WHOA, BIG TRUCK!

This morning I watched my friend's son, Tanner. It also just happened to be the same morning that the house across the street got a new roof. The merging of these two events was not only a great coincidence but also of great benefit to me. Check out what happened:

Ashley: Do you hear that big truck?

Four little stammering feet make it to window by front door.

Tanner: something, something, BIG TRUCK!

Ashley follows the little ones to window for confirmation.

Ashley: Oh, I see the big truck.

Tanner: Yeah, Big Truck. Wow.

Calli: Wow.

So we went outside for a while and sat on the front lawn and watched the workers tear up the wood shake roof and throw rods, misc. pieces and rolls of wood planks into the BIG TRUCK. This was great entertainment. And I didn't have to do anything. Anything except dream that I could have a large team of workers tear up my roof in a few hours and replace it in one day. Anything except wonder what kind of roof they were going to put on. Anything except think that maybe we should replace our roof. Anything except remember we can't afford to replace out roof right now. Anything except remember to remind Dan to add Patch The Roof Ourselves onto the TO DO list before winter. Anything except answer questions from toddlers.

Calli: Dada? (Pointing to workers on the roof)

Ashley: No, that's not Dada. (Your Dada doesn't tan quite like that and doesn't speak Spanish.)

Calli: Dada?

Ashley: No, that's not Dada. (Maybe the ball caps were throwing her off.)

Ashley: Your Dada's at work. (Maybe she's right. I am sure some of those guys are Dadas.)

Tanner: Where's my mama?

Ashley: Your mama had to go to the doctor.

Tanner: Oh, where's my mama?

Ashley: Your mama had to go to the doctor.

Tanner: (Pointing to Calli) Where's my mama?

Ashley: I'm Calli's mama. I'm right here.

Tanner: Where's mama?

Ashley: She's at the mommy doctor, checking on the baby.

Tanner: You go to BOY doctor?

Ashley: Oh, no. I go to the mommy doctor, just not today. (Finally realizing he didn't know why all mommies weren't at the Mommy doctor.)

Tanner: Oh. BIG TRUCK.

And so the distraction of demolition, unusual sounds and large vehicles continued for a short while. Here's how the rest of it played out:

Tanner: Big Truck.

Calli: Wow.

Loud noise... Large pieces of wood flying into a larger dump truck from some undisclosed amount of feet above. How many feet? Question to ask engineer.

Tanner: Whoa.

Calli: Whoa.

Tanner: BIG TRUCK.

Calli: Wow.

Tanner: Wow.

Another loud noise.... hitting the truck, a large pole--unsure of what purpose it served. Second question to ask engineer.

Small voice chorus: WHOA. WOW. WHOA.

Tanner: Big Truck.

It was a fun morning of watching for them, well and for me. I won't be surprised if Calli's next words are BIG TRUCK.

ISN'T SHE LOVELY?

Readers Beware: The material in this post may be inappropriate for anyone other than Calli's grandparents or other parents feeling nostalgic. This is just some adoring ramblings about my daughter.

I took her in for a routine check-up this week, finding still that she is a lightweight (19.9 lbs.) with a head start in becoming a chatterbox. The doctor asked how she was doing and what words she was saying-- Her questions caught me off guard a little, so I spouted off the obvious. Later that day I started listening with more intent--I was amazed at all she can say and do. This led to a little game of paying more attention, thus becoming even more smitten by my little girl.

Before I go on, take note of the following from author Anna Quindlen (as quoted by Elder M. Russell Ballard) ...“The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."

Not to fall into that trap, I am trying to "live in the moment." This week I succeeded.

Here's what I noticed:

Words She Can Say With Ease:

Dada

Baby

Ball

Nana (as in Banana)

No, No (must not forget this one)

(still waiting for YES, YES to counter No, No)

Yeah (with claps, not yes in the affirmative, still waiting...)

Hi, Hello, Bye-Bye

Uh-Oh

Wow, Whoa, What

Words She Can Say When She Wants To:

Mama, Mommy (not sure why she's forgetting this one)

Up please (why say it when grunting, screaming and tantrums work just fine)

Words She's Starting to Copy:
Cookie (of course she's mastering this one already)

Icky, Stinky, Dirty

Grandpa (more like un-pa)

Words She's Working On All By Herself:

Me, Mine (Declaration of Independence)

Dog

Cow

Things She's Doing That Are Too Irresistible To Not Mention:

Saying "umm" after she tastes something yummy (another word I failed to mention)

Playing dress up in Mommy's bathroom (bracelets on arms, "pretties" in her hair, grown up shirts on sideways and grabbing a purse when we go-- just wondering why the pretties are only fun to wear and keep on INSIDE of the house?)

