, ill-educated couple even appeared on television unabashed, to claim that making them work for a living would be unfair. With an alarming lack of awareness of the irony, Danny said, “We can't be scroungers because the Government wouldn't give us the money or pay towards our living expenses if we didn't need it.” And just over the temporal horizon is the spectre of untold thousands of Romanians and Bulgarians who will be given unfettered access to the same imagined limitless pot of money.

We only have the one cake; how thin can we slice it before absolutely nobody is satisfied with their share?

Thankfully, I have the answer and it is so simple I wonder that government wasn’t able to think it up themselves. The couple of scroungers obviously appeared on This Morning because they were unable to get tickets for Jeremy Kyle – being on the telly is, like, the dream, innit? The Bulgars and Roma are desperate to get into Britain. So why not make everybody happy? Everybody that matters, at any rate.

Our island is a sinking ship and to fit any more in the lifeboat we have to ditch the dead weight; one in, one out. I present to you my new gameshow, Noel’s Multicultural Swapshop. To earn a place on the show you either need to be outside the UK and have a job to come to or else be living here entirely on out-of-work benefits. In each round a potential migrant worker is pitted against a doley, drafted in by lottery, in tasks based on the old Japanese game show, Endurance. Typical rounds could be to see how much weight you can hang off your scrotum, naked in a deep-freeze. Or how far up your anus you can insert a ‘leggy’ carrot without crying.

If the doley wins, he gets to stay in Britain, come off benefits, take the job and lump it. If the potential immigrant wins he gets the job and the doley has to swap places with him; if you ain’t got a job, you may as well live on welfare in Romania. With a donkey. In a shed. It’s truly a win-win-win situation. Britain wins at every round, a job gets filled and trash gets converted or transported, no more council houses need to be built and the population doesn’t treble overnight. 

Please God... Anything but a job! 

Now I’ve solved that problem I’m thinking of tacking this here Islamist Sharia-zone vigilante business. If they don’t want white people to enter their self-declared mini Islamic states we should help them out. Build walls round their ghettoes. Really high, solid walls and lock them in until they shut the fuck up. (I nicked that idea off the most prominent European Socialist organisation of the last century.)

Do have a lovely day.