Found this gem of a blog post. It's a series of pictures taken for Glacier Park Magazine. Lots of gorgeous wildlife and scenic photos.

I really hope to get some of my debt taken care of so I can take my girls to places like this in the next couple of years. I have family in the Galatin Valley area in Montana which is about 8 hours south of Glacier National Park. My parents tell me I've been there before but apparently I was too young to remember it. Which means I could have been there anytime from birth to about 8 years old...

Another place I hope to go back to soon...one that I remember...is Monterey, CA. And make sure we're there on farmer's market night. There's a guy that sells a basket full of very fresh fried calamari for something like $3 with a good tartar sauce.






Image 'borrowed' from here.
























Then there's the Monterey Bay Aquarium which my girls have to go to sometime before they're 10. You can check out some grainy webcams. At one point they had a truly awesome exhibit of deep water jellyfish that all had some sort of bioluminescent pattern on them. And a lot of them had a moving 'light show'. It really was very cool to see but I don't think they have that exhibit any more. That's one of those things that I don't think I'll ever forget and am so glad I got to see.

Here is a picture of the Lone Cyprus tree on the Monetery Peninsula. You can see the stone wall they built around the roots to keep it from falling.





































A few times during my adolescence, my parents rented a house in Cayucos, which is about 3 hours south of Monterey. One time we had a house right on the beach, which was awesome, and the other times were in houses up on the hill overlooking the ocean.

Now that we're 1,300 miles inland it's a little pricier to make the trip than the 2 hour drive I was used to. But it certainly makes you appreciate it more.

Christmas Parade randomness

- Well, I had hopes that the cell phone pictures of my kids in the Christmas Parade would turn out better than they did. They weren't even worth posting. A good digital point-n-shoot is pretty high up on my Christmas list. As cheap as they've become, dSLR is still out of my price range. I used cnet's digital camera finder and now have 125 options to sort through...yippee! Although going through it a little, I think there's only 10-15 models, they just list every different model number, even if the only difference is the color. It looks like the only brands on their list is Nikon, Canon, Casio, and Panasonic. Any recommendations?

- It was cold at the parade. In the teens, I think. All my girls were on the church float and my littlest was the only one that didn't complain. Wish I was still so fascinated with life and new experiences that I wouldn't even notice incredibly painful toes.

- Praise the Lord, work is actually doing ok. Can't say so for our corporate office though. They've done 24% of what we have in November. That's just scary. We've actually done better in November than October and ours is a very seasonal industry.

- Home life isn't doing ok. My puny little mind is having a really hard time processing this stuff. I just can't imagine someone saying they want to save their marriage and then lie about where they ended up sleeping on Friday night. I just don't get it. Hopefully she'll be willing to meet with a professional counselor by herself soon. I've pretty much set that as an ultimatum. And the first few sessions are free so she has no argument against going...I guess we'll see. Patience is a virtuistic pain in the ass.

- She's not being spiteful or mean or anything like that. It just seems like she's unwilling to be honest with me. Me, being the external optimist (no, I didn't spell it wrong), still has hope that she'll come to some sort of realization that what she has now is worth fighting for...and then decide to fight for it in a productive manner.

- My bonus is going to show up on December 18th. That'll give me 5 whole days for Christmas shopping. 4 more than I need or even usually take! Woohoo!

G's 7th Birthday!

My eldest turned 7 yesterday. Had a pretty low-key party where she got a new sweatshirt and a new bike! Didn't get a picture of the bike, but she sure liked the butterfly cake her mom made for her.


And a couple pictures of the other two...for good measure.

Sunday morning randomness

- Snow. We got over a foot on Friday night and a little more last night. I enjoy sliding around while driving in the snow far too much. I don't like front wheel drive.

- I use my deep fryer too much too. Ever heard of deep fried bacon? I'm tellin' ya, it works pretty good. Crispy, not burnt, and in about a quarter of the time that microwave cooked bacon takes. And I'm sticking with my uneducated theory that it's healthier because it replaces the bacon fat with canola oil...yeah, that's right...it's healthier.

- One of my biggest gripes with restaurants is the portions that are too large. I know it's highly unlikely that they'll have portions that are just right, but c'mon, I'd rather not pay for an entire extra 'doggy bag' meal that I probably won't eat.

- With that said...why do I make too much food when I cook for myself?

- My oldest, KG, got 100% on her first spelling test. She is awesome.

- I haven't even been called once by the school office about AL (my middle one, new to kindergarten.) Whereas I've been called at least twice about KG. Not that she's done anything wrong, but had bloody noses or wasn't feeling good.

- If any of my kids have a head for math, they didn't get it from me.

- Would I rather not clean today...or would I rather not hear about it later? ...decisions, decisions.

- AL tells me that some neighborhood boy pulled KG's pants down. Time to start that gun collection.

- No, not to shoot them. Just threaten. Indirectly. "Come on in boy! Come check out my hunting room and shrunken head collection."

- KG has a great way of expressing her feelings that I hope my other 2 pick up on. She'll draw them. She was mad at me this morning for watching the news and not switching to cartoons right when she asked me. She drew a broken heart with her in one side and me on the other. When I eventually switched channels (which I told her I would do when the news was over), she drew a happy rainbow heart for me.

- Nothing's changed between my wife and I. I've stopped trying to 'get over' my idea that a lot of what she says is a lie. I know now some of it is a blatant attempt at hiding things, but I also think part of it is a habit she's formed abut telling the other person what she thinks they want to hear, no matter if she believes it or not.

- The debt management program we joined last year is a good deal. It's called Family Credit Management. For what I'm paying out, it costs around $30 a month and they negotiated one of my credit card interest rates down from 19% to 7%. We've been in it long enough that we're finally seeing some rapid decline in balance amounts.

Thanksgiving comes first!

(Due to Ananda Girl's prompting...)

Thanksgiving comes first! If only because of the food.

I'm a pessimist...and it probably shows...but I see Christmas ads before Thanksgiving as a mark of the degradation of our society. Specifically as concerned with greed. Corporate greed.