Running (speed-walking) to Daddy when he comes home to give hugs

Kisses in church when Mommy can actually sit in the audience with her (even though they are open mouth, on the lips, in public)

The phone: (cell, her cell, her old-school toy dial phone, cordless, remote control or anything else that resembles a phone, even a bookmark) saying hi or hello on it non-stop

Attempts to put keys in the door and car ignition (Mommy, Miss Independent is ready now)

Making soup (mixing her spoon and bowl or bucket and shovel together)

Sharing toys with kids at the library and her friend, Evan

Finding babies everywhere-- in pictures, on diaper boxes, at the store, even pointing to a mom with a stroller at the park (She could not see the baby in there, but she saw the stroller alone--pointed to it and said to me, "Baby")

Loving her dolls-- cuddling them and patting them on the back

Folding her arms for nighttime prayers

Sorry if these lists made you incredibly bored or a little nauseous. I warned you from the start! But really she is most lovely! Isn't she the loveliest when she's napping and I can actually write this post? (Earlier today I tried and she shut the computer off while I was typing.) Here's one more list that may appeal to a broader audience:

Other Triumphs of the Week:

Paid homage to Stevie Wonder and pulled out a collection I have of his (there's so much more than "I Just Called To Say I Love You")

Broke a fashion rule with confidence (wore an all white dress to church AFTER Labor Day, figured it was okay since it was 104 degrees in September)

Managed to exercise a few times (including a 6 am yoga session)

Got three wearings out of a light-colored pair of pants before having to stain treat, wash, or iron them (no cracker crumbs or crayon marks, WOW)

Learned how to do a chain stitch in crochet (hope the stitch name is right!)

Wrote two blog entries in a 7 day period...maybe all of you can start to expect a little more!

I'LL TAKE TWO TOSS PILLOWS AND A SMALL DOSE OF INSANITY

Confession: I have a love-hate relationship with decorating. You see, I really enjoy making something look good. I love having a creative outlet that is also functional--something I can physically do and SEE results. But I hate the snowball effect that follows.

Saturday I escaped for some much needed retail therapy OUT OF THE HOUSE. I actually went to run a few errands and stumbled upon some great finds for our bedroom.

Let's see.... first find... PERFECT! Two pillows that would go great on my bed and add a much needed accent color. Just what I've been looking for... for a while. Next find... Ha! A nice landscape mural on clearance for twenty dollars! Love the size for over our bed and the colors go great in the scheme in our room. Still undecided if I should paint the wood frame of the picture (white, black, or maybe go bold and do yellow?....) or just leave it alone. Last one... a terrific little planter for the cactus Dan brought home to me on our anniversary. (Yes, I said cactus. His reason, "Flowers die." This only needs to be watered every 15-20 days. He trusts I can handle it. Still, I'm a little stunned that an ugly desert plant is a symbol of his affection for me-- after all I'm an east coast girl. I like green, flowering things that NEED to be watered (or more accurately rained on), not things that hoard it.) Somewhere along the way he remembers me mentioning that a cactus is a cool plant. Now it definitely will be in this pot on our windowsill. I got four great things that I wasn't expecting to find in less than an hour for under fifty dollars.

So what's the problem?

Well I start by bringing home the goods and analyzing my room. With a murky vision in mind, I pull out my folder of ideas (i.e. torn out pages from various catalogs or magazines) and begin to match the look. I take the new pillows and place them next to old ones. Darn. They are a little too close in size to really compliment the other pillows on the bed. All the colors and textures are getting lost here. Should the stripes go horizontally or vertically? Ooh.. what about diagonally or with the pillows in diamond shape? Why don't these things lay right? There. That looks good. Step back and take a look. UGH! From back here they aren't looking just right. I can only see one color and one size!

I am sure this is sounding scary to many of you. I think it was scaring Dan too. Or at least amusing him. I probably rearranged those pillows 25 times or more. Finally, I let it go and somehow magically Sunday morning when I went to make the bed ON THE FIRST TRY, they looked great from any view--up close, on either side of the bed and from down the hall. I guess a little shut-eye and some pillow time (pun intended) did the trick.

Decorating around here is a LONG process on a budget. We have a little fund for house things. Little as in we find ourselves in IKEA instead of Pottery Barn, of course with a fifteen month old in tow. So, when I find great deals-- I snatch them. Even if it's not exactly PERFECT. I guess on Saturday part of me thought, "I wish I could afford perfect toss pillows, but this is the best I could find. I wish I could buy right out of the catalog or show room-- exactly how it looks, the WHOLE SET. I wish I didn't feel guilty about chucking the old pillows that maybe aren't working with the new ones, because I can't STAND wasting money or finding a place to store unused things. I wish I didn't have to find a new use for the old pillows to satisfy my inability to throw them out or store them. I wish I had more time to shop and look around IN PEACE for the things I'd like to do around the house, instead of squishing it in between naps, snacks or other tasks. I wish I could learn more about decorating and actually know what I was doing instead of guessing. But then I'd wish I wouldn't feel like I had to follow rules of decorating. I wish I could just hire a decorator. I wish I didn't have to waste time buying, trying out, returning and feeling like I'm back at square one."

