S • U • R • G • E • R • Y

Long story short, yesterday Mike had same day surgery at Intermountain Medical Center to have a cyst removed by a plastic surgeon. It started out the size of a b-b and got seriously infected and grew to the size of an olive in three days. He was on oral antibiotics for 10 days and also iv antibiotics for 6 days. As the cyst grew too big for his dermatologist to remove it, he was referred to the plastic surgeon (who was awesome!) and here we are on surgery day.

We had to be at the hospital at 6:30 a.m. for the doctor’s “first surgery of the day”. Which what they don’t tell you is that means 8:30 a.m. Finally at 8:15 a.m. we part ways and I head to the Same Day Surgery Waiting Room. It all seems so strange and not real. You are sitting in this room where everyone camps out on their own chair, with their personal belongings taking up the chairs on either side of them, making sure no one sits too close to them or tries to talk to them. As we sit and wait we wonder what kind of surgery the person everyone is waiting for is having. I think we should all be required to stand up and tell who we are and what surgery our loved one is having. Instead, we all pretend to read our magazines or books and all stop every time someone’s name is called and try and eavesdrop as the surgeon is talking to them.

There is quite the variety of people in the waiting room. You have your cute very old man that looks worried sick. You have your old man who makes sure that no one sits or talks to him by sitting in the hallway. You have your middle-aged man who is desperately trying to find someone he can blab on and on to, but no takers. You have your way overdressed and over made up 50+ woman dressed in all patterns of black and white. You have your man with two ears pierced that reeked so badly of smoke that I had to get up and move away from him. And finally, you have your “Dude”. I say Dude because he was a dude. A genuine California lookin surfer dude. If you need a mental image, picture Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Yes. I saw that movie. I believe it was a right of passage for every teenager.

Although there was a potpourri of interesting people in the waiting room, he definitely stood out and seemed to get the most looks. As we are all sitting there in silence contemplating about our loved ones, the Dude says rather loudly so all can hear, “Excuse me, does anyone know how to spell surgery?” Several people facing him spell “s•u•r•g•e•r•y” for him . Dude replies, “Are you sure it’s not "s•u•r•e•g•r•y?"

Now, we can appreciate that surgery is a difficult word to spell. Especially when you arrive at the tallest building at the hospital that reads in two foot letters, “SAME DAY SURGERY”. There are signs everywhere in the building that say “Same Day Surgery” and countless signs and pamphlets with just the word “surgery”. I guess when you spend your time smoking pot instead of attending Mr. Hand’s class, such words escape your knowledge.

As a post script, Mike is doing swell. Has about ½" incision and some wicked bright blue stitches. Just waiting on the results of the biopsy. We really appreciate everyone's concern and support.

Life Just Isn’t Fair

For those of you that don’t already know, in August of this year we got a miniature Dachshund puppy, Sophie. The struggles our family has had with this dog (and especially me!) alone would have made some great posts, but I just didn’t have the time.

Well, this past week we discovered she is in heat. The small dog retards that we are, we didn’t realize how gross this can be. Since Sophie is Madisen’s dog, Mike told her to get on the internet and research about her dog being in heat so she would know what to do.

After her research we asked Madisen what she learned. She said that she read that there was something that started with a “u” that the internet said would get swollen. “Vulva?” I asked. “Oh, yeah, that’s right.”

Madisen: “Mom, what exactly is a vulva?”

Mom: “Well, let’s just say that you and Ashby have one and Bronson doesn’t.”

Bronson: “Oh that’s just great! There’s one more thing that the girls have that I don’t. I don’t have a cell phone, I don’t have a bike (his is broken) and now I don’t have a vulva!”

Sometimes life just isn’t fair. It’s a good thing Bronson has the maturation program on Wednesday to teach him a thing or two.

My Kids Still Say Funny Things

Even though Ashby is 11 and Bronson is 9, they still say some funny things. Here are the latest:

Friday

Ashby: "Mom, Sally (fake name) said that her sister Jane (also fake name) is getting into a lot of trouble with her boyfriend and so her parents are going to have her live with her grandparents for a few months. They say it's because she has hormones." (Whispered like someone would say, "cancer"). Do you know what hormones are?"

Mom: "Yes. You have hormones. Everyone has hormones."

Ashby: Look of horror.

Mom: "Never mind."