Ok, that's all done... Thanksgiving food is awesome! Why would anyone in their right mind want gloss over it or dilute it with thoughts of Christmas? If we took the presents out of Christmas, yet left the massive potluck style dinners of wonderful food, I would be perfectly content.

On the other hand, Christmas isn't quite Christmas anymore. Maybe that has something to do with my preference for Thanksgiving. I haven't been as successful as I would like in teaching my kids what Christmas is really about. I'm not going to go into the reasons why, but suffice it to say that it's difficult. All the commercialization and other influences seem to overpower any attempt I make at moving their focus.

Now that I think about it, I think it is easier at Thanksgiving to work with my kids and show them what thanksgiving really is. Christmas celebrates the birth of our Savior, but Thanksgiving gives us a prime opportunity to live like He wants us to.

But I sure like Christmas decorations. Now...if we did the same for Thanksgiving...would it be the perfect holiday?

Opportunity knocks....sometimes not very loudly

I wonder. It seems people and situations have been coming into my life lately that have a hint of professional and social networking to them. I haven't really been looking either.

The first was an invite to 'Wing Wednesdays' from a customer of ours, Tim. He's also the bro-in-law of my boss, but my boss doesn't go to the lunch. Tim is kind of the ring leader, but even if he's not there, at least 2 or 3 other guys show up. They all have something to do with construction, but there's an engineer/designer, a concrete contractor, an electrician, a HVAC guy, a lumber yard guy, Tim (the builder), and me (the truss guy.)

So we hang out, shoot the breeze, eat $0.50 wings and that's about it. One guy pays and it rotates. I like it. It's nice to look forward to and it seems like they still want me to come after attending for a couple months now.

Then there's the odd golf tournament that we (the company) sponsor. Being a building supplier, we're close to the start of the process, so we usually do the sponsoring and not get the invites as customers, but that's ok. It's good to meet new people, get to know your fellow industry people and have a good time. Free drink tickets aren't too bad either.

Our local salesman invited me to a tournament on Tuesday. It was cold. The weather report said 60 degrees, but it sure was a cold 60. Cloudy and rainy. And I played horribly. Couldn't hit a drive to save my life. The last few holes weren't too bad, but sheesh it was frustrating. Anyway...

I also started attending a new study at our church. It's not really a Bible study; we're studying ancient and not-so-ancient biblical philosophers. We're starting with Saint Augustine, Martin Luther, and John Calvin. I've never really done anything like this and I just hope I'm up to the task.

But it's certainly another opportunity. There are a lot of smart guys in there and not all part of the same industry. Rather than professional networking, it's social. I haven't done too much of that lately. And I'm also hopeful that I can find a mentor there. I've been thinking quite a lot (and not praying enough) about finding a mentor. Our pastor did a series of sermons on the books of Kings and one of the things that jumped out at me is that the most successful kings had godly mentors to help them. When they ignored those mentors, they got hit pretty hard. Not that I aspire to be a king, but I desire very much to become a better father.

I'm not really looking for opportunities like this, but I'm glad they come. I just hope I'm aware enough to take advantage of them.

But through it all I wonder at our God. I wonder at the way He works. It just confirms to me that there is a heavenly Creator. One that loves us as a father would love his children. One that guides, teaches, and prods as necessary.

What to do...what to do...

My littlest turned 3 yesterday. She'll always be petite. Still wears some 18-24 month sized clothes. When they talk about percentiles, she doesn't even register on the scale.

But she is so sweet. A hug from her will cure the crappiest day. Almost is as sweet is how, when I lay down with her to get her to sleep sometimes, she'll reach out to hold my hand. It's enough to break my heart.

And it's beyond enough to make me feel like crap when I'm trying to decide what to do with my marriage. I don't know that God is still asking me to stick it out. We tried talking again the other night and it was the same old stuff. Some times it seems like she doesn't really want to save the marriage and is purposefully saying things to push me away. Other times I think that she trying to say something that is meaningful and along the lines of reconciliation, but the actual words she uses aren't that. And that's all besides the fact that she's still contacting at least one of the guys she slept with....*sigh*

I'm pretty much decided to separate from her. Besides the money issue, I don't know what to do about my girls. The only reason I wouldn't fight for sole custody is because of the crap that they would go through. I know of at least one case in my family that the dad rightly fought for custody, but basically because he was the only one with a full time job, and had a higher income potential, did he not get it. He has a lot of kids too. The judge thought it unreasonable for him to take care of 6 kids and have a full time job. Which makes sense, but sucks for the kids too as some of them don't really like their mom. My situation isn't that bad. My girls love their mom too, but at this point I doubt whether or not she can show them what a Godly marriage can be. I still believe that we could have that together, if we both seek Him, but I don't think she is.

I'm not really even considering legal divorce, just a separation. It's hard not to think what about what it might progress to though.

And I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose my job.

Fun times.

At least the weather is absolutely gorgeous. I took the rare opportunity to go golfing today with a co-worker and thoroughly enjoyed myself. Played a new course and didn't do too bad. Not as well as I would have liked, but you can't ask too much when you're making blind shots. I figured out what I've been doing wrong on my drives and actually corrected it. And I was able to give my co-worker a tip that helped his putting. Good stuff.

What Season is Your Soul Connected To?

Your Soul Is Connected to the Spring

You are an optimistic, eternally hopeful person. No matter how dark things get, you always see the light. You are open-minded and always up for a fresh outlook on life. You don't cling to ideas or beliefs. You are sweet hearted and have good intentions. Even though you've seen a lot in life, you remain innocent. People see you as playful and even a bit airy. You feel free to be yourself, and that's a beautiful thing. What Season is Your Soul Connected To? Ummm...not way off, but not very close either.

Taking advantage of crisis

Crisis. Quite the powerful motivator.

Having been part of the new construction industry for even such a short time, about 7 years now, I've seen the highest high and the not-quite lowest low. I went from making some good money as a beginner designer to watching my own homes perceived value drop by half in less than 8 months, along with my income.

But even that doesn't quite compare to now. I've adjusted my standard of living to meet my income. I don't have that house anymore, and even though it hurt to get out of it, at least we're out.

