McSweeney's Internet Tendency
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Imagined Conversations Between My Parents While on a Family Vacation
MOM: I’m going to the front desk. I want to embarrass our adult children.
DAD: I was just there to do exactly that by getting a ridiculous number of washcloths that we won’t use.
MOM: Perfect. I’ll ask for a problematic number of towels and a pillow with impossible attributes. -
The AI Pictures of Dorian Gray
Prompt 1
Create a timeless late-Victorian oil painting of the most beautiful boy in the world (me). Comely features. Lovely. Fair. Debonair and aristocratic. -
Heat Advisory
“THOSE AT HIGH RISK INCLUDE OUTDOOR WORKERS, THE DISABLED, PREGNANT PEOPLE, OLD PEOPLE, YOUNG PEOPLE, ANYONE WITH CARDIOVASCULAR CONDITIONS, ANYONE ON MEDICATION, ANYONE IN DENSE URBAN AREAS, ANYONE WHO IS POOR, PETS…… BASICALLY EVERYONE BUT MARK ZUCKERBERG.” -
Lists
Things I Hope People Would Say at My Funeral
“You’re not better than her just because you’re alive, you know. Death comes for us all.” -
FAQ About “Conjunctions,” Our Dating App for Copy Editors
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Trending
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July 20, 2026I Watched the Copa Mundial Non-Stop on Telemundo for Cinco Weeks and Now I Don’t Hablar Inglés Anymore
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July 20, 2026I’m Jimothy, the Short-Spined Raccoon Who Has Taken the Internet by Storm, and the Collective Weight of Your Adoration Is Breaking My Already-Compromised Back
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August 6, 2026Things I Hope People Would Say at My Funeral
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July 30, 2026A Field Guide to Legacy Media Pundits in the United States
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July 31, 2026A Packing List for the Woman I Will Become on My Summer Vacation to Cape Cod
Latest from Carlos Greaves
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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August 4, 2026Is it AuDHD… or Are You Just Strange? A Seventeen Magazine–Style Quiz for Millennials
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July 31, 2026An Interview with Dave Eggers About His New Novel, Contrapposto
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July 30, 2026Only Plants
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July 28, 2026Short Conversations with Poets: Carolina Ebeid
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July 23, 2026Underwater Existentialism
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July 22, 2026Reviews of New Food: Aldi Crystal Clear Frozen Ice Cubes
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July 18, 2026Democrats Need to Win Back Voters by Becoming Republicans
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“This is the kind of magazine you keep on your bookshelves with your favorite books.”—Cece Bell, author of El Deafo -
Longlisted for the National Book Award!
Recent Posts
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August 5, 2026An Open Letter to Ted Lasso with Some Gosh-Darn Hard Questions for the Upcoming Season
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August 4, 2026Subscription Tiers for Truth API, President Trump’s New Premium Data Feed
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August 4, 2026It’s Cute How Grandma Doesn’t Even Know How to Blood Tithe to the Data Lord
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August 4, 2026Robin Hood, Prince of Compulsive and Pointless Theft
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August 3, 2026Announcing Our AI Data Center’s First Take Your Child to Work Day
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