20-something girl (stocking groceries): Oh! I remember when my mom used to make it for me. It was delicious. She made it while I was pregnant… I'd eat it and every morning I'd throw it all back up. It was still delicious coming back up!

Norwalk, California

Overheard by: who wishes he hadn't heard it while grocery shopping

Party host to guest: Watch out for the skunk in the bathroom.
Guest: What?
Party host: Seriously.

Columbus, Indiana

Overheard by: Projection1234

Male student: I just… can't control my erections.

Library, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Slightly crazy lady to older man sitting nearby: Hey! You look like my uncle Smitty! Are you kin to me?
Old man, startled: Um, no, I don't think so.
Lady: Well, you never know. I did that genealogy thing and it turns out that I am kin to Pocahontas, Thomas Jefferson and half the men that died at The Alamo.

Dan's Hamburgers
Austin, Texas

Policeman opening doors of Social Security office: Before I let you in, does anyone have any weapons?
Tiny old lady jumping the queue: Just my fist!

Wilkesboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Jen

Girl on the street (looking at cars go by): Have you ever noticed how old people are like drunk people driving?

Fairfax, California

Little boy (pointing to a plastic butterfly): Mommy, what's that?
Mom: That's a butterfly. Do you like butterflies?
Little boy (timidly): No…
Mom: Why not?
Little boy: They hurt me.

The Mall
Victoria
Canadia

Girl #1: She finally cleaned up the dog crap!
Girl #2: What? Her dog crapped in the house?
Girl #1: No, but it was all over the front yard. Can you imagine me trying to walk through that drunk?
Guy: I'm pretty sure that what happens when you're drunk is your responsibility. Getting trashed doesn't make stepping in dog shit someone else's fault.
Girl #1: Don't hate! Oh my god!

Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania

Random guy: Dudes! I just wasted 30,000 feet of caution tape!

Sheetz
Pennsylvania

Woman deli worker to male worker: Three dollar juice? Shit, what are you, a millionaire?

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