But now. Now it's come down to my employment. Not only my employment, but that of the 30 other employees who are a part of our division. As a company, we're not doing well financially. And it's finally come down to it. Break even...or else.

We're a division of a slightly bigger company. We're the 2nd location of a family owned structural component manufacturer. The original company has been around for 30-40 years, under current ownership. Our division has been open for 10 years now. The entire company operates as a single entity. At least in the eyes of the bank. Our line of credit came up for review on July 1st of this year. And we've been losing money for too long now.

60 days. That's our deadline. 60 days to dig ourselves out of a $200,000 hole. We got a 120 day extension on the review, but the owners are talking about making those same decisions that would come with a bankruptcy about 60 days before the review.

Time's up. We have a week left. 1 week. I don't think we've succeeded. We haven't got the #'s for July back yet, but by me preliminary evaluation, at best we've just broken even for that month. I don't think we made enough money to put a dent in the loss that already existed.

But what a time. What a time of learning for me. I'm new to the management game. New to having so much responsibility. New to the decision making process that involves the livelihood of so many people. I enjoy it. I enjoy the learning. I can't say I especially enjoy making mistakes, but learning from those and making the right decision the next time makes it all the more sweet.

What I'm trying to learn and really keeping my eyes out for are the opportunities to capitalize on the opportunities that this crises presents. One specific area of opportunity revolves around people and how they react to crises and stress. I tell you what, a crisis likes this really accentuates the fundamental qualities of people. Some people can handle it. Some can't. Some people excel under stress. Some people fail miserably.

I can honestly say that I work with a bunch of great people. People who excel under stress. People who can step up to the plate and get it done. Of course, there are a couple guys that I have to be careful with. I've recognized a few that do better if they're protected from some of that stress. Just show them what needs to be done, give them the tools to do it, and watch it get done. Don't breathe down their necks or they'll crash.

I've also learned that people really respond to praise. Looking for and recognizing opportunities to praise them for the good work they do has been paramount to getting the most from my guys. I certainly can't say I'm great at it. I need to do a lot better at making that praise public.

I've also learned to watch the numbers. What my guys do involves a regular change of pace throughout the day. Some parts of their job requires patience and carefulness. Other parts allow them to fly through their work. I've had to check my stress level when I walk out into the shop and not much is happening. It seems like everyone is just moving too slow. But inevitably, the production #'s come back and they're doing great. And I know they're doing great. They're all experienced enough to be careful during the planning part and fly through the rest of it.

So at the end of it all, I've learned a lot. Even if we close (which I don't know is going happen), I'll walk away from a valuable experience. An experience that has prepared me to be even that more successful in my next venture...even when I hope it doesn't come too soon.

Let's start a discussion!

Pamela responded to my last blog post and I'd love to talk more about it.

Here's her post:

I'm sorry. Life is confusing. You have to ponder, meditate, pray and trust yourself. Your post is a little confusing to me because you talk about leaving but not divorcing. So you would separate and not divorce? You want your children to see a good marriage - are you thinking over time your current marriage will become that? If your wife does not have the courage to face her fears, it seems that will not happen. Do you think she ever will have that courage? Can you help make that happen? If not, yes, tough decisions come. And while I respect your beliefs, I wonder at the interpretation of God's word sometimes.

I don't understand this para: Some people might argue that he gives victims of infidelity a way out of their marriage, but I disagree. I think He only gives a 'free pass' from future infidelity for those victims who do end up divorcing. For those who commit the crime, so to speak, even if they got divorced and married again, they'll continue to be unfaithful to their first spouse. The only way out of that is to never connect with someone at that level again, or remarry that spouse. In my case, I wouldn't always have to ask for forgiveness every time I had sex with my next wife.

I know you are just trying to sort things out by writing, and that's good. Continue to do so.

Lots of stuff to discuss! I love it!

And now that I read back through that paragraph, I'm even confusing myself.

I believe God works miracles. Major miracles. So yes, I do believe that our marriage can recover. As for how I feel about that, my gut is telling me that we won't recover. And a lot of that has to do with my fortitude. I'm totally fed up with the distorted view she seems to have of certain things.

For example; Last night, I was making a shopping list and asked her if there was anything she needed. (I've pretty much cut her off from direct access to my money...a long story.) Her typical response is, "Sure, there's lots I need, but I'm not going to tell you because I don't want to be a burden." It has been my typical response to say, "But your my wife, it's really not a burden." She seems unable to accept the idea that I'm willing to assume these so-called burdens because of the simple fact that she is my wife.

The purpose of the separation is for a number of reasons. One is to just get us apart from each other and away from annoyances and those frustrations we associate with each other. Give us time to think apart from each other, so to speak. Another is to show her what she would be missing. Wyoming is not so hard on husbands as some other states are. They usually don't award alimony, just child support, and even that's based on how much time the kids spend with each parent. As long as they live under my roof and I feed them, I don't owe her a thing. (Forget the fact that she has a full time job and doesn't pay anything but her astronomical cell phone bill and a couple of measly credit card bills. Anyhoo...)

Will that succeed? My gut tells me no...but "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." So that's why I've not decided to divorce...yet. Maybe it's my meager, superficial way of trying to leave the door open for God. Even though I'm afraid I've already shut my heart out too much.

And about the infidelity thing. There are a lot of people, most probably, that say Gods Words says it's ok to divorce if your spouse cheats on you. I don't think that's what it says. God flat out says, "I hate divorce." And there is at least one story about a husband (Hosea) commanded by God to marry and repeatedly take back a very wayward wife.

What I believe the Bible says about the subject is specifically about the sin of adultery and how it relates to each spouse after the deed is done.

For the wayward spouse, there is no out. There is no way for that spouse to continue having inappropriate relationships with someone other than their first spouse, without continuing to commit adultery against that first spouse. Even if they got remarried.

For the other spouse, I believe God allows for that person to have a proper marriage relationship with someone else, without committing adultery against their first wayward spouse. This is assuming they got divorced and remarried. If they have a sexual relationship with someone they're not married to, then it doesn't apply.