Saturday

Bronson: "Dad, will you take me to Target?"

Dad: "I can’t. I’m going on a date."

Bronson: "Can Mom take me?"

I have been tagged. In no particular order, here are six things about me.
My middle name is Michele. Note the one "l". I was named after the actress, Michele Lee.

1. My Mom said she named me after Michele because she loved her in the Disney movies, such as "The Love Bug". But, now I am really confused because when I was reading her on-line bio for this post, it said that she starred in "The Love Bug" in 1969. I was born in 1968. I could not find any other Disney movies that she was in, before or after I was born.
I always felt lucky (and special) to have a middle name. I always felt sorry for those girls that didn’t have one. Such as Mandi. I would have felt sorry for you.
There were benefits to having a middle name. One was, it meant that your parents were so excited that they decided that you deserved two names. Your first name was because they liked it and you looked like you fit that name. But your middle name, that was special because it was chosen after someone they knew, and/or loved and or/admired. As a youngin I knew that Lisa (Ann) was named after Mom’s sister. That is special. Natalie (Kay) was Mom’s middle name. That is special. Amy (Yvonne) was named after Mom. That is special. Well, I had them all beat because I was named after an actress. That is special and tied with Hollywood. The thrill for me of being named after Michele Lee was that she was an actress on that skanky t.v. show, "Knots Landing". Loved it. Wasn’t allowed to watch it. Took any babysitting job I could on a Thursday night so I could watch it after the kids went to bed.
Another benefit of a middle name is that when you tire of your first name, you can just choose to go by your middle name. At least that is what I thought. I believe it was my third grade when I decided that I was going to retire the name Valerie and start having everyone call me by my middle name, Michele. I think that lasted a few days.
I am now concerned that when I came to Mom in my early years to find out what special person my middle name was after, that she hurried and made up a story. Did you Mom? What’s the truth? How could I have been named after an actress in a wholesome and pure Disney movie that was made a year after I was born? This revelation and confusion is coming to me firsthand as I write this post. Looks like I also may have learned something about me that even I didn’t know.

2. When I was at Snow College I was a member of and an officer with PBL (Phi Beta Lambda). This is the college level after high school’s FBLA (Future Business Leaders of America). In high school I took shorthand (man I feel old!) and I was quite good at it. I continued on at Snow College. At Snow College I also took Business Law in my second year. I was also very good at that. My professor loved me! Not in a creepy way. While in PBL I had the opportunity to travel to a national competition back east. At that competition I took 2nd place in the nation in shorthand and 5th place in the nation in Business Law. I thought that was pretty cool.

3. I was in a television commercial. When I was a teenager there was a woman in our ward who worked for Channel 13 (before it was Fox, but pretty much the same, just more of a local station without all the big network shows that are on it now). Anyway, she needed some teens to do a spot advertising that they would be airing the show "Taxi" in re-runs. I think it was re-runs. It was me, my friend and two boys that were our friends. Let me just say that I STUNK! Acting was not my thing. We were sitting in a taxi and all I had to do was to move back toward the seat like the car was lurching forward. I was such a motard that it took take after take. I guess they finally got it. I don’t think they aired the commercial a lot. I wish I had a copy. Believe it or not, they never asked me back.

4. I am a total "Law & Order" junkie. I would watch it all day, every day. In fact, I was sick all day on New Year’s Day and they had a Law & Order marathon. That is what I did. I laid in bed and watched it all day long. I have a t.v. in my home office where I work and if I am there I watch it everyday at 12:00 p.m. and 1:00 p.m. Of course, I need to mute the t.v. if my boss calls. But, I guess it is work related since I work for an attorney. I can multi-task. It doesn’t matter if I have seen the episode 20 times. I will still watch it and I will still love it. When Fred Thompson announced his candidacy I heard that they were not going to air any of the episodes with him because people might get confused. But, that only lasted a few weeks. I don’t get into the other ones, "Law & Order Special Victims Unit" or "Law & Order Criminal Intent". I have never seen them, and I don’t care to. It’s only the original for me. Especially the episodes with Benjamin Bratt. Yummy. Plus, who wouldn’t love Jerry Orbach? "Nobody puts baby in the corner".