And it gets a little worse. After I start a project and it doesn't work out, I move on to something else. "Since I'm in the bedroom, I think those pictures aren't working right there. I should move them. I should rearrange them. I should replace them with new ones. I should start looking through old albums and downloading pictures to print to put in the frames. Maybe I can get them printed today? No, I need new mats. I'll have to shop for interesting-sized ones first."

What happens is by the end of the day, I have a whole lot of barely-started project piles everywhere. I get nothing accomplished of what I should. (What dishes?) It makes me a little crazy. Or a lot. I am unhappy with what I have. Which is completely wrong. I should be grateful. Instead I'm negative. I let it domino into other rooms. I am frustrated with the way things look or work that I've done in the past. After being immersed in images of beautifully-photographed, well-designed rooms, mine just feel like they don't measure up. I end up longing for more time to finish what I began and hope that it will flow with ease. It makes me really wish one of the biggest wishes of all-- I wish Sunday didn't follow Saturday.

I never thought I was a perfectionist. I can skip over details and do things in a hurry and call it good. I never thought I was a perfectionist, until I married one (Sorry, Dan you know you are too--just a more balanced one in a different way). I never thought I was a perfectionist, until I got into a home.

This past spring, Dan and I were running into similar problems with feeling like projects (code for materialism, I guess) were overtaking our lives. We talked about perfectionism and found an interesting article. I also watched a segment on a morning TV show that hit home. For my sake, as a good reminder and for anyone else who struggles out there, here are a few of the highlights:

"She has color-coded folders to organize her take-out menus and bills. Clear containers to stash her toddler's toys. A fridge with condiments neatly in a row." Sounds familiar.

"Welcome to the world of the compulsive neat freak. 'I do drive myself crazy,' confides Donna Sullivan, a mother of two and a part-time accountant. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t like this. But when I come in and everything is clean, I feel calmer. I think that’s why I do it.” Me too.

"Call them neat freaks or clutter-phobes— the types who lament their house is a total mess if one coffee table book is slightly out of place. Experts say the desire for neatness runs along a spectrum, from finicky Felix Unger-types with a need for control to those with a truly life-hampering disorder, such as TV’s Adrian Monk, the obsessive-compulsive detective. " Okay, I'm not that bad.

"Anxiety has evolutionary value — it keeps us alert and vigilant,” says psychotherapist Tom Corboy, director of the OCD Center of Los Angeles. “The problem is people can develop this over-the-top anxiety to things that don’t deserve it, like knickknacks on a shelf.” Yikes. I am that bad.

"When it crosses the line into pathology, psychologists say, is when it begins to negatively affect your life. “It’s a problem when your need for constant order causes you extreme distress or problems in your relationship." Your honor, I'll introduce this blog as exhibit A into evidence.

"David H. Freedman, co-author of the book, “A Perfect Mess: The Hidden Benefits of Disorder,” argues that extreme neatness does have some drawbacks. One, he says, is the loss of creativity. “If you make your environment very neat, you’re making everything predictable,' he says. “You will lock out bad things — you’re less likely to be late, things are less likely to spill or break — but you’re also locking out luck.” That messy desk or kitchen is more conducive to making the random connection that could lead to a scientific breakthrough or a new recipe. Another, surprisingly, is time. True, messy people waste time rummaging for their keys. But, Freedman says, neat people spend all their time constantly putting things away throughout the day, while those who let things pile up and tackle them in one chunk save precious minutes in the long run." I am starting to see a problem.

“People who are neat are helpless to be otherwise — they’re prisoners of it.” A real problem.

Solution, please! "When you're trying to be a perfectionist, you really can't have balance." Oh.

I just find it amazing that something which starts out as fun and as a productive hobby can turn into a monster that really makes my life out of whack-- in record time. What do I do? Just give it all up together and wait until I can afford to do it in one shot with really nice things done by a really qualified person (which I'm thinking the cash flow for that will never be around). Or just give up. Be happy with what I have and find a new hobby. Save (or spend) my money on something else that brings more satisfaction. But will I be able to overcome the itch to make things nice around here? Or do I just keep on trying to do what I have been doing with a little more balance?

The article and video links are posted below if anyone is interested in learning a little bit more. In the meantime, I hope for a little more ying and yang in my life. Hopefully you have it more than I do.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23565682/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23466228/
(After clicking on the link, click on the launch button to watch the video.)