Does that make more sense? Any arguments?

I'll try and do my homework tonight and come up with proper references.

What a crazy time of life. It feels like I've gone through more new experiences in the last year than all of the 29 before it.

Certainly not all good experiences.

In fact, the only 'good' that I can attribute to these experiences is all about how I'm finally growing up. Growing in so many ways. So many painful ways...

At work. A lot of growing, but I think I'll keep that for another post.

At home. Sheesh. Talk about new experiences. I know for a fact that the experiences at home are intended to grow me up. But why does it have to be so painful? Apparently that's the only way I really learn. The hard way.

It's one thing to learn things. It's another to act on it. I've made this my motto, "Continually choose to do the right thing." Yeah, right...

Continually. As in all the time? How is that even possible? Being the eternal pragmatist that I am, I believe it's not possible. Just with the simple thought that you can't always know what the 'right' thing is. And 'the right thing' is very subjective....maybe.

What is the right thing? I believe there is always a best solution or choice. There may be a superfine line separating the choices, but if one looks at those choices and does their homework, there's usually something that puts one above the other. The thing with me is that I believe in the Word of God. I believe the Bible is God's 'instruction manual' for life. It certainly helps to narrow down what is 'right' and what's not.

So I'm setting here with a lot of new knowledge. New knowledge about how people think. About how childhood affects a person. About responsibilities and expectations in a marriage. About what a good marriage is really about. I'm certain there's a lot more to learn.

With the new knowledge that I have now, I feel I'm at a crossroads. Trying to balance work, home, and kids. Learning all these new things and trying to make the right choice without having much confidence in what is the right choice. This is all new ground for me.

I've learned a lot about my wife recently. She's a pleasant and helpful person, but at this point I don't think she has the capacity to cultivate and enjoy a meaningful marriage relationship. I know that sounds harsh, but considering her childhood, a childhood saturated with failed marriages, I don't think she's ever seen an up-close and personal example of what it is to be truly connected to someone. I've learned that she'll tell people what they want to hear, just so she'll be safe. Safe from confrontation and stress.

I have no intention of divorcing her at this point. That's where God's Word comes into play. He hates divorce. Some people might argue that he gives victims of infidelity a way out of their marriage, but I disagree. I think He only gives a 'free pass' from future infidelity for those victims who do end up divorcing. For those who commit the crime, so to speak, even if they got divorced and married again, they'll continue to be unfaithful to their first spouse. The only way out of that is to never connect with someone at that level again, or remarry that spouse. In my case, I wouldn't always have to ask for forgiveness every time I had sex with my next wife.

But anyway, that still leaves me in a place I don't want to be. Still in a place God didn't intend for me. He didn't want my wife to cheat on me. But He's certainly using the experience to bring me back around to Him. And it's working, if not as consistently as even I would hope...

But what should I do? What's the 'right' thing to do? I don't believe it's right to stay in the situation as it is now. We're roommates. At best. We get along. We don't fight...as long as we stay away from the touchy subjects. But that's the thing. That's not a marriage.

I have a very deep desire for my girls to know what a successful marriage is. At this point, I can't see it happening with who I'm with now. But God works miracles. At this point, my prayer is that my heart doesn't get too hard. It needs to be soft enough to see and accept that miracle if and when it comes. I also think it's likely that it will take me leaving in order to get some of those 'miracle gears' going.

Lots of experiences. Painful experiences, but good in their own way.

Going's on....and randomness

I'm still alive. Apparently.

At least no one's said, "You're dead meat!" lately.

Work's picking up, Praise the Lord! But I'm trying to get twice the amount of work done with the same amount of people. It's come down to the wire. Break even...or else. Talk about motivation! I really don't want to be looking for a job right now. At least involuntarily. And I do like working here. We have our problems and I have my stress points, but all in all, I have a lot of 'get it done' guys working for me.

And we're being successful. I haven't ramped up like I normally would, instead we're letting lead times grow and we seem to be hanging in there any way. A couple of customers aren't too happy, but they're not pulling their orders... I'm very hopeful that July was at least a little bit profitable. And we're doing better than the other plant, so HA!

Marriage is....meh. We'll skip that topic.

And my 2nd born is headed to kindergarten in a couple of weeks! I'll have one in 1st grade, one in kindergarten, and one getting ready. Fun stuff! Especially since I won't have to pay for so much child care.

And I have been reading some blog posts. My imaginationally retarded brain just doesn't have much to say about them. But I'll keep reading.

Have a great weekend all!

Lovin' life the hard way....

332 unread posts.... *sigh*

Life is reaching the brink of overwhelmedness. I feel bad even writing this, having not read much in the blogosphere lately.

I think I mentioned this earlier, but I fired 2 of my supervisors a couple weeks ago. While that in itself has proven to be surmountable, it's not very comfortable knowing that I'm the backstop now. My stress level has risen and I've let it influence my contact with people here at work. Not a good thing...

Work is picking up though. Couple that with the pressure that we're expected to at least break even for the next 4 months, and make enough profit to make up for the losses so far, is just adding to the stress. My influence over how cost effective we are is pretty big and having only been in a position like this for a couple years, with absolutely no direct guidance from anyone... *sigh again*. I've come to the expectation that almost all my life lessons will be learned the hard way. I'm sure it will pay off down the road, but sheesh...

Still not sure what's going on with my wife. I really don't understand how she expects me to be a good husband when she continues to do those things that set off all sorts of alarms. How affectionate do you really expect me to be when you wake me up at 5:30 am after just getting home from doing who knows what with who knows who??!! Yes, I am putting up with it for now. I have 3 little girls to consider first. I'm kind of hoping she'll get sick of that too and pull her head out. She seems unwilling to start at ground zero, which is exactly what both of us need to do if this is going to work.

Then I did the math for my checking account wrong last month. Very wrong. It set me back at least a half a month and my creditors have absolutely no patience. I usually pay all my bills on time, but when I don't, it sure hits the fan.

Ever read the 'footprints in the sand' poem? (Don't know the author or the real title...sorry.) I see one set right now. God's carrying me. But I certainly haven't been appreciating it like I should. "I can do every thing through Him who gives me strength." Phillipians 4:13.