5. I have never spent a night alone. There has always been at least one person there "to protect me". I remember when I was a teen and my whole family went somewhere overnight(s) and I didn’t go. I had Wendy stay over, "to protect me". After I moved out I was at college, where you are never alone. After that I moved back home and I was never alone. Then I got married, where I have never spent a night alone. Thank goodness Mike didn’t start traveling until after we had kids so they could "protect me". I am a total chicken crap when he is gone overnight. I do not sleep well at all. I toss and turn all night and imagine horrible things.

6. There are certain foods that I just shouldn’t buy or make because I am like a dog. I will eat and eat and eat and eat until I have way overeaten and I am sick to my stomach. These foods would include: Puffy Cheetos. Not crunchy. Only puffy. I thought of this because I was at the store a couple of days ago and they were on sale and so I bought a bag. I think I ate 1/3 of the bag myself in one sitting for lunch. Sugary Popcorn. This is a general term that can include caramel corn (Natalie’s is the best!), sugary popcorn (I have a great recipe!) and my newest discovery, Paula Dean’s Chocolate Popcorn. So good and easy! I can eat an entire batch by myself over a few days. I know because I have done it. In fact, that is what I woofed down the two days before I got sick (see #4, above). But, it apparently didn’t affect me because I finished the bag on January 2nd. Oink.

I tag Holly and Wendy.

Happy Birthday Wendy!

Happy Birthday Wendy! I got out the old memory box and found some great pictures from the past. Enjoy.

Posh Spice Wendy @ Girls' Camp. You looked hot! Now that was back in the day when we camped cowboy style. None of this sissy camping that these girls do now.

Troy, Birthday Girl, Me, Connie, and Amy at my graduation from Snow College. I think there's 50 pounds of hair between all of us and 30 pounds of it is Amy's. Good times. Good times.

Wendy and Troy on their wedding day. Troy looks nauseated. Was it something I said?

Maybe it was . . .

our bride's maid dresses!!!!!!! Eeeeek! How could you?

I hope you have a great birthday.

Thanks for being my best friend for 28 years.

A Lesson Learned

This morning I was at Lifetime Fitness working out with my workout pals, Amy and Natalie. For those that don't know, I joined a couple of weeks ago and it has been going great. I have only gained two pounds. I shall persevere! Okay, back to my story. I got there about 10 minutes before Amy so I finished the treadmill before her and headed over to the machines. I was in row two working on my arms when I heard in row one behind me a VERY LOUD and rythmic "BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!" I looked behind me to see what it was and I could see a girl about 12-13 years old on the Torso Rotation machine.

I looked at this young girl (12 is the minimum age to be on that floor) and gave her a look like, "What the hell are you doing?" She just stared at me and kept on and on and on with the "BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!" I want you to feel my pain. This went on for a good five minutes. I couldn't believe that no one stopped her. There was staff everywhere, and no one said a thing. This irked me more because yesterday there were two young boys goofing off on a machine and no one stopped them. I gave them the same "What the hell . . ." look and they stopped before I had to get an employee.

I am sure that others were as bothered by this horrible banging as I was, but like me, no one did anything. I kept thinking in my mind that I needed to march over there and give this young girl a piece of my mind. Not only was she using it improperly and causing the rest of us great pain, but she was on the machine way too long. But alas, I just let my anger well within me.

FINALLY, a man working out came over to her and out of the corner of my eye (and ear) I could see him and I heard him say to her very kindly something like, "Could I please show you the proper way to use this machine . . . " I didn't hear anything after that. I didn't get a good look at him, but if I saw him again, I was going to thank him for talking to that girl and putting us all out of our misery.

She spent a few more minutes on the machine, still a little too loudly, but not nearly as bad as before. Amy came over to work on the machines and I promptly told her my story of horror and disgust, making sure to glance over in the girl's direction so if she had a clue, she would know of my disapproval and change her ways. She just stared at me blankly. Kids now-a-days. I kept my eyes and ears on her to make sure she did not commit any more infractions on the machines. She didn't. I finished up my workout, making sure to remember this gal in case there was any trouble in the future.

As I headed downstairs to the locker room, I saw a man talking to two people and I heard him talking about the girl. I recognized him as the man that had offered to help her use the machine properly. I went right up to him and thanked him for stopping that girl from driving us crazy any longer. He told me how he was also so annoyed by her slamming those weights so loudly until he spoke to her about them and discovered . . .

SHE IS DEAF!!!

I feel so stupid.

My Little Ace of Cakes