Eliminating unrealistic expectations, making decisions for eternity, and thinking of others. That's what my life should be about right now. Not really sure how I'm doing with that. I can hope to see some blessings in this life, but I can't expect it.

Well, I lied. I know I'm not doing very well with that...

Sweetsauer Photohunt!

Well, I certainly bit off more than I could chew. What a dismal showing!! Just got preoccupied with life. Hope you enjoy the few I have.

1. A View from Above (looking down)

2. A Macro Shot (6/5/09)















3. Laughter (6/9/09)















4. Relaxation
5. A Celebration
6. A Sunset (6/8/09)















7. Sun/Lens Flare















8. A Bridge















9. A Shadow
10. A Garden
11. A Park
12. A Street Scene
13. Signage (6/9/09)















14. A Summer Activity
15. A Summer Treat
16. Earth
17. Air/ Wind
18. Fire
19. Water















20. Something Vintage (pre-1980)
21. Something Made of Glass
22. Something Made of Wood
23. Something that Floats
24. Something Railroad Related
25. Something Round

Saturday Scavenger Hunt - Function

Wow. Just wow. Not much was functioning in regards to this weeks SCH.

I went to a pretty cool social FUNCTION on Saturday, fully planning on using that as my subject, but my brain failed to FUNCTION and I forgot my camera. The FUNCTION was Cheyenne Super Day, which is a Saturday of artsy-type booths, bounce houses, games, a car show and my fravorite, an evening outdoor concert featuring Blue Oyster Cult.

So I stole NoRegrets idea and took this picture of the window screen that will not FUNCTION to keep the mosquitos out. My dog was in the back yard when it started to hail and thunder. No one was home so she decided to make her own way in.

She didn't actually make it. The neighbors saw it and brought her into their house until the storm passed. They're very nice neighbors!

Thanks for the idea NoRegrets! As a reward, you get the distinguished honor of choosing next weeks word!

And on an entirely different note....Blogger really needs to work on their picture formatting FUNCTIONality. It stinks!

My first meme!

My first meme tagging! By none other than crazy4coens.

3 Obsessions:

This is very difficult for me. I'm not an obsessive person.

- My girls. I've learned to not worry about them so much during the day, but they're never far from my mind.

- My walk with God. I'm not saying I'm keeping up as much as I'd like, but I think about it a lot.

- My marriage has become more of an obsession lately. I certainly took it for granted up until about 8 months ago, but even now I think I'm letting myself slide away too much.


And that's all I got for now....so let's move on.

5 Dislikes:

- Dishonesty. Especially 'half-truths'. When they're not really lying, but they're not telling the full truth either. To all those people: Just be up front with me dangit!! Unless you screwed it up really really bad, I'm probably more likely to can you because you tried to hide something, rather than whatever it was you did wrong.

- My own frustration. I've learned a lot recently about how to set it aside, but through all that, I've learned how distracting and destructive it can be.

- Stupid TV shows. Which for me is around 98% of them. Especially reality shows. I'm here to be entertained, not to be reminded how uncomfortable life can be. Although I do like cooking shows... Are those considered reality?

- A dirty kitchen. I don't mind cleaning, I find it kind of relaxing, but having to clean everyone's dishes every single day is getting very old. This should probably be up in the obsessions list...

- The gut I'm developing. Too much bad food and not enough physical exertion.


Back to the Obsessions:



Yeah...I'll have to get back to you.

As for tags...you've already been tagged. I'll have to get back to you on that too.

Saturday Scavenger Hunt - FAIL!

I failed...miserably. I knew about it, knew what the word was (even if not the definition), but my mind and time were fully preoccupied.

And wouldn't you know it...I've been picked for the next word!

My word for y'all is FUNCTION.

The most mixed day ever...

What a freaky day!

We'll start off with the good:

- I had my annual review...6 months late. But it was all good. My boss rated me higher than I did, but that always happens. He "blessed" efforts for me to invest in myself and learn more about Lean Manufacturing. I think I've done quite a few small things that have added up to some big improvements. The shop is performing quite a bit better than it had under the previous production manager. I attribute it a lot to how I try to let my production guys know how well they're doing on a daily basis, as far as meeting production goals. Before I started that, they wouldn't know how they did until well after the month was over. And they would only get an update once for a month. Now they get that update twice a day.

So for any of you managers or team leaders struggling to get your team to meet goals, I highly recommend that strategy. Just let your people know how they're doing and let them know often. To begin with, I wouldn't even suggest how they could get better. Let them know how they're doing and if they need to be doing better. More than likely, they'll make the first big steps on their own.

Now the bad:

- I had to fire my production foreman and my lead sawyer. The 2 highest 'ranks' in my shop. One was clocking in for the other. Dumbasses. The real problem is that it leaves a gaping hole in how well we know our automated saw. Between the 2 of them, they're the only guys that have been involved in repairing it. But it's just a machine. And all machines can be fixed, one way or another.

- I didn't get a raise. I know there's a wage freeze, but I still hoped.

- And I have about 20 unread posts from my wonderful reader network. I feel kinda bad writing this without having read those. I'll get to them, I promise.

Dream weirdness

The latest post at Eclectic Spaghetti rang a bell for me. I meant to post about this, but forgot all about it.

I had a nightmare a few nights ago. First nightmare I've had in a very long time. It was the 'woke up in a sweat' kind of nightmare.

I wish I had written it down sooner, cause now it's a little hard to remember the details, but it ended with me failing to save my girls from drowning. They were in my arms and I couldn't save them.

It's frustrating that I can't remember all the details now, but I think we were in some kind of tube. There was events leading up to the end, but I can't remember any of it. At the end, my family was there. My wife was trying to help my oldest swim and I was holding my 2 youngest. It ended with me seeing my 2 girls under water, limp, and with their eyes closed. I just couldn't hold them above the water.

I'm not one to dwell on stuff like this. I don't put a lot of meaning into dreams, but this one really freaked me out. Even writing about it now is getting me worked up.

The last nightmare I remember involved me running over my dad. This was 11 or 12 years ago, when I was in high school. I was in a golf cart and my dad was really tiny. Barely half the height of the tire and I ran him over. If it didn't involve my dad dying, it would be kind of comical.

Sorry if I'm bumming you out, but these are the only dreams I remember for the longest. I can tell when my wife is dreaming because my dreams get really weird. No nightmares, but just very strange and vivid. When I have those dreams, the next morning I'll ask my wife what she dreamed about and she'll have a weird dream story of her own. I don't remember my own dreams, just that I had them and they were weird.

The only other dream I remember is another strange one. In reality, I was at a ski trip with some HS friends of mine. We were all staying in a cabin. I was sleeping on the floor next to my good friend, who was sleeping on a bed. In the dream, we were having a poker game and that friend was sitting next to me. In the dream, he dropped one of his cards on the floor. At that moment, I woke up and actually said to him, "There's your card" and in the dream I pointed to it. The thing that is really freaky, is that he woke up at that same moment and actually said, "Thanks" then in the dream picked the card up. In the morning I asked him about it and he remembered it just as I did, but from his perspective. Weird shit!

Thanks for reading.

Monday morning randomness

Movie Review: UP is a good movie. 4 out of 5 stars. It had funny parts, scary parts, sad parts, but had some pretty adult themes too. Not inappropriately adult, but the major premise behind the storyline is probably not something my 6 year old can fully comprehend. We did not see the 3d version, which probably would have been good. We took all our kids and proved that our 2 year old still can't sit through a movie.

We've had a good amount of rain here. The locals say they haven't seen this much for at least 8 years. But in spite of that, work is picking up and I finally have something to do. (In case you were wondering, I work in the new construction industry and weather plays a big part in how busy we might be.)

My wife and I are doing ok. She's still doing things that I don't think are healthy, but all I can do is pray about it and watch to see that it doesn't get out of hand. I haven't been as loving as I should be though. It's still hard for me to work through my bad thoughts about those unhealthy things she does and choose to do the loving thing for her.

The neighbors and I got a notice from our trailer park landlord about mowing our lawns. I appreciate that he wants to keep the place nice and presentable, but to threaten a $50 fine on the first warning, a $150 on the second and $300+eviction on the third is a little stiff, I think. We won't have a problem, as I mow every weekend it's not raining, but so does everyone else! This is a new landlord and rather than give people the benefit of doubt, he's putting his foot down before anyone argues. Not a great way to win friends. Actually, we suspect he wants trailer owners to sell out to him so he can own the whole park, trailers and all. There's a stipulation in the lease that requires them to give him notification before they put their trailers on the market. We actually already rent from him and he's pretty good at getting stuff fixed, so it's a mixed bag I guess.

I wish you all a great week! Remember to set others above yourself and don't worry about what others think when you do the right thing. If you can master those 2 things, you'll be on your way to being content. Learning what 'the right thing' is, is the next step. :)

Photohunt: Play!

My girls love to PLAY at PLAYing the piano. I haven't taught them much yet, so I'm not sure I would consider it actually "PLAYing" of the piano, but they like it.



They really like me to lift the front cover so they can see the hammers hit the strings while they PLAY.




Thanks for letting me PLAY in the Photohunt!

I'm being watched!!

I have 4 followers! I never thought I would have even 1 follower. Are you guys that bored? ;)

Just kidding...

I know I'll have truly entered the blogosphere when I find my blog linked to in someone else's blog. I can't really imagine that happening right now, as I'm still trying to find some sort of groove, but I can dream. Shoot, maybe there's one out there I haven't found yet.

I tell you what, since I set up my RSS feed reader, and subscribed to so many blogs, it's a good chunk of my day to try and read them. I have 42 unread posts as of this moment, but all are in the list of suggested blogs put together by the Google people. I'm not sure I'll keep many of them. Although my girls sure get a kick out of Cute Overload. I'm doing pretty well at keeping up with the personal blog posts.

There's a gaming blog, Rock Paper Shotgun, that is nice and simple. It got me to check out the game Global Agenda, which looks very cool. But the thing is, since my Xbox 360 died, my interest in gaming has seriously waned.

(The previous paragraph makes a lot less sense than you might think. The blog is about PC gaming and I've never really been into that. I've only been into Xbox'ing, and that's been for 5 or 6 years now.)

I'll probably keep ThinkGeek. Mostly because I am. A geek that is.

There's one called "What's Hot in Google Reader" that comes up with some pretty funny stuff.

There are a few more than I'll watch for a little while, but don't have much hope in. There's one called WebUrbanist which was nice to look at for the first few blogs and then got repetative for me. I'm sure it's new stuff to someone...just not me. It's about 'alternative art'...I guess.

I'm still developing my true 'most wanted' list of blogs. So if you post some awesomeness that is entirely deserving of even my praise, forgive me if I miss it. I'm adding more as I write this and only getting in deeper!

Thanks for reading!!

Lead me not....

To expand on my first 'Random' bullet point: I really dislike it when people spin their comments in order to tell me what they think I want to hear.

I know a little about the Mexican culture and I've had first hand testimony of most Mexicans strong inclination to please. I grew up in Central CA and had a few close friends who were Mexican. I can't say that those particular friends went out of their way to please me, but they were older than me and they were more of the mentor type relationships.

That first hand testimony was from my brother. He lived in Mexico for a few years and was a plant manager there. It didn't take him long to discover that his subordinates strong inclination to please him affected how they communicated to him. If he asked them, "Did you meet your goals today?" they would say "Yes!" even if they didn't meet the goals set for them. Being the American I am, I would probably not take that very well. I would consider that lying. But my brother discovered that they had no intention of lying to him and what they meant by "Yes!" was that they did their best.

But I live in and work with Americans. Even if I did have someone communicate to me in that manner, I would correct them and ask them to tell me if they met their goals or not. When I ask "Did you meet your goals?", I'm not asking, "How do you think you did today?" If they didn't meet their goals, then that would prompt another question, "Why not?"

I want people to be direct with me. Not to fudge the truth or spin their comments according to what they think I want to hear. I have a huge problem with people lying to me and just don't stand for that in my employees. That's a good way for them to lose their job. But when I ask for their thoughts about things, I have a few guys that read into my questions. I've gotten a lot better at asking non-leading questions, so it's pretty obvious when they stumble through their response and are trying to come up with something that I'll like. Stop it!

That really is the key though. Ask questions that don't lead people to the answer. Asking questions that require a 'yes' or 'no' is another way, but not when you really do want to hear their thoughts.

- "You did a good job on this, but can you think of any ways to make it better?"

- "I'm not really sure how to fix this. What do you think?"

Of course, there have been more than a few times I intended to lead the answer. Maybe it's not always fair to test people that way, but sometimes it's a good way to discover someones character, skill set, or perceptiveness.

Random...very random

- I wish people would stop telling me what they think I want to hear.

- Why is the 'squeaky wheel' (that needs the oil) so much squeakier than the next squeakiest wheel?

- Donuts will be my demise.

- If stereotypes weren't at least somewhat accurate, they would never have been conceived.

- I saw a tall truck driver with his red sweat pants tucked into his old school cowboy boots, his old school brown western shirt not tucked in and missing the top 3 buttons, topped off by what I think was a woman's cowboy hat.

- I've been searching up and down, all over this office, looking for my camera-computer cord. It's hooked to my computer!! I feel like an idiot...cause I am one.

- So many ideas....not enough resources to have someone else do it....and without the know-how to do it myself. How frustrating.

- And on a positive note, 1+1=2.

Slightly ugly breath?

I've stayed away from coffee from coffee for 3 whole days now!

A couple things I've discovered:

- I enjoyed coffee more than I realized.

- Coffee smells good and it sucks that the coffee pot is so close.

- Haven't had any headaches yet. Still crossing my fingers.

- In addition to brushing, flossing every night and using mouthwash in the mornings, I think my breath is ok now. I did that before, but not regularly and was sabotaging my efforts anyway.

Haven't had to revert to tea or hot cider or anything like that. Water seems to be holding its own.

Bloggerific trends!

I spent more than a little time clicking that little "next blog" button at the top of my screen tonight. I didn't count the number of blogs I glanced at, but I'm sure it was more than 50. It didn't take long to discover some trends.

1. The majority of what I saw was in a foreign language. Foreign to me anyway... Primarily Spanish (I think), but with a dose of some Asian languages and a couple of Eastern European.

2. Photography blogs are popular. I could even tell the ones that were in a foreign language.

3. A healthy mix of personal and professional blogs, although there were a few that handled both. Not many that were obviously selling something though. It seemed to be people trying to make a hobby a little more worthwhile than just a pastime.

4. Then there were the topical blogs. Talk about very specific! I mean really, one just for the vegetarian haunts of Singapore? Maybe that's a really popular topic there, but who knew...?

5. Then there were the travelers. I don't know where the people started out, but there are more than a few that use blogs to archive their adventures. I think that's cool!

6. Then there are the family blogs. Most I saw were handled by the wife/mom, but a few seemed to be a hub & wifey collaboration. What a great way to keep family & friends up to date! Lots of good amateur photogs out there too! I did notice however that family blogs had mostly other families in their 'blog friends' list. Not saying there's anything to that, but thought it was something to mention. Although I'm certain it's just a means to show off the kids. :)

7. Women. Most are written by women. In fact...I would guesstimate that 80% of them are. Where's all the guys! I found a couple by guys and subscribed, so maybe I'll find that elusive male blogger network that must be as prolific as the female one.... Yeah, right.

It was interesting...to say the least.


EDIT: I forgot about the student's blogs! I think it's a fantastic idea for students of creative studies to use blogs as their portfolio. There are quite a few young people that seem to be far more self aware than I remember being at that age. Go for it!

Monster breath!

I really need to stop drinking so much coffee.

- For one thing, the stuff here at work is terrible, but it's all of 12 feet from my desk.

- For another, I know it's not good for my breath. And I think it's been getting worse.

- While the caffeine isn't my biggest concern, I'm sure it doesn't help when I'm stressed...as I have been lately.

- I've tried quitting before, but the headaches weren't worth it. If they kick in and I can't work through them without pain relievers, I'll be looking harder for another solution. Maybe tea?

- I think a lot of the habit comes from needing something to hold or do with my hands when I'm not typing, talking, or writing. I think the water bottle can fill that void.

So here we go... I've dumped out my little styrofoam cup of coffee and filled up my water bottle. We'll see how this goes.

Trying out the photo thing.

My girlies.








Gracie, the oldest, is 6 now. Just finished Kindergarten.















Anika, 4, will be starting school in August.













Ellie is 2.






















With an attitude.

*insert catchy blog title here*

* Why do I have such a hard time with the blog titles? I know they need to be somewhat 'eye-catching' to promote the most reading, but to have a unique idea every time is a bit beyond me. Yes, my imagination is not fantastical.

* Focus...does anyone have some they can share? Because I need some!

* Hundred different things rolling through my head. God, work, family, life, ideas..... I'm afraid if I write them all down I'll get a little overwhelmed.

* I need to focus. And I mean really focus. I'd like to think that I'm not a scatterbrain, but multitasking almost comes too easily. I want to be able to teach my girls how to focus but am afraid I don't know how.

* I need to start teaching my girls how to play the piano. I know that would help with the focus thing. Let's start with that.

* And if I'm going to post again....I need to come up with some better titles.

How do you define yourself?

Is it by how people perceive you? Or how you perceive yourself?

I know, I know, it's the 'independent' thing to say "No one defines me! I don't care what people think! I'm a self-defined person!"

But really. How do you process what people think of you? Even self-made people don't want to make enemies, annoy people, or come across as a jerk. So I think it really does matter what people think. It matters a lot to me anyway.

This topic stems from the discussions I've had with my wife. I try very hard to listen and evaluate what she says to me and take it for what it is.

We went to a counselor together for a short time earlier this year. Part of the program included us completing a "disposition" survey. We filled out one as we look at ourselves, then another as we see our spouse. I found it very enlightening. It was interesting to see that my view of me and my wife's view of me were very similar. Her's was a little more extreme, but they followed the same pattern.

On the other hand, my view of my wife and her view of herself didn't track together at all. I'm not qualified to say that means anything, but I thought it was very interesting.

I'm learning that it's more important to consider what my audience hears than what I actually say. What I say is important, but I need to receive and process their feedback as effectively as I can and adjust my message accordingly. I'm working on that in my marriage as well as with my employees and coworkers. I take my wife's feedback a little more personally though. Hers can be very direct and blunt sometimes.

I also try the "repeat it back" thing. Where she says something, I repeat it back as I understood her, and she tells me if I got it right. More often than not, I don't get it right. It's very frustrating to her.

So about defining myself, the feedback I get from others plays a pretty big part in that. If someone tells me I'm wishy-washy, I hear that as constructive criticism and go from there. I'll do my best to not take it personally and get frustrated. It's important to me to get that feedback because that's the most important and effective way for me to improve myself.

How do I know if I'm a good communicator or not? If someone somehow indicates to me they got my point. How do I know if I'm attractive or not? If someone tells me so....

What do you think about that?

Is gaming harmful to prayer?

I was laying in bed last night and after attempting to pray, it occurred to me that my thoughts were jumping around all over the place and I was not able to focus on the prayer.

So my thoughts jumped to that thread and I wondered why. Why can't I focus on prayer right now? I had just read a section from Mike Macintosh's book "Falling in Love with Prayer" and I wasn't even able to pray!

A couple of reasons popped up. Maybe my heart wasn't right. Had I confessed what I needed to? Maybe I was just tired. But then another thing came to mind. Maybe my gaming habits were causing a problem?

Most video gaming forces you to shift focus on a continual basis. Especially the first-person shooters I enjoy. I did a little research. Hit livescience.com (which didn't help much), USA Today (which did have one good article), and a few others that either overwhelmed with "possible matches" or had nothing at all.

I'm 30 years old. I know I can still learn things, but I'm certainly not as malleable as I was as a kid. So do you think playing Gears of War 2 is affecting my concentration? Or is it something else? My work also forces me to multi-task and change focus a lot throughout a given day. That's just the nature of being a manager of more than one type of department.

I can concentrate. If I put my mind to it. And I can shift focus fairly well. But I have a very hard time dividing my attention. Meaning that I shouldn't really drive and talk on the cell phone at the same time. I certainly can't type and listen to someone at the same time. So having trouble praying when there's nothing else to occupy my attention is a little disturbing.

There are a few things I can do to improve concentration while praying. Not praying while laying in bed is one. Getting on your knees is more than just a show of humbleness, it's also a means to help focus. I should also try "winding down" a little sooner. My typical weeknight routine is to put the girls to bed, get the chores done, play Gears for an hour or so, take a shower and go to bed. I usually read a little and finish by praying. I plan on taking more time right before or after my shower to slow my brain down. (Tips for that would be great!) Praying throughout the day might be another way to get it done. Having a continuous open conversation with God has become very important to me lately, and when I'm successful at maintaining that throughout the day, it's a lot easier to focus when I can to set everything else aside and just pray. Of course, maintaining that conversation is another topic that could fill a couple posts...

So what do you do to focus when praying?

Pizza!

The only thing that my girls are very reliable at is eating cheese pizza. I'm happy to say that they actually eat the pizza I make.

But it has to be round and cut into triangles...

This is the recipe I use for the dough. "Mike's Homemade Pizza" from allrecipes.com. The only variation is that I add a tablespoon of honey. Sorry, but I use canned pizza sauce. Don't care to take the time to build a better sauce for kids that complain about the sauce anyway. I'll use about a pound of mozzarella and can get a large rectangle and a round pizza from that amount of dough. The girls plow through the round one in no time and there's usually a few pieces left over for later. If it's a good pizza, I'll polish off at least half the rectangle.

Toppings? Girls like plain cheese, I like pepperoni. I also like tomato and basil, but haven't made that in a long time. I'll have to make it next time.

Suggest your favorite toppings or better dough recipes!!

Intro...

Hello all. Welcome and thank you for visiting!

What's this blog about...? I don't really know yet. I have a few personal interests though none I would consider myself incredibly passionate or knowledgeable about. So how about I start with me?

Who am I?

I am the father of 3 beautiful, intelligent, and incredibly stubborn girls. (That's where the 3GirlKnight came from...not the stubborn part, just the 3 and the girl.) Ages 6, 4, & 2. I'd like to think I'm their knight. At least for a little while. Until there are more or some punk with a motorcycle and hair too long comes along and steals 'em.

I am a husband...at the moment. Lots to talk about there, but I'm pretty sure I shouldn't subject you all to the particulars. There's a lot I've learned recently that I will certainly share and hope you'll learn from, find interesting, help me learn more about, expand on, etc...

I am "the man". Well, "a" man. I manage a production facility. One that makes trusses to be exact. I'd like to think I'm fair, balanced, honest, and can lead, but I'm absolutely sure I could improve. I have between 15 and 35 people who report to me through any given year. Only 20 at the moment.

I do not consider myself a gamer, although I like to play video games. I like one or two genre's and when I pick up a game I like, that's pretty much all I play. Don't care much about gaming news, except when a new game in my favorite genre is coming. So don't expect to see any gaming news here. I will link to a few though.

I do not consider myself a musician, although I like listening to music, have some small musical ability, and can keep a tune in a bucket. I can play the piano and sing, but don't do much of either. (Don't expect to see anything about music here.)

I would consider myself a golfer. Not much ability, and don't get to play often, but I really enjoy it, am not too shabby, and hope my girls and I spend many a hour chasing that little white ball around. I'd like to develop my knowledge of the sport, so I might just share some of that here.

I like camping, riding motorcycles (don't have one right now), cooking (specifically barbequeing, which I will share some of here), and an assortment of other things that might pop up.

So here I am. by God's Good Grace is a blog about learning life's lessons, however big or small they